Peter Williams

I stared at the little purple lizard man-child. He stared back. I think we both were having some trouble believing quite what we were seeing. For me I was seeing another supposedly mythological beast up and walking around like it had a right to exist in a rational capacity, and him seeing an animal usually associated with menial tasks, possible perversion, and 'oh god I hope it doesn't shit on the rug' wearing a three piece suit and writing like it had a fully functional brain. Really I think I had the better reason to be shocked, but we still stared at each other. Princess Sparkle, Rarity and Derpy stared at the two of us. This went on past the 'I'm genuinely surprised' time frame for a pause and went into 'We should probably move to prove we aren't brain dead' pause before the princess cleared her throat.

"Spike, the letter?" She pressed. The lizard creature snapped out of his trance and quickly produced a quill pen and sheet of paper.

"Go ahead, Twilight." He said. I got a good look into his mouth, confirming a row of weathered down points for carnivorous diets. Winged unicorn took a moment to gather her thoughts, looking over my notes and stuff.

Twilight cleared her throat before dictating, "Dear Princess Celestia, I have found a most unusual creature in Ponyville today, or, more accurately, it found me. His name is Peter Williams and he is a human whom appears to be from another world. He is actually fully sapient, as all humans from his world apparently are, and is stranded on ours by an unknown means. He has proven this by writing out explanations for several artifacts from his world. Not being familiar with the intricacies of dimensional magic myself, I am writing to you, hoping you may be able to advise me on this. Your Faithful... No, wait" Her face broke into a soft smile a bit, "Your Fellow Princess, Twilight Sparkle."

The small purple lizard finished with a few large, dramatic swipes of his pen, "Aaaaaaaaand done!" He exclaimed. He the proceeded to roll up the letter, tie it off with a ribbon I assume he procured from the same invisible space he had retrieved the pen from, and then blew fucking fire and incinerated it! Wait, what!? I immediately retreated from the beast, giving a small bark of shock and knocking the pink pony from my lap in the process. I promptly hid my body behind the chair-throne I had been sitting in, peaking around it. My reaction apparently surprised my hosts, as they all looked at me as if I had declared my head was on backwards. A brief silence fell over the room again before Princess Sparkle realized what had caused my jump.

"Oh, Peter, don't worry about Spike! That was just his magic fire breath ability! It sends letters too and from Princess Celestia instantly, but it can't hurt a person! At least, not if he didn't want it to, anyways!" She said, placing herself between the lizard-boy and myself. I tentatively reached for my pen and paper.

That doesn't quite comfort me as much as you might hope.
Might want to consider changing the name of that power to one that doesn't make me think of large swaths of burning village.

Twilight chuckled suspiciously and looked away, as if remembering an uncomfortable event. A brief look confirmed all the other ponies were likewise averting their gazes. "Well, that doesn't matter!" the princess quickly diverted, "Let me properly introduce you."She gave my arm a magical tug, surprising me enough to pull me from behind my cover. The young lizard was in turn pushed towards me as she spoke, "Spike, this is Peter Williams, an intelligent human from another dimension, Peter, this is the youngling dragon Spike, my number one assistant." The added emphasis on the youngling part implied there was an underlying conversation I would not be privy to, but what really grabbed my attention was the fact she had called him a dragon.

I examined the creature further. He was certainly reptilian, the scaly exterior and emerald-hued vertical slit eyes. He had a pair of green fin-like protrusions on his face that matched the spines flowing down his back. He had claws and talons, which strangely gave him a set of opposable thumbs. Even if the idea of a bi-pedal dragon had never crossed my mind before, but the little guy did fit the bill, except for one thing.

Do Equestrian dragons have wings?

The question paused the princess for a moment before answering, "Well, yes, most dragons do have wings, but Spike is a rare Grounded Drake." I had never heard of that, but what the hell, new land, new creatures, new rules, "I hatched him when I was just a filly as a test to join Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns-"

"And I've been her number one assistant ever since!" The little 'dragon' proudly said. I paused in thought for a moment before scribbling out another note.

Wait, so your test to get into this school was to hatch a fire breathing dragon!?

