The Man Who Might Be King

Turns out Canterlot was that giant tower or whatever that was grotesquely stuck on the side of a mountain. It was also the place I had decided to not go to because it was probably filled with ponies. It's not as bad as it sounds, since I was already captured and basically a prisoner anyway. It's not like I was breaking any promises to myself or anything.

Canterlot was a fairly big place, considering it was built on the side of a mountain. Really, what I saw from a distance didn't do it justice at all. It wasn't just some evil spire on the side of a mountain, it was a city with lots of evil spires. Also, it was full of ponies and probably their capital. Not really unexpected since Celestia was fairly quick to rush us here after she grabbed me. Getting here was pretty fun, I got to ride on a chariot with Celestia. I doubt she could actually fly, incest is nasty like that.

Once we arrived, I was ushered off into their throne room. I was able to figure out it was a throne room because it had a throne in it. People don't often notice the little hints like that. Up until now, Celestia had been rather silent and conversation had been limited to the topic of 'nothing.' Ponies scare me, I blame them for my silence. But now that we arrived at Celestia's seat of power, she seemed willing enough to speak. The first thing she did was tell the few guards that were here to clear off, leaving Celestia and I alone.

"Human, I apologize for your rather turbulent arrival. My student was quite... distracted at the time," Celestia said. That's just great, really looks like my life is going up from here on out. It's a shame, really. If it stayed hectic I could have written a wonderful autobiography of my life, I could have called it 'slave of the horse-people.' Not living such a shitty life is probably a good replacement though.

"Luna liked to pretend this would not happen, but I knew it was it was only a question of when. And what did we have, if not time?" Celestia rambled, not really focusing on me as she spoke. Chalk another one up to why messing around with your cousin is a bad idea. Considering Twilight didn't have much trouble bringing me here, Luna seems a bit slow for not seeing it coming. Or maybe it was really hard and I had no chance of going back. I'm devastated.

"But now you are here, and not with one of the others. So, what do you need?" Celestia asked, coming out of her monologue to once more focus on me. I suppose I could ask for anything, it's just unlucky I was coming up with nothing. The last thing I ate was a carrot covered in Fluttershy, so that seems like a decent place to start.

"You got any food?" I said. In a world full of magic talking animals, I don't think I could have done much better.

Celestia paused, scrunching her brow as she pondered my apparently very difficult request. I know it wasn't a very good question, but I wouldn't expect it to be so bad that she had to think about it. What else could I have asked for? Eventually, she figured it out and a big, overly enthusiastic smile appeared on her face.

"I suppose you shall have to eat, after all. I shall have food brought to you. But for now, you should get accustomed to your new home. Come, we have much to discuss," Celestia began to walk, heading right by me and toward the over-sized doors that were used as the entrance. They were pretty damn fancy as far as doors went, full of spirals and other such arbitrary decorations. I managed to get a good look at their splendor as I went through them.

The ponies here seemed a bit freaked out, most giving me a wide berth as Celestia and I walked past. I can't have looked much more out of place than Celestia did and she was able to stand tall despite her clear deformities. I suppose standing short wasn't really an option for her anyway.

"My subjects don't recall that anything like you exists, do not be discouraged by their surprise. They will accept you eventually," Celestia said. That's reassuring, it almost sounds like I won't be locked away in the tallest tower for the rest of my life. Anyway, the ponies accepted their gargantuan ruler, so I'm not really that much of a stretch. Since I had connections, I should get a free pass by association.

"That's good," I really didn't care, ponies were an annoying bunch. Even if they hated me, the feeling was fairly mutual. Also, I think Twilight murdered Lyra. But apparently, nobody wants to talk about that.

Celestia didn't say anything else. We walked on in silence through the apparently very numerous and sprawling corridors of the castle. On the bright side, they were all fairly decorated and I always had something to look at. Eventually, we stopped outside what I'm going to assume is my quarters. I'm not sure if it was in the tallest tower, because I was completely lost. This place is confusing.

Celestia opened the door, and off we went. She was able to use her freaky magic powers to do that, much better than using her mouth. The room was fairly spacious, basically what would be expected from a palace. The room had all the amnesties I would expect, even the ones that would be just a bit odd for a pony. It was pretty nice, I could almost see a golden sheen coming from the furniture.

