A Change of Scenery

At some point in life, a lot of people experience an event that, to them, is like a dream come true. My situation was more like a nightmare becoming reality. Not only did I get knocked out by a brightly-colored horse, I had to deal with the mother of all headaches when I woke up covered in blankets. Doing my best to ignore it, I glanced around my new surroundings. Stone walls and floor, a bed that seemed a bit small for me, some hay in the corner for who knows what, and a series of bars separating me from the dark hallway beyond.

"God dammit," I grumbled, and boy did my head not appreciate it. It was like there was a nail positioned in just the right spot, and the mere sound of my voice signaled some unseen force to smash the nail in with a hammer. Hands clasped to the sides of my head, I hissed through my teeth and curled up until my forehead touched my knees.

Holy hell that hurt, I thought, waiting for the pain to subside before I leaned back again. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, allowing my headache to settle a little while I ran through my memory of the events that ended up with me in what looked like a dungeon. First, I sure as hell wasn't on Earth anymore, since all of this definitely wasn't on the other side of the cliff that I had been climbing with Mark. I wondered what he was doing, maybe freaking out that his friend had suddenly disappeared. I had left my pack and everything near my sleeping bag, so there's no way he could think that I'd climbed back down. Would I ever even see him again? I doubted it, since being stuck in this cell surely wasn't going to get me anywhere.

The second thing I thought about was the world itself, with its colors much brighter than anything has a right to be. That horse thing, for one, definitely wasn't normal, with those huge eyes and armor all over it, not to mention the wings. It was too small to be a regular horse, so it must have been a pony or something. That thought was just embarrassing, considering that it had knocked me out. That was another thing that confused me. A pony knocked me out, but a normal pony would have run away as soon as I had gotten off it. Not only did this pony push me off though, it purposely kicked me in the head as I was getting back up.

Something was going on here, and I didn't like it one bit. What I wouldn't give to tie that pony's wings to its side and toss it off the mountain, but that wasn't gonna happen any time soon with me stuck in a cell. All in all, I was pissed and freaked out at the same time. This world just shouldn't have been possible, with its ponies with wings and colors bright enough to put the sun to shame. Yet here I was, a human in the midst of all this strangeness. How did I get here? Did it have something to do with that glowing stone that I tried to grab? Maybe I should have left it alone, and then I would have only lost some sleep instead of ending up in some alternate world or something.

It was almost embarrassing how easily I had let my anger at losing sleep get the best of me. I was ex-military, and controlling your emotions was important, yet I still lost it. Even more insulting, I was knocked unconscious and taken prisoner! If it had been a human, it wouldn't be as irritating, but the fact that it had been a pony in golden armor only added fuel to the fire, and it wasn't long before I was gritting my teeth and muttering curses under my breath.

Determined not to let a pony get the best of me, I stood and walked over to the cell door, ignoring the protests of my bare feet. It looked just like any cell door you would expect in a dungeon, but there was rust along the bars, betraying an air of disuse. Maybe I could get out, depending on if the lock held. Hoping that luck was with me, I leaned against the door with my shoulder and took a few breaths. Holding it in on the last one, I stepped back and rushed forward.

"Fuck!" I shouted, my arm screaming at me as it contacted uselessly against the metal and my head protesting against the loud noise. As I fell back onto my bed and rubbed at my bruising shoulder, I thought about how stupid I was for thinking that the metal wasn't reinforced. They would have to, considering ponies could probably do a bit more damage than I could, at least while I was bare-handed. If I had some explosives, then that would be a different story. Unfortunately, the materials available wouldn't even come close, and I don't think that I'd be able to pick the lock.

I waited a minute, then two, but the commotion didn't draw any attention. No one came down to tell me to shut up or to knock me out again. I was left alone in the dark, with just the empty dungeon as company. I tried squinting to see if I could see into the cell across from me, but there wasn't enough light to get a good look at it. My world was reduced to the tiny cell that I occupied, and it wasn't hard to simply glance around and know the location of everything inside.

That left me with nothing to do, so I expanded my thoughts to the smaller details that had been ignored. My clothes had been dried, though I don't think I wanted to know how. If ponies had somehow stripped me down and dried my clothes before putting them back on, that would be strange indeed. My chosen answer was that they simply dried out while I was unconscious, which was much less invasive. My boots were gone of course, and I doubted I would ever see them again. If I had a knife, I'd cut up one of the blankets to wrap my feet, but who would be stupid enough to leave a knife in the hands of a prisoner?

