A Change of Scenery

Ponies with wings are weird. Ponies with horns are weird. Put them together though, and you get something that actually looks pretty cool. The mash-up standing in front of me was slightly taller than I was, with a much larger horn and wings than any of the ponies outside. Her coat was pure white, and her mane was comprised of about four different colors that I didn't know the exact names for. Speaking of her mane, it freaking moved in the air like it was submerged in water. The one thing about her that threw me off was that she had a tattoo of the sun on her ass. Who the hell puts a tattoo on their ass?

"Are you all right?" she asked, cocking her head slightly.

I had been staring with my mouth open, which was probably the reason for that question. I hastily snapped my mouth shut and  blinked a few times. "Yeah, I'm fine. Princess Celestia, I presume?"

She smiled softly and nodded. "That is correct. May I ask your name?"

"Jack," I replied. It didn't seem to phase her that I could speak the same language.

She didn't even blink, as if my name was perfectly normal in a world of talking ponies. "It is nice to meet you, Jack. I must admit, you have caused a bit of a stir."

That sounded like an understatement, considering the number of ponies that had been outside staring at me.

"Sorry about that," I replied, scratching the back of my neck and avoiding her eyes.

"Oh, it's quite all right," she said, dismissing it with her hoof. When she continued, her smile wasn't there, which was probably a bad thing for me. "However, I would like to know why you attacked one of my guards."

I raised up my hands, just in case she tried to attack me. "It was in self-defense. He was running at me, so I assumed that he was going to attack me." To my relief, she just chuckled.

"No need to worry," she said. "Swift Wing informed me about the encounter while you were unconscious. I don't believe that you attacked him with the intent to harm him."

Then why the hell did you ask me that question? I thought, luckily not blurting it out like I wanted to. Instead, I opted for a different question. "If it seems like I didn't do anything wrong, then why was I in a dungeon?"

"I ordered it. To be honest, I have never seen a creature quite like you, so I didn't know what to expect."

"And I've never met talking ponies either, so I guess we're a bit even in that category."

She gave me a questioning look. "Are you saying that you are not from Equestria?"

No, I'm saying that the sky is made of potatoes. "Yep. I'm from Earth, and we don't have any talking equines there."

"You don't?"

"Nope. The only things that talk so far are humans."

"Humans?" She pronounced it slightly wrong, and her eyes were a little wider. "Is that what your species is called?"

"Yep, and on Earth we're the only things that can talk, though parrots can mimic our speech."

"That's strange," she said, her brow slightly furrowed. "You don't know of any other sentient creatures?"

"No, why? Are there talking birds here too or something?"

She chuckled. "Not that I know of, but there are others who can talk, like the buffalo and the cows."

My eye twitch almost returned with a vengeance. Talking buffalo and cows? What's next, talking snakes?

"Interesting," I managed to say.

"I'm sure it's not very easy to handle being in a different world," she said. "Could you possibly tell me some details about your own?"

"Sure, what do you want to know?" I made a mental note to avoid anything that had to do with war. Telling her that humans kill each other just because they don't agree on something would most likely not help my position at all.

Celestia tapped her chin for a moment, trying to think of a question I guess. Just as she was about to open her mouth though, my stomach gave a little growl, and I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything except a salad, and salad does not fill you up.

"What do humans eat?" she asked.

Dammit, I was hoping that wouldn't come up. Ponies don't eat meat, and I had no idea how Celestia would react if I told her that humans eat things like cows and chickens.

"Well," I began, "that depends on what country on Earth you're in."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, humans are separated into a ton of different countries, and some of them are completely different than others. The United States, for example, speaks a different language than China or Russia."

"Interesting, and how do their eating habits differ?"

"Well, I'm not sure about Russia, but China has a much larger range of foods than the U.S. Generally though, humans are all omnivores, except for the occasional vegetarian or vegan."

"So humans eat meat?" she asked, her voice devoid of any hint of fear or distaste.

I blinked in surprise for a second, then nodded. "Yeah, mostly stuff like chicken, pork, beef, and seafood."

She nodded, as if it was a very familiar concept. "You looked a little surprised at my reaction. Did you think I would be disgusted?"

"Frankly, yes." How the hell was I supposed to know that she wouldn't give a damn if I ate meat?

Celestia chuckled and smiled again. "Ponies are no strangers to those who eat meat. Griffins eat meat, and they are welcome in Equestria."

Good to know that yet another mythological creature existed in this place. "Well, that's very reassuring."

