My Little Pony: Storm Raiders

James Bond opened his eyes and found himself in a very weird place. It looked like a cavern, and one with lots of ice at that. He remembered vaguely that he had been on the way to his armory in Liverpool to get arms so he could go to Washington to find out the truth about Guzman’s escape…. but now what was he doing here in this damn freezing cavern?? Crikey, he said to himself, but I have a feeling I’m not in Banbury anymore.

"What the fuck am I doing here?” he cried.

“That’s what I’d like to know myself,” came a voice from behind him.

Bond turned and saw two other people, a Bolivian man and an American boy, walking up to him.

“I’m Alberto,” said the man.

“And I’m Cartman,” said the boy.

“How come you guys ended up here?” asked Bond.

“We don’t know either,” said Alberto; “but it’s kind of… er… miraculous, if you ask me.”

“Would you ever imagine a tornado so strong that it could make your house levitate like high up in the air, then next thing you know, you’re in the middle of this big and almost icy river?” said Cartman, indicating to a lake of ice just a few steps behind.

“And would you ever imagine yourself driving down a dangerous mountainous road, and somehow falling into a ravine…. and waking up to find yourself on a ledge in a cave, with a river of ice below?” said Alberto, indicating to a ledge about 20 feet above the said lake of ice. “I am very lucky my jump from there did not kill me."

“Well my story is equally incredible,” said Bond, surprised that his two new-found friends had had similar experiences. “I was, like, driving to my armory to get stuff. No tornados, no ravines; just rainy weather and ghostly-looking impersonating cars. Next thing I know, visibility is literally zero, maybe even sub-zero, for what seems like an eternity…. and I wake up to find myself on the dry floor of this freezing cavern."

“In any case,” said Cartman, “it’s really miraculous and inexplicable as to why we ended up here.”

“Perhaps not after I tell you the truth,” came a feminine, neighing voice from behind them.

The three unlikely heroes turned around. A grey pegasus mare trotted slowly up to them. She had a wall-eyed appearance and a brown mailbag around her neck. Alberto recognised her at once.

“Derpy!” he cried. “How come you’re here?”

“Who is this…” began Cartman.

“Shut up, Cartman; Alberto knows this pony, let him handle her,” Bond scolded Cartman.

“Derpy, how come you’re here?” Alberto asked Derpy. “And why did we, the three of us from three different worlds, end up here today?"

“Equestria has been conquered and subdued by the Socialist Peronistas' Association of Reliable Kindred who Love Equines,” said Derpy. “Me and my fellow ponies have all been hiding in this cave in the Frozen North of Equestria. It is the only safe place for us now if we want to avoid the forces of Professor Smith and his forces. Professor Smith is the manager in charge of the Peronistas, and he has every intention of killing us — and you too, if you refuse to submit to his authority.”

“Listen, Derpy, we can’t be of much help to you this time; we’re actually on very important missions ourselves,” said Alberto.

“Alberto, I fully understand you,” said Derpy; “but you have to know this: if you don’t liberate Equestria from the Peronistas, you will not be able to liberate your world from the forces of evil, against which you are on sponsored missions. Whatever happens in Equestria, will affect what will happen on Earth, so

if you really are serious about whichever missions you and your pals are on, I suggest you attack the problem at its roots.”

“So what will we have to do before we go back to Earth?” asked Bond.

“Come with me,” said Derpy. “All three of you.”

She took the three heroes to a separate section of the cave. The cave itself was like a labyrinth, full of twists and turns, so much so that one could easily get lost; but thankfully, like all equines (and many other four-footed animals at that), Derpy had a strong sense of smell, so she could easily sniff her way to the right place.

Eventually they came to this section of the cave, where ten other ponies were resting: Applejack, Braeburn, Big McIntosh, Snips, Snails, Pipsqueak, Noteworthy, Shining Armour, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie.

“I am sure, Alberto, you recognise them all,” smiled Derpy.

“I do indeed,” said Alberto. “They’re all asleep?”

“Yeah,” said Derpy; “and I was told to keep awake to watch for you all. Don’t worry; the Peronistas can NEVER find their way inside here.”

“What about the rest of the pegasi? Are you the only one?” asked Alberto.

“They flew to Cloudsdale for refuge,” said Derpy; “I remained here because I’m the pony who knows you humans best, and hence it was me who had to help the unicorns use their limited powers to summon you guys here to help. Try as they may, the Peronistas won’t be able to fly to Cloudsdale, because it is so high that the sun’s heat can easily melt their hang-gliders and make them fall."

“The thing is this,” said Bond. “We will be able to help you all defeat the Peronistas. However, we won’t be able to do so without your help.”

“Meaning that we’ll need you all to help us,” said Cartman. “Don’t worry, we will strategise. What about this way — we do a roll call, each time we go out to take on the Peronistas, the three of us will mount three of you, and each time you all will take turns to give us mounts?”

Derpy knew what the three humans were hinting at: They needed horseback transport. She nodded. “Sure thing,” she said. “I think Big McIntosh, Snails, and myself can give you guys mounts first.”

Big McIntosh and Snails happened to wake up then, and they trotted slowly up to them. “Good idea, Derpy,” said Big McIntosh; “we’ll start off that way.”

“Yeah,” agreed Snails; “we will subdue them this time!”

“Now,” said Derpy, addressing Alberto, Bond, and Cartman, “the oath!”

Alberto put his hand forward. “All for one!” he cried.

“And one for all!” replied Bond and Cartman, stretching forth their hands in turn. “YEAH!

What is love you give? I’ll be your man of good faith!

When it’s love you live, I’ll make a stand through the rain;

I’ll be the rock you can build on.

Be there when you’re old, to have and to hold!

When it’s love inside, I swear I’ll always be strong.

When it’s a reason why, I’ll prove to you I’ll belong;

I’ll be the one to protect you.

From the wind and the rain, from the hurt and the pain!

And so singing, they mounted Big Mac and Snails and Derpy, and started off on out of the cavern.

The first battle they had to fight was already one of the toughest. To kick it off, all of them gathered on the edge of one of the mountains in the Frozen North. Alberto, being the most familiar with Equestria of the three travellers, had to do a lot of the strategising.

“The idea,” he said, “is to find out where Professor Smith is hiding. From here, I’m sure we can get a pegasus’s eye view of most of Equestria. From what we can gather, it would be far too risky to go down into the valleys and get massacred for nothing by Professor Smith’s men. As you can see, they’ve raised a red flag with a sickle and a smiling sun everywhere they’ve conquered — Ponyville, Canterlot, Appleloosa; and they seem to be moving north-north-eastward toward Manehattan next, from what I can see. These people are certainly pretty formidable fighters on land. Can they do sea fighting or air fighting?” he asked.

“I think they’re adept at just about everything,” said Derpy. “I heard that they have hang-gliders; one of them was using a hangglider to fly up to Canterlot to capture Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike. And hence it wouldn’t be surprising if they were to take over Cloudsdale next, though they have not yet done so.”

“Then in that case,” said Bond, “we shall go to Cloudsdale first and alert the pegasi therein.”

“Good idea!” said Derpy. “This is what we’ll do then: Me and Bond will go up to Cloudsdale to alert the pegasi. Big Mac, Snails, Alberto, and Cartman, stay down here, get back into the cave, and wait our return.”

“Si!” said Big Mac, Snails, Alberto, and Cartman, in unison.