In the end, I was stuck in a dark dungeon at the mercy of an animal. I had no food or water, and it didn't look like I'd be getting some any time soon. I wished I was back on Earth, and it didn't even matter that I'd have to climb a mountain if I was. Anything would be better than this insanity. Maybe if I could get out of my cell, I could follow that little river that I had climbed out of and maybe find that glowing stone thing. Grabbing it seemed to send me here, so maybe grabbing it again would send me back?

Wishful thinking, but what are the odds that I'd be able to find the damn thing? It could be miles away by now, and I doubt I'd make it very far before ponies with wings descended upon me. If I ever was able to find it, where would I turn up? Would it just smack me back into the cave in the side of a cliff, or would I be somewhere completely different?

All this thinking was just making my headache worse, which in effect just made me more irritated. Sighing in defeat, I laid back on the bed and crossed my arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling. One thing was definite in my mind as I closed my eyes to take a nap; if I get back to Earth, I'm never going rock climbing again.

I think that the world is conspiring against me, doing its very best to keep me from sleeping. Unfortunately, noise wakes me up much less nicely than light. Light just wakes you up slowly, but a loud, irritating noise is much faster. The noise in question was the creak of a door with hinges that needed oil like I needed water to survive. It scraped against my eardrums, and I almost clasped my hands to the sides of my head. I could hear the sound of hooves against stone echo down the hall once it was over, and before I knew it I was looking at Mr. Asshole, his blue eyes gazing at me through the bars. It was a slight relief to see that there was a twinge of fear in them, but not enough to make me feel any better about being rudely awoken.

"Finally awake?" it asked, narrowing its eyes slightly in a failed attempt to look serious.

So much for being tired. That thing just talked. A horse with wings just talked, and if I'm not mistaken it was definitely the voice of a guy. My sanity was naturally busy looking for a gun to shoot itself with at that point. Now my headache and bruised arm seemed like the least of my problems.

"How very observant of you," I replied, trying to keep any hint of nervousness out of my voice. "Honestly, I'm surprised you can talk."

That got him a little bit irritated. "What? Of course I can talk! You're the oddity here. How do you know Equestrian?"

"Equestrian? What the fuck is that? I'm speaking English."

"English? I've never heard of that, and you're definitely speaking Equestrian." He looked determined, which meant he probably wouldn't leave me alone...

"Whatever you say," I said, rolling my eyes. Sitting up, I steadied myself against a wave of protests in my head before looking him in the eye. "Now, what do you want?"

"I came down to check on you." He seemed to calm down slightly as the topic changed, but he still looked tense.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, not really believing for a second that he was here just for that.

"Also," he continued, "I figured you might be hungry." Leaving my sight for a second, he returned with a tray balanced on his back. Topped with some kind of sandwich, a bowl of salad, a fork, and a pitcher of water accompanied by a small glass, it didn't look like something you would give to a prisoner.

I tried to keep a neutral expression, but stomachs tend to betray you when they're hungry.

"Guess I was right, eh?" Grabbing the key between his teeth, he unlocked the door and set the tray down inside, watching me the entire time until he closed it again.

"Who's it from?" I asked. "How do I know that it's not poisoned?" I may have been a little bit paranoid, but considering I was the prisoner of a talking pegasus, I had a right to be.

"Poisoned?" he repeated, cocking his head in confusion. "Why would we poison you? You can't really do much in that cell."

I shrugged, but he had a decent point. "Can never be too careful." Leaning over the edge of my bed, I picked up the tray and set it on my lap. Picking up the fork, it crossed my mind to throw it at him. It was a nice metal fork, so I'm pretty sure it could puncture skin easily. The thought was quickly dismissed however, since it would probably just lead to more trouble than I was already in.

It also occurred to me that ponies don't eat meat. The salad looked perfectly normal, like any other salad that you could order at a restaurant on Earth. The sandwich, however, was a different story. I've eaten plenty of sandwiches, and I've never seen one without some kind of meat on it.

"What's in the sandwich?" I asked, pointing at it with my free hand while I stuffed a forkful of salad in my mouth with the other.