"Well, this is nice," I said. I'm sure I'd get tired of it eventually, but that day was not today. It would probably be tomorrow.

"...Wonderful. I shall have food brought to you immediately. Is there anything else you need?" Celestia must have been happy I was happy, because she still had a big grin on her face. Oh, looks like she also had a teensy bit of a twitch. Such is the consequence of attempting to keep the bloodline pure. Celestia turned, but didn't get very far before she turned back. Happily enough, she lost the creepy facial contortions. Although, that made her look kinda sad.

"Anything else. You need simply ask," Celestia said, flicking her tail. I suppose she was trying to look at me erotically now... it wasn't working out so well. They had big eyes, but that doesn't mean they were very nice to see when they were trying to give me a sultry look. Her freaky flowing hair looked pretty good though, I was almost tempted. But horses are disgusting, nothing was going to change that.

"Nope, I'm good. I appreciate the offer though," I said, giving her a smile of my own. Just to make it clear that it wasn't because she was disgusting, it was because of her species in general. She might have just taken it as reassurance though, I don't know. Either way, she sighed in clear disappointment.

"I... thank you," Celestia said. Turning around and quickly leaving, she didn't even bother to say goodbye. She must have taken it as a reassurance, since she didn't instantly break down in tears at my rejection. But she didn't need to thank me, that just seemed overly polite. I guess I'm just an idol to these ponies. They can't get enough of me, even if none of them seem to care that I don't want them.

With Celestia gone, my only source of entertainment was gone too. I could stay around, but that would be boring. She left the door open, so leaving probably won't be that hard to do. It was pretty poor prisoner management on Celestia's part. It also sounded like Celestia was going to come back eventually. She did say she was going to bring food, I could use some of that. Also, it was pretty likely she wouldn't be carrying it in her mouth. That's makes it infinitely better.

Canterlot was on top of a mountain, climbing down won't be very fun. I suppose I have to try anyway. The ponies probably had a road, even if most of them could fly or magically appear wherever they wish. With that motivating thought in mind, I began my daring escape plan.

Getting through the door was easy, but after that it got a bit more difficult. The main problem being that I had no idea where to go.I stealthily looked around and found no ponies were nearby, seems the guards to my prison hadn't arrived yet. I began to walk, heading back in the direction I was fairly sure I arrived from.

The castle looked pretty much the same as it had before. A fancy tapestry here, a painting there. It was all very exciting stuff, albeit incredibly monotonous and boring. I didn't come across any guards though, my escape must have escaped detection. I'm sure they'd figure it out eventually. At least that would be exciting, these corridors were about as nondescript as they can get. They just bled into each other. They did occasionally branch into two, in which case I always went right.

Eventually, aimless wandering because just a bit irritating. It wasn't working out too well, I needed a new plan. I only really had one option beyond wandering through corridors, and went through a nearby door. Luckily enough, this one wasn't locked either. And where did that leave me, but in a room.

It looked a lot like the room I started from. I could have easily confused it for my own. Actually, I was fairly sure this was where I started from until I saw something different: a sleeping pony. Covered up and covered in fur, the thing must have been burning underneath the combined heat. I'm not sure why a pony would want to sleep covered in blankets and stuff, but I also don't really care.

Now, I could go leave again and resume my mindless wanderings. But I was in here because that wasn't working out, so it looks like I'm going to be waking a pony. I moved up to the bed, taking a long and informative look at my new friend. She was a big one, almost the size of Celestia. She also had the wings to go with her horn. By this logic, they must be related. But Celestia was white, this pony was either black or a very dark blue. I'm not sure how it works, but maybe different color fur is normal here. Regardless, I don't plan on letting a little thing like being related to Celestia stop me. I don't do things in half measures like that.

I gave her a light slap, just enough to gently wake her up. It worked, she gasped and her eyes shot open. Then I got treated to the delightful sight of her getting tangled up in a sheet. Being a horse, she didn't do too well in getting out of it. It was funny as hell, for a while. After that while was up, it just got sad. Apparently, it didn't occur to her to use that fancy horn. I took pity on her, pulling the sheet away from her flailing body. It wasn't that hard once she figured out what I was doing and stopped flailing.

