The Entheogenic Excursion

“The night was calm and unsettling between the two of us. We didn’t stay up too much longer after her bath as we were both quite tired. As I was going to fix Vinyl a little something to eat, I found that after I had left the kitchen, she had crashed on my couch. I couldn’t blame her, it was a comfy chair. Sleep evaded me long into the night, I wasn’t sure when I had fallen asleep, but knew that I had been awake for quite some time. My mind raced wildly on how this all had happened, how I had become acquainted with this pony so quickly. Do friendships form this fast? If so, then last night was quite magical for the two of us. If I did believe in such otherworldly powers, I would safely say that friendship is magic.
I didn’t have work in the morning because, well, I was fired, but I woke up early anyways. Damn internal clocks. It was about six when I had made myself coffee while my new four-legged friend drooled over my couch cushion. I cracked the blinds in the kitchen, letting the morning rays cross over me. Snow had cloaked the mountain and over my Benz; I’m glad I let Vinyl in. Dressed in my sweats and a oversized sleeping shirt, I still felt the bitter bite of winter through the window, even while I sipped on the addictive substance before me. I shuddered and took another small swallow.
The warm liquid pleasure stimulated my senses as I thought to myself, “This shit’s worse than most drugs.” I was at the point where I couldn’t start a day without coffee or function throughout it properly. Millions of people were like this, I wasn’t alone. How could a drug so easily pass through civilized society without an argument against it? As if it were a show of hands, coffee, caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco is seen as an invisible crutch on the masses as a whole. A part of me considered that these drugs were taxed, so therefore they were legal and produced on industry levels, another part of me said there is a darker side to this issue that the leaders of the world don't want others to know. I took another sip; a slave to the coffee bean. No wonder this world is so messed up–it begs me to think about Equestria and what it was like there. Maybe where Vinyl called home was a place more peaceful–or perhaps more hellish, I don’t think I’ll ever know.
Just as I was about to open my laptop and ritualistically browse the areas of the internet I enjoyed the most out of, there was a quick and hard knocking on my door. I immediately shot up from my chair; the caffeine had taken affect of my body and I was overly awake. I thought about more ponies at my door, I thought how Vinyl could have set me up as some sort of safe house for others. These thoughts propelled the idea that my life was slowly turning into a Tolkien set-up for adventure.
My mind stopped functioning and eyes grew with horror as I heard the individual from outside my home loudly state, “Police. Open up.” Quickly, but quietly, I scrambled towards the sleeping pony. I hoisted the little thing in my arms, forgetting that this little thing sprawled out was more like a pre-teen in height and weight. I wobbled to my feet, securing the pony in my arms and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I flipped the switch and put the pony into the tub–thank God she was a heavy sleeper. I closed the door behind me and grabbed a pen and sticky note from the kitchen counter. I jotted down the words, “Sorry! Be quiet please!” and pushed the note under the bathroom door.
As soon as I was about to answer the front door, I realized that Vinyl’s muddy hoof prints were tracked near the entry way. The policeman called out once more, “Open up, we have some questions to ask you.”
I stood frantically still, thinking of a way out of this and responding, “One moment please!” An idea sprung into my head and I raced for my bedroom. I grabbed the rug that was lying near the foot of my bed and dragged it into the living room. I placed it elongated over the tracks as I finally straightened my posture, took in a deep breath, and then unlocked the door slowly.”

Upon Lavender’s front porch were two burly looking policemen, layered up in navy blue attire from head to toe. Their red faces fell towards the smaller woman before them, they seemed colder bundled up then Lavvy was in just one layer of clothing. The one to her left was a bit rounder, a bit shorter and held a notepad and pen eager to write notes on. The left pig, with a badge that read, ‘Marty,’ looked over the petite girl more so than the younger looking, longer faced cop to her right. The younger cop, whose badge named him, ‘Edward’ smiled and looked behind Lavvy into her house.

She was still a bit panicked, she always was around the law, as she muttered out, “M-may I help you two?”

“Ah!” Marty began with an unnecessarily loud whoop, “Yes, we’d like to know if you’ve seen any ‘unusual activity’ around Mountville lately.”

Lavvy placed a hand on her hip and questioned, “What type of ‘unusual activity’?”

Edward, the handsome cop, clarified in a lighter, more native tone, “Well to be more precise, ma’am, we’re looking for an equestrian pony.” She swallowed uncomfortably, but remained cool. The cold air seemingly made her feel farther away from her warm abode than she truly was.

