humanity

After that little argument with twilight about her false god I walked through the market and went to the nearest stall there sat a teal blue mare with snow white hair who was selling oranges. She seemed to be quiet happy until she saw me. She back into the stall and muttered something about not eating her.” excuse me how much are four oranges?” she looked like Satan himself was knocking on her door.

After a few seconds she finally muttered out” t- two bits, but you don’t have to pay if you don’t want to.” I left four bits on the counter and said to her

“Don’t fear me.” Three words were all I said it didn’t seem to do much but oh well I didn’t care. I began walking towards what I thought was a motel when I noticed an old tan mare with grey hair running towards me with a lead pipe. “I muttered to myself “oh fuck me with the moon.” She closed the distance very quickly and swung her pipe at me, in return I blocked it with my arm.

She said in a harsh low tone “leave this town vile beast I will not let you eat any of my ponies.” She emphasized this with another swing of her pipe I blocked it again.” I will die before I let you ruin this town and my father’s legacy!” she kept swinging her pipe and I kept blocking and dodging. “What’s wrong ape you can’t fight or are you holding out on me!” she was getting a crazed look in her eyes

“God damnit leave me alone all I wanted to do is having a fucking vacation!”She kept striking me the advanced alloy my arm was made of took zero damage. “Miss before this continues why are you assaulting me?”

“Because you’re a freak and anytime a different species or race enters my town something bad happens!”

“if anything bad happens I’ll do my best to fix it and save anyone in need that’s my job, I work personally for Luna as a guard.” She looked shocked

“Im sorry I didn’t realize it’s just… after a while different hurts, I can’t stand to see my citizens hurt.”

“But what was that about your father’s legacy?” I shouldn’t ask her this but what the hell.

“He was the greatest crime fighter and mayor when he lived in manehatten, he wouldn’t send guards out to solve crime he would get this exact lead pipe and beat them.” Her eyes were teary “and look what I became all I do is run a small town who can’t even protect it from the most mundane problems.”

“It’s ok I forgive you, I just want to take a vacation could you make sure the ponies know it.” I was going to enjoy three days off.

“I’ll relay the message don’t worry.” Good I wasn’t going to put up with anymore shit.

“Also what was that about me being a freak?”  Her face turned a dark red.

“S-sorry most of us are xenophobic I try not to be but it’s hard.” She looked sorry enough.

“It’s ok just forget about it” I said as I turned around and continued walking. As I neared the motel a royal messenger approached me and passed me a note. It read

“Dear Sam your presence is required at the manehatten military harbor. Be here as soon as you can and bring anything for sea travel.

P.S. do you like bananas?

From your friend celestia.

The messenger hadn’t moved. So I flipped him the bird and began walking towards my home in the everfree.

Once I got to my house I had killed four manticore, a hydra and to boot an innocent bear that I swear screamed as I tore his heart out. Upon entering my house I grabbed an m14 and something i rarely moved. My bionic wings, my arms and my existence here may be huge feats of science but im my opinion these were the greatest things humanity could have ever built. I put them into the proper inputs and they whirred to life. I said to myself “it’s been a while old girl you ready to go?” of course they wouldn’t respond but that would be hella cool. I walked out of my home and took to the sky gaining enough altitude to be noticed when I fly over ponyville. Then I had a second though, I turned on the function in my wings that acted as a tracer. In combat this was impractical but it looked badass.

As i flew over ponyville a sky blue mare with a rainbow mane and tail glided alongside me. “Hey you’re that thing that mayor mare attacked aren’t you?” I nodded a yes. “Ok cool but did you have those wings half an hour ago?” I shook my head for no “then how did you get them?”

“I am part robot you could say these wings are an attachment I didn't use them to get here because I wanted a vacation now something has come up in the military and I have to go to manehatten.” I was going to have to hall ass at this rate.

“Wait something is happening why didn’t celestia contact twilight?” damnit Loyalty such a nosy spirit.

“because you deal with stuff like discord I deal with pirates and violent crimes, don’t tell anyone but I assume im being called in so I can command the royal war ships upon a group of diamond dogs that took of a pony settlement in Africa.” She looks shocked.

“Wait so you’re telling me princess celestia has her own private army and uses them on a regular basis?” thick as a fucking brick.

“Yes now don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill you.” I then shot off leaving rainbow behind with a trail of dark blue in my wake.

Upon arriving to the harbor I was flagged down by celestia who was being guarded by at least ten guards. I proceeded to land in front of her none of the guards moving. “Why hello Sam I hope your having a wond-“

“Fuck you.” She and her guards looked shocked.

“You may be a high ranking officer but you have no right to speak to me like that” she said in a harsh tone.

“you know what you fucking did you took me off vacation just to use me as cannon fodder if this fails, because god help the world if celestia gets caught slaughtering hundreds of diamond dogs.” I was a bit mad “no but if I get caught you will still have a reputation among your zombies.” I stormed past her and boarded the flag ship. Behind me I heard one of the guards say

“Miss should I peruse him?” he better not.

“No I will deal with him” this was gonna be good “SAM! I command you to turn around and apologize to me!” I kept walking. I heard her move towards me “listen to me now!” I didn’t lose speed. I looked at the soldiers on the ship all staring wide eyed at the spectacle. Once she was right behind me I turned around and sent a right hook right for her jaw, but instead of blocking she took the punch and didn’t even flinch “are you done?” oh hell no.

“Like hell I am” I said as I sent another punch this one to the chest she blocked it now a large portion of the city somehow got near to see this, which is a lot.

“Stop it Sam you’re bringing a crowd.” I kept throwing punches and her guards did nothing “I said stop it!” she fired a blast of force into me throwing me onto the ship but before I hit the ground I stabilized and landed on my feet.

“Why you’ve done so many wrongs to me, this may be a minor one but a wrong is a wrong and I am sick of your bullshit!” I was getting very angry. “NIOTWO FOINGAHHESTAG!”(this is in dovah I don’t know if I got it right there is a certain way you do stuff like this)  most of the ponies look confused

“I see you’ve been learning the language of the dovah Sam.” Fuck this

“It belonged to the humans I don’t know what the bombs did when they fell but that language belongs to my people!” I charged at her with a sword; wait were did I get a sword. Stopped and examined the blade it was well crafted and made of a blue metal and inscribed in the blade it was written in dovahzul; it read out ‘the god slayer’. I looked up to celestia and slowly walked up to her, I held out the blade she tried to grab it with her magic and nothing happened  I smirked and swung my blade at her she dodged but barely a small cut on her right cheek slowly dripped with blood.

I put the random sword back into a sheath I didn't know i had and walked to my quarters. The walk there was silent anyone that didn’t see what happened was too scared to talk to me. Once I got to my room I sat down in front of the desk and opened the cabinet and grabbed a flask of whisky and drank a nice gulp. Then I went to bed and waited for the assault on the dogs.