The Adventures Continue

Pinkie Apple Pie

Episode 4/09

Prompt: While helping Twilight Sparkle with her genealogical research, Pinkie discovers another surprising familial connection. Pinkie heads out to investigate.

Word count restriction: 1,000 - 7,000

Ding-dong.

Princess Luna’s head jerked up from the papers on her desk. She cocked her head.

Ding-dong.

Luna cautiously stood up, staring at the door to her personal office with narrowed eyes. “I don’t… I don’t believe this room is equipped with a doorbell…”

Ding-dong-ding-dong-ding-dong.

She cleared her throat. “Who goes there?”

“It’s me,” rang a high-pitched voice from the other side of the door.

“Who?”

“Me!”

“A name,” Luna said, gritting her teeth. “For the love of the cosmos, a name!”

“Oh, right!” The voice giggled shrilly. “It’s Pinkie Pie!”

Luna sighed in relief. “‘Tis simply Pinkie Pie? Very good. Please enter.”

The door swung open and Pinkie hopped inside, her smile defying gravity as much as her bounces. Luna telekinetically shut the door and smiled. “Hello, my friend. What brings you to the castle this day?”

“I came to ask you a question,” Pinkie responded with a grin. “Oh! But first I have to tell you a story.”

Luna glanced back at the stack of papers and scrolls on her desk. “Is this a matter of importance, Pinkie Pie? I don’t mean to be aloof, but I do have quite a bit of work to complete.”

Pinkie nodded emphatically. “Oh, it’s super-duper important! Even more important than remembering which jar has the salt and which jar has the sugar!”

The princess smiled; it was impossible not to be amused by the enigmatic pink one. “Very well,” she said, lying down. “For a matter of such great significance, I do believe I can spare the time.”

“Great! Where should I start?”

“From the beginning, perhaps?”

“Right! I know how everything began! Discord told me Equestria existed and then it got blown to smithereens by accident and then he tried to make a better Equestria and--”

“Pinkie Pie,” said Luna gently, “as much as I would enjoy your… apocryphal perspective on the origins of our country, perhaps you should begin at the beginning of the events of which you came to inform me?”

Pinkie nodded again. “Right! So there I was, minding my own business, haggling with a shopkeeper in Ponyville because he was trying to charge twenty bits for a pound of cherries! Can you believe that? Twenty bits should get you five pounds at least, and I told him that, and he just kind of grunted at me, but eventually I managed to convince to trade with me, so I gave him a bushel of ripe apples that I borrowed from Fluttershy. I’ll have to make sure to get her another one soon; she’s been really into apples lately. Did you know she’s a bat now?”

“Excuse me?”

“So anyway, as I was walking back home with my cherries, my right ear started flapping and my back-left knee started twitching, so I knew I was being watched, so I looked all around and I saw that somepony was watching me from a tree.”

“A pony was watching you from a tree?”

“Except it wasn’t a pony; it was a bird!”

Luna started. “A… a bird, Pinkie? Are you certain?”

Pinkie nodded. “Abso-positively-lutely! It was a little fat red bird with black feathers on its head and I knew it was watching me because whenever I walked away it would fly to another tree and watch me again!”

Luna gulped. “And did you approach this bird?”

“Posi-absolutely-tively! I marched right up to that bird, and I said, ‘Now lookee here, bird! I don’t know what you want, but if you’re going to stare at me, the least you could do is get yourself a pair of binoculars and do it the right way!’ Then I reached into a gnarl in the tree and pulled out a pair of binoculars that I kept for binocular emergencies and offered to give them to him. He said no, but they were a little too big for a bird. Maybe I should start hiding little tiny binoculars around town for binocular emergencies involving whittle tiny pony-people!”

“Tiny pony-what?”

“The bird just kind of sat there, and then it tweeted, and then it tweeted some more, and then it reached over and pulled a scroll out of nowhere! It was like he just put his wings where I couldn’t see and then a scroll just poof! Appeared out of nowhere!”

“Surely you missed something, my friend. That is impossible.”

“I know! I thought I was the only one who could do that.”

“You can do tha--”

“So he just dropped the scroll down in front of my hooves and sat there, like he wanted me to read it, so I read it.”

“Pinkie, I don’t mean to interrupt, but can we perhaps clarify what you said before about pulling objects out of nowhe--”

“Do you know what the scroll said?”

“How could I know what the scroll said?” Luna said, tapping her hoof against the floor.

“I just thought that since the bird could do something I thought only I could do before, maybe you’re able to predict exactly what it is ponies are about to say before they even say it, like I did when Twilight came out of the magic mirror exactly seven months, three weeks, and five days ago.”

Luna brought a hoof to her head. “Pinkie, are you telling me you’re capable of telepathy?”

“So do you know what the scroll said?”

“I really think we should slow this down a bit--”

“The scroll looked like it was from some official pony, because the letters were all super neat, and there was an official-looking stamp at the bottom! The letters all stuck together and formed words, and the words made sentences, and do you know what those sentences said?”

“I really would like to know more about this telepa--”

“It said that you don’t actually have a sister!”

Silence pervaded the room. Luna froze, her eyes wide and pupils small. Pinkie sat before her, her default smile plastered on her face despite the confusion in her eyes.

Luna gulped once more. “It said I have no sister?”

“Yepper-deppers!” Pinkie reached into her mane, pulled out a monocle, and set it on her face. “Dear Prince Blue Dream,” she recited, punctuating her speech with a majestic wave of her forehoof. “I do hope your voyage to the newly-established nation in the South has gone as expected. The wrath of the Windigos still ravages this land, though things have gotten more peaceful as more and more ponies immigrate away. I must admit that I find myself occasionally longing for a fantastic journey, just like the good old days. Except this time, I’d be tempted to stay down there! As much as I’ve grown attached to this castle, the warmth and peace of the land in which you now reside seems more tempting every day.”