"I'm sure. Now, I believe you mentioned something about human culture. Would you mind explaining a little more?"

I sighed and thought for a moment. I always sucked when it came to culture, since I never really gave a damn about any of that stuff.

"That also depends on where you are," I said. "The United States is way different than Russia for example. I don't really know much about the entire culture, but I do know that the U.S. has a high regard for technology and science."

That seemed to get her even more curious. "What kind of technology?"

"Well, a big portion of it I think goes toward medicine to treat illnesses, and that has increased our life expectancy a lot. We also focus on transportation. We have cars that run on stuff called fossil fuels and can drive on the ground at pretty high speeds. There's planes that humans use to travel through the air, and we have tons of different boats and ships that we use to get over large bodies of water."

The plane bit seemed to spark her interest. "How do these planes work? Those of us who cannot fly use hot-air balloons, and I believe one of my subjects uses something that she calls a helicopter."

Okay, the way that she was so curious and knew nothing about what I was talking about was starting to get cute. "Well," I began, trying to hide the smile on my face, "they use engines and different designs to keep them in the air. Jets have engines in the back, while the larger planes used for transportation have two large wings on either side with engines attached to them."

"Wouldn't that have a negative effect on their ability to fly?" she asked, cocking her head.

"No, planes don't need to flap their wings to stay in the air."

"Amazing," she replied, eyes wide, "and they have the ability to transport you through the air without doing so? I have never heard of such a feat."

"Probably because it isn't needed here. Since there are pegasi and hot-air balloons like you mentioned, you probably don't need a massive form of transport like a plane."

"True. The largest form of transportation we have is a train."

"We have those too, and Japan has a kind of train that uses large magnets to hover just above the rails, which allows it to go a bit faster."

"Humans are certainly resourceful creatures."

"Yeah, and we're always working on something new. We have mechanical satellites orbiting the planet the allow us to communicate over huge distance with cell-phones, keep up with the news on Television, and basically keep us connected."

"Orbiting the planet? Do you mean that they are in space?"

"Basically. Science also works on a ton of stuff involving space travel. We've landed a man on the moon that orbits around our planet, and there's a rover on another planet in our solar system that takes pictures and videos of the surroundings."

"I assume that humans like to explore then, correct?"

"A lot of us do, while others would rather just stick with what they know. It took a long time for scientists to figure out that Earth orbits around the sun, instead of the other way around. That was because of a bunch of religious nuts that argued against it, and don't even think about asking about religions. I don't even want to go there."

That made her blink in confusion. "Let me get this straight. Your planet rotates around its axis, causing a false view of the sun going up in the morning and down at sunset?"

"What?" I asked, not really understanding what she meant. Was Equestria stationary or something?

"I am the princess of the sun," she explained. "I control its movement at all times during the day. Have your scientists managed to prove their theory to be true?"

Okay, so she basically said that she controls the sun, the fucking sun. How the hell do you control a massive ball of super-heated plasma like that?

"Well, maybe your sun is different. This theory has been found to be true for a long time now. It's a common fact that basically everyone knows. The last time someone questioned it was back in the middle ages, and don't ask about that either..."

"Very well. I believe you, but I still find it rather odd."

"Another reason that it may be different is that the sun that Earth orbits around is much brighter than what I've seen here. I had no problem looking directly at it. If I tried that back home, it could cause serious damage to my eyes in a short time, probably a couple minutes at most." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Maybe the sun here is... artificial?" If that was true, then I was definitely gonna spend a while banging my head against a padded wall in some insane asylum.

She frowned and raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you making the suggestion... that the sun I am in control of, the sun that provides warmth and light to all of Equestria and beyond, is the creation of a living being?"

I blinked a few times, slightly confused. "Uhm, possibly? I've only been here for, maybe a few hours at most? I couldn't know if your sun is real or not."

Suddenly, there was a burst of laughter as a dark blue, shorter version of Celestia appeared out of thin air. It actually made me jump and back up a couple steps. I should have expected it though. If someone can control the sun, then why not appear out of thin air at your convenience?

"Hello, sister," Celestia said, rolling her eyes slightly.

"Hello, Tia," she replied, her laughter winding down as she looked at me. "I am Princess Luna. It is nice to meet you, Jack."

One, I love how she has like a pet name for her sister. Two, how the hell did she know my name? "Have you been listening to our conversation?"

She chuckled and smiled. "Of course! I wanted to meet you as well, but I decided to let my sister speak with you for a while. Did you really send a human to the moon?"

