The Man Who Might Be King

Sometimes, I wondered if I really had the balls to go through with heinous actions to save my own skin. I had also wondered when I would end up in a situation that would actually involve heinous actions. Turns out that my moral crossroads would come in a large underground cavern surrounded by talking dogs who expected me to kill a talking pony. That's pretty awesome, when I think about it.

Of course, that didn't save me from the situation in general. I suppose I could try a daring last stand where I heroically fight off the dogs until they eventually overwhelm me, but I didn't feel like dying. Fluttershy didn't seem to have a plan, she was just standing around and not being helpful.

She didn't seem too scared either. I'm glad Fluttershy had made peace with her gods, because I hadn't. I still needed more time to deal with matters of the spirit. The dogs seemed fairly cool with that. They just silently watched on as I stood there doing absolutely nothing. I moved a bit closer to Fluttershy. She moved closer too, pushing into me. I suppose she noticed I moved near her. She may also have been afraid, if the huddling is anything to go off of.

The dogs weren't a bad bunch, really. Sure, they seemed a little crazy with the whole 'giant chamber with an altar of sacrifice' thing they had going on, but that's a minor thing. Twilight seemed fairly crazy, and Fluttershy was fairly bad too. She wasn't as bad as Twilight, but still a bit nutty. I bet ponies had a giant altar of sacrifice too. Clearly, dogs are the lesser of two evils.

Great, now Fluttershy was looking up at me. That's not cool, not cool at all. She was crying too, maybe she was scared. Damn Fluttershy, you should face your death with some dignity. At least this would seal the deal with the dogs. They still seemed like an alright bunch. They gave me free stuff, that's always a good sign. They also expected me to use said free stuff to kill a pony, but I like to be optimistic.

I looked over to the dog priest dude, he was still being about as happy as ever. A big grin on his face as he waited for me to do my work. They were all quite patient, I'll say that much. I wonder if they do this often, killing ponies at their sacrificial altar. I'd feel a bit cheapened if they did, but the crowd suggested otherwise. Of course, they also called this the chamber of war, so they might be a pretty bloodthirsty bunch and get crowds all the time.

Well, I got nothing left. I stuck my face a bit closer to Fluttershy. She stiffened up and tried to bury her face into mine. That's about as awkward as it sounds, except she was also trying to be subtle about it and didn't bother turning her head around. So, I basically got a face full of pony hair.

"Got any ideas?" I whispered. I really hoped she did. I had an idea, but that didn't end very well for her. And it would be messy, I'd absolutely do it if I have to, but I wanted to give her a shot at survival. I might be stone cold and completely able to kill her, but I could give her one shot at this.

"D-do you?" Fluttershy stammered out. I had a great plan, but I don't think that's what she wanted to hear. That sucked, I guess it's time to do what the dogs said. Goodbye Fluttershy, I didn't really like you.

No point in rushing though, I'll just slowly move into a slightly better position. I raised my shiny sword a little bit higher, angling it so I could get a good look at it. It looked absolutely fine, all sharp and stuff. I could definitely work with that, eventually, once I inspected it a bit closer.

A tingling sensation started in my fingers. That's definitely a sign, there was definitely something wrong with this sword. I should ask for a new one, I doubt the dogs would mind. I had absolutely no problem with anything else, but I definitely shouldn't use a bad sword to do it. The dogs would understand, they understood the importance of an odd feeling.

I backed away from Fluttershy. "This sword here seems... bad. I'm not sure if I should use it," I said, holding the sword out to him. He didn't go for it though. Instead, he growled. That's unfriendly, I thought we were cool.

"No, sword is your sword. Now use it," he said. The dog stopped growling and pointed to Fluttershy, who hadn't take the opportunity to try and flee or anything like that. How helpful of her, I'm glad she was making this so easy for us. It would have been so awkward if she ran, she could've fallen and plummeted to her death, or something. That would have been unfortunate.

