Dirty, Desperate, And Dash

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“And then… you…” Twilight repeated slowly, the disbelief evident in her flat voice as she stared cynically at the surprisingly serious Pinkie Pie.

“Fucked her silly, yes,” Pinkie finished with a completely solemn demeanor, taking a quiet sip of her chamomile tea.

“Well, gee,” Rainbow Dash deadpanned next to her, her own cup of tea completely untouched as she glared angrily at the wood grains on Twilight’s kitchen table. “I don’t know how you could have put it any more subtly, Pinkie Pie.”

“What?” Pinkie shrugged. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“That’s completely beside the point,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, crossing her hooves across her chest.

“I don’t actually know if there’s anything that I can do,” Twilight began deliberately, at which point Pinkie slammed her hoof loudly against the table.

“Cock waffles!” Pinkie scowled.

“Sorry, what?”

“Twilight,” Pinkie Pie explained, “You’re the clichéd bookish one. That means that you have to have an answer in a book somewhere!”

It was completely silent in the library for a long moment, and Twilight found that she couldn’t quite seem to stop staring at the pink party pony.

Eventually, she turned to Rainbow Dash and asked “Did you drug Pinkie Pie, or something?”

“What?” Dash blinked. “Look, are you going to help, or not?”

“Yeah, Twi!” Pinkie insisted. “It’s really, really important; so important that surely a friend would know what to do!”

“Attain medical attention,” Twilight deadpanned. “I’ve said that four times already.”

“Attain medical attention, shmatain shmedical… shmattention,” Pinkie waved her off flippantly. “That’s a ridiculous idea.”

“But trying to talk me into using magic for something that might not even work?” Twilight glared at her skeptically. “That makes more sense? Since when –”

“Don’t bother, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash sighed heavily. “Remember who you’re trying to talk sense into.”

“I make perfect sense!” Pinkie held a hoof to her chest, offended. “Look, all I’m saying is that Twi could probably have this problem solved in ten seconds flat.”

“I am not magically stimulating Rainbow Dash so that she can get off!” Twilight shouted angrily.

“Didn’t seem to be too much to ask for Fluttershy,” Spike interjected flatly, causing them all to jump as he entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of morning coffee.

“Spike!” Twilight spluttered, evidently embarrassed. “We’re trying to have a grownup conversation, here.”

“No, hang on,” Pinkie grinned suddenly. “What was all this about Fluttershy?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Twilight blurted quickly, her face reddening. “Fluttershy was just having some difficulty with… muscle tension.”

“In her anus, apparently,” Spike slurped his coffee as he left, plodding from the kitchen as they all watched him go.

Twilight stuttered and tittered nervously, struggling to save face.

“I-I don’t – I, I mean, sometimes the little rascal hears things from library visitors, you know how –”

“I want this moment archived,” Pinkie Pie held up a hoof gravely. “So that all shall know that Pinkie Pie the Predictor totally called it.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak a couple of times, but nothing came out. She narrowed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, focusing.

“Fine,” she said eventually, earning a jubilant cheer from Pinkie Pie. “I’ll help you.”

“See?” Pinkie beamed. “Was that really so hard?”

“Speaking of hard,” Spike called out. “I’m gonna go see Rarity while you animals go dirtying up the place.”

Twilight, flabbergasted, tried to shout something about proper language after him as the front door slammed shut, and muttered grimly to herself.

“He’s… getting… older?” Twilight proffered weakly.

Spike then stuck his head back in through the door, and said “That, and the walls are surprisingly thin.”

“Out!”

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Twilight finished strapping down the clearly nervous Rainbow Dash to the steel gurney, the wires connected to her forehead tingling slightly. Or it could have just been Dash’s imagination. The beeping of the multiple machines slowly spewing out strange graphs and numbers only served to make her feel even more uncomfortable, like a lab specimen.

“Is this really necessary?” Rainbow Dash tensed her muscles and pushed against the tight straps for a few moments, her wings spread beneath her and stretched to their full length.

“Oh, it’s only protocol,” Twilight stated calmly as she inspected a ream of graphs, running a hoof over it and mouthing a few numbers aloud before nodding securely and moving on to the next one.

“Sweet,” Pinkie clapped her hooves together. “I didn’t even think of trying bondage!”

Twilight flushed, even more furiously than Rainbow Dash did.

“Pinkie Pie, cut that out,” Twilight frowned. “This is solely to collect biological data. I’m wondering if perhaps Rainbow Dash’s predicament might be caused by a psychological issue; at least, if we can narrow down the results first, hopefully the preceding inspection will allow for easier to decipher oh for Celestia’s sake!”

