Abyss, Something Amiss

Rainbow woke up slowly and painfully. She was lying on a white bed, surrounded by white walls. The door matched, and it was locked. The walls were set in buttoned padding. She was panicking, but she wasn’t moving; a cold, waking sweat beaded up on her pale Caucasian forehead, the only color remaining on her whole body in her meticulously dyed hair.

This was still fucking real. Every fucking time she woke up now it seemed so fucking real. All the fucking people here told her it was real, like they knew better than her.

She slowly bent forward and clutched at her bangs, her knees scrunching up to her.

But it’s not really real.

-

She was soon slouching in front of a doctor, her seat directly across from his. She was in her daily session, the whole environment enclosing her colored warm. Her doctor wore a very calming smirk-like smile, like he really did know better and he was trying to break it to her.

“You are not a pony.”

Rainbow didn’t respond to him.

“You are not a pegasus.”

Rainbow’s gaze was cast down, her arms folded firmly over her breasts.

“You are not a combination of the two.”

She barely heard anything. Her doctor, Zui, raised a pen from his sheet to his cheek and leaned his head barely on it.

“This is just the first step. We can take all the time you want on it, but we have to get past it,” he said.

Rainbow’s hair slipped onto her face again, and she carefully put it back over her ear. She breathed in sharply and said, “There aren’t any steps for me to get past.”

Doctor Zui said, “The first step is admitting you have a problem.”

“I do. With you.”

Rainbow slumped further into the leather cushion. Doctor Zui maintained his composure, but pursed his lips and moved his pen over them. A moment of silence passed as the doctor glanced past the window at a beautiful artificial waterfall waiting just outside. Rainbow kept her small, narrow eyes square on her folded arms.

Doctor Zui looked back at her and said, “We can remain bored for this whole hour, or we can talk about something. We can talk about how you dislike me, if you want.”

Rainbow looked up at him without tilting her head. “You’re a dick.”

“There,” Doctor Zui declared, leaning forward in his seat and pointing his pen at her. “That’s what you’re feeling right now. Keep going.”

Rainbow’s gaze was steadfast on him now. She didn’t know if he was taunting her or not, but all she wanted to tell him was exactly what to shove up his ass.

“Maybe I seem obnoxious?” the doctor asked. “Obviously, everyone involved in your recovery will agitate you for a while. I understand your state of mind.”

Rainbow quickly pulled herself back up in her chair. “Of course you understand me. You’re a part of my head.”

The doctor studied her expression a moment further, then frowned and leaned back. He glanced down at his sheet and rolled his pen over part of it.

Rainbow sank back into the leather. Doctor Zui sighed and tutted, “The first step is admitting you have a problem, Delilah.”

“Stop it,” Rainbow said.

Her doctor raised the pen to his lips again. “We can’t stop it.”

“I told you that’s not my name.”

Her doctor resumed his odd smile and started tapping the pen. “If you can’t even remember when you came here, you’ll have to trust that I might know a little more about you than you think.”

“No,” Rainbow said. She remembered so much more. She didn’t just have the memories in her head; she was still experiencing them, but the longer she stayed awake each day, the more they distanced from her.

Her gaze narrowed on the doctor and her teeth tightened. Maybe they were all taunts. Maybe she could shove something up his ass for him.

-

She was in a corridor now. She had been moved again, a hazy memory between now and her session. The walls, too, were simply blank. And they went on for so long.

When other people passed her, they were just as intent on themselves as Rainbow was on studying them. They were all fucking little... sickos. They all had something wrong with them. The last man to pass her was drooling out from his mouth, letting it dribble down his white gown.

And all of them were fake. Wronger than anyone she’d ever seen, but she couldn’t put a finger on how. She was calmer than some time before, but she couldn’t think much straighter. Dreams didn’t happen like this.

They’re like... no, shit, now I remember. They’re not ponies.

She turned toward the drooling man as he stumbled further away and thought, Or at least they don’t look like ponies.

Rainbow turned back and walked again. The hall soon ended as she reached an activities room, more brightly lit, and more white people surrounding her at a distance. They all looked like they were trying to amuse themselves, but little in the room was worth being amused by.

But one of them was talking, using a voice Rainbow was familiar with. The woman with that voice was chatting with someone unimportant, a man that couldn’t keep a gaze on the same thing for three seconds. The woman’s skin was a dark shade of brown, unlike the dull pallet of Rainbow and everyone else she had seen.

Rainbow marched straight to the lady, in one move clutching her shoulder and forcing the lady to see her. Rainbow spoke clearly and carefully to her, “Do you still remember who you are?”

The woman looked more timid than Rainbow thought she should, but that made sense. She was probably having trouble fitting into the environment, just like any of Rainbow’s friends would. She had larger eyes than Rainbow’s, and they were opened wide.

She said, “Yes, I do, but I don’t know who you are.”

That voice. Rainbow had never heard anyone else with that voice before. The woman spoke in a drawl, not fully pronouncing some of her syllables.

Rainbow grabbed the lady’s other shoulder and tightened her grip. “You’re Applejack. You’re a pony, just like I am. I know we don’t always get along, but we’ve got to keep trying to get back to Ponyville. Now we can do it together.”

The whole time, the woman was trying to loosen Rainbow’s grip and squirm away. She must have been here much longer than Rainbow to be this forgone with the doctors’ brainwashing or whatever the fuck it was they were doing.