"Well, yes." the princess replied. Huh, tough entrance exam. Before our conversation could continue I was surprised by a bright gout of green flames accompanied by a loud belch from my newest acquaintance. The flames quickly died down, leaving a rolled up paper in it's wake. "Oh! The Princess has already responded to me!" The paper was enveloped in a magenta field of energy and drawn towards Princess Sparkle, who read it quickly. When she finished her eyes rolled, “Of course! Discord! I should have guessed.” She grumbled.

“But Discy is all nicy-wicy now, Twilight!” Pinkie said, emerging from the underside of the table.

“Maybe, but he could be trying some prank or something.” Princess Sparkle was working hard in her mind before I interrupted her by shoving a note in her face.

Who is this Discord?

Twilight began, ”Discord is-”

“-only the super most fun prankster ever!” Pinkie popped up again, this time from behind the seat Applejack had been sitting in, listening to everything silently. “He always joins us when me and Dashie go out to have fun! He’s also Fluttershy’s best friend and might have once tried to bring everlasting chaos to Equestria.” My eyebrow quirked up at her ending, causing the ponies (and dragon) to flinch slightly at my ability to express my dignified confusion.

“Discord is the recently-reformed spirit of chaos and disharmony. He has immense chaotic magic that has crazy effects. He’s probably responsible for you being here.” the princess explained.

I nodded, though I wasn’t sure on how to interpret that. A spirit of disharmony? Was he supposed to be some sort of ghost? And just what does ‘reformed’ mean? there were so many questions and so few answers popping up, but before anything could be written a certain purple ‘dragon’ made a loud burp, followed by a belch of green flames. Just as the letter had disappeared before, another seemed to spawn from the ashes. A magenta haze formed around it and was drawn towards Princess Sparkle.

Ah! The princess has already responded!” She said, clearing her throat,

My faithful fellow Princess, Twilight, it is good to hear from you. As it happens I have found myself in a similar situation. Since we are agreed Discord may have some hand in this, I will come to ponyville soon so we may confront him on this together. I urge you to gather your friends quickly, but be careful. We do not know what game Discord is playing.

Princess Sparkle looked up from the letter, taking only a moment before springing into action. “Princess Celestia is coming here!” she shouted in a gasp, “We need to move quickly. I’ll go find Rainbow Dash, she’ll probably be looking over Fluttershy. Spike, I need you to fix up the library before she gets here.” The young Drake gave a firm nod and salute before darting off, presumably to clean. “Rarity, could you set up some tea for when the Princess gets here?”

Rarity flipped her hair before replying, “Of course, darling.” With that she too trotted out.

Applejack spoke up, “I can fix up some quick apple treats for when she gets here.”

“Great, you do that Applejack.” the princess seemed to be on a roll. I was somewhat impressed. If I had just received a notice some royalty or my mentor were coming to visit, I would have torn down half my house trying to get ready. It either spoke volumes for her coolness under pressure, or her experience in this sort of situation. While the ponies ran about Derpy and I were left standing idle. As a modern man, honed through two decades of education and experience, with a world of limitless possibility, I did what my entire life trained me for, and began playing on my phone.

I was less interested in it’s contents and more with the fact the damned thing was still working. It was relatively new and could hold a charge for about thirty four hours with no activity. I turned it off three days ago with only twelve percent battery left, and now not only was it still working, but the charge had jumped up to forty three! Even now the corner held a little battery icon with a lightning bolt through it. It was a strange find to say the least, as if the atmosphere itself had a charge to it, though that may explain some of the various facets of life around here, like refrigerators. Just another question to pose when the opportunity strikes.

I put the phone down and stood up to stretch my legs. The princess had left Derpy and I alone as they went on to prepare for the arrival of whom I was beginning to assume was no mere royal daughter or typical ruler. Walking over to the mailmare I wrote a question.

So, before I make an ass of myself, who exactly is Princess Celestia. What do I need to expect?

“Well,” she said after reading, “She’s the ruler of Equestria. She rules alongside her sister, Princess Luna, and they raise and lower the sun and moon respectively.” She would have gone on if I didn’t give her a face that conveyed a sentiment of ‘Back the hell up’

What do you mean, raise the sun and the moon?

“Well, Princess Celestia raises the sun every morning, and Princess Luna raises the moon. Princess Celestia used to do both all by herself, but then Princess Luna came back after one thousand years of banishment from when she turned into Nightmare Moon” That did… not answer my question… in fact it just raised more…

What is the sun?

