The Adventures Continue

Rarity Takes Manehattan

Episode 4/08

Prompt: Manehattan leaves its hoofprint on everypony who ventures into it.

Word count restriction: 1,000-7,000

“Twilight,” Spike complained he tugged on her mane, “are you even listening to me?”

She nodded absently. “Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Sure.”

Spike slapped his face in frustration. “You don’t even care, do you?”

“Yep. Yeah. Alright.”

“You only get one chance to taste a genuine Manehattan carrot dog, Twilight.”

“Sure.”

“One chance.”

Twilight flipped a page. “Yeah.”

Spike growled and stomped to the other side of the room. “I know what you’re thinking, Twilight. Spike, dragons live for hundreds of years! Surely you’ll have another opportunity to get a carrot dog!”

“Sounds about right.”

Spike turned back around. “But you’d be wrong!” he exclaimed, lifting a finger emphatically above his head. “You haven’t even begun to understand how complex this problem really is!”

“Okay.”

He marched back to the podium, where Twilight was engrossed in one of her books (The Hopeless Buffoon’s Guide to Pony Transmogrification, if Spike remembered correctly). “Once you look at all of the intricacies of the situation, you see how unlikely it is!” He looked up at Twilight, eyes pleading. “You understand statistics, right Twilight? Can you make sure this makes sense?”

“Oh, sure, sure.”

Spike grinned. “Thanks Twilight.” He stepped back and brought a claw to his chin. “Now, first we need to understand the likelihood of me ever going to Manehattan again.”

“Yep.” Twilight leaned into her book, her eyes narrowed. Evidently she found what she had been looking for, for she shortly nodded and flipped a few pages.

“And then there’s the likelihood of that same carrot dog vendor being there, too.” Spike nodded to himself, pleased at the coherency of his thoughts. “Because, you know, you can’t just pretend that one carrot dog is like any other.”

“Of course.”

“Now, everyone knows that a carrot dog is only as good as its ingredients are fresh. Don’t you agree?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Good! So we need to take into account how fresh the vendor’s ingredients were that day, and how likely it is that they’d be just as fresh the next time I’m in Manehattan. But it goes even deeper! What about the exact conditions of the farms where those ingredients were made? And the roughness of their transport, and the temperature when they were served?”

Twilight looked back and forth between pages and scratched her head. “Right.”

“And don’t even get me started on the chances that every single ingredient will be aged just as long as the ones in the carrot dog that he stole.” Spike literally fumed, his snout unconsciously releasing small puffs of smoke as he simmered.

“Yeah.”

“And even if they are, we also need to account for the chances that Rarity will also be in Manehattan, that we’ll be together, and that she’ll feel like she has to buy me another carrot dog from the exact same vendor!” His fists clenched. “Add all of this up, and it’s impossible!”

Twilight closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “Spike?”

Spike ground his fist into his other palm. “I swear to Celestia, Twilight: I will get that thief.”

“Spike.”

“I’ll get him if it’s the last thing I do! He’ll regret ever having crossed Spike the dragon!”

“Spike!”

“He won’t even know what hit him,” Spike said with a maniacal chuckle. “I’ll get right up in his face and say ‘Hey, Featherbrain! You made the wrong move messing with--’”

“Spike!” Twilight’s shout echoed across the library.

“Huh?”

She brought her hoof to her temple once again. “Spike, what are you even talking about?”

“You mean you weren’t even listening?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“But I asked, and you said you were!”

Twilight’s cheeks reddened slightly. “I’m sorry about that, Spike,” she said after a moment. “I was just so engrossed in this textbook.” Both her horn and her book glowed with a rippling purple aura as she levitated the book in front of him. “I’m just about to figure out how to cast a spell that will allow Fluttershy complete control over her transformations.”

Spike’s mouth hung agape. “Her what?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Twilight replied, replacing the book on the podium. “After the vampire fruit bat incident last month, Fluttershy’s been turning into a bat-pony hybrid whenever she gets excited.”

“I thought you were joking about that.”

“No, I was completely serious. It’s really starting to get her down. But what was it that you were talking about earlier?”

Spike bared his teeth as the thoughts of revenge came flooding back. “The first day we were in Manehattan, Rarity bought me a carrot dog, and a bird stole it!”

