Chapter One: Throwing Sh*t In The Fan

Princess Luna stared at her sister in defeat, "Fine, Celestia. Do your plan. Just know that Shining Armor won't like this idea at all."

Celestia sighed, "Let's just get this over with."

"Fine," Luna said.

And with that, they both hesitantly walked to the Canterlot Gardens, both knowing the conflict that was going to be caused. They falteringly walked over to Discord's statue. They stared at each other and nodded their heads quickly, while their horns started to glow. Their harmonic magic blasted towards Discord's statue, causing it to violently and abruptly crack. And with that, the oh-so familiar draconequus broke out, still screaming.

"AHHHhhh wait...what? I'm free? I'm free!! Woohoo! Oh wait, you two are here, never mind."

"Discord, we broke you out of stone for a reason. Cause any chaos and you're going to get much worse than going back to stone."

Discord laughed at the sudden threat. "Oh yeah, you guys had that stupid plan that I have to live in Twilight's house or something, " Discord said, obviously un-amused.

"But we-how did you know that?" Luna asked, completely shocked by Discord's sudden knowledge of the situation. She shook her head, "Okay, whatever, we need to pick up a few other special ponies, so come on. We don't have all day." She was very impressed by so quickly learning modern English.

Discord rolled his eyes. "Whatever," He said trudging along with the princesses.

Princess Celestia teleported to the Arctic North, where King Sombra was banished to after Spike and Cadence saved the day.

"Why are we here?! It's so cold!" Discord said, complaining.

"To pick up another special pony," Celestia said, colder than the weather.

"Whatever," Discord said with the attitude of a teenage mare.

There King Sombra was, shivering in a cave; angrily plotting out his new evil plan. Discord was the first to enter.

"Oh. my. God." King Sombra said when he saw Discord.

"King Sombra?!" Discord said, " It's been a thousand years, man!"

"Holy fuck; yeah! " Sombra said in amazement. They bro-hoofed. Then Celestia and Luna walked in the cave and Sombra face-hoofed, "Ugh, you two."

"Well nice to see you too," Luna said, rolling her eyes.

"I still wonder why I had a crush on her," King Sombra said.

"What?!" Luna asked, snapping her head back.

King Sombra threw a Crush soda can on Luna.

Luna took a deep breath and continued walking.

Celestia glared at them," Are you done?"

"Yes."

She teleported them to the deserted desert by Appleloosa. There Queen Chrysalis was, gnawing on a force field that she was stuck in. Discord and Sombra sneered at the silly sight. Princess Celestia used magic to get rid of the force field that was restricting the changeling queen.

"I'M FREE!!!" She flew up and did a twirl in the air.

"No, you're not, get down here," Celestia said, angrily. Queen Chrysalis tediously flew down and landed next to the two princesses.

"We all will go to Canterlot. I expect you all to behave." Celestia calmly said.

"What are we, misbehaving kindergarteners?" Discord asked un-amused.

"What are you, a teenage mare going through a mid-life crisis?" Luna countered. Discord shut up. Celestia teleported them to her and Luna's throne. She began to write a letter to Twilight, while the three villains sat there and shut up. That was until Shining Armor said, "Permission to enter, princess?"

Celestia made the three troublemakers hide behind her throne before Shining Armor entered.

"First of all, I  think that there may be a huge problem. You see-"

"Is something wrong?"

"...Is there a chicken behind your throne flicking me off?"

Celestia peeked behind her throne and saw Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis giggling softly as Discord stuck out his middle finger. Celestia summoned a stone and smashed his hand with it. He made a high-pitched scream and quickly moved his hand away.

"You were saying?"

"As you know, I am in charge of checking on Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis to make sure they're not doing any funny business."

"Right."

"They're not there anymore."

Celestia acted surprised and then sent her letter to Twilight.

___________________________________________________________________________________

At Twilight's.................

Twilight walked out of her hot, steamy shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She walked over to her vanity and started combing her mane.

Then, a letter popped out of nowhere, which was already unusual since Spike always weirdly burped them out.

She began to read the letter with an open mind.

Dearest Twilight Sparkle,

You will have to take care of King Sombra, Discord and Queen Chrysalis because

That was it. She scrawled down that much. Twilight will never understand why she will have to take care of those three. Apparently it's urgent. As she was trying to think about why she would be given such a task, she heard Spike's sudden screaming, which made her jump.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She ran down the stairs, as fast as she could, but in the end she ended up falling flat on her face. She heard Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis laugh in the background. She slowly got up.

"WHAT DO WE DO?!!?!"

Twilight simply walked over to the door and opened it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!"

They casually walk inside.

Sombra laughs, "You live in a library?"

"Yes," Twilight said flatly.

"I find it creepy that Discord knew where Twilight lived," Queen Chrysalis said.

Everyone gives Discord a strange look while he shrugs and says, "What?"  Twilight was about to speak, when she was interrupted by a sudden magical blast. Shining Armor appears out of nowhere.

"NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!"

"What?"

"I AM NOT LETTING YOU LIVE WITH THOSE-THOSE SAVAGES!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, man," Discord said sarcastically," We were planning a 4-way later."

"WHAT?!?!"

Discord bursts out laughing, "I don't know who this guy is, but he is entertaining!"