But since she didn't do any of those things, I was able to approach her once again. Of course, now everything seemed to be in order and I had no reason to delay. Not like I wanted to wait any longer, I had absolutely no problem with this. That tingle hadn't gone away though. It'd gotten worse, way worse. My arm kinda hurt now.

"My arm feels off, can we take a break?" I said. The dog growled and pointed to Fluttershy again. I think it was poor form, really. Breaks were important, I could stretch a muscle or something. Nothing to be done about that then. I moved toward Fluttershy again, she still wasn't doing anything unreasonable like running away or anything. That's good, it makes this thing I have no problem doing so much easier.

After crossing the exceptionally short distance, I found myself next to Fluttershy again. She'd pretty much decided to roll over and die, I guess. Although she hadn't actually rolled over, which is good. If she did, one of the dogs might get jumpy and end up stealing my fun. That would just be awful.

Next, I had to line up my pretty-looking sword to chop off her head, or something. It wasn't a very fast thing to do, but the dogs were still proving to be excellent at waiting. Even the priest fellow was obliging, about time he started treating me well. I still felt like shit though, I really should take a break and try this again later.

"How about we stop here and try again tomorrow?"

"No," the dog grunted out, his few bits of fancy armor jingling as he once again pointed to Fluttershy. He must've liked pointing, because it seemed to be his way to tell me things. He was kind of an ass.

"We definitely should, trust me on this," I said. The dog growled again, he wasn't a very obliging guy. After a few seconds of that, I felt the need to say a bit more. "It'll be much more fun later."

He must have thought that was a great idea, since he stopped growling. I'm glad my superior speech skills were able to win him over. Nothing to do now but get to know my new dog brethren. We can get back to this thing some other time. Unless Fluttershy does something crazy, like run away. But she doesn't seem to want to try that, for some reason.

The dog hadn't bothered to move much, he was staring at me. It was freaking me out a bit. I know I was the main event here, but this stare was a strange one. His eyes were wide and he looked surprised. Of course, that might just have been more anger, dogs were as weird as ponies.

Or maybe it was my shocking and superior form finally dawning on him. I didn't hunch up and with my general lack of fur, I looked a lot better than these guys. Just to be sure, I inspected myself.

It makes sense that he was staring now, as I seemed to be glowing purple. I knew I was feeling a bit off, that dog should have listened to me. But he didn't, and now I was purple. It's his fault this happened, if he listened to me I might not have turned purple. I should probably ask if they knew why I was purple, I don't normally do that.

"Holy shit! I'm purple! Dog, fix it!" I shouted. I was purple, why the hell was I purple? Holy fuck, I might die. This is all Fluttershy's fault. She's the reason the damn dogs wanted me to kill her. The dog wasn't helping, despite my clear instructions. Instead, the useless bastard was staring stupidly at me.

It didn't help either of us when I got tackled. Falling to the floor, I got a good look at my attacker and found Fluttershy glued to my back. It seems she was going to take the chance to kill me just because I accidentally enslaved her. What a bitch. I didn't kill her, but apparently small things like that aren't worth shit to ponies.

I tried to roll, but crushing Fluttershy below me was far harder than expected. Looks like I had to go for something else. Bringing my free hand around, I grabbed one of her wings and gave it a few tugs. She gasped and her death grasp loosened ever so slightly. I found her weakness now, and kept on tugging. Her moans of pain only grew louder as I worked my way free of her grip.

"What are you doing?" said a familiar voice. It was enough to stop me pulling on Fluttershy, and I looked up to see Twilight again. Also, I seemed to be back in her bedroom. Also, it was pretty bright and now my eyes hurt. Twilight seemed as messed up as always. She also seemed a bit surprised, not that I can blame her.

Fluttershy finally let go of me and I managed to stand upright. Much like myself, Fluttershy was squinting. It was quite an unsettling sight on something with such big eyes. Her wings were sticking up, and she was panting heavily. Overall, she looked pretty messed up. Hopefully, she won't be dwell on that whole almost killing her thing. I doubt I looked that good either, but at least I still had this stupid sword.

