Defenders Of Equestria

Defenders Of Equestria

Chapter 4: I Need An Ice-pack

"Hey Big Mac, can I ask you a question?" I asked.
"Eeeyup." Big Mac replied.
"Why are you red?" I said.
"What do you mean?" He asked confused. I stopped pulling the cart I had been pulling. I had gotten a job delivering apples for Sweet Apple Acres. I was helping Big Mac with a large delivery to Sugar Cube Corner.
"What I mean is… well, everyone in your family is either a shade of tan or green. You're the only red one. Hell, you're the only red pony I've ever scene." I answered. He stopped pulling his cart. He thought about an answer for about five minute and then said,
"I don't know."
"*cough*Incest*cough*." I said.
"What did you just say?" he said angrily. He started slowly walking towards me and I began to back up until I was against a wall. He reared up and I put my hands over my face, but that isn't where he was aiming. Pain shot through me and his hoof connected with my groin. I fell to the ground and vomited from pain. I just laid their for a few minute, moaning and cussing. When I finally stood up Big Mac was already backing away. I hobbled over to him and held out my hand. He flinched, expecting me to hit him. When he realized that I wasn't he placed his hoof in my hand and I shook it.
"I deserved it." I said and he just looked at me dumbfounded. I resumed pulling the cart. When we got to Sugar Cube Corner we were greeted by the Cakes. After unloading the cart I went inside and sat down. I laid my head on the table and let my arms fall limp. I was still in a lot of pain. I heard the door open and looked up. Pinkie sped over to me, leaving a pink trail behind her. She jumped into my lap and gave me a hug. Another wave of pain shot through my body when she landed, but I still returned the embrace.
"Can I get you anything?" she asked with a smile.
"Ya… a cold drink and a cupcake." I answered. Within seconds she was back with the drink and the cupcake. I put the drink between my legs and wolfed down the cupcake.
"Ahhh, so much better." I said laying my head back down on the table. I heard the door again.
"Please don't be Derpy, I want my balls to at least stay attached to my body." I thought to myself. I looked up. It was just Rainbow Dash.
"Are you ok?" she asked, sitting down in the seat opposite me.
"No, not really." I said looking up at her.
"What happened." she asked.
"Lets just say I won't be having kids any time some." I replied with a chuckle. Pinkie walled into the room and asked RD if she wanted anything. She said no and Pinkie started to leave. My eyes were pinned to here flanks as she walked away. As I watch them sway from side to side, out of the corner of my eye I saw the pegasus opposite me doing the same. We both looked at each other and I said,
"Were you staring at…"
"No… I wasn't staring… although she does have a nice ass." RD said. We both broke out in laughter and bro-hoofed. After talking with RD for a while I downed my drink and started the painful walk home. Thank Celestia my house was just a block away. I flung the door open and limped inside. I threw myself onto the couch and passed out.

After about a hour and a half nap I got up. I was still in unbearable pain. I thought about going to the doctor. But they would just tell me to Just eat a fuckin' sandwich.
"Maybe Twilight has a heal spell." I thought to myself. I walked to Twilight's treehouse and knocked on the door. A purple aura opened the door.
"Hello Cooper." Twilight exclaimed.
"Hey Twilight. Ummm… I just wanted to ask if you had any heal spells?" I said trying not to get into detail.
"Sure, come on in and have a seat." she said. I sat down as Twilight went over to the bookshelf and started pulling out books on healing.
"What type of pain are you having?" she asked.
"I have pain in my…" I thought of a word that wasn't vulgar, "lower region."
"Oh… I'm not sure if I have a spell for that." she said
"Please, anything to get rid of this pain." I pleaded.
"Ok, let me try something." she said. Twilight focused her magic. Her horn lit up filling the room with a light purple glow. I was lifted into the air. Then, it hit me… the most excruciating pain a man could ever fell. Like my balls had just been hit by a meteor. The spell broke and I dropped to the ground. I would have screamed in pain if I could.
"Did that help?" Twilight asked.
"No." I said trying to hold back tears of pain.
"Hmm, maybe Celestia can help you."
"Send letter… I'll be there… tonight." I said. She nodded and began writing the letter. I just laid on the floor until I had the ability to walk again. I gave a wave good-bye to Twilight and closed the door behind me. I began to walk away when I heard a large thud behind me. I turned to see Crashie brushing himself off.
"My manly sense was tingling. You have been kicked in the balls today." he said.
"Ya, how'd you know?" I asked.
"I saw it. I would have helped you if I wasn't laughing so hard." he said.
"Wait, where were you?" I said.
"I was on a roof."
"Why?!"
"I was parquering." I just face palmed and walked away. Crashie climbed up a stack of boxes and disappeared onto the rooftops of Ponyville. I went to the train station and bought a ticket for Canterlot.

After the short train ride to Canterlot. I went to the castle. I walked right passed the guards, who didn't appear to give a fuck anyway. I started to walked to towards the study where I expected the princesses to be, when I saw the throne. I walked over to it, looked to see if their was anyone around, and sat in it. It was one of the most comfortable chairs I had ever sat in. I decided to entertain myself by proclaiming,
"I am Spittie Pie, high king of Equestria!"
"Are you now?" a voice said from behind me. Celestia stepped forward, Luna followed suit.
"I received Twilight's letter informing of your arrival, what seems to be the matter?" Celestia asked. I proceeded to explained to the "problem" that I had.
"I have a spell that can fix that. Just sit back and relax." Celestia said. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the throne. Within second all the pain had disappeared. In my mind I thank every God and Goddess their was. When I opened my eyes I was no longer sitting in the throne. I was laying in a bed. All I had on were my boxers. I sat up and looked around the room. It was Celestia's chamber. Celestia was laying in the bed next to me. The first thought to go through my mind was "I JUST GOT RAPED" and the second thought was "She could have just asked". at lease all the pain was gone. I just laid back down and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to find both Celestia and Luna standing over me.
"Did you use some sort of date rape spell on me?" I asked
"No, after I used the spell to cure your pain you must have blacked out. You walked up here and fell asleep." She explained.
"well why were you sleeping next to me?" I asked.
"I didn't see any harm in it." she answered with a sly smile.
"Ya, I ain't buying it," I said putting my clothes back on, "If you ever wanna rape me again, all you have to do it ask." I smacked Celestia on the flack and shot a wink at Luna before walking out of the room. I was on the first train back to Ponyville. I walked home and laid on the couch With a smug smile. Life is good.
(A/N: I wrote this form 2am-4am. I decided to write this after I got ball tapped at school. This is the calm before the storm. The next 3 chapters will be action packed and have a lot of story development.)