Twilight paused, bewildered. “And… that’s it?”

He waved his arms frantically. “What do you mean, ‘And that’s it’?”

She shrugged. “Well, it’s really not that big of a deal, is it?”

“But Rarity bought it for me! That makes it special!”

Twilight sighed. “Oh.”

“And then a selfish bird swoops down like he owns the place and snatches right out of my claw!” Spike waved his left claw emphatically in demonstration.

“Spike…”

“It’s like stealing a birthday present!” Spike brought his hands to his face in exasperation. “Well, I know it wasn’t my birthday, and it wasn’t really a present so much as a little favor, but still!”

“Spike, I really don’t think--”

“And like I explained before, there’s no way Rarity would ever be able to buy me an identical carrot dog!”

“Why does it need to be identical?”

Spike froze. “Uh…”

“See?” Twilight said, smiling. “You’re just overreacting. I’m sure Rarity would be happy to buy you another carrot dog the next time the opportunity arises.”

“I… I guess…”

Twilight leaned in close. “And think,” she whispered playfully, “if you explain what happened with the bird, she might buy you two!”

Spike’s eyes lit up. “You really think so?”

Twilight grinned. “I really do!”

Spike looked to the ground and rocked on his toes. “I guess I might have been overreacting just a little bit.”

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. “A little bit?”

“Okay,” he said, blushing. “A whole lot.”

“Now, no more worrying about it,” she declared, pulling him into a hug. “Alright?”

He took a deep breath. “Alright, Twilight.”

“Good.” The two stood, smiling at each other.

“So,” Spike said, “you think you have a spell that’ll fix Fluttershy?”

“Well, it won’t exactly fix her,” she said, turning back to the book, “but it will allow her to keep herself from transforming at inappropriate times. Remember when you had to go to the bathroom on our second day in Manehattan?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah. I thought I hadat least three more days in me.”

“While you were in there, Fluttershy tried to comfort a crying filly in a stroller.”

Spike couldn’t hinder the smirk forming on his lips. “What happened?”

“The filly sneezed right in her face.”

Spike brought a hand to his forehead. “Oh!” he laughed.

“And then Fluttershy transformed into a bat.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” Twilight said with a grimace. “Now, if I’m correct, this spell should enchant a food item so that when Fluttershy eats it, she’ll gain control of her transformations.”

Spike produced a small blue gem. “Think she likes sapphire?”

“That’s generous of you, but I highly doubt it.”

He popped the gem into his mouth. “Her loss.”

Twilight’s horn glowed. From the kitchen hovered a bright red apple. “This should do the trick.” She  placed it on a table nearby, stood back, and readied her horn. “Stand back, Spike.” Her horn’s glow intensified, and a thin, pink stream of light shot into the apple. The fruit was covered in a rippling pink coating of magic. The coating rippled faster and faster, before seeping up to the stem. The magical aura lifted off the apple, formed into a batlike shape, and dissipated into the air.

“That should do it. Spike, do you want to go deliver this to Fluttershy? I believe she and Discord are helping Rarity out at her boutique.”

Spike grinned. “She’s at the boutique? I’ll be right over!” He yanked the apple off the table and scurried out the door, receiving a knowing smirk from Twilight as he ran.

~

The door to the boutique opened as Spike stepped inside. “Rarity!” he called out. “Rarity?”

“Is that Spike?” answered the mare’s voice. “I’m upstairs, darling!”

Spike licked his claw and slicked back the spikes on his head before jogging up the stairs. In Rarity’s workroom Spike saw Rarity standing off to the side as Fluttershy and Discord argued.

“I don’t mean to be stubborn,” Fluttershy asserted, “but I must insist that you lend a hoof.”

Discord crossed his arms as all of the hats in the room spontaneously began to hover and rotate in the air. “But what kind of benefit would I reap for this? She wants me to change my shape to model for her, but I highly doubt she’ll be producing any outfits for draconequi.” With a flash, a pair of sunglasses appeared on his face, as well as suit coat on his back and a golden scepter bearing the likeness of a grinning Twilight in his paw. “I guess she doesn’t think that creatures of chaos can be just as fabulous as ponies.”