"What Fluttershy and I do is none of your concern," I said. Sure, I had a sword and was trying to kill her. But I think it's pretty believable.

"Fluttershy, why was he doing that to you?" Twilight said, completely ignoring me and focusing her attention on Fluttershy. Twilight sucked, I was there, I could talk about it too. I was gonna lie and stuff, but she didn't know that.

I wonder what happened to Lyra. Twilight still looked as shit as she did before, but Lyra didn't have anything to do with that. I suppose she was dead. Twilight seemed like the kind that didn't leave any loose ends. How unfortunate for Fluttershy that Twilight was the local serial killer.

"It was lucky you helped us, Twilight. Those dogs were... nasty," Fluttershy finished. I should have probably listened. Nothing to be done about that now. I owed Twilight for saving me but she tried to kill me earlier, so I guess we were even on that count. Although, if Twilight could just bring me to her like that, it probably would have been something she could do earlier. That's another thing Twilight should have done but didn't. Silly Twilight.

"Yes... lucky. But about our friend here," Twilight said. She giggled and winked at me. I don't really think we had a big secret to share, but apparently she thought otherwise. Fluttershy didn't seem too bothered by Twilight changing the subject away from her near death experience, but I guess being some sort of weird hermit made you a bit slow on these things.

"You know about him, Twilight? I found him today, he's my new pet," Fluttershy said. I was right here, but apparently that doesn't matter and it's totally fine to call me her pet. I miss the dogs, those guys were way nicer. They only made slaves out of ponies. I can't really blame them for it, ponies were assholes.

"I need to borrow him, there's stuff I need to do with him," Twilight said. That didn't sound too good, I should probably leave before this gets strange.

"How long do you need him?" Fluttershy said. She really has no fortitude, she only got me like an hour ago. But apparently, I wasn't enough to hold her interest. I was amazing, I should at least be interesting for a few hours.

"Only a day or so, Fluttershy. It'll be like he was never even gone," Twilight said. I'm fairly sure she actually planned to kill me, so I don't know how she was going to pull that off.

"Okay, Twilight, you can have him, I'm gonna go, then," Fluttershy said, nodding. Without saying goodbye to me, she turned and walked out. It's like she didn't even care about me. Ponies are heartless creatures. Who the hell does that to their pets? Now it was just me and Twilight, and she didn't look very happy.

"What's with you? Why is Fluttershy good enough, but not me?" Twilight shouted. I forgot that I was going to try leaving, I really should have done that. Luckily, I still had this amazing sword. It was about time I used it, too. Rushing toward her, I found my progress instantly impeded by my inability to move my legs. Looking back to Twilight, I could see her horn was glowing. I think I get the connection now.

"I dislike you!" I shouted, throwing my fancy sword at her. It hit her head and she went down, flopping onto the ground. Once again, I found I could move. That's just fantastic. Now I'm back pretty much where I started, but with a nice sword to add to my collection of swords. I should get going now, onto the wonderful world of strange ponies and stuff. I bet the dogs would probably take me back.

Unfortunately, my plans were ended when I heard a thunderous blast come the ground level of this place. Heading down Twilight's stairs, I found myself face to face with a big white pony. This one had wings and a horn, I guess she won the genetic lottery. Although she suffered from gigantism, so I guess it wasn't all good for her. She was really damn big, probably would have towered over Twilight. Also, she had a crown and stuff. Apparently, their royal family was pretty big into inbreeding.

"Do not be afraid. I am Celestia, and you must come with me," Celestia said. That was pretty patronizing. But I probably couldn't get away if she used those giant legs of hers to chase me down. She could also fly and use magic, that's just unfair. From behind Celestia, some new ponies appeared. These ones looked the same as the ponies that were fighting the dogs. They must have been soldiers, since they followed their malformed leader around.

"Sounds good. Where are we going, then?" I said. Celestia smiled and twitched her head in some weird manner that must have been from the inbreeding before she answered.

"Canterlot."