Pep Talk

“I’m so pathetic!!” Soarin cried from the barrack showers. “I can’t believe I made her dump me!”

Curled up on the tiled flooring, Soarin cried himself senseless as he couldn’t live down the fact that he was dumped by Spitfire. His pep talk did nothing for him when it came to the act on the cloud and poor Soarin was dumped because of his premature finish and his shortness.

“I can’t believe she compared me to a stupid unicorn! As if my dick is smaller than an average stallion from that stupid race! F-fucking whore is too picky about the size that she couldn’t see how lo- fuck,” Soarin cursed as the hot water beat against his coat. “S-so what if I came only a few minutes in? I-it was my first time doing the real thing and it’s not my fault I was excited to actually fuck her!”

Soarin paused and rubbed his sore eyes. He lost track of how long he was in the shower considering it was past curfew and knew he wouldn’t be disturbed thanks to everyone being asleep.

“O-ok it was my fault, but she didn’t have to call me a midget dick who cums in less than a minute! S-so what if I called her a filthy-whore-who-would-sleep-with-any-dick-she-can-get to her face because of that? She didn’t have to be a bitch.” Soarin quieted down a bit, before he nursed his jaw, remembering that she struck him for calling her such a name.

“A lifelong friendship broken because I was a shitty lay and a sexist bastard… M-maybe I’ll spite her and become gay. Yeah! I’ll do that! I’ll guilt trip her into forgiving me first off, then, once she tries to give me a second chance, I’ll tell her I’m gay! I’ll make up some story about how I have a stallion in… uh, Ponyville? Nah. Ah! Appleloosa! Yeah! I’ll tell her I have a rodeo stallion boyfriend in Appleloosa and make her jealous.” Soarin sat up as his revenge plot started to grow and fester in his mind.

“Heh, I’ll go as far to say he’s an earth pony as well, maybe give him a cowboy getup to boot. I’ll pour on details about how happy he makes me and doesn’t judge me by my endurance or dick size! She’ll feel sorry about everything and sulk about for days while I… in truth, remain single…” Soarin went quiet near the end of his impromptu plot and knew, at the end of his plan, that he would have nothing left.

Soarin remained quiet as the craziest idea started to stick in his head. The idea was off putting a bit, but there was a certain interest to it.

“You know, maybe being gay wouldn’t be that bad, honestly,” Soarin said to himself as he started to remember certain videos where there were bisexual stallions and mares. “Pony ass is still ass, whether it has balls near it or not, and the idea of making a stallion beg for release… Ah hell no! Soarin, what the fuck is wrong with you!?” he stopped himself as he started to picture himself rutting his make-believe cowboy. He could hear the vibrant country accent ring in his ears. It wouldn’t be deep, instead it would be cheerful, optimistic, and hearty, yet as the mental image came to him, he nearly hurled. It was still a stallion and it still has a pair of balls along with a shlong.

“Gods, why did I even picture it? Ugh, still, this plan is perfect!” Soarin shook his head, ridding himself of the gay images resting inside it, before reaching to the tap and turning off the water. “The only downside to this would be if she grew curious to who my new boyfriend was… Shit, if she actually wants to see him then it could be trouble. If it comes to that, I may have to turn on my charm and fly to Appleloosa and make a new friend. It will be a strictly… platonic?”

Soarin paused as he spoke the final word.

“Heh, yeah, platonic. I like that word. Yeah, it will be a strictly platonic relationship with some inbred stallion. Soarin, you clever bastard, you got this in the bag! Nothing can go wrong now! If she feels bad about what she said to me then I’ll be happy and, if not, then I can easily friend some hillbilly down on the ground. Alright, I-I feel oddly better. I think I’ll go to bed and get ready for that Wonderbolt graduation suit I’ll surely be getting tomorrow.”

Soarin started to trot away from the shower, his head held high as he knew nothing could go wrong.