He blinked, as if I had just asked him to chase his own tail. "It's just a normal dandelion sandwich."

Okay, now that's just wrong. I can understand those vegetarian sandwiches that some places serve in my world, but a dandelion sandwich? Who the fuck makes a sandwich with dandelions?

"That," I said, pointing the fork at him and swallowing, "is disgusting." I laughed, which surprised both of us. "I mean, why on earth would you make a sandwich out of dandelions?"

"You don't eat dandelions?"

My god, it was like talking to a moron. "No, I don't." I pulled my upper lip back with a finger, exposing my incisors and canines. "Do I look like I eat dandelions?"

His eyes widened slightly and he swallowed. "Not really, no."

"Then there you have it." I impaled a piece of lettuce and tomato with the fork and munched on it thoughtfully. "If you're not going to kill me, what do you plan on doing with me?" It seemed like a good question at the time.

He shrugged his wings. "Don't know yet. The princesses haven't decided on what to do with you. They wanted to think it over a bit and meet you first, so I was instructed to make sure you had food and water."

Well, that didn't really raise my hopes. Considering that I had basically assaulted a guard, I don't think that I would stand much chance in court or whatever they did in this world. At best, I'd probably either stay locked up or get poked and prodded by a bunch of ponies in lab coats, if they even had scientists, that is.

"So," I said, deciding to pursue this new topic, "when am I supposed to meet these princesses?"

"They wanted to meet you as soon as you've had a chance to eat," he replied. "I told the guard outside that I would bring food down here just in case you woke up."

Great, I get to find out sooner rather than later what my fate will be. "All right. Guessing I'll have to be escorted?"

"Yep, I'll be taking you to the throne room, then you're on your own."

Leaving a human alone with princesses? Did this guy even remember how I had pinned him so easily?

Seeming to sense my thoughts, he continued. "If you're thinking about attacking them like you did me, you might want to think again."

"Hey," I retorted, "you came running at me, so of course I'm going to defend myself."

That shut him up. He seemed to think about it for a minute, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to think of something to say.

"Cat got your tongue?" I asked, swallowing another mouthful of food.

He breathed a sigh and shook his head. "I guess I wasn't thinking it through all the way... I'm sorry."

I raised an eyebrow, since an apology was not in the least what I had expected. I expected him to come up with some stupid comeback, but he surprised me. "Apology accepted, I guess," I replied, since I couldn't really think of anything else to say.

"Thanks. What's your name anyway?"

"Jack." I stuck with my first name since I don't really see much point in last names.

"I'm Swift Wing," he said. "Sorry again, Jack"

Okay, I was not expecting anything like that. I know ponies wouldn't have similar names to humans, but Swift Wing? What the hell? In our earlier encounter, I'd say he was anything but swift, and he didn't even fly.

"Neat name," I replied. Insults would likely get me nowhere.

"Oh, thanks. I'm a fast flier, so I guess it makes sense."

I chuckled slightly. "You could say that." Spearing another bit of salad with my fork, I couldn't help thinking about how every bite brought me closer to what might just decide whether I rot here or rot somewhere else.

"So," I began, turning the subject back to my impending meeting, "I'm supposed to meet these princesses when I finish eating?"

"Yes," he replied. "Once you finish, I'll tell the guard outside and he'll notify them, then we just wait to see what they say."

"All right. I guess I better hurry then." Eating and drinking a bit faster, I sincerely hoped that they didn't say anything that involved me being executed or turned into a human lab rat.

Swift Wing offered no reply, opting instead to wait for me to finish before taking the tray and locking me in while he went to talk to the guard outside. He returned after a couple minutes and sat down.

"You've drawn quite a crowd outside," he said. "We shouldn't have to wait long."

Great, I thought, everyone's here to see the freak show. I shouldn't have been surprised, really. If I had been on Earth and a talking pony with wings had been captured, I'd want to take pictures of that.

Swift was true to his word though. After a couple minutes of silence the dungeon door opened on its bitchy hinges, and a rather gruff voice called out.

"Swift Wing," it said, "Princess Celestia says that she wants to meet the creature that you found."

Swifty raised a hoof to his forehead in what appeared to be a salute, his body stiffening just like a Marine. "Right away, sir."

He quickly unlocked the cell and held it open for me. It crossed my mind to strangle him as I stepped out, but it also occurred to me that this Princess Celestia character may not approve of guards being strangled to death.

