Author's Note

I guess I'm back...

Anyways, getting away from the first person perspective. It's hard to write and I don't like the way it feels.

Chapter 12- Little Green Bag

Chapter 12 –Little Green Bag

Luna had just ended Night Court and was taking a flight around the palace to relieve some of the stress of all the nobles petitioning her to side with their selfish ideals. It was rather taxing on the night princess, so she enjoyed a night flight in the cool air to unwind.

What was particularly upsetting tonight, though, was that many nobles were having the same complaints. They were all accusing each of other of stealing property from each other.

In this case, all of the nobles were reporting their human children and some of the mothers as stolen from them.

So Luna did what any authority figure would do and dispatched an officer to look into the disappearances.

“Surely they have simply not found their property from the ensuing chaos from the aftermath of the Changeling invasion,” Luna mused to herself, wondering where the humans could have gotten off to and why no pony had reported any sightings of wandering humans.

As she was unwinding during her flight, she noticed the ambassadorial wing with a single light on. I wonder what the human is doing up at this hour. He does not strike me as being nocturnal , she thought to herself as she landed on the balcony before entering the main room.

Before her was the human sergeant clad in just his undergarments doing what appeared to be callisthenic exercises.

She just stared at his scarred yet toned body, a far cry from the physical condition of humans native to Equus. Luna was enamored at the musculature moving underneath the skin covering as he carried out his exercises, she realized she was gawking when she heard something.

“Can I help you princess?” he asked as he realized he had an audience

Luna recomposed herself before responding, “I was merely curious why the lights where aflame. Now I see why thou art awake at this hour.”

“I think you just wanted to see me in my skivvies,” he snarkily replied as he finished up his round of exercises.

“Your… what?” Luna said perplexed, not understanding Terran slang before Dietrich clarified that ‘skivvies’ was slang in certain Terran space for underwear. “So you wear clothes under your clothes? I understand why humans need clothing as they lack of fur to protect them from the elements, but forgive my lack of understanding for the necessity of clothes under clothes.”

As the Terran was gathering up what appeared to be parts of his uniform, he answered, “The underwear is intended to keep our skin from being rubbed raw by certain styles of clothing. And before you ask, the clothing in question here is purpose built to be tough and protective. It chafes like a motherfucker when it’s wet too.”

Luna watched as Dietrich finished gathering his belongings as he made his way to the bathroom to presumably wash up. Just before he entered she called out, “My sister would like to meet with you early this morning over breakfast, and she has things she wouldst very much like to discuss with thee. I’ll have one of my guards escort you there in due time.”

The sergeant made an affirmative nod before turning back around and closing the door to begin cleaning himself. Upon looking at the shower he thought to himself, “well fuck, that’s a short ass shower.”

After a few minutes of stepping out of the shower while in the process of putting his uniform back on he heard three rapid knocks on the door.

“Must be the guard,” he muttered to himself before calling out, “I’ll be there in just a sec.” Upon finishing up the lacing on his boots he stood up and walked to the door and cracked it open while having a hand resting on his revolver and opened the door the rest of the way when the guard introduced himself as Night Watch.

“So… you have bat wings, the fuck is up with that?” the sergeant said while poking and prodding at the wings while the guard was escorting him to one of Celestia’s small private dining halls.

“You’re a quiet fucker, you know that?” the human said, trying to get a rise out of the stoic Lunar guard.

“Y’all are far better disciplined than them day guard bitches, I’ll give you that one for sure.” And Dietrich briefly saw a slight hint of smile on the muzzle of Night Watch before something caught his attention.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dietrich noticed one of the maids had stopped cleaning, her mouth was ajar, and her face was warming with a blush. He’d have to ask Celestia about that later.

Suddenly the guard stopped and snapped his wing back to his side, “We are here, and you may enter.” And he thusly trotted off leaving the Terran staring at the door.

“Well then,” he said before barging in and seeing Celestia sitting on the far end of a long table with a large spread of fruit and pastries in front of her. “I heard you wanted to discuss some things with me. And pray tell what would those things be?” he said as he sat down looking over the pastries before grabbing what appeared to be a Danish with cream cheese filling.

Celestia set the pastry she was currently munching on and wiped her muzzle before answering, “That is indeed correct, I am to assume Luna has not yet told you any details of what I would like to discuss?”