Rainbow Dash bit her tongue and let out a low moan as Pinkie Pie spread her lips with both hooves, the fast, cool breath tingling against her slit.

“What?” Pinkie turned with a grin. “I’m inspecting Dashie’s insides.”

“Pinkie!” Twilight sputtered. “That is not –!”

“Twi, come quick!” Pinkie said with an urgent tone. She waved her friend over, a worried look on her face.

“What?” Twilight scrutinized the EKG machine, rhythmically beeping in tune to Rainbow Dash’s slowly increasing heart rate. “What, what is it?”

“No, come here!” Pinkie insisted. “I think I found something really important that you might find interesting!”

Curious, Twilight trotted closer to her friend. Pinkie Pie spread Rainbow Dash a little further, the damp pink flesh glinting quietly in the basement’s lamp light.

“What? Where, what do you see?” Twilight asked inquisitively, furrowing her brows.

“Right here…!” Pinkie pointed out with a mischievous little smile. She poked Rainbow Dash with the tip of her hoof, clearly displaying her button.

“… Pinkie Pie, that’s a clitoris,” the unicorn deadpanned.

“Yeah, I know,” Pinkie Pie nodded sagely. “Ain’t it grand?”

“P-Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash gasped, wriggling beneath her bonds. “S-stop touching that…!”

Twilight blushed bright red as Dash moaned and writhed with Pinkie’s fluid touch, flexing her wings with all her might against the restraints.

“I – so I see,” Twilight mumbled, wondering if she should look away from the lewd sight. She didn’t, of course.

“Well?” Pinkie spread the pegasus a little more widely, nodding expectantly. “Hurry up and use your horn already!”

If Rainbow Dash weren’t too busy holding back a whimper, she would have had a ready retort on impatience and foreplay for Pinkie Pie.

“What!” Twilight exclaimed. “Of all the vulgar…!”

Pinkie paused, staring at Twilight.

“Oh!” she shook her head eventually, grinning. “Pffft. I didn’t mean like that. I meant magic. Now, who’s the vulgar one here?” Pinkie giggled.

Twilight, rather flustered, thought quickly. Before she could respond, Pinkie added thoughtfully “Then again, maybe you should start with that, and try using magic a little… closer to home, if you get my drift.”

“Whatever you do,” Dash sighed. “Just hurry…!”

The agitated pegasus squirmed teasingly in her bindings, her breathing coming faster and faster in anticipation.

“I-I mean, this – well, it’s a bit sudden, what with…” Twilight stuttered.

Between the expectant stare of Pinkie Pie and the lecherous squirming of Rainbow Dash, Twilight finally submitted with a huff and ever so slowly lowered her head before the bound pegasus.

Rainbow Dash gasped when the very tip of Twilight’s horn penetrated her, sliding in smoothly. She tried to buck against her instinctively, but the belts holding her down only allowed her to wiggle pleasurably against her.

Twilight began to pull away from her, only to let out a gasp of her own when Pinkie Pie put a hoof on her head, holding her still.

“Take it slow, bucko,” Pinkie nodded slyly, clambering atop Rainbow Dash and positioning herself above her. “Ease your way into it, and work your unicorn mojo when you think the time is right.”

“It’s not that simple –!” Twilight rebutted, but was cut off by Pinkie’s pleased yelp when Rainbow Dash’s tongue slithered between her thighs. Twilight grumbled, pushing a little deeper into Rainbow Dash.

She felt the pegasus tightening around her horn hotly, her sticky walls almost pulling her in. Twilight bit her lip, allowing herself a soft moan as the pressure around her horn grew. It tingled along down her back, and it wasn’t long before Twilight was rubbing softly between her own legs with one hoof, using the other against the gurney for balance.

Twilight’s head rose up and down, gently bobbing against Rainbow Dash as her horn thrust against her a little deeper. Pinkie breathed shakily, bouncing softly on Dash’s jaw as the pegasus’s tongue explored her crevice greedily.

It took Twilight a full beat to remember just what she was supposed to be doing, and shook herself.

Rainbow Dash yelped with the motion and cried out, only to be muffled by Pinkie’s slow humping. The beeping signaling Dash’s heart rate skyrocketed as Twilight ever so slowly began removing her horn, sliding it along her slot tenderly as she began allowing magic to ooze into her horn. A trickle of Rainbow Dash’s juices were still on her horn, and fell to the gurney with a profane little spatter.

Dash writhed in pleasure and suspense as a bizarre sensation tingled into her, and she shivered while gasping for breath beneath the moaning pink mare. Pinkie tensed atop her just as she did so, a jittering stream wetting Dash’s chin as she hastily licked her.