"I'll have you know," Shining said angrily," That I am Shining Armor, Twilight's older brother, Prince of the Crystal Empire, and Captain of the Royal Guard!"

Discord snorted, " You can't be, since you have enough time to complain to your little sister about who  she's living with."

"Discord!"

"I am! I just happened to hear Celestia talk about her plans! And I am not letting them happen."

"Are you gonna call your mommy?" King Sombra said.

Shining Armor pulled out his smartphone.

"Siri, call Velvet Sparkle. Put it on speaker."

King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, and Discord burst out laughing.

"Hello?"

"Hello, dad? Where's mom?"

"She's at work. She left her phone at home. What do you need?"

"I need to tell you that  Twilight is living with Discord, King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis."

"Wait...What kind of name is Discharge?"

King Sombra, Discord, and Queen Chrysalis burst out laughing as hard as possible; in fact, Discord was rolling on the floor, pounding his lion paw on it, laughing hard.

"Dad. That's not funny. No pony is laughing. Stop being a nine year old," Shining said frowning.

"Obviously ponies are laughing. So, what's the big deal that Twilight's with Sombra, Chrysalis, and Discharge?"

"Discord, Dad. Discord. "

"I don't know who the fuck that is."

"You know, the one with the head of a horse-"

"His head looks more like a goat's if you ask me....OH THAT IS NASTY! How do even know that?! "

"Well I mean, Twily told me that he had the head of a-" Shining suddenly had a look of horror on his face as he made the sudden realization," DAD!!!!!!!"

Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and Sombra were all laughing extremely hard along with Twilight's dad. Twilight was extremely red and had a disgusted look on her face along with Shining Armor.

"Let's talk Chrysalis now. There is no way that she could handle such a large army. She's probably a prostitute."

More laughter roared through the house.

"And Sombra had slaves? I think he had slaves do more than labor. He had them do very painful labor. Well, for the poor mares, of course. I mean, he could be into stallions but-"

"DAD!!! YOU'RE TURNING THIS INTO A GRIMDARK FANFIC!!!!"

"What?"

"Nothing," Shining said rubbing his temples. "Why did mom even marry you?"

"Oh, she was a very kinky one. Then you happened."

There was so much laughter, tears were flung away from so much of it. Their faces were red from laughing so hard.

"This guy should win an award," Discord said. "This is absolutely hilarious."

"See? Discharge appreciates my humor."

More laughter.

"Remember when I caught you masturbating?"

"Wh-what?!"

"I think you were like, 10 years old."

Sombra, Discord, and Chrysalis couldn't breathe from so much sniggering and laughing.

"Dad. Just stop."

"I'm just saying-"

"STOP. I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT."

"Geez, you're more spicy than a god damn ghost pepper."

"What the hell does that even mean?!"

"I'm older than you and even I understand modern teenage talk."

"Dad, nopony says "Spicy"!"

"Stop being so fucking spicy, Shining," Queen Chrysalis said.

"Ugh...Listen. Dad. She is seriously considering living with them."

"Well unless they're planning a ménage a trois, I'm not really worried, son."

"DAD!!!!!"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You are a horrible parent!"

" Um. Gurl. What did you just say?"

"Girl?!"

"HOLD MY RING!!!!" He said to basically no one.

" Bitch, you calling me a horrible parent?"

"Basically."

"Ratchet-ass hoe, I'ma go Sharkeisha on you."

"Uh-huh."

"Bitch, you lucky I ain't there, otherwise I would beat. your. motherfuckin'. ass," He said with sass in his voice.

"Dad."

"Yes?"

"You don't give a flying fuck, don't you?"

"I don't give a rat's ass about this."

"Yeah, I should have known. Dad?"

"Yes?"

"I'm calling mom's work."

"You're-" He giggled, "You're calling mommy?" He said in a baby voice.

"Dad..."

"Do you need to change your diaper? Is that why you're so butthurt?"

"Goodbye."  He sighed as he hung up," That was utterly useless."

"I don't see why this is such a big deal," King Sombra said. "Sure, we used to be villains, but at this point, we really can't do anything but bother her," He said pointing to Twilight. "I mean, I got defeated by Spike. At this point, I'm just going to be a complete dick."

"I've got my eyes on you," Shining said.

"You're everything that I see."

"I want your hot love and emotion; endlessly."

"I can't get over you, you left your mark on me, I want your hot love and emotion, endlessl-"

"STOP. JUST STOP."

Twilight reassuringly put a hoof on Shining Armor's shoulder, "I can handle them."

****"Can we go back?"****

****"This is the moment."****

****"Tonight is the night!"****

****"We'll fight 'till it's over."****

****"So we put our hooves up, like the ceiling can't hold us."****

****"Like the ceiling can't hold us!"****

"Okay, Twily. I love you."

"Love you too, BBBFF," She says, hugging him.

"And then," Discord said pausing, "They kissed."

"Get a room, geez." Chrysalis said.

Twilight glared at them," Oh, ha-ha."

"See you later, Twily. Good luck."

"Bye, Shiny." And with that, Shining Armor hesitantly walked out of Twilight's house. Sombra closed the door.

"It begins," He mumbles menacingly.