“What?” Now it was her turn to be confused.

On my world the sun is a great ball of various gases held together and compressed by gravity. These gases are compressed to the point they ignite and burn, emitting enough heat and light to allow life on my planet. The ‘rising’ and ‘falling’ of the sun is the result of the rotation of the planet on it’s axis. Do you know if it works the same here?

“Umm… Well… I don’t know… I’m not a very sciency pony, I just deliver the mail. You could probably ask Princess Sparkle, though! She the smartest pony in Ponyville!” Hmm… Benched until a later time then. pressing on.

So what is Princess Celestia like?

“Oh, well she’s very nice, at least whenever I’ve seen her, and she cares for all her ponies. She was Princess Sparkle’s teacher, so she would be able to tell you more…” The pony’s voice reduced in volume as she spoke, “I’m sorry, I’m not being very helpful, am I?” I reached out and gave her a small hug before writing again.

Derpy, just being here is enough. I’m glad you’re here with me for this.

She smiled softly after she read, and we hugged again before I stood at full height to stretch my limbs. I decided to fill my time by looking over some of the documents the princess had left out. Property laws apparently. Old ones if the current date and the ones on this are anything to go by. It looked like some standard medieval level laws, lands owned by an elite class via land grants from the crown, while it was worked by a peasant class with certain rights and privileges. Outdated if the modern culture of Equestria is anything to go by.

I could see the beginnings of the documents being organized by periods of use, so, with little else to do, I began sorting them into piles. One stack for every two hundred years or so. There was a clear progression of dispersal of lands throughout the ages, as land grands got smaller and broken up as noble lines ended. The most recent law in the pile had a recognition of land rights for the common pony. The crown had little to do with land transactions other than for accounting and legal purposes. Interesting.

Most interesting was that all the laws were signed by one Princess Celestia. I briefly considered the name as a whole being a title for the ruler, until Derpy’s statement earlier floated through my mind.

”Princess Celestia used to do both all by herself, but then Princess Luna came back after one thousand years of banishment from when she turned into Nightmare Moon”

one thousand years

one thousand years

Hesitantly I wrote another note:

How old is Princess Celestia?

Derpy skewed her face in thought before answering, “Well, she and Princess Luna did defeat Discord and King Sombra during their first reigns.. so they’d have to be over one thousand, but I don’t think there are any books about that far back. The only thing we have would be the Hearth’s Warming Eve play, from when Equestria was first formed.”

My mind raced with possibilities. An elaborate ruse by a long line of rulers? No, not for one thousand-plus years. Some conspiracy from within the nobility? Again, no, there is a clear progression of anti-nobility sentiment from the monarch in these laws. Heavy alteration of historical texts and tight lock down on anti-state information? Nah, Equestria doesn’t strike me as authoritarian enough for that… So how?

Magic.

Fucking Magic.

This is going to fuck with my head until I get a straight answer, but at least the lady- er… mare... herself will be coming to meet with us. If there was ever a more opportune time. My mind cooled down with the possibility of actual answers soon and I finally relaxed, just in time for the bustle to return to the room.

I must have been looking over those laws longer than I thought, because the various ponies had finished their respective tasks and filed into the room. Applejack had a sizeable mound of small treats while Rarity filed in followed by several bundles of floating silverware and a medium sized teapot. Pinkie had… appeared… in the room with a reasonably sized cake and the princess flew in through a window with Rainbow Dash. She seemed very appreciative of the work I had done with her paperwork

Once the group was seated, myself having to move to Fluttershy’s empty chair, Princess Twilight gave the synopsis of what was happening. I had come from another dimension, was fully sapient, and Princess Celestia was coming to offer her knowledge and aid to the situation. Tea was served with either slices of cakes or apple fritters. The only one surprised was Rainbow Dash, but that was because she was the only one not here during our little Q&A earlier.

“Woah! Seriously!?” She exclaimed at the news, “Another universe!? That’s crazy!” I gave a gentle smile and a nod, it was quite the tale, but none the less true. “I thought there was something up with you, but I never would have guessed you were smart as a pony!’ I decided to ignore that and move on.