“You’ve got to let go of me,” the woman said. Her voice now was almost just a squeak.

But Rainbow didn’t. “I won’t let go,” she said. “I’m not letting you go. They can’t take this away from me.”

The lady shrank back in Rainbow’s hands as they tightened further, but now she was looking over Rainbow’s shoulder. Rainbow could hear someone coming up behind her, but she didn’t listen. She kept looking ahead, tightening everything, and when another hand grabbed her shoulder she didn’t care.

A needle was jabbed into her arm, more painful than it should have felt, but in another second Rainbow couldn’t feel where it had punctured her. The numbing spread and an automatic panic welled up within her, but she still didn’t resist. She didn’t loosen her hands voluntarily from the lady in front of her, but they came away anyway. Rainbow’s whole body slumped into the arms of the person behind her, and the last conscious ability she had was to keep her eyes open.

They shut.

-

Home again.

Tomorrow, actually, was a very special day for Rainbow Dash. Of course, she didn’t put that much importance in it. That was up to Pinkie Pie, who was already planning everything to do with it before Dash had even remembered it in the first place.

Pinkie loved birthdays.

Ponyville may not have been any more abuzz about it than anything else, but half the ponies living there had already been invited. Dash didn’t care that much. Today was a gorgeous day, too. No clouds to alter, no snow to melt, only one or two competitions to involve herself with...

Summer. The perfect time for her to sleep in.

“She looks pretty asleep up there to me. I told you she wouldn’t be up yet.”

Dash stirred from her cloud bed. She really hoped this wasn’t going where she thought it was.

“Oh, yeah, but maybe she’ll be up soon. Look, she’s rolling over. Aw, she must not be sleeping well!”

And now she couldn’t really get comfortable again. But she would in just a few quiet minutes.

“Maybe, or she’s just dreaming right now. I can easily imagine you moving around like that when you dream, Pinkie.”

“Nope! I sleep like a rock.”

“Well, that’s... kind of surprising, actually.”

“It’s the first time it’s ever come up with anypony. It’s not that surprising, is it?”

Dash pushed herself up. Glowering down over her cloud at Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle, the two of them loitering underneath, Dash groaned, “I’m only, like, twenty hooves away from you guys. I can hear you just fine.”

She flitted her wings and hopped down from the clouds. Twilight smiled at her and said, “Wow, you look like you’re still asleep.”

Dash yawned in reply. Pinkie ignored her friend’s state of consciousness and frowned at her.

“Dashie, it’s a disaster! I was planning everything for your party tomorrow and telling Twilight all about it, and suddenly it hit me, pow,” she said as she smacked one hoof to the other, “I already threw a cloud-themed birthday party for someone else this year, and since you’re a pegasus pony, that would have been the perfect kind of party to throw you, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m throwing you the same party as someone else, so now I need your help!”

Dash stretched her wings and sighed. “Pinkie, I don’t care. Whatever you’ve been planning--”

“Oh my gosh, I care!” Pinkie cried. “I just can’t do that to one of my friends! But I’ve already got it figured out.”

Twilight nodded sagely and raised a hoof to signal her addition. “And since Pinkie is going to be spending the day with you, I thought I would take the chance to share this special girls-time experience with you.”

Dash distorted her face a little as she said, “I think you left out part of the explanation there. Since when is Pinkie hanging out with me today?”

“Since we’re doing the next best thing to partying, of course!” Pinkie said. Her frown had turned upside down as she wrapped up. “Oh, and eating sweets. Shopping!”

Dash’s face returned to normal. “Pinkie, I don’t have anything to shop for.”

“Yes, you do! I need you to help me pick what kind of theme you want now, so I need all new streamers, balloons, banners, and frosting!”

It was Pinkie’s usual impervious attitude. Dash studied her friend’s face for a moment and thought she might not be able to get out of these plans. “Whatever you think is cool is fine with me, Pinkie. I’m sure my party will be as awesome as ever.”

Twilight’s whole expression dropped. She levitated a veritably long-ass list in front of her nose and said, “But... I already helped Pinkie organize where we should go.”

Pinkie’s grin remained the same. Dash kept looking between the two ponies in front of her and gave up.

“Okay...”

“Joy!” Twilight squealed. She and Pinkie clapped their hooves together.

Dash yawned again, this one longer than before, but she didn’t feel tired. She stretched her back and flexed her wings just to get the kinks out of her joints as Twilight and Pinkie finished giggling to each other.

Pinkie jumped up and down, ready to start off, saying, “Okay, I’m going on ahead! I’ll see you girls there!”

She sprang off, leaving the other two friends behind. Twilight turned back toward Dash, and her expression dimmed considerably.

“Uh... if you really aren’t feeling up to it, I’m sure Pinkie and I can make do on our own.”

“Huh?” Dash asked, stretching her legs now. “Nah, I do this every morning. I feel fine.”

Twilight took a moment before responding, studying Dash for a moment. Dash stood back up and looked back at her. “What’s wrong?”

Twilight smiled genuinely again. “Oh, I guess it’s nothing. You still look kind of sleepy.”

-

The first store in line for the day was the paper shop. A few wallpapers were on display in its front window, set beside the many bundles of wrapping paper and decorative tissue that dominated the set. The only other thing there was Pinkie’s face planted on the window.

Twilight trotted up behind her with Dash in tow. Pinkie pulled herself away from the display and ho-hummed to her nearing friends, “I usually just get whatever feels right, but I’m not used to planning