“That would be correct, I wasn’t told shit.”

“Well then, I suppose you would like your belongings back?”

“No shit.” Dietrich snarked while looking over some strawberries.

“I will Captain Shining Armor escort you to the arms room they are locked away in and he will assign some guards to help you carry the items to your suite.” Celestia politely said while magicking a banana towards her plate and pouring herself some more water. “I don’t suppose you would allow an exchange perhaps?”

Dietrich cocked an eyebrow at this proposition. “I’d like to think you’re joking, but I can see that you ain’t. I shouldn’t need to tell you, but the governing body who has willfully employed me would be none too happy that I freely gave an unallied race unfettered access to its tech.”

Celestia hid her emotions well since she was highly interesting in the possibilities that the tech represents and the ideas that could be gleaned from it. While not having the tech base to replicate the technology on an industrial level, she was sure she could manage a cottage industry that substituted the high level tech with magic.

She was beginning to grow concerned with the state of defense of her nation. She had been receiving reports of unrest and violence along the border to the north and not even a month has passed since the Changelings nearly usurped her throne.

Celestia was snapped out of her internal musings by the Terran sitting across from her, “Surely this ain’t all you wanted to talk about.”

“Indeed it is not. I seem to recall you claiming to have been aboard what you called a ‘spaceship’ before finding yourself on our beloved planet.”

“This is correct,” he stated without looking up from his breakfast.

“Then I would assume you would be excited to know I have reports of what appears to be a giant metallic object that appears to have crashed in one of my northern provinces. They claim is has what appears to be ‘RTS Lady Antebellum’ scrolled on the side.”

“Well fuck…”

Celestia was surprised at his outburst, “why, is there a problem? The letters even detail the ship is in surprisingly good condition for having fallen from the skies.”

“Yeah, well that’s the fucking problem. That means I have to go there and do things with and to it. How far is the nearest settlement to it?”

“Oh, I’d say no more than a hundred miles. Why do you ask?” Celestia said after wiping her muzzle off and setting her silverware down before moving empty dishes to a cart on the side wall. She noticed Dietrich was looking in the air and mouthing, ‘divide one hundred by five, now multiply that by eight, and we get 160…’

“Shit, 160 klicks… that’s cutting it fucking close…” he said as he exhaled.

“I’m assuming that is a relief?” the princess asked.

“Yeah, y’all are far enough from it to keep from getting hurt. Annnnnnywaaays… you got anything else or can I go hunt down the Captain to get the rest of my shit?” he asked.

“Actually there is one more thing, sergeant. I’d like you to know the other three Terrans are conscious and undergoing some basic tests to make sure they are alright.” She began giggling before continuing, “They were far less anxious to leave than you were.”

Dietrich looked at her like he wanted to say something but then shook his head and asked, “Well, when they’re good to go, can you send them to me? I need to debrief them.”

“I will, Dietrich.”

At that, the human got up and left following a guard Celestia had set aside to take the Terran to the Captain. But Celestia had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t forthcoming with all his information on that ship judging by the vast amount of body signals he was sending that he was nervous about that ship.

She decided she would consult her sister about it and called for the maids to finish cleaning the dining hall before getting up to head to her Day Court.

“Shoot. I forgot to ask Celestia about that maid…” Dietrich said to his guard, which happened to be May Weather.

“About what maid?”

“This morning I was greeted by some dude with bat wings, and I was pestering him trying to get him to crack and was fucking with his wings like this,” he said while grabbing May’s wing and mimicking what he did earlier that morning with the stallion’s bat wings.

May sighed, “Oh boy… you are pretty clueless…”

Dietrich blanched upon realization of what he did and was currently doing to May and promptly released her wing, “So I molested that guy this morning. Awkward.”

May began giggling nearly uncontrollably before a voice cut across her, “Private! Care to explain why you are currently acting unprofessional?”

“N-no sir!” she belted out as she snapped to attention.

The Captain exited the arms room and began to size the young private up. “Do I need to assign you additional drills for you lack of discipline and professionalism?”

“No sir!”

“Looks like Captain Dick-in-his-Ass is on deck now.” The Terran said to no one in particular as he rolled his eyes.

Shining bristled at this, “Is there something you want to say to me sergeant!”