“You have an impressive memory, Pinkie Pie,” said Luna. “But I’m afraid your outfit is quite anachronistic. The monocle was not invented until several centuries after the founding of Equestria.”

“Nevertheless,” Pinie continued, “I’m afraid my place is here. One does not simply relocate an entire castle’s worth of research and equipment, no matter how many times Clover tries to convince me. The girl is brilliant, I tell you, but she lacks worldliness.

“I did not write you, your highness, for this reason. Clover’s been insisting that I make my reports more ‘personal’. Sometimes that mare can be daft, to be sure. I wrote you because I have made a startling discovery regarding the famous unicorn sisters. As I’m sure you are aware, two unicorns who recently immigrated to the new nation have been transformed, through unknown means, into pegasus-unicorn hybrids. This is perhaps the most astounding magical discovery our species has ever made! Have you heard the stories of their magical prowess? The two, from the reports I have read, are apparently able to telekinetically move objects of astonishing weight and mass.

“And there I go, off on another rambling. My point, your highness, is that the two mares, who have been popularly dubbed ‘the hybrid sisters,’ appear to not be sisters at all. I have collaborated with ponies with connections to their family and friends, and it would seem that the two, while having been raised together since birth, are not biologically related. Specifically, the parents of the elder are not the parents of the younger, and nopony seems to know where the younger’s parents are. The two themselves are apparently unaware of this.”

Luna chuckled. “I remember, Pinkie Pie, the day that I found out.”

Pinkie gasped. “So it’s true? You and Princess Celestia aren’t actually sisters?”

Luna nodded. “We are sisters, surely; just not by blood.” She smiled. “A family is forged through experience, Pinkie Pie, not blood.”

Pinkie cocked her head. “But why has it been kept a secret? Do you not want anypony to know?”

“Should the news leak to the populace, we certainly will not deny it. However, we have done our best to keep it under wraps.”

“But why?”

Luna chuckled. “Consider the implications, Pinkie Pie, of a nation ruled by two biological sisters of indescribable magical ability. Two sisters in possession of virtually divine levels of power who ascended to the throne and rule in absolute harmony.”

Pinkie brought a hoof to her chin. “You… throw great parties?”

Luna laughed heartily. “I would hope so! But more to the point, Celestia and I have worked very hard to perpetuate the world’s perception that we are, for lack of a better phrase, of a higher form of existence than any other creature.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Would you choose to invade a nation ruled by gods, Pinkie?”

“I guess not, but you and Princess Celestia aren’t gods, right?”

“Not gods, but simply beings of extraordinary power. ‘Twas easy enough to keep up the charade once we were given the responsibility of moving the sun and the moon. After that, the entire world began to look upon us not as powerful ponies, but physical deities. Our almost mythological status is remarkably effective at keeping the peace, both because our little ponies fear no foreign danger and because no foreign entity dares to challenge us.”

“But why does it matter that you’re not sisters? Would it make family Hearth’s Warmings too complicated?”

“Not quite,” Lua giggled. “The answer is really quite simple. There is something appealing about believing your nation is ruled by two sister-gods as opposed to two powerful ponies who are otherwise unremarkable.”

“Won’t other countries still be afraid of attacking even if they know you’re not sisters, though?”

“Perhaps, but perhaps not. If we are no longer deified, and are seen just as regular ponies who have accomplished a great feat, there is little to stop anypony from believing that they can accomplish such a feat themselves. Or, for the more war-hungry nations, that they can achieve worldwide recognition by bringing Equestria to its knees.”

Pinkie sat and said nothing, for once too lost in thought to comment.

“And as long as ponies like Mi Amore Cadenza and Twilight Sparkle are given no responsibility as grand as moving an astronomical body, we can keep the charade up as long as we please.” Luna’s face grew serious. “Therefore, Pinkie Pie, I would ask that you refrain from telling anypony about this.”

“Even my friends?”

“With the exception of Twilight Sparkle, I do believe it would be best if they were to remain unaware.”

Pinkie’s face fell. Luna bit her lip.

“That letter, Pinkie; how did it end?”

The mare’s eyes lit up. “Oh! I know exactly how it ended!” She cleared her throat. “I do believe, your highness, that the rapidly growing perceptions of these two ponies could prove advantageous to your country in its infant years. I will write to you more on the subject in the future, but it appears that for now I am running dangerously low on ink. With all of the ponies immigrating, there are few to run the shops and manufacture tools. Perhaps the thing that drives me South will be necessity instead of unbridled adventurousness. Either way, I’m certain Clover will be ecstatic.

“Oh, yes; and as I promised you, I will continue to look into how meteorological phenomena affect the area’s entropic gradient. This goes against my better judgement, delving so deep into the forces of chaos, but I have been proven wrong in the past. More than likely, nothing harmful will result, as you have assured me.

“Your faithful mage,

“Starswirl

Pinkie Pie closed her eyes and beamed at having remembered the letter’s every word. “Well, I would love to stay and throw you guys a ‘we-love-you-even-if-you’re-not-sisters’ party, but I have to foalsit Pumpkin and Pound tonight. The Cakes are going down to Appleloosa to enter a baking competition. I just know they’re going to win!”

Luna stood up and grinned. “Very well, my friend. Do enjoy your evening.” She turned to walk back to her desk, but shortly looked back. “And Pinkie?”

“Yeeeeees?”

“If any birds contact you in the future, alert me immediately.”

“Okee-dokee-lokee! See ya, Princess!” A pink blur shot from the room, leaving Princess Luna alone. She trudged back to her desk, eyed the stacks of formal documents to be skimmed and signed, and sighed, as she was wont to do.