"What are you doing in here!" she shouted, loudly enough for me to hope that she doesn't shout again. It didn't help that I was right next to her. I thought we got past the shouting phase when I helped her be less pathetic. Her sister was friendlier, she should be more like her.

"Nothing, just came to visit," I bet that'll confuse her. Really, she should've just chalked it up as an alien abduction.

"My sister said you would," she said, this time she used her inside voice. She sagged, looking all sullen and generally upset. Pony eyes express sadness very well. "But I had hoped otherwise."

Apparently, she's the only pony that didn't want me to show up in the middle of the night. Although it's not night at the moment, I don't think that was the important part. Hopefully, she'll lead me out of this place anyway. I just need to bring it up subtly.

"Tough. Now, we should go outside," I said. It may not have been the best way to go about it. It came out just a little too strongly, I can still pull off a recovery. "We can walk together."

I'd believe that. Giving a pony the chance to go on a romantic walk with me was a surefire way for success. They'd all go for that, even if this one was weird. She was probably just a bit slow. I suppose she also had a name, now seems as good a time as any to find out. "You got a name?"

"I am Princess Luna," she said. That's just great, she was definitely related to Celestia. Not really that much of a stretch, but I still feel good for guessing that.

"Swell, then let's be off," I said. I turned around, heading out into the hall. After a few moments, Luna emerged from her room. That's good, it would have been awkward otherwise. It seems she took a few moments to grab a little crown, along with a peytral that had a picture of a moon on it. How fancy.

For a moment, things were a bit dodgy. It seems Luna might have expected me to know the way, since she simply looked at me. After that lasted just a bit longer than I felt comfortable with, she burst out into a trot. I followed behind as best I could, but ponies go pretty damn fast. On the bright side, now I don't have to talk to her. She could easily have amazing interrogation skills and might figure out my daring escape plan.

Unfortunately, Luna noticed I wasn't going particularly fast and matched my, far slower, pace. How considerate of her. Of course, then she decided she wanted to talk to me. She was hesitant, eyes downcast as she quietly said. "I admit, I did not expect you would visit my chambers. Nor did I truly expect you to come at all."

I don't know why she disliked me. It was the strangest thing. There was definitely something wrong with her. At least she wasn't as big as Celestia. Luna would probably have some difficult if she decided she wanted to crush me. Although nothing was stopping her using that abominable magic, unless she couldn't. It certainly looked like she suffered from the same ailment as her sister. Luna was half the size, but they were probably just half-sisters. Yes, that would explain it.

"Your door was unlocked," I said. I'm not sure what the deal with that was, security was awful in this place. I suppose they were just lucky it was laid out like a labyrinth. Are unlocked doors normal here? That would be fairly strange.

"Of course, my sister heavily encourages a trust-based society. Even though there are somewho would take advantage," Luna grunted, snorting. It might be a fairly strange way to do things, but it probably works out fine in practice. Good for them.

"You disagree?" I said. It seems like a fairly good system to me, especially if it works out. Their inability to lock doors had been pretty helpful to me so far, they should keep it like that.

"Its failings should be clear," she said, glaring at me. An open-door policy was great, it's not like anyone came in during the night and raped her. Plus, if they had locked doors we would never have met. She was lucky to have a chance to get to know me, even if she was a bit more reticent than other ponies.

She didn't bother to say anything after that. Apparently, we were just going to have to agree to disagree on the benefits of Celestia's eccentric despotism. It's a bit odd that she had that much power over everyone, but if Luna didn't like it she could just try a coup. That's practically what the younger heir to the throne is made for. That she hadn't already been executed for trying was unacceptable. Maybe the right moment just never came around, but it's still shocking that she waited so long. Although their ages elude me, so it might not have actually been that long since Celestia started her dark reign. But I am fairly sure Celestia's 'student' killed someone, it seems like the right time to me.