"Yeah, Neil Armstrong, and he went there and came back."

She smiled. "That's amazing! How did you manage it?"

"Well we used large rockets to get them into space, and two astronauts landed on the surface of the moon while one stayed in orbit around in a command module so he could pick them up when they were finished." I wasn't a big science guy, so I neglected to mention the other details of the mission.

"It must have required a huge amount of energy."

"Yeah, but it proved that we could do anything if could set our mind to it."

Luna opened her mouth to speak again, only to be shot down by Celestia. "It is getting late, sister. We should let our guest get some rest. You can always ask him questions later."

"Wait," I said, wishing to clarify something, "do I have to go back to the dungeon?"

She looked at me as if I had turned into a dog. "Of course not. You will get a room in the tower that we normally reserve for ambassadors. Swift Wing will escort you there, and I think that I'll assign a guard to you in the morning for your own safety."

More likely to keep an eye on me, I thought. "Sounds fair." I crossed my arms and smiled slightly. Anything was better than being stuck in that dark dungeon.

"Sister, could we assign one of the Night Guard?" Luna asked.

Celestia thought about it for a moment. "I don't see why not."

Her sister flashed a mischievous smile, which I didn't particularly trust since I didn't know her very well. "I'll go ask the captain if he can spare anyone."

With that, she vanished once again, and I was left with Celestia. Since the questions seemed to be over with, I figured I'd try asking one of my own.

"Do you think I might be able to get a pair of boots?" I asked, pointing at my bare feet. "I'm not used to walking around barefoot like this."

Celestia smiled and nodded. "I'm sure that we can come up with something, but it will have to wait until tomorrow."

I sighed and nodded in understanding. When she offered no further comments or questions, I took it as my queue to leave, walking back to the large double doors that opened before I even got close to them. Swift was waiting outside, a bored expression on his face that told me that he must have been waiting outside.

"Hey Jack," he said. "How did it go?"

"I'm still alive, aren't I?" I replied.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I guess. You ready to head to your new quarters?"

"Yeah, hopefully I can actually sleep for once."

Swift made no reply, instead heading off down the hall without even waiting for me. I hurried after him, my feet protesting about the cold marble at first, then quieting down as I got used to it. As we went on, I did my best to get acquainted with the hallways that we passed through, just in case I had to find my way back at some point. A lot of it looked the same, with tapestries hung at certain intervals being the only thing that I could actually differentiate. The doors all looked the same, and I knew I wouldn't be able to rely on the appearances of guards since they were all fucking identical.

Surprisingly, it didn't take long before we were ascending a spiral staircase into what I guessed was the ambassador's tower. The steps were wider and shorter than what I was used to, probably because of the height and body differences between humans and ponies. Swift handled it with ease, while I was taking steps two or three at a time just to make it feel more normal. Unfortunately, there were a lot of stairs, and I didn't have very much energy to spare. By the time we finally reached the top, my breathing was a little shallow.

Swift looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. "You all right?"

I waved it away and chuckled. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired." Taking a few deep breaths, I nodded at him to continue, and we walked down yet another corridor to a door that was slightly taller than myself.

Giving it a push with his shoulder, Swift gestured inside. "Here you go."

"Thanks," I replied, pushing the door open a bit wider and stepping inside. It was definitely an improvement over my cell, with a bed big enough for me to actually sleep in, and a pretty nice view from a decent-sized balcony. It wasn't as flashy as I expected, with just a few decorations here and there. The room itself was mostly a big circle, with nightstands next to the bed and a dresser sitting off to the side. There was a lantern on one of the nightstands, used for late night wandering I guess.

Swift watched me look around for a moment before speaking up. "Goodnight, Jack. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"G'night, Swift," I said without so much as a glance back at him. I may have accepted his apology, but that doesn't mean I can't be a bit angry at getting knocked unconscious by a pegasus.

He said something else that I didn't catch before he left, closing the door behind him. Of course, I took that opportunity to head straight to the bed, where hopefully I could sleep without interruption. Unfortunately, I had barely made it to the edge before I heard the sound of someone tapping on glass. Looking over, I saw Luna waving at me from the balcony, a smile on her face.

"Damn," I muttered, walking over and opening the door separating her from me.

"Hello again, Jack!" she said, stepping inside and allowing me to close the door.

"Hey Luna," I replied automatically, "what do you need?" As she passed, I couldn't help but notice that she had a tattoo on her ass just like her sister, except instead of a sun, it was a crescent moon surrounded by a bunch of black, which I guessed was supposed to be the night sky or something.

