My Little Pony: Storm Raiders

After Derpy had flown away, Alberto and Cartman turned to Big Mac.

“Tell us what happened,” said Alberto. “You’re one of the wisest ponies present.”

“Very well,” said Big Mac, as he cleared his throat. “The thing is this. I know you’re asking, why of all people did it have to be you that we chose to fight against these invaders? Well, it seems that these invaders somehow know your name; they have some sort of a grudge against you. I remember witnessing from a distance how Princess Twilight Sparkle and her faithful assistant Spike were captured.

“Apparently when the biped on the hang-glider took Twilight away, he used some form of chlorofom to render her horn harmless, so it could not perform any magic. Then some other bipeds came and captured Spike; one of those was heard mentioning your name in the process, calling you ‘amigo-less’ among other things.

“We did fight against them. The magic of our unicorn cousins even when combined, was unable to stop these bipeds, as the magic kept returning a ‘missed’ signal whenever it hit these bipeds, bouncing back to the unicorns. Just think — even the unicorns were powerless, not to mention us earth ponies. The only ones whose magic  was perhaps strong enough, were the alicorn princesses; but their powers were rendered harmless by the chloroform used on their horns by their captors. All our three princesses — Celestia, Luna, and Twilight Sparkle — have since been taken prisoner by the invaders.

“We know that the invaders come from earth. And we also know that they know your name. So we’ll need to ask you then, Alberto: Do you know a certain Professor Smith?”

“No, sorry, doesn’t ring a bell,” said Alberto.

“Very well then,” said Big Mac. “For some reason they know your name, why I really don’t know. But I suspect they are Latinos like yourself; for many of them — at least 90% of them — speak Spanish as their mother tongue. Even Professor Smith also.”

“So… how did you all escape?” asked Alberto.

“Well,” said Big Mac, “thank goodness we have swift feet. Faster than the steeds of Kublai Khan, as a songwriter once described us — and it’s true. For us earth ponies and our unicorn cousins, we simply retreated into the caverns here; as Derpy explained just now, it’s like a labyrinth, those invaders would have lots of trouble finding us here. As for our pegasus cousins, they merely flew up to Cloudsdale; they are safe for now due to the air pressure which can resist even the strongest of known hang-gliders, but only time will tell whether or not those cunts will invent a stronger hang-glider of sorts.

“As for the invaders, they have marked their conquests by their signature flag: a blood-red oblong with yellow stars in a circular constellation, and a yellow crescent and smiling sun in the center. The smiling sun makes me suspect they are Latinos all the more.

“Also it is interesting to know that the human invaders are not the only bipedal creatures in Equestria now. After those three of our cities were taken over, other bipedal creatures were brought in to settle in what were once our homes. Canterlot is currently settled predominantly by the human conquistadors; Appleloosa, by yellow potato-like bipeds that speak a funny dialect, whom they call ‘minions’; and Ponyville, by blue elves with white Phrygian caps, known as ‘Smurfs’.

“After he and his men brought in all of those other weird bipedal creatures to settle the towns, Professor Smith gave orders for ‘communes’ to be formed all around Equestria. He banned access to Facebook, Google, Twitter, and all gay porn sites, among other websites. You can see from here, what exactly is going on down in the valleys; all the farmland in Appleloosa has been practically collectivised, and you can see a few minions working the farmland from here, singing as they do it.

“From what I can see, it is going to be very hard to find your way into Canterlot Castle, which is now where Professor Smith makes his home. What makes things worse is that, while we have seen some of his men, none of us have ever seen Professor Smith himself. Not even those in captivity have seen him. He has stationed minions and smurfs and other bipeds all around Canterlot Castle in such a way that intruders will surely be spotted; even if you are a known guest, your identity will still be checked by his forces.”

“And one more thing,” added Snails. “This group is known to have specialised weapons of mass destruction. I’ve seen how they threw grenades and I know just how dangerous they are. I mean, Snips and I were in class with Featherweight and Pipsqueak and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, when suddenly we heard the air raid sirens and footsteps running to our classroom door. We saw weird-looking bipeds in cosplay wigs and WeLoveFine T-shirts outside, running to the door with submachine guns in their hands. Miss Cheerilee tried to barricade the door while we ran to safety; I remember the last words she shouted to us were, ‘Don’t bother about me! Just run! RUN!!!’ and that was the last we ever saw of her. After the seven of us had run all the way here, we could see from where we were, the school building exploding into thousands of pieces. Scootaloo and Featherweight then went up to Cloudsdale, and I believe they’re safe there at present. So the first thing we’d have to consider is, whom exactly are we fighting against?"

Alberto looked at Cartman. “This sounds complex,” he said. “Cartman, have you anything to say?"

“I know that the Everfree Forest, where Professor Smith’s troops are now, is a very creepy place with all kinds of haunted events going on,” said Cartman. “While they are trying to strategise to venture beyond there, my idea is that one of us should smuggle into Canterlot Castle to find out what really is going on therein — and since Mr Bond is now in Cloudsdale with Derpy getting the other Pegasi on the alert, the one who should go into Canterlot should be…. you, Mr Garcia!”

“ME?” cried Alberto. “But why….”

“Listen up, Alberto,” Big Mac interrupted. “I know it’s a tad risky for you, and you’re feeling creeped out; but I think young Eric here has a point. They’re mainly Spanish speakers, and Spanish is your mother tongue; I mean, after having known you for more than half a decade, I ought to know better…. so yeah, you should try to put on a disguise and pretend you’re, say, a messenger with an important private message to pass to Professor Smith. Then the rest should be a breeze for you.”

“But they’ll surely start questioning me!” cried Alberto.

“Expect that to happen,” said Big Mac. “I see no reason that you would be afraid of it. I mean, I know you, Alberto; I find it funny that you’re afraid of something that you’d normally have breezed through without any trouble if at all!"

“So that’s settled then,” said Snails. “Alberto, disguise yourself and go down to Canterlot now. Here is a disguise kit which Snips and I just managed to save from our schoolhouse’s CCA room when we were escaping."

Alberto could not decide whether to laugh or cry as he picked up the disguise kit…..