Ed went on, “We got a few calls last night about a white pony making it’s way around here, and to be honest, we didn’t quite believe it.”

Marty sarcastically chuckled his useless comment, “An international threat here in a place like this? We're quite skeptical, to say the least.”

Ed nodded at Marty’s remark, “Right, but we just wanted to ask around to see if anyone had seen it or not.”

Lavvy clenched her fists in nervousness, she felt sweat begin to form in the slope of her back. She knew the consequences of harboring a pony quite well. If they had any suspicion, they could enter her house without warrant. Laws had been modified in times like these when the great drug wars spanned across the globe. No longer did police need warrants if they suspected pony activity, they could barge in and ransack her home. She had watched too many videos on the computer of cops busting in on people’s houses that held ponies captive. The punishment was severe and were so extreme that even death penalties were issued to unfortunate people.

Lavender froze up, not realizing that the two cops before her were waiting for her response. She smiled apprehensively, then darted her eyes back towards the men. She knew it, she knew they were suspicious because of her visible anxiety. She might as well scream it out that she was hiding a pony in the bathroom just so they might ease up on her coming punishments. She couldn’t however; Vinyl trusted her. She didn’t know how she would weave her way out of this, but she had to say something.

“Yes!” she blurted, “I haven’t seen anything. I’ve just been here...” she pointed her thumb over her shoulder, “just doing nothing... I’ve only seen ponies on television, never in real life. So... ya... heh...” The two cops slowly turned towards one another, their leather belts audibly strained, they returned their gaze back towards the frightened woman.

“Look,” Edward spoke in a soft voice, “no need to be paranoid, we won’t bust you because you're in possession of a little pot.” Lavvy screamed internally as his words made it into her brain.

“How could they have known!” she mentally spoke to herself. She turned around and then noticed that on her coffee table was a glass pipe and water bong she had used the other night and never put up. A small bag of weed was gently lying next to the pipe as she turned back and lightly chuckled to herself, “I’m... I’m sorry...”

Marty smiled and shook his head, “You gotta be more careful, but really it’s no big deal. Just don’t be stoned while out in public or driving, alright?”

“Y-yes sir.”

Edward motioned with a finger out, “And one more thing: We’d like your name and number so that we can notify you if we need to ask you more questions.” Without a second thought, she complied and gave them her information. As the two police went back to their car, Lavender waved out her door and closed it promptly. She held her backside against the door and slumped down on the carpet.

As Ed and Marty stepped into the cruiser, Ed ignited the engine and began tapping Lavender’s given information into the laptop situated before the dash.

Marty took a heavy breath and said, “She was pretty cute, eh deputy?” He playfully nudged Edward’s shoulder as he kept his focus on the report page. Ed didn't respond, he didn't want to. Marty shrugged, removed his gloves, and rubbed his hands close to the warm air conditioner vents. As Edward finished up, they began to pull out of the driveway backwards and towards the main road. He had to be careful in his maneuvering, not wanting to slide into snowy ditch. Ed stopped when he noticed that something dark was blocking the entrance of the driveway. Both cops looked back to see what it was, a feeling of dread swept over the two upon realizing who it was.

A black Buick with tinted windows was parked before the entry way, although between the two vehicles stood a tall, dark man. His eyes were affixed on them behind round, black glasses, he stared emotionless at the police car that had halted a few yards before him. He was fully clad in sable attire; from his meticulously shined shoes to his firm-brimmed traveler's hat, he stood like a statue about the winter wonderland. His face was long, almost stretched, his jawline and cheeks were firm and rigid. With posture straight and hands behind his back, he took three long , unhindered steps forward through the snow.

Marty murmured, “Jesus, this guy again?” Edward sighed as he and the older cop opened the doors and left the confines of their warm automobile.

Edward greeted with slight professionalism, “Ah, Director! Find any leads on the mysterious pony you've been looking for?” The thin man turned his gaze sharply towards Ed, making him tense and straighten his posture.

“No, I have not,” he said as cold as the air about them. His tone was sharp like a sword, rough like gravel. “The snow and ice are impeding our search," he continued, his contact unbroken with the officers, "so we must search harder, gentlemen.”

Marty spoke up, “It could be what most people are saying around here, that it might just be a hoax. You know how small towns are, causing drama up the wazoo.”

“I refuse to believe that, Officer Martin. I've been tracking the reports of a band of equestrians for months, and one is in this town, I’m sure of it. They will not slip my grasp again.” He pivoted away from them and turned back to his car. Before he entered into the driver’s side, he looked up at seemingly each of them and dictated, “Carry on, officers.” He stepped into this Buick and began his descent down the mountain road of Chance. Marty watched him leave, nodding his head in disapproval.

