The Chapter in Which Sex Doesn't Happen at All
Vinyl and Octavia Fail to Have Sex
"So, ready to be fucked silly?"
Octavia sighed, watching her marefriend wiggle her brow from the large Princess-sized bed. Why do we even call it 'Princess-sized'? the cellist wondered as she neared the white unicorn mare in sexy lingerie. It's not like the Princesses are that big... Maybe they just sleep together, that's why... The mare banished the sexy incestous blasphemy to the Moon immediately. "Vinyl, when I said that I wanted foreplay, I meant it."
"Come on, Tavi!" Vinyl moaned, rolling on the bed, grabbing the sheets in sheer longing. "I want you to lick me, not smooth-talk me!" The DJ pondered for a moment. "I did do the whole foreplay thing when we started dating, remember?" Come on, Octy, you're a smart one. Lick me here, lick me there, lick me every- everywhere~ Suddenly, Vinyl realised she had an idea for a new song. I must record it. Straight after our sexy times.
"Vinyl, we haven't made love in three months." Octavia took a step towards her marefriend. "I want it to be spectacular."
Vinyl groaned, getting up from the bed. "Taaavi. You said it. Three months. That's why I want to fuck you right now!" Another step from the white mare. "You know..." Vinyl winked slyly as she reached her cellist and embraced her in a tender hug. "Stick my little skilful tongue in your longing cunt, perhaps?" The DJ started planting small kisses all along Octavia's neck. Lick me here, lick me there~ Unts unts~ No. She could not allow her sexy times be interrupted by a new melody taking shape in her mind. "Or maybe stick a huge rough dildo in your ass while I clop your clit like there's no tomorrow?" Octavia began to moan as Vinyl lowered her kisses to the mare's belly, having pinned her telekinetically to their bed. "Come on, Octy, I know you want it."
"Y-yes..." Octavia managed. Foreplay can wait. Oh~! The cellist let out an elongated moan as her marefriend's hoof found its way to her inner folds. Months of abstaining had done wonders: she was already wet and ready to go. Eager to contribute, Octavia grabbed Vinyl's head in her hooves and dragged her into a passionate kiss, slipping her tongue into the unicorn's mouth. In a moment, Vinyl was battling her mare's tongue for dominance in the foreign territory of Octavia's mouth, feeling the heat in her little Vinyl rising. I need to reconsider the way I call my vagina, she mused fleetingly before succumbing to the erotic kiss. Lick me lick me drrrrrop it! The tune was surfacing in her mind. Unf. I have to record it. Right after sex. Now, concentrate on sex, brain.
Alas, Vinyl's brain was a terribly disobedient organ, contrary to her tongue, which carried on with sucking on Octavia's lips eagerly: the tune did not want to leave her mind. Vinyl rolled over obediently as Octavia decided to take the lead, something that she did so rarely. The cellist broke the kiss and, with a sly grin, proceeded to plant a path of kisses down Vinyl's neck, and her chest, and her belly, and finally-
The doorbell rang.
Octavia stopped abruptly, her breath falling on Vinyl's inner folds, instensifying the mares' mutual longing. The prim and polite part of Octavia told her to open the door. The wiser part of Octavia told her to sniff in Vinyl's pussy and lick it till it's dry as fuck. For once, the cellist decided to follow the wiser part of herself.
Vinyl let out a scream as her pussy was touched by her marefriend's tongue, for the first time in months. This is... so good.
The doorbell rang once more. And again, immediately upon.
For a moment, Octavia hesitated, but then dived into Vinyl's pussy once more with relish and fervour. The DJ continued to moan in sheer delight.
Another ring from the doorbell was accompanied by a rhythmic hoofbeat on the surface of the wooden door.
With a hiss, Octavia jerked up from the bed and trotted towards the door. If it was somepony other that Princess Celestia, she would buck them in the face. Hard. If it is Princess Celestia, though? ...She would bow to her and greet her in a polite manner. And then buck her in the face. Yes. The cellist nodded to herself. Sounds like a plan. Octavia opened the door resolutely.
In the doorway stood a grinning, pracing, cheerful mint unicorn mare, their oh-so-familiar neighbour. Octavia exhaled. "Lyra."
"Hi, Octavia!" the mint mare greeted her neighbour. "Bonnie and I were thinking of going to see the Even More Dicks in the Box - 5, and-" Suddenly, Lyra sniffed the air cautiously. "Oh. Um. You..." Octavia nodded angrily. "You were totally having sex after all those weeks on tour and I totally interrupted you right in the middle of it?" Octavia nodded again, cracking her hooves. Lyra grinned widely. "Awesome."
The door had never been slammed so hard.
***
Vinyl clicked CTRL+S in satisfaction. The ground of the beat had been laid, and she could work on the synths now. Lick me here, lick me there~
"Vinyl?"
Oh shi-
Octavia entered the room swiftly, her nostrils flaring, her eyes irritated to no avail. Vinyl gulped. Perharps it was a bad idea to ditch sexy times for a song recording... Octavia took a small, almost imperceptible step forth. But then again, it was Octy who went away to open the door...