"I just wanted to ask a few more questions," she said, acting like it would only take a few minutes of my time.

Knowing that it would probably be much longer, I sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "All right, go ahead."

She smiled and sat down in front of me. "Could you tell me more about those mechanical satellites that you mentioned?"

"Well," I began, not really sure where to start, "they have a bunch of different purposes. We use them for radio stations, which allow us to listen to music almost anywhere. Some companies offer satellite dishes that allow you to watch different events on television without leaving your home."

"Like a scrying spell?" she asked, cocking her head slightly.

"Sort of," I replied, though I had no idea what a scrying spell was. "Those satellites also tend to be in a geosynchronous orbit, which means that they move at the same speed that the Earth turns, so they stay in basically the same spot all the time."

"Interesting, so you wouldn't have to adjust anything once it's in position?"

"Not unless something moves it. If it snows a lot then the satellite dish on your house may be tilted enough to lose the signal to the satellite though."

"So it's a slightly delicate balance."

"I guess you could say that. We also use them for something called GPS, which stands for Global Positioning System. It allows us to know where we are at all times."

She frowned slightly. "Like putting a tracking spell on yourself?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Not really. We mostly use it to help us to get to places that we want to go. If someone wants to travel to a different place that's far away, then they can use their GPS to set a course that they can follow."

"I see. It sounds very helpful."

"It can be, especially when you're going somewhere new and you don't know the area very well. Just enter an address into the machine and it gives you a route to follow."

"What about the satellites themselves? How do you get them into space?"

"We use rockets like the ones used to send Neil Armstrong to the moon. Depending on where we want the satellite, I guess they choose a spot on Earth to launch from and work from there."

Before she could ask another question, I decided to bring up something else. "We also have a satellite that's designed for something else. It's called the Hubble Telescope, and we use it to take pictures of distant galaxies and stars."

Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "So humans are interested in astronomy?"

"Yes, and they have been for a long time. Aliens are a big topic because a lot of people want to know whether or not we're the only sentient life around."

She chuckled, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Why would they wonder? Of course there must be sentient life elsewhere."

"Yeah, well some people won't believe it until they get proof. To be honest, I always thought that if Earth was the only planet with sentient life then something is definitely wrong. Why have only one planet with living things?"

"Exactly!" she replied. "It only makes sense for there to be others, even though they may not be close enough to notice."

"There are reports of alien activities sometimes, like someone sees a UFO or something. I find it a bit odd because they always seem to grab their lowest-quality camera to record it. There's even a place in the United States called Area 51 that has a bunch of hype around it. People used to think, and some probably still do, that alien technology and specimens are kept there. If you ask me, it's probably nothing more than a base used for secret projects." I was careful to avoid mentioning the word military.

"Why would they be kept secret?"

"Some people don't want their ideas stolen while they're working on them, so they work in secret until they're finished. Even then they don't usually reveal it until they're ready."

"Oh," she said. "That seems reasonable."

With that out of the way, Luna continued to fire question after question with no end in sight. It started to feel like a game of Jeopardy instead of a simple question and answer session, except I wasn't getting any points for my answers and the only opponent that I was trying to beat was her damned curiosity. After what seemed like a couple hours had gone by, she finally paused and yawned.

"Thank you for answering my questions, Jack," she said. "Sorry for keeping you awake, but I was so curious!"

"It's fine," I lied. I had really wanted to get some sleep instead of answering questions. "You might want to get some sleep yourself."

She chuckled and smiled. "Yes, I am feeling a little tired at the moment. But before I go, I talked to the captain about assigning a guard to you."

"And? What did they say?"

"He said that he knows just the bat pony for the job. You'll meet them in the morning." She started walking back onto the balcony.

"Wait a second," I said.

She stopped and looked at me. "What?"

"What do you mean by a bat pony?" I asked. I'd seen pegasi and unicorns, but I had no idea what the fuck a bat pony looked like.

She flashed the mischievous smile that I didn't like. "You'll see in the morning."

Before I could reply, she stepped out onto the balcony and spread her wings, taking flight and leaving me alone. Still wondering what the hell a bat pony was, I sighed and closed the balcony doors before getting in bed and pulling the covers to my neck.

"I really don't like that smile of hers," I muttered, placing my hands behind my head and closing my eyes.

Whatever a bat pony looked like, I was sure that it couldn't be that weird, could it?