Marty stated while returning to their cruiser, “Fuck’n loony, I tell you.”

“That was a close call...” Lavender spoke to herself, breathing heavily as if she had ran a mile. She then remembered the pony in her bathroom and swayed back up to her feet. Lavvy went to the bathroom door and noticed that it was wide open. Her heart raced in alarm seeing that Vinyl was nowhere to be seen. A sudden noise became known to her from her kitchen and she rushed to see what it was. Upon entering, she saw the pony with her head buried in the refrigerator, looking for something to eat. How Vinyl made it from the bathroom and into the kitchen without gaining the attention of the two cops in front of her was unknown to Lavender, but she avoided the question and pulled the pony away from the fridge by her tail.

She turned the mare around to face her as she pointed towards the bathroom, “Didn’t you see my note? Bad pony! Bad!”

Vinyl laughed, “Yeah. I was quiet, wasn’t I?”

“Yes but... Ugh!” She crossed her arms and looked away. “I put you in the bathroom for a reason, and that reason was to stay in there.”

The cream colored mare rose her hooves up and questioned, “How was I supposed to know that? I remember crashing on your couch and woke up in the tub. Wouldn’t you be just as confused as I was?” She turned away and started grabbing odd things out of the fridge that would make a terrible meal when combined.

The pony went on while her tail swished back and forth uncouth like, “I saw you talking with some friends at the door, so I didn’t want to disturb you. Plus, they would have probably thought you were some sort of drug lord if they saw me hanging around out in the open.”

Lavender sighed and stressed, “Those friends of mine were police, Vinyl. They would have taken both you and me if they saw you. You’re lucky they were looking at me instead of you.” The mare grabbed a ketchup bottle in her mouth and spat it across the floor where a pile of condiments, meat and yogurt was accumulating.

Vinyl asked, “Why would they be looking at you?” Before Lavender could state the obvious, the pony remarked, “Oh, right. Sexual attraction and all that.” Lavender blushed with embarrassment; there was no denying the truth. Vinyl turned away from the refrigerator and lightly kicked it closed with one of her back legs. She sat before the pile of food and sauces, looking over it with delight.

The pony then turned her gaze upwards towards Lavender and coldly stated, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” She rummaged her hooves through the pile and commented, “How come you don’t have any fruit or vegetables? What’s these red and pink slabs of squishy things?”

“That’s meat, Vinyl.” It took a moment for the mare to make the connection in her head before a look of horror swept over her face.

“Dear Celestia,” she cried in fear, “you’re all cannibals!”

“What? No!” Vinyl hopped up from her flank and scooted towards the corner of the room, eyes glazed with dread.

“You’re sick–all of you!”

“Vinyl, let me explain! It isn’t human meat!” The pony stopped in her mad scramble and looked over at the pile once more.

“I-it’s not?”

“No, it’s pigs and cows and shit like that.”

“Oh...” she grimaced a little and mumbled, “Well I guess it’s not that bad. Wait a second–” she looked up at Lavender and slowly asked, “Do humans eat ponies?”

“Well, no–or at least I don’t think so. I think that maybe in other parts of the world they eat ponies from earth, but it’s frowned upon in modern society.”

“Ah,” she breathed as her small smile returned to her face, “that’s good–I guess.” She waved her hooves out over the pile of food and said, “I wonder what I could make with this stuff?” Lavender stepped closer and scanned over the edibles with her pony friend.

Lavvy commented, “Sandwiches... toast... bacon and eggs... that’s about it.”

Vinyl wobbled on her haunches with difficult-to-contain excitement, “Let’s make bacon! That sounds like a fun word, it probably taste incredible!”

“Um... bacon comes from pigs. Are you fine with that?”

Vinyl scratched her noggin, “Eh, I guess so. I’ll try anything once.”

Lavender chuckled, “Suit yourself,” and grabbed a packet of bacon from under the bologna.

Vinyl watched intently as Lavender cooked the meat over the stove top. The aroma of bacon filled the house as Vinyl moaned with delight. Lavvy rightly assumed they didn’t have bacon in Equestria due to her enlightened expression, then again, the smell of bacon made most people hungry and happy. As Lavender finished sliding the slabs of slightly burnt pig flesh onto two plates for each of them, she brought over the dishes to her small dining table. The pony eagerly hopped up onto one of the chairs as a trained dog might do. Vinyl’s ears perked up and she beamed a bright smile as she carefully watched the bacon before her.