Octavia took another step, now standing face to face with her marefriend, her eyes juggling fire daggers ready to be thrown at the DJ. "Vincenza Madeline Staccato." Vinyl's eyes widened in fear. If Octavia was using her full name, shit was brewing at quite heated temperatures. "What is the meaning of this."
"Octy, I can explain!" Vinyl used Pleading Eyes. It didn't seem to be very effective. "Tavi, please don't kill me!" Vinyl pondered for a moment. "Unless you want to rut me to death. Because that's fine with-"
"Why is your tongue talking nonsense instead of licking my pussy?" Octavia demanded, taking a glance at the computer screen. "And why are you making music here instead of making music with me?!"
Vinyl shut her eyes. "Tavi, please! Thing is, I really really really need to make this song or it gets stuck in my head and I can't have sex with you till I record it and that's awful!"
A minute of silence.
Finally, Vinyl opened her eyes. She was still alive, and that was definitely a good sign. Octavia was still standing in the same spot, shedding anger. She was no longer radiating fury, though, Vinyl observed. That was a good sign too.
"I give you five minutes, Vinyl." Octavia tapped her hoof against the floor. "Five minutes to wrap it up and return to the bedroom. I will have sex with you today, because I'm tired of having sex with my right hoof!"
Vinyl chucked sheepishly. "Well, you could have sex with your left hoof till I return?"
Rewarding her marefriend with a well-estimated smack on the head, Octavia walked out of the room.
***
Octavia stared at the wall.
Her initial plan of reading a book to calm down had failed, given that the titles she had been able to find on the bookshelf were Doctor Whooves and the Virgin Licker, How I Fucked Your Sister: a Thriller, Licking Pussies 101 and An Inquiry into the Heat of Pussies, by Adam Smut. Definitely not the kind of literature for winding down. If this calamity of a mare does not return this instant...
Finally, Vinyl emerged from the doorway, trotting into the room cheerfully, a completed project granting her satisfaction and vigour. The white mare stopped before her marefriend and put on her shades. "I have come here to chew bubblegum and lick cunt. And I'm all outta bubblegum."
The claim was met with grave silence from the grey mare.
Vinyl pouted. "Come on, Tavi, that's a joke! After all, I have come..." She grinned, taking off the shades. "To make you cum."
Octavia didn't even facehoof. She just stared at her mare evenly. "Vinyl. Every time you commit a pun, Celestia kills a kitten." Vinyl blinked. Why would the princess- "What is worse, you are killing the mood."
Vinyl winced. "Okay, okay! Sheesh. We have had a little sex already - why are you so frustrated?"
Octavia's eye twitched dangerously. "We'll have had sex when I've had at least three orgasms! And I'm frustrated because I was the one pleasuring you." The cellist winced, shifting her legs uncomfortably on the bed. "My pussy is on fire!"
"Well, I think I can put it out." With that, Vinyl rushed at her mare, pinning her to the bed, burying her muzzle in the cellist's pussy. Mmm. To put it out, I need to put it in. Hue hue hue. And indeed, the DJ put her tongue right where it should be, where it belonged as a native citizen - along with her hooves that had a right of abode in Octavia's pussy, and Sir Morning Glory the Dildo, who had a five-year visa.
The phone rang, drowned out by a sharp shriek from Octavia, who grabbed Vinyl's head roughly and held it in place. No you don't!
The phone kept ringing. Vinyl kept working her tongue on her mare diligently, unperturbed by the sound. Only then did Octavia realise that it was her mobile phone ringing. Uh... She didn't want to answer. I probably need to... After all, only a few select ponies were gifted with the knowledge of her phone number.
With a sigh, Octavia released Vinyl's spiky mane and rolled over, picking up the phone. Vinyl eyed her with disappointment. "Yes?"
After a few seconds of silence, Octavia threw the phone against the wall in what seemed to Vinyl a frighteningly calm manner, reminding her of the time she burned her iPone in a fireplace. Good times. "It's the conductor," Octavia said finally. "He says it's an emergency."
"But it's your day off!" Vinyl protested.
"I know, honey." Octavia sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes. "But it's my job. I have to go."
Vinyl gazed at her mare lovingly and a little sadly. "Tavi, your job has kept you from me for three months."
"I know." Octavia winced, getting up. "I know. I'll be back soon."
***
Vinyl had almost finished reading her copy of Cellists and You: a Guide to Plucking Their Strings - a very informative book indeed that may or may not have given her some ideas regarding a rope, five cellos, a subwoofer, and her marefriend - when the door clicked open and Octavia trotted in wearily.
To the DJ's relief, the grey mare was smiling. Vinyl closed the book, hiding it under the pillow. Just in case. "So, babe? I take it you solved the emergency?"
Octavia shrugged a little more nonchalantly than ever. "The 'emergency' was the conductor arranging a tour across Zebrica, four full months." Vinyl's ears dropped. Four... months? ...Without my Tavi? But of course... That was her job. Vinyl was on the verge of crying. Octavia just smiled. "So, naturally, I told him to fuck himself and quit immediately."