"Gonna tie my hands behind my back or something?" I asked, opting to be compliant if it helped my case at all.

"No. If you try to escape, you'll just be captured again."

He had a good point, since I was surely going to be in the sights of just about every guard in the place once I got outside. "Fair enough."

"Okay, follow me then." He turned and walked down the hallway. Since I didn't want to stay in there any longer than necessary, I followed after him, my bare feet cold against the stone.

When Swift said that I drew a crowd, I didn't expect the mass of colors awaiting me that would have made an epileptic have a seizure. There were tons of them, and I spotted some ponies that had horns instead of wings, and some that didn't have wings or horns. I was right about the guards, though. As soon as I stepped out of the dungeon, I saw them everywhere, mixed in with the ponies that wore fancy clothes instead of armor. The creepy part is that most of them looked alike, with the same blue eyes and white coats as Swift Wing.

"Are you all clones or something?" I asked.

"Huh?" He followed my line of sight and chuckled. "Oh, no. We just look alike because of the spell that's woven into our armor."

"Spell?" I hoped that he didn't mean actual magic, otherwise my sanity may start to flip out again. Ponies with horns are one thing, but if they can actually teleport or levitate things or whatever, then that's completely different.

"Yeah, the unicorns have a similar one on their armor."

Dammit. That got my eye twitching again, and I was desperately hoping that I wouldn't freak out in front of the princesses. I managed to keep my mouth shut, though, so he wouldn't be tempted to mention something else that might push me over the edge. However, I couldn't stop myself from looking around, so it wasn't long before I noticed how low the sun was in the sky.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"A few hours," Swift replied. "Luckily I didn't kick you too hard, or you would probably still be unconscious."

He could kick harder? Note to self: Do not challenge a pony to kick you as hard as they can.

"Didn't think you'd draw such a crowd," he continued, glancing around at the assembled guards and pones. Some of them had their heads cocked curiously, while others whispered to each other.

I'm pretty sure a few were betting on what would happen to me. Heck, I would've joined in if I wasn't the center of attention. Prying my eyes from the large crowd, I kept my eyes on the back of Swift Wing's head. The scene around us reminded me of the red carpet in Hollywood, except there were no paparazzi and much less noise. The swarm of ponies formed a kind of path for Swift and I, leading through a large, grassy courtyard to a pair of large doors that loomed before us. It didn't look like they would be opening without a ton of guards pushing on them. As we made our way through the throng, a couple Unicorn guards, their coats dark grey compared to Swift's white, stepped toward the door, their horns beginning to glow. The doors themselves were surrounded in the same soft golden color as they began to open. I was really glad that I wasn't a target at the moment.

Inside was, big surprise, another pair of large doors! What is with castles and big doors? Couldn't they just settle for smaller ones? Since my mind was now occupied with the debate over doors that I had unwittingly started, I didn't notice the doors had opened until Swift Wing gave me a nudge with one of his wings.

"What?" I asked, then looked at the open room. "Oh, sorry." I stepped inside, and the doors shut behind me as I entered.

Apparently, I was to have a solo meeting with the princesses. Not really comforting. With no means of escape available, I resigned to my fate and walked forward, trying to avoid setting foot on the cold marble as much as possible while I made my way toward the large throne near the back of the room. I stopped a short distance away from it and sat down, waiting to see if anyone would show up. When no one did, I slowly got bored and irritated.

Why ask to see me then not show up? I thought to myself. I would think that being rude would be frowned upon just as much in this world as it was in mine. With nothing else to do, I figured I'd take a look around. The room was huge, with massive pillars holding it up, and large windows set in regular intervals into the walls. They were some kind of stained glass, I guessed, with large scenes depicted in them. The colors, of course, were still too damn bright.

One window in particular caught my eye. It depicted a creature that seemed to leap straight from the imagination, its body constructed from parts of different animals to the point where it was almost scary. Who the hell would come up with such a creature? I've heard of Chimeras and Manticores, but this thing was just flat out weird.

"Discord is quite the sight, isn't he?" asked a feminine voice, jarring me from my thoughts.

I turned around to make a reply, only for my mouth to hang open embarrassingly. Unicorns and pegasi were weird, but the thing standing in front of me was somehow weird and awesome at the same time.