It seems I was right in giving up my blind luck tactic for getting out of the castle. Luna and I have been walking for quite a while now, and we still weren't free of the castles confines. There wasn't much chance I could have made the journey unaided. Even if it had taken a long time, It couldn't take much longer now. Then, I could make good my escape. Luna's silence made time drag on a bit. At least when she spoke it seemed like I hadn't been wandering so long.

"So, what's being a pony like?" I said. I bet having four legs is strange, probably involves a lot of not having arms. And since some of them are a bit more disadvantaged than others, they probably have all sorts of diseases from the lack of oral hygiene.

"Really?" Luna said. She stared at me. Apparently, asking what being a pony is like is an awkward question. She's been doing it her whole life, she should know how it is. Stupid pony.

"How often do you use your mouth?" I said. The idea that they carried everything in their mouths was disgusting. It would be great if it turned out that they actually had a decent way of carrying stuff. I know Luna had magic, but dd that exclude her from the same habits as the unwashed masses? It was also pretty likely the inbreeding make the horn cosmetic more than anything.

"That's... no, no. What?" Luna sputtered. Spittle flying everywhere, Luna looked ready to fly into a rage or, at least, become slightly offended. "Never mind, we are in the gardens now."

Apparently, ponies considered their mouths disgusting too. Although making the whole thing a taboo was a bit strange. Not really the strangest I've seen, I suppose. But it's still pretty strange. Luna was right, though. We were in the gardens and her opinion on things was once again meaningless to me. This garden, for all it's decoration, was loaded with statues. Some of them were a bit strange looking, I'm not sure why they thought putting them on public display would be wise. Now, I just need to distract Luna long enough to get away before she uses her witchcraft.

"Many of the statues here are millennia old. Most ponies don't appreciate the history here," Luna walked forward, dragging a hoof across a statue. Hopefully, she'd spend enough time ogling them to let me escape. "Even if some are all too aware of it."

Luna giggled, because she was messed in the head from inbreeding and thought what she said was hilarious. It wasn't. It was, however, loud enough to attract another pony. From behind us, Celestia materialized out of seemingly nowhere. Her massive white form apparently doing nothing to disguise her ninja-like skills. It was only natural the one pony that would be attracted to her maniacal laughing would be Celestia. It certainly put a damper on my daring escape plan.

"So, Luna, have you had fun bonding?" Celestia said. Her words seemed to be enough to get Luna out of her creepy statue reverie. Luna jumped, gasping loudly. It was more of a shriek than a gasp, really.

"Sister! I... I did not see you approach," Luna said. She was panting heavily. It seems she was pretty deep into that daydream.

"Of course. How could you tear your eyes away from our guest? You have waited for him so eagerly, after all," Celestia said, winking at her sister. Luna blushed pretty heavily at that. Her fur somehow going from a kinda dark blue color to a light red.

I knew it! Luna was just as messed up as the rest of them. But at least she showed some restraint, instead of jumping me right away. She must have wanted to get to know me. I had to give her points for that. Overall, Luna was flying ahead in the favorite stalker award.

"But what of you? I had expected you to wait in your room, not go wandering about," Celestia said, she didn't sound very bothered by it. Probably because she managed to catch me. "You could have at least mentioned you were going."

Luna was right, Celestia was fairly into the whole trusting business. I suppose she could save money on dungeon security if her prisoners were nice enough to not leave. My next escape attempt will probably be just as easy, especially now that I sort of barely know how to get out of the castle. Alternatively, I could just accept my new life as some sort of glorified pet but that seemed unmanly.

"Sister, if you are quite finished, I have told Twilight to come to Canterlot," Celestia said. She grinned, an expression that was quickly mirrored by Luna. "The situation with our new friend must be explained before she does something drastic. I will leave how to explain it up to your discretion."

They shared a hearty laugh. I'm glad that Twilight will be getting a talking to. She's able to grab me up no matter where I am, so it'll be nice to have that looming threat done away with. But I'm really not sure why it was so funny. My well-being should not be a joke. They can't get any of this if I'm dead... Well, I don't think it would be as fun.

I suppose I should at least hang around until they get Twilight off my back. I'm certain that if I promise Celestia that I'll come back, she'll take my word for it. But until Twilight was taken care of, I could live the high life. I'm sure it'll be fun.