Vinyl blinked. "What?"
"I quit, honey." Octavia inched closer and pecked her DJ on the lips. "I can't stand being divided with you any more. Besides, we have enough money to last a lifetime, and I don't really feel like bringing up any foals."
Vinyl shivered. Eww. Foals. "Tavi, that's... That's amazing news!" The DJ rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "You know what? I think Lick me Tender, Lick me Sweet will be my last single. I'm retiring from the scene too."
Octavia gasped. "Vinyl, you don't have to!"
The DJ silenced her mare with a kiss on the lips. "I want to. Besides..." She smirked. "We do have shitloads of money, don't we?"
"Well..." Octavia smiled enigmatically. "A little less than we used to, that's for sure."
"What do you mean?" Vinyl raised her brow when a realisation suddenly dawned upon her. "Oh! You bought that fur coat you've always wanted!"
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I won't need it..." Octavia held a tiny pause. "In Los Pegasus."
Vinyl's mouth fell agape as she realised the implication. "You can't mean-"
"I bought a flat for us in Los Pegasus." Octavia smiled warmly. "A new flat in a new city. No Lyras. No Bon-Bons. No conductors. No agents. Just the two of us." Octavia's hot breath fell on the white ear. "The two of us, having hot, kinky, fervent sex."
Vinyl didn't need to be asked twice.
***
Unpacking the bags wasn't as easy as packing them, surprisingly.
Vinyl had packed the bags in eight seconds flat, in hopes of a swift train ride and a good rutting. However, the ride had not been all that swift. In fact, only the remains of public decency that Vinyl still had (and probably the law) prevented her from rutting the hell out of Octavia, who had been shifting in her seat all the way, her pussy uncomfortably clenching to the daydreams of a certain DJ licking it with a certain tongue and stuffing it with a certain toy, of which Vinyl, the ever-sadistic mare, had not failed to inform Octavia on the way to Los Pegasus.
Now that they had found their flat and entered it, without casting so much as a second look around it, save for the wide corridor and a simple bedroom with a spacious bed - not that they needed anything else right now - Vinyl had difficulty with finding what she was looking for while Octavia danced a little dance of passion nearby. "Viiiiinyl~" the grey mare moaned. "Hurry up! Pleeease!"
Her marefriend's moans didn't do any good to the DJ's own pussy, longing and desperate. Finally, she extracted the item she'd been seaching for so long. "Here! Sir Morning Glory!"
Octavia grabbed her mare by the waist and fiercely dropped her on the bed, pouncing her with a primeval roar. Just as the mares locked their lips in a lust-driven, crazy kiss, Sir Morning Glory the Dildo found his way into Vinyl's, and Octavia's, inner folds, respectively. The double-ender did his job wonderfully, and the room was soon filled with loud moans.
The doorbell rang.
Suddenly, Octavia had a nagging sense of deja vu. However, there could be no Lyra here. But there can be neighbours. It would be so unwise to disregard new neighbours...
Almost crying in despair, Octavia broke the kiss and got up, taking out Sir Morning Glory and cursing her manners. Vinyl felt like crying too. Taking a deep breath, the cellist moved through the corridor and opened the door. There, stood a smiling white pegasus mare with a curly blue mane.
"Hello, new neighbours! My name's Cheery Smile and I'm so glad to welcome you to Los Pegasus!"
Octavia's eye twitched.
The white mare didn't drop the smile. "What's your name, though? I hear you've arrived with your marefriend? Where is she? Oh!" She tapped her forehead. "Totally forgot! If you ever need to borrow some sugar-"
Octavia let out a loud, terrifying, primeval roar.
***
"At least they didn't put you in prison."
Octavia nodded wearily, lying in bed next to her mare, the moon peeking into the bedroom. Sex-devoid, cum-unfilled, orgasm-unheard bedroom.
"Just a fine - that's fine!" Vinyl grinned. "Hey, that's-"
"Yes, Vinyl. That's a pun." Octavia kept watching the ceiling intently.
A few minutes of silence followed. Finally, Vinyl said, "Hey, if you're still horny, after the police station and-"
"No, Vinyl." Octavia smiled gently. "I'm no longer horny. Just tired." She mused for a moment. "You, however, must be horny. Because you're a unicorn."
Vinyl chuckled and embraced her mare tight. "Welcome to the club of bad punners, Tavi."
Octavia chuckled as well. "Thanks, honey."
The cellist flicked off the light and relaxed in her marefriend's embrace. Sometimes, sex wasn't the main thing in a relationship. Sometimes, just being with your lover was enough. Being close, holding her in your hooves, knowing that neither you nor she would go on a long, separating tour ever again. Knowing that you were loved, and not alone in this world. And sex... Well, they had all the time in the world now. Octavia kissed her mare on the forehead. "Love you, Vinyl."
"Love you too, Tavi." Vinyl yawned, closing her eyes as she buried her muzzle in Octavia's fur. "Love you too."