Of course, Pinkie’s perverse scream of ecstasy as she arched her spine swiftly turned to one of shock when Rainbow Dash unexpectedly bit down.

In her defense, Dash probably wouldn’t have done so if the sudden emergence of a new, fleshy member hadn’t sprouted up from the place where her clit had just been.

“Whoa!” Twilight lurched backwards, pulling swiftly out of Rainbow Dash and staring it surprise at the throbbing pink member.

Rainbow Dash struggled violently against the bonds, desperate but unable to see past Pinkie’s thighs.

“Dashie, what the he- oh, sweet mother of Celestia,” Pinkie Pie breathed, her eyes widening noticeably.

Twilight quickly exterminated the violet light atop her horn, gawking.

“What’s happening?” Dash wriggled, the bobbing stallionhood twitching as she did so. “I-I feel funny! Twi, what did you do?”

“I-I’m sorry!” Twilight wailed. “I don’t -!”

“Sorry?” Pinkie uttered incredulously with a growing grin. “For what?”

“What is going on down there?” Dash demanded, going largely ignored.

“I didn’t know that would happen!” Twilight admitted, peering closely at the trembling, healthily sized and erect member.

“Didn’t know WHAT would happen?!”

Pinkie Pie slowly removed herself from the anxious pegasus, allowing Dash to get a good look at the unexpectedly large penis winking back at her.

“… Pinkie Pie, what the actual fuck.”

“Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow,” Pinkie breathed in excitement repeatedly, nearly prancing in place.

“No, not wow!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed in panic. “This-this feels weird!”

Twilight struggled to find her voice, but honestly didn’t have any kind of response to the situation.

“How come you never told me you could do that, Twi?” Pinkie asked eagerly.

“I didn’t initiate even a basic transformation spell,” Twilight said nervously. “I think that this is the result of ambient magical discharge…!”

Pinkie paused for a moment, and asked “Wait, does that mean that… you came inside Rainbow Dash?”

Twilight flushed, meeting the horribly awkward stare of the startled pegasus.

“Er… tech…nically…?” Twilight acknowledged uncomfortably.

“Holy crap, you did!” Pinkie squealed. “You came inside Rainbow Dash and made a ginormous, throbbing dick-foal!”

“Please don’t call it that,” Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed again, a little disturbed.

“I don’t care what you call it,” Rainbow Dash couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of the one-eyed monster swaying between her legs. “Just get rid of it, quick!”

“Aww,” Pinkie’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. “You shall be missed, ginormous, throbbing dick-foal. Gone too soon,” she sniffed and wiped her eyes.

Twilight rolled her eyes, and carefully attempted a magical reversal on the addition of flesh to Rainbow Dash. A purple, tickling heat swarmed over Dash’s schlong, causing it to jerk wildly. Dash moaned as it did so, thrusting into the air.

“Twi, I thought you were going to take it off, not get her off!” Pinkie pointed out.

“I’m not trying to masturbate Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said angrily, giving another little magical tug on the meat stick and making Dash cry out with pleasure again. “It’s… it’s not dissipating…!”

“Huh,” Pinkie gave the penis a small flick, and winked at the pegasus. “Weird.”

Twilight released her magical hold, and Rainbow Dash fell back against the gurney gasping for breath as sweat rolled across her brow. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth as she twitched, her tip beginning to collect an oozy white substance.

“I don’t know why it won’t come off…” Twilight theorized, pacing back and forth as she lost herself in thought. “Although I suspect that it could be because the… thing was created via unconstrained ambient magical energy, it could possibly have collected it to a single focal point…”

“I-I don’t know what that means,” Dash confessed with a raspy voice.

“It means,” Twilight clarified. “That –”

“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie’s hoof darted into the air and waved wildly about. “I know, I know!”

“You do?” Twilight blinked.

“Yeah!” she nodded enthusiastically. “We’ve got to jerk her off until she ejaculates magic and rainbows!”

Twilight stared at Pinkie for a full beat, but shrugged.

“That’s, er… not exactly what I was going to say,” she said slowly.

“I’m already on it!” Pinkie stated cheerfully, and she did mean that quite literally. Pinkie skimmed over Dash’s tip with her tongue while motioning for Twilight to come closer, and the pegasus felt a strange heat rising through her chest as she did so.

“P-Pinkie Pie,” Dash spluttered. “Ha-hang on…!”

“To what?” Pinkie asked with a crafty chuckle, and nodded to Twilight.

“… Oh, you have got to be joking,” Twilight cringed.

“Come on, Twi!” Pinkie said ardently. “Time to take care of your ginormous, throbbing dick-foal.”