Fluttershy frowned. “Now Discord, you know that friendship isn’t all about receiving.”

Discord looked back and forth between Fluttershy and Rarity before setting down all of the hats and sighing. “Alright, fine.” He teleported, reappearing curled around Rarity’s shoulder. “But you owe me one.” He stood up and held Rarity in his arms, mussing her mane with his fist.

“Oh, Spike,” Rarity said, grimacing at her ruined mane, “did you need something?”

Spike shook his head. “I just have something to give to Fluttershy.”

“Very well, dear. I shall see you two later!” She gulped. “In one piece, if all goes well…” With a shriek and a cackle, the pair disappeared in a flash of light.

“You have something for me?” Fluttershy asked.

Spike held out the apple. “Twilight said that if you eat this, you’ll be able to control when you change into a bat.”

Fluttershy's eyes lit up, and she quickly grabbed the fruit and shoveled it down voraciously. By the time she had finished, juice was smeared across her face and she was panting. After a moment, she blushed and wiped her face with a wing. “Sorry. I, uh… Lately, I really like apples.”

“Uh, sure,” Spike replied, nonplussed. “No problem.”

Fluttershy smiled. “Oh, but at least I’m not the only one with some food problems. Rarity, Discord and I were just having the most interesting conversation about the carrot dog scandal in Manehattan.” Her smile faded. “I mean, not that I’m trying to rub it in that you weren’t here to talk about it.”

Spike shook his head. “No, it’s fine. What scandal?”

“It turns out that the major carrot dog producers in Manehattan have actually been forcing ponies to work for no pay.” Her eyes grew wide. “For years, they’ve gone undiscovered, forcing poor ponies with no families to labor for them! Isn’t that simply awful?”

Spike gulped. “Yeah, that’s a shame. What did Rarity say?” he asked, his voice strained.

She looked off into space. “She said that she’ll never buy a carrot dog again as long as she lives, because the whole business is…” She tried to recall the words her friend had used. “...manipulative, amoral, and reprehensible.”

He stood unmoving, his eyes wide and his mouth hung agape. “She’ll never… buy… another…?”

She nodded. “She made it very clear: she will never, ever, ever buy a carrot dog again.”

Spike’s eye twitched.

“Ever,” she concluded.

Spike fell to his knees, raised his fists to the sky and unleashed a bloodcurdling “NOOOO!”

When he had opened his eyes, Fluttershy was a bat. She hissed and tentatively reached out a hoof, as if to inquire My dear dragon compatriot! What ails you to such a degree as to warrant such a dramatic and troubled expression of misfortune?

Spike sniffed and wiped a teary eye. “I can’t understand you, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy looked down at herself and recoiled. She hissed, as if to declare I am quite certain that this condition that has befallen me has brought forth a very great amount of stress!

Spike sat down on the floor, trying to calm himself. “That apple should have given you control, Fluttershy. Try to change back.

She nodded and hissed, as if to answer Yes; I trust my friend Twilight Sparkle wholeheartedly and, therefore, will promptly attempt to revert back to my natural demeanor under the assumption that such an attempt has the possibility of garnering success. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brows. After several seconds, her body morphed back to normal.

“Wow,” Spike said. “That’s awesome!”

Fluttershy rubbed her forehead. “And strenuous. But why did you scream, Spike?”

“I need to find a bird,” he said, his eyes narrowed and his fists clenched.

“Oh, I can help you with that!” she said, her eyes beaming. “I have plenty of birds down at my cottage.”

“I need to find a certain bird.”

“Like, a certain species? I’m sure I can--”

“A certain bird.”

Fluttershy raised a hoof to her lips. “You need… a specific, individual bird?”

He nodded.

“Whyever do you need to find a specific bird?”

“He stole from me.”

“Goodness! What did he steal?”

“Something valuable. Valuable and irreplaceable.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want you to be without something irreplaceable.”

“Can you help me?”

She thought for a moment, and then nodded. “I believe I can. But there are some rules.”

“Rules?”

“I’m going to take you to see someone, and you can’t say certain things.”

“...Okay. What things?”

“You can’t say that they eat worms.”

“Um--”

“And you can’t mention molting. Or cats. Or the Winter migration four years ago.”