“I don’t know how your planet does shit, but I ain’t in your chain of command. As per Paragraph 32, Article 8 of Army Regulation 500-9 I am under no circumstances to take orders from foreign leadership unless told to do so explicitly by my own command. And since Captain Musgrove ain’t here to tell me to listen to your ass, I ain’t gonna listen to your ass.”

Shining began to grind his teeth at the impudence on display from a lowly sergeant. To make matters worse the human began to rub it in, “I’m just following orders, I’m sure you can relate to that.”

The human promptly winked, clicked his tongue, snapped his fingers and pointed them at the Captain before brushing past the infuriated officer on his way into the arms room.

“So where all my shit at, Cap?” Dietrich called out from inside the arms room snapping Shining Armor out of his enraged stupor.

“It’s in the room on the right.” He called out, turning to May Weather and two adjacent guards he then commanded, “You three will help him move his things. Sergeant Caper, you’re responsible for carrying anything the human is incapable of moving himself, you’re in charge until I come back.”

When Private May Weather, Private Oakenshod, and Sergeant Caper entered the arms room they saw the Terran was crawling inside one of the items he referred to an ‘orbital entry pod’ or ‘rocket coffin’ pulling items out of compartments that Caper never even knew were there when he inspected the pods earlier in the week after they were recovered.

They noticed the human was separating things into multiple piles. Caper decided to speak up, “Excuse me sergeant. But may I ask what it is that you are doing exactly?”

“Oh, I’m separating things out: one pile for the shit I’m keeping, one pile for the shit that’s broke, and one pile for the shit I ain’t keeping.” He said, making a motion with his hands towards each pile. “Once I get everything sorted into one of those three piles, I’m going to go through the broken shit and see what I can fix that’s worth keeping.”

“What do you plan to do with the stuff you’re not keeping?” May Weather asked, taking a look inside one the gutted pods.

“Dispose of it” Dietrich said while fidgeting with something he pulled out of box from inside the last pod before tossing it into the discard pile.

“How do you plan to do that?” she said as she picked up the small item he just discarded. “And what is this thing?”

“Oh, that’s gonna be the fun part! I’ll show y’all! But we’re going to need to take it outside the city or at least somewhere with a lot of space. And that thing is just a busted radio handset.”

After hours of watching the Terran sort items and repair broken items, all the items were sorted into two piles finally. “Alright boys and girls, let’s get the keepers to my suite then we can come back to take out the trash.”

“Can we not dispose of the items for you?” the guard sergeant asked.

“Nope. SOP, bro.”

The guards all cocked and eyebrow and looked at each other quizzically before looking at the Terran and asking in unison, “SOP?”

“Standard operating procedures, the rules dictating the things that tells us to do the things.” Dietrich said nonchalantly.

“Alright, we’re here we can just dump this shit in the main bedroom and go back to get the rest and junk it. Oh, you think Celestia might want to see this?”

“Private Weather.”

“Yes, Sergeant?”

“Go notify the princess that we are taking the Terran to the drill field outside the castle proper to dispose of his items.”

“Yes Sergeant.” And away May went.

Celestia was lazily flying towards the drill field with Private Weather in tow enjoying the day before she needed to set the sun, she also sent a letter to Luna in hopes Luna would meet them there at the field to help try to convince the human to let them keep the items he does not want.

On approach she noticed her sister was already there and standing beside the Terran as he was fidgeting with what appeared to be wires of some kind. She could overhear her sister pleading with Dietrich to let the nation of Equestria keep the items. Eventually he capitulated, reached inside one of the pods, pulled out a small metallic dome in painted in green, and tossed it to the Princess of the night before also tossing what appeared to be a tripod to her as well.

“Fucking A, it should be illegal to use those eyes and pout of yours.” Dietrich said off-handed while fiddling with the wiring from earlier and a small device in his hand. “Alright y’all, follow me.”

“Ah, Dietrich, I was wondering if perchance I could possibly convince you to no dispose of these items.” Celestia said, making a gesture toward the objects in question.

“Too late for that now, princess, but I’ll make sure to give you something” he said, digging another item out of a pile and tossing it to her.

Celestia rolled the object over in her magic and viewed the small green and black box from all angles before tucking it under a wing. “So, Luna, has he explained exactly how he plans to dispose of his unwanted objects? I feel it would be easier to let a unicorn simply crush it.”