“So Peter, is there anything you want to know before the princess gets here?” Twilight asked. Well shit, let me go over the laundry list of things I’d like to know about the mare that is about to determine my fate in this world. Let’s start simple.

Is there any special greeting or movement I should do when she arrives?

“Well, most ponies just bow for a greeting, like what you did when you came in. Just do that and you should be fine.” Ah, good to know. Standard formalities it is then. Still, I need more before this meeting really kicks off. How old was she really? Was she some sort of immortal? What’s with this ‘controlling the sun’ business? So many questions, and probably fewer answers. As I began writing my next line of inquiry, one of the guards from outside rushed in.

“Princess Sparkle! Princess Celestia has arrived with guests.”

… Damn it.

I hastily straightened myself, trying to flatten any wrinkles in my suit before meeting what could have been the most powerful figure on the planet. A brief hum of magic and a flash later I found Rarity had the kindness to handle it for me. This mare is a life saver. I stood straight at attention as my eyes laid bare to the undisputed ruler of the whole country for, apparently, one thousand years. The first thing I noticed was she was tall. Like, really tall. At least two ponies in height, hoof to shoulder, or should she be measured in hands… hooves? The point is she towered over the other ponies, and her fellow princess, who promptly ran up and gave her leg a nuzzle.

“Princess Celestia!” The smaller princess cried in jubilation, “It’s so good to see you! We have a lot to discuss.” The almost obscenely pristine white princess gave her a short nuzzle in return as the purple one continued, “This is the human I told you about, Peter Williams!”

At my name I stepped forward and gave a deep, gentlemanly bow to the princess. I took a peek at her response, which was less surprised or shocked, as I had come accustom to in my short time demonstrating my intelligence, and more analytical. Like she was sizing me up. Well… She’s serious at least. She nodded, before turning left to… A human I hadn’t even seen come in, with such focus on making a good impression. I could tell before anything was said I could tell he was different than his troglodyte brethren. First was he actually had clothes, granted they were just some simple tatters, T-shirt and denim jeans, but honest to god human clothes. The fellow was roughly six feet tall, maybe a bit shorter, with dark black hair on top. He was sitting in a chair to the side, observing with curiosity.

“He is most interesting, Twilight. I have brought my own subject of inquiry; this is Richard, a human of similar origin as your Peter, I suspect.” She said, extending a wing gracefully toward the man, who nodded in response. The conversation that ensued was about the same as all the previous ones today, enlightening, but questionable. Celestia clearly showed her calm, rational nature and regal bearing, but I wasn’t quite convinced of the legend surrounding her. I would have loved to pick her mind and make sense of this ‘thousand year old mover of the celestial bodies’ thing… heh, celestial, Celestia. I wonder if she picked that herself… I would have loved to begin my own line of questioning, but I resolved the topic at hand… hoof… no, fuck it, hand, was of more importance that her dubious reputation. They repeatedly brought up that Discord was the source of all current woes, despite his current ‘reformation’. He had apparently been playing pranks of some noble houses, harmless in nature, but with political consequences that Princess Sparkle didn’t entirely seem to follow, and Pinkie didn’t care about as she tried to defend him. Finally the time came to summon the creature in question, an act they could apparently do at will... sort of.

Through clues in their conversation I knew ‘Discord’ wasn’t a pony, mentioning talons and bat wings and paws, but I was unprepared for just what it… he was. he was about one third taller than Celestia, bipedal, and some amalgamation of creatures the likes of which I’d never seen. He must have had a piece from every major four legged animal on Earth… or Equis… whatever. He was an unholy abomination against nature, and by the disturbingly off-putting smile he had, he fucking knew it.

As soon as he arrived, everyone in the room, minus Pinkie, tensed up. He evaluated the room, his gaze lingering on myself and Richard for a second longer than the rest of them.

Finally, he spoke, “I was wondering when you would try to blame this on me, princess.” While his voice didn’t contain any perceivable malice, he was clearly annoyed.

“You’ve had your fun Discord, now send them back.” Princess Celestia demanded, giving an authoritative step forward.

The creature gave us a cursory glance before returning to filing his nails on the chair he had sat in at some point in the time I was looking directly at him. I shook my head in confusion before just giving up on magic logic for the time being. Princess Sparkle had mentioned he had strange powers, so whatever. “Oh, I can’t. Didn’t summon them.” He simply replied. This was not well received by the Princesses.