Spike stood up. “Fluttershy, are you taking me to see--”

“A bird.” She nodded resolutely. “I’m taking you to see a bird.”

~

Fluttershy and Spike sat on a tree stump in a clearing a short distance into the Everfree Forest. The branch of another tree extended close to the stump, allowing the duo to speak to the branch’s occupants: one squat, red bird with black plumage, one tall, skinny, green bird, and an incredibly bulky blue bird with a beak that looked so sharp, Spike felt he could cut himself even by looking at it. The squat red bird sat in the middle, flanked on either side by his companions.

The squat red bird tweeted. The other two tweeted a more high-pitched note that lasted several seconds.

“What did they say?” asked Spike.

“The one in the middle said, ‘Behold, the ferocious dragon!’” Fluttershy explained.

“And the other two?”

“They said, ‘Hohohohoho.’”

The red bird tweeted, paused, and tweeted again.

“‘Not our usual type of client,’” Fluttershy translated, “‘but I suppose there’s a first time for everything, eh?’”

Spike looked up to the red bird. “Uh, Mr. Bird?”

The bird pointed a wing and emitted a strident tweet.

Fluttershy blushed and covered her mouth. “Um, he prefers ‘Bloodwing,’ if you don’t mind.”

“Alright, Bloodwing,” Spike said, “can you help me find a bird?”

Bloodwing looked to his companions and tweeted. The other two repeated their long, drawn-out tweet.

“He said, ‘Can I find a bird? Boys, the dragon asks if I can find a bird!’.”

“And them?”

“‘Hohohohoho.’”

The skinny green bird tweeted, gesturing with a wing.

“‘Boss once tracked a single carrier pigeon from Canterlot all the way to the Badlands.’”

Spike smiled. “So you can help me!”

Bloodwing made a short, horizontal slice with his wing and tweeted.

“‘Hold your fire breath, lizard. We haven’t even discussed payment.’”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “You want payment before I tell you the job?”

“‘Hey, let’s get one thing straight,’” Fluttershy said after Bloodwing had tweeted. “‘Bloodwing tells you the job, capisce?’”

“Uh, yeah, sorry.”

Bloodwing paused, and tweeted.

“‘We charge a flat rate for our troubles, and another fee if we get it done. We used to let clients wait until the job was done before payment, but we ran into too many trust issues.’”

The skinny green bird tweeted.

“‘They went vamoose.’”

Spike scratched his head. “Well, what do you want?”

Bloodwing thought for a moment, and tweeted.

“‘You know the new princess, right, Shrimp?’”

“You mean Twilight Sparkle? Yeah, I live with her.”

“‘Then you have connections to the princess of the night, correct?’”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Bloodwing tapped the tip of his wings together slowly. Also, he tweeted.

“‘Listen up, and listen good. The princess of the night owes us a personal favor. We need you to remind her that we’re still here, and always watching,’” Fluttershy translated. “‘And that if she don’t pay up soon, there’s gonna be trouble, capisce?’”

Spike nodded. “Alright, I guess I can do that.”

Bloodwing nodded, and, to the surprise of nobody present, tweeted.

“‘Good boy. You make sure that gets done. Now, what can Bloodwing do for ya?’”

Spike sat up straight. “I need you to track down a bird. He stole something precious from me, and I want him to pay.”

“‘And what did this scoundrel take?’”

Spike blushed. “Um… I’d rather not say. He’s probably already eaten-- I mean, disposed of it already.”

Bloodwing looked to his partners incredulously.

“‘Disposed of it?’” Fluttershy translated, given that Bloodwing had, in fact, tweeted. “‘You’re in deep, aren’t ya, Shrimp?’”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “I guess so?”

“‘It ain’t rare for us to handle something like this,’” Fluttershy translated after Bloodwing had nodded. “‘Don’t you worry, little dragon. That bird o’ yours will pay. What’s he look like?’”

Spike put his claw to his chin, wracking his brain. “Uh… he was red, or maroon, I guess, with a yellow belly and some yellow at the base of his wings.”

The three birds on the branch recoiled. Bloodwing tweeted.

“‘Tell me, Shrimp: this bird o’ yours have some spiky feathers on the back of his head?’”

“Yeah!”

