A Life Forgotten

Ever since I could remember, I considered Keith my father. I knew he would be there for me, always, despite the obvious fact that an actual blood relation between us was utterly impossible. But what does that matter to a filly? I was happy with how it was, so happy that I often simply overlooked how he was not. Of course, he always tried to hide it, but that's a poor excuse for ignoring something so obvious. When I did notice, I thought it was because of my real parents, the ones that died in an accident before I could even realize that I had lost them. In the end, Keith must have been close to them if he was the one to pick up the father role. I loved him for it, and I knew he loved me back... but I never thought it could be something like this.

Recently I began figuring out that something big was being hidden from me. It began with a stranger to town who seemed to recognize me. With me being an alicorn, I suppose it's not unreasonable for others to think that I'm related to royalty, but this one didn't just see a princess, but a princess he knew. He was quickly corrected by my friend Trixie, who explained to him that - while very rare - alicorns could be born from normal ponies. But this time, it had gotten me thinking. I began asking questions, but instead of clear answers I got awkward evasions. I turned to Keith soon enough, and I was taken aback by how sorrowful his reaction had been. He didn't answer my questions either, but instead told me I should visit Applejack.

The farm mare was already expecting me, but I didn't get answers from her either, at least not directly. What she gave me was a photo album, and the advice to search a private place for myself before taking a look into it. It was probably the best advice I had gotten in years. The pictures were confusing enough, the letter accompanying it... Well, read it yourself:

Twilight,

when you read this letter, it will already be several years old, but I believe the words will be true all the same. You’ve probably seen the photos. Pictures of you and me, but not in the relation you believe we have. You must have tons of questions, but I’m only able to guess the biggest ones. First of all, this mare in the pictures is in fact you, even though it makes no sense to you. This mare might even be older than you are right now, at least in appearance. And she isn’t my daughter, but my wife.

If you believe this to be a big hoax, I cannot blame you for that. You have a valid string of memories reaching back into your foalhood, of me being your father, and all of which you remember is real. But there’s more. Do you remember when I asked you what your earliest memory is? Playing with Trixie in an old mansion was your answer. That was when you were a foal of maybe three years in appearance. The truth is: you entered this mansion as a fully grown mare. We don’t know what exactly happened, but after you’ve been gone for a whole day we began searching, and quickly found you. Only that time had already been turned back on the two of you. It was a shock seeing the one I love like that.

You hardly remembered anything. At first I was relieved that you apparently recognized me, that you knew I was important to you. I was crushed when you thought I was your father. That's not what I wanted to be to you. Of course we tried to tell you what really was the case, but you had been mentally reverted to a filly as well. You knew I was the most important (male) person in your life, so you gave me the most important role you were able to think of, even though it was obvious that I – a human – couldn’t have been your real father. A three year old filly hardly thinks of romantic relationships.

I tried everything I could to restore you to your old self, but when even Celestia and Luna couldn’t find a way, I slowly began to realize that I would have to accept it. As I write this, my hope is that someday you will discover your lost memories yourself, but it’s a fool’s hope. If I did a decent job, I will still have a place in your heart, but not the place I desire. For you, I’ll always be your father, because that’s the role I have decided to take, and I don’t think even this letter could change this. Actually, it’s not even my decision. It’s a necessity, because you won’t accept anyone else. Maybe I should be glad that I can be at least in some way important to you, but it feels more like the torments of Tantalus: You’re always close, and yet there’s now a distance between us I can’t seem to cross.

If everything went as expected, you’re currently alone and have a lot of time to think. I’m sure you will need it. I can’t tell what your reaction might be, as it lies too far in the future, and you’re probably different to the mare I married so many years ago. Still, I figure you’ll find this… creepy. Basically this is a love confession from the person you considered your father, and I can’t think of a way to make this any less overwhelming. Take all the time you need to process all of this. If you feel you need distance from me, I understand. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy all know about this and will be more than willing to give you every support they can. They were your closest friends before the incident. There’s a lot of wisdom to be found between them, and if you feel it isn’t enough: The princesses were your close friends as well, and they will do everything to help you. Finally... I’ll wait for you. I don’t know what kind of decision you’ll make, but I’ll wait. Hopefully I will have accepted that the one I married is gone, and I have gained a daughter instead. The rest is up to you now.

Forever loving you,

Keith