Luna spoke up, “Nay dear sister, he keeps simply saying ‘y’all gon see’.”

Celestia chuckled at her sister’s mockery of Dietrich’s drawl.

Dietrich had laid down on his belly and was wearing some of his armor and his helmet without the red eye that gave the helmet an ominous appearance, he looked at them and said, “Y’all might wanna mimic me and get down. This is gonna be a doozy…”

With that, Luna, Celestia, and the three guards all got beside the Terran soldier on their bellies and looked towards the human as he flipped a red cover up on the small device he was holding to reveal a small button as he simultaneously yelled at the top of his lungs, “FIRE IN THE HOLE!”

Suddenly the ground shook as a shockwave was generated by the deep, thunderous explosion of large amounts of high explosives detonating. Everyone present could feel the concussive forces in their chest as the air was sucked out of their lungs.

The ponies’ hair along their back was standing erect, their wings were in full display if they had them, and their eyes were as large as dinner plates. The Terran was laughing his ass off at them as dirt, debris, and smoke began to settle and everyone’s hearing began to come back after the ear ringing blast that just demolished loads of human tech, sending it into the sky in small, burnt, twisted pieces.

“Holy shit! You should see yourselves! Oh man… that was great…”

“Sergeant Steiner, some form of warning would have been appreciated.” Luna chastised.

Once the human was done catching his breath from laughter, he spoke up, “I’ll show you two how to work those devices I gave you as a form of recompense. Come now, I’ll show you first Celestia so you can ‘go lower the sun’.” Dietrich postulated, using his fingers as air quotes.

Celestia promptly proffered the item and passed it towards Dietrich, who began to esplain what it was, “Okay, Celestia, this is a strobe. It’s a distress marker essentially and has three modes of operation: visible light spectrum, infrared light spectrum, and high frequency radio wave pulses. There is a switch on the side to select each method of operation.” He rolled it over in his hands to indicate the switch. “If you pop this over, you’ll reveal the LED for the visible light.” As he demonstrated, a bright light began to pulse, “And if you pull this up, you can direct who sees the pulse.” Again, demonstrating the device by sliding a tube up over the light limiting who can see the strobe.

He then flipped the switch to the IR setting, and began to explain it further, “The infrared setting, or IR setting, is pretty worthless to y’all since you lack the equipment to see into the IR light spectrum.” Before he could continue, Luna interrupted him.

“Please turn this IR setting off; it gives me a blinding headache. I can see it very well thank you.” Dietrich simply whistled, turned it off, and stated, “Well I’ll be damned… Celestia, can you also see it?”

“I cannot, it seems my sister possess better vision than I.”

“Well, anyways, I know the third setting is worthless because it pulses a radio wave that is picked up by Terran equipment and then used to triangulate the location of the device and I doubt you’d have need of that.” Dietrich handed the device back over to Celestia who then took it from him using her magic, “Oh, and it has batteries that need to be recharged after a few hours of use, so to do that just let it sit in the sun a for a bit.”

Celestia took the device and tucked it under her wing, “I thank you for this, and it is a neat device nonetheless. But alas, I must get going, I have a sun to lower.” And with that, she took up with a powerful flap of her wings.

Dietrich looked over to the Lunar Princess who was looking over her gift, so to say, attempting to make heads or tails of it. She eyed the few dents in the metallic dome with a forlorn look and Dietrich saw this.

“Don’t worry princess, I gave you something I’ve always enjoyed playing with and was mine personally.” He took the device from her and set it on the ground and took the tripod from beside her and opened it and set it up.

“This device is an aiming circle. It acts as a far more precise compass and is used in my military for very precise applications regarding azimuths.” He said as he unlatched the dome from the base after attaching the dome from the tripod, revealing a very intricate device with various knobs, dials, and eyepieces.

He began to go into explanation of what the device was, how to set it up, and how to use it. He had Luna set it up herself from start to finish a few times before he was satisfied she had a full grasp of how to do it herself.

From there, it was time for her to depart to raise the moon. She gave her goodbyes before following her sister’s example and taking off with a powerful flap of her wings.

Once she was gone, Dietrich looked over to the three guards and said, “Y’all hungry? Let’s go get some dinner.”

May Weather facehooved.