Bloodwing exchanged looks with the skinny green bird.

“‘We’ve had our eyes on that flying rat for fifteen years, but we never had any definite reason to take him down.’” Realizing what she had translated, Fluttershy shuddered. “Oh, my.”

The green bird tweeted.

“‘You just leave this to us, Shrimp.’”

“‘And you can forget about the payment afterward,’” Bloodwing added. “‘Takin’ this dirty--’” Fluttershy blushed. “Um, ‘taking this… unpleasant gentlecolt out once and for all is our pleasure. You just make sure the princess gets our message. Tell her Bloodwing says the clock’s tickin’.’”

Spike nodded, grinning. “Okay! And thank you guys! Thank you so much!”

Bloodwing waved a wing.

“‘No thanks necessary, Shrimp. You deliver our message, and that’ll be thank enough.’”

The birds took to the air and hovered in front of Spike.

“‘We’ll make sure you know when the job’s done,’” Fluttershy translated for Bloodwing. “‘Just leave it to us.’” He flew off.

“‘Yeah, just leave it to us,’” repeated the skinny green bird before flying off.

The burly blue bird, who hadn’t spoken to Spike, hovered without a tweet.

Spike raised a claw. “Um--”

The bird abruptly tweeted, and took off to meet the other two.

“What did that one say?” Spike asked, turning to Fluttershy.

She scratched her head. “‘Swag.’”

~

Spike and Twilight descended the marble staircase of the palace courtyard.

“I hope to see you again soon, Twilight,” Celestia called from the top of the stairs.

“And I as well!” Luna waved after the two, a grin plastered on her face. “We shall soon experience great enjoyment and leisure once again, though hopefully not again at the expense of the unfortunate vendor of fried circle bread!”

Celestia smirked. “They’re called ‘donuts,’ Luna.”

“But they are more similar to wheels than they are to nuts, my sister.”

As Spike and Twilight waved goodbye, the loud shriek of an eagle echoed through the street. Spike and Twilight looked upward, only to see the receding bird in the distance, as well as a single maroon feather drifting lazily through the air. After a few seconds, the feather landed perfectly atop Spike’s snout.

“That was odd,” commented Twilight.

“Uh, Twilight? I need to go say something to Princess Luna.”

Twilight looked skeptical. “Alright,” she relented.

Spike jogged back up the staircase, maroon feather in hand.

“Does something ail you, dear Spike?” asked Luna, concerned.

“Uh, Princess Luna?” Spike began. The princess tilted her head. “I have a message for you.”

“A message for me?” Luna asked. “From whom?”

Spike gulped. “Uh, from… Bloodwing? He says the clock is ticking.”

At the mention of the bird’s name, Luna froze, her eyes wide.

“Sister?” Celestia asked. “Luna, is there something wrong?”

Luna remained unmoving. “Dear cosmos,” she whispered.

Spike slowly backed away, wringing his hands behind his back. “Well, now that I got that out of the way I guess I’ll be off then!” Celestia watched with confusion as Spike sprinted down the stairs and back to Twilight’s side. Though she couldn’t hear them, she could tell that Spike was trying to speed up their departure.

She leaned in to her sister’s eye level. “Luna, talk to me. What’s wrong? Who’s Bloodwing?”

Luna slowly met her gaze. “Bloodwing,” she said slowly, “is my demise.”

“What? Is he an assassin?”

Luna nodded. “He dabbles in such business, on occasion. I had no idea he still had his nefarious eyes on me.”

Celestia’s brows furrowed. “We won’t take this threat lying down. I’ll make sure every guard in Equestria is on the lookout. What does he look like?”

“He is a small red bird.”

“...A bird?” Celestia asked, nonplussed.

“Not just a bird,” Luna corrected, her voice wavering. “The avian harbinger of the fall of the Equestrian diarchy.”

Somewhere far away, inside a notch in a nondescript tree, sat a small red bird, rubbing the tips of his wings together maniacally. Nopony that knew of him would ever claim that a bird possessed no patience, and he knew that his patience had rewarded him. Soon he would have to wait no longer. For now, though, he fluttered out of the tree and searched the ground below. Spotting his target and seeing no other birds around to see, he swooped down and gobbled up a worm, as birds are wont to do.