“What do you mean you ‘didn’t summon them’?” Princess Sparkle exclaimed.

“Exactly what I said, my dear.” Discord replied in a voice smooth enough to slide him over to her side, “Twas not I that brought these two unique individuals to our fair land, though I won’t say it wasn’t a good thing. Poor Fluttershy would have been in real trouble if it wasn’t for our intelligent friend here…” I felt a claw wrap around my shoulder, which I found was connected to the creature’s arm, which was now stretched what I felt was entirely too far. That problem was rectified and a new one created when the… spirit’s… body pulled itself next to me, getting well into my personal space, “Thanks for that by the way. Wouldn’t know what I’d do if Fluttershy ever got hurt.”

I gave the horse… lizard… goat… thing… a gentle nod before trying to slip from its grasp.

“But if you didn’t bring them here, what did?” Rarity asked, stepping into the conversation.

“Hmm… That is the question…” Suddenly both Richard and I were being circled by golden eyes with red irises. I did my best not to appear perturbed.”I can sense a magic signature around them… latent, but thats probably because they’ve been here so long… It’s familiar, but old… Hmm…” The snarky attitude he had been portraying simmered down, replaced with genuine curiosity. A silence pervaded that lasted much too long for any form of comfort before Discord jerked away, sucking his eyes back into his head, “Ohhhh… This is worth looking into!” With that he vanished, leaving behind a tall glass of what appeared to be chocolate milk.

Well. That was mildly traumatizing. The ponies looked on with an array of emotions, from inquisitive, to frustrated, to disappointed. Rainbow Dash was the first to speak, “Sooo, what now?”

She received a sigh in response, “If Discord isn’t the one who brought them here it must have been something else.” Princess Celestia turned to her former student, “Twilight, everypon- one.” She cast a glance at Richard and I as she spoke, “It looks like this will take longer than I hoped. Our guests will be staying for a while while I try to sort this out.” She gave a soft smile . I gave this a small amount of time to process. I was going to be stuck in the land of pastel ponies and troglodytes for an indefinite amount of time. Possibly forever.

Huh. I’m not as upset by that as I thought I would be. I mean, sure, can’t see my family again, but this is a whole new world, with new histories and discoveries to be made. And magic! How does it affect this world as opposed to mine? How close is pony culture to human? And the other races! How do they work? Are there monarchies? Republics? Democracies? So much to learn, know, and think! I really wanted to learn about the philosophies of this world, and now I would get the chance. I showed a small smile, allowing my content to radiate.

“So what will happen to Peter?” Derpy’s voice sounded. I turned to see the pegasus emerge from the crowd, tentatively approaching her ruler. Still thinking of me. God bless this mare.

“Richard will return to Canterlot with me, but I’m not sure about Mr. Williams here…” the white princess went into thought. I had been silent for this whole conversation, and now that my fate in this land was being called into question, I decided to intervene. I took up my pad and pen.

I would like to remain here, in Ponyville, if it’s all the same. Derpy has been a most gracious host, and is a good friend. I also owe her and Rarity, so if possible I’d like to find a local form of employment.

I handed my note to the princess to read, to which she chuckled, “Truly? Mr. Williams, I’m not sure what I will do with you. Employment? I suppose a… person… of your intelligence would be of use in this town, but what skills do you have?”

I have a degree in political science from an accredited institution, and a few years of interning experience for various political figures under my belt. I have read most major philosophers of my time, and do practice my own writings from time to time. Anything in these fields would be best, but so long as I have a paycheck to support myself I can last.

She reads it over before looking around the room in thought. “That’s quite the resume, Mr. Williams. Why did you throw yourself so fervently toward this path?” I cracked a smile. Most people who asked me that just assumed I wanted all that political money. They were wrong.

I went through all that schooling because I wanted to prepare myself for the world of politics. I didn’t want to be just a politician, but a statesman. I wanted to be a real leader, guiding my people to a better future. That option isn’t available anymore, obviously, but your world has so many new ideas and factors in store, I’m sure I can find a way to occupy my time.

She looks to each of the ponies present and asks, “My little ponies, what do you think of Mr. Williams here?” Hmm. An examination of character. Understandable, I’d certainly question if a potentially insane person suddenly wanted to take up residence in my town. I stood by patiently as each pony made their case.