Lavvy sat herself down across from the unicorn and said, “Well, dig in! I know it’s not much but I’ll go grocery shopping later for some better food.” Lavvy stopped when she noticed that Vinyl was levitating a single slab of bacon before herself, eyeing it as if it was staring back. A wavering, blue aura enveloped the food, as well as her unicorn horn. Lavender knew about unicorn magic and had read about it over the internet, but never had she seen it in person being performed.

“That’s incredible!” Lavvy exclaimed. “How are you doing that?” She suddenly reached over the table and lightly touched the tip of Vinyl’s horn with her index finger.

The pony swatted at the human’s hand and barked, “Quit it! And I don’t know, we just do it. Like hoofwriting, it takes patience and skill, or at least that’s how I was taught on that matter.” Vinyl hovered the bacon closer and took a bite out of it, making a satisfying ‘crunch’. Almost in an instant she was overwhelmed by its taste, trying her hardest to keep her mouth from going ajar. She savored it as long as she could before swallowing and being satisfied.

Vinyl looked up into Lavvy’s curious expression and said, “This is... amazing! I didn’t know meat could taste this good. We always stayed away from it because–well, you know–it was frowned upon and wasn’t ethical.”

“Horses and ponies don’t usually eat meat,” she informed the pony. “But still, don’t let that from stopping you now.”

“Only stop me if I’m about to eat pony!” Vinyl laughed.

The day progressed without any more disturbances. After lunch, Lavender went out to the local grocery mart to pick up essentials for her and her new friend. She was thankful Community Grocery wasn’t too far from where she lived, and that her drive didn’t dip or climb up the mountains too far. She hated driving in the snow and ice, as do all who live in the North. An hour passed and when Lavvy returned with a few bags of canned goods, food and alcohol, she discovered Vinyl Scratch watching television while sprawled out on the couch like a human. With legs dangling off the furniture, the pony browsed the channels without the need of magic, but instead used the remote with her hooves. One hoof held the controller and with the other she delicately tapped the up arrow. How she tapped that single button with such a large, rounded hoof was beyond Lavender, but she was beginning to learn not to ask questions about such oddities.

Lavender put the groceries up and entered into the living once more with beer in hand. With careful judgment, she dashed and vaulted, leaping over the pony. Vinyl swiftly ducked, not seeing the female jump overhead until the last second. Lavvy flopped down on the other side of the mare safely as Vinyl removed her head from her forelegs.

“Just be glad you jumped high enough,” the unicorn strongly remarked, “or you would have gotten a horn in the ass.”

Lavvy only smiled as she cracked open the cheap, pale ale. She took a swig while placing her socked feet onto the low table before the two. Both watched on as Vinyl continued surfing through the channels. Finally, in utter defeat, Vinyl threw herself back and sank into the couch cushion.

“Ugh! Nothing interesting is on!”

“I’m surprised you don’t find human television interesting; I’m even more surprised you know how to operate a TV.” Vinyl looked over at Lavvy with a grimace across her face.

“I’m not that stupid.”

“And I’m not saying you are. From what I’ve learned from the internet, Equestria is supposed to be somewhat advance, yet somewhat medieval. You can tell most of my information on the subject relies on what Wikipedia says.” She laughed lightly to herself and took another swig.

“Well, we have technology, to some degree. Unicorn magic can be harnessed into batteries, and through that it can power certain utensils, devices, lights, sound, heat, whatever you could think of. Back from where I’m from, they have factories where all unicorns do is exert their power into generators and batteries all day and get paid for it. It isn’t much, but it puts food on the table. It’s what my dad did.”

“I see...” Lavender noticed Vinyl’s mood had changed to a more crestfallen appearance. She was homesick still, and thinking of her family made her sickness stronger. Lavender’s eyes trailed off into thought as to how to make the pony happy again, and when her attention refocused, her vision fell upon the water bong next to her reclined feet.

“So,” Lavender began slowly, “do you smoke cannabis?” Vinyl looked up and thought on the word for a moment, scratching her chin in thought.

“I don’t think so...”

“Do they smoke anything?”

“Well I learned in History class once that ponies use to smoke tobacco, but Celestia banned it. Instead, most people smoke from bubble pipes, which isn’t really cool.”

Lavender sat up with a grin and reached for the elongated pipe and brought it before the unicorn. “Vinyl, allow me to open the doors to your mind through marijuana."