Pinkie signaled for her to climb atop the embarrassed pegasus, and Twilight clambered over her. Twilight’s hips shuddered in apprehension when Pinkie positioned the twitching length directly beneath her hole. She could feel it shivering just beneath her, quivering against her eagerly.

Twilight brushed a lock of purple mane from her face, and met Rainbow Dash’s eyes momentarily.

“I-I can fix this,” Twilight promised her, but Rainbow Dash had gained an odd, glazed look in her magenta eyes.

“It feels… so weird, Twilight,” Dash whispered breathily, still squirming. “But… good. It’s… so weird…”

“Repeating yourself due to physiological OH LUNA’S CRATERS!”

Pinkie Pie pushed down on Twilight in the middle of her sentence, the long pink stallionhood jamming straight into her.

Twilight, along with Dash, gasped in pain, surprise and pleasure as her deepest recesses were touched in one fell swoop, and she strained to keep in one position. She locked her joints, barely keeping from falling onto Rainbow Dash.

“Now we’ve got ourselves a party!” Pinkie cackled, hooves on Twilight’s hips as she helped her slowly rise up and down atop Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash grunted with a lopsided grin, the tension intensifying as she thrust into Twilight. The unicorn moaned from the motion, twisting and fidgeting like a worm on a hook as her breaths came out in heavy pants. Pinkie slowly ran her tongue over Dash’s new member, gliding up and down until she reached Twilight’s wet opening and making her cry even more loudly as she climaxed in delight.

Dash’s large grin eventually faded to a blank expression, which eventually turned to a look of agony as sweat beaded on her brow.

“Ah – Twi – owah! – Twilight, stop!” Rainbow Dash pleaded. “Pi- ooh! – Pinkie, Twi! It hurts! Wait, don't stop! I mean, It hurts, it hurts so muaaaaaaaaaah!”

One of the bands holding Rainbow Dash down snapped, and her hoof darted out and snagged Twilight around the back and pulled her to her chest. Twilight lurched in surprise as Rainbow plunged into her again and again like a cerulean piston, her shouts filling the air.

“Whoo-hoo!” Pinkie Pie cheered. “Go, ginormous, throbbing dick-foal! Stuff that velvety sausage wallet, go, go, go!”

“Ah!” Twilight shrieked, reaching her peak once more. She froze in position as her mane nearly stood on end, a shaky stream leaking from between her legs and down Rainbow Dash.

Dash, however, didn’t even so much as slow down.

“I – can’t – seem to – hnng – stop!” Rainbow Dash rumbled in pain, her length stabbing Twilight sloppily over and over.

“Don’t! No, please no!” Twilight panted, falling against Dash, a bit of drool leaking from her tongue as she grinned madly. “Don’t stop, don’t stop! Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

Pinkie Pie began unbuckling the violently thrusting Rainbow Dash, allowing her to properly grip Twilight with both hooves while she flexed her wings. Pinkie was relatively excited, eagerly awaiting her own turn.

Except that Dash kept going…

And going…

And going…

By the time Twilight had reached her umpteenth climax, she fell from Dash with a clatter to the gurney, gasping for breath. Rainbow Dash only arched her back in anguish, her still throbbing length piercing the air.

“It hurts!” she pleaded. “Oh, Celestia, it hurts so much!”

“You mean, you still aren’t cumming?” Pinkie asked in amazement.

“No!” Dash gripped the gurney. “It’s so hard that it hurts! It won’t go down!”

Of course, Pinkie was halfway atop her before the violet glow dribbling from the tip of the stallionhood shined brightly, and the member blinked from existence.

Pinkie met thin air, and she huffed in disappointment. She settled for snuggling beside Rainbow Dash, Twilight on Dash’s opposite side.

It was a surprisingly large gurney.

“Oh, finally,” Rainbow Dash sighed, dropping in exhaustion and discontent to the gurney beside the nearly unconscious unicorn.

“I-I’m so sorry, Dash,” Twilight breathed into her ear miserably. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head weakly, putting a foreleg over Twilight.

“It’s okay, Twi,” she replied with a feeble grin. “That… still felt really good. Weird,” Dash admitted. “But pretty good. Not something I’d like to try twice, though. Kind of like blue cheese.”

Twilight snorted softly, allowing Dash to pull her a little closer.

“Yeah, Twilight,” Pinkie threw her hoof over both of them, snuggling more warmly behind Rainbow Dash. “You did try your hardest. That’s all you can really ask a friend to do.”

The unicorn paused for a moment, thinking.

“So…” she started half-heartedly. “Anypony up for round two?”

Twilight could only grin when her only response was a soft thump to the back of the head as the others giggled.

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