“Well, Ah suppose he a good fellah, fer a human.” Applejack said, only mildly aware of her insult to me. I’ll let it slide, since she’s coming to my defense. “He helped fight off the timberwolves when they attacked, and showed some real courage when the time came.”

Rainbow Dash popped up, hovering above them, “Yeah! He just swooped in to save me and Fluttershy, though, he could have tried to plan it better.” Hey! I was on short notice and the pan was the first thing I saw!

“He can certainly conduct himself like a gentlecolt, and has the most insightful ideas, even if he’s a little hard to communicate with.” Rarity gave her coif a flip as she spoke. I would thank her if I wasn’t being scrutinized by arguably the most powerful being on the planet.

“Even if he missed his party, I can tell he’s a lot of fun! He might be a bit of a stick in the mud right now, but give me a week and he’ll be up to Ponyville standards, no problemo!” Pinkie Pie vouched as she bounced. We would have to talk about these parties she wanted to throw…

Princess Twilight seemed to think for a moment before speaking, “Well, I haven’t known Peter for more than this morning, so I can’t really say. Derpy, You’ve been living with him. What do you think, could Peter make a life in Ponyville?”

As the group looked at Derpy she wilted. She was clearly uncomfortable with all the attention she was suddenly receiving. “Umm… Well… You see…” She looked to me, and I gave her a sign to just breath. She took a deep breath to form her composure before speaking again, “Peter is a good person. He saved Dinky from the Everfree Forest and has been nothing but helpful ever since. If he genuinely wants to make a life here, all he needs is for ponies to give him a chance.” God bless you, Derpy. God bless.

Celestia nodded, apparently satisfied, “Very well. Mr. Williams.” She spoke clearly and concisely, “As Princess of Equestria, I offer you immigrant status, with all the rights and privileges thereunto pertaining, in exchange for services to the crown for a total of one year as acting political advisor for Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

The assembled group, myself and said princess included, issued a statement of collective ‘What?’ She was basically handing everything I had wanted in exchange for one of the cushiest jobs imaginable. It was an offer on a silver plate that was too good to be true, which probably meant it was...

Princess Sparkle apparently agreed with me, “But princess, why?”

“Because, Twilight,” the tall princess replied, “ while you are the Princess of Friendship, you are still a Princess of Equestria, and you may begin to face problems you and your friends are not prepared for. They will not be fought on fields of battle or magical trinkets, but on paperwork and diplomatic meetings. Mr. Williams has proven educated in this field, and his personal character has been above reproach since his arrival. I would feel more secure with him than any tudor I could assign from Canterlot. Assuming Mr. Williams accepts, of course.”

Aaand eyes are on me again. Unnerving. They are just absurdly huge, now that I really look at them. So I get to teach my profession for a year to a no-shit ruler, and then I am the equivalent of a free man. I wonder if I would be able to apply for citizenship? Probably, if I have the backing of a princess. It also gives me that protection I wanted. High crime to attack a royal advisor, I’d wager. Still a few things we need to hammer out. I grab my paper and take a few minutes to write out some lines.

A few points we need to address:

1: I want a public acknowledgement of my sapience. No point to working for the government if I’m still considered an animal by the local population. Although we may want to keep it quiet I’m the Royal Adviser. Too much shock can cause upheaval, no good for anyone.

2: I want an actual contract guaranteeing my status under the terms discussed. I may be laughed out of a courtroom, but I’ll have a real argument.

3: I’ll need a stipend to pay for my personal requirements. My own food, clothing, and rent. I’m already indebted to two of your citizens for their help, and I don’t plan to be for much longer.

Are these conditions reasonable?

Celestia read over my paper, but didn’t say it out loud. I doubt many present would appreciate me ‘speaking’ so harshly and informally to their primary ruler. Once she finished she set it aside, face down, and gave a gracious smile that seemed more genuine than any I had seen thus far, “Yes, Mr. Williams, I think such terms could be arranged.” I smiled back, something that seemed to bother her less than anyone else yet.

Well then, princess, you
have yourself an advisor.

Author's Note

Wow, like three months later and a chapter is finally released. Writing is hard. Especially in school. And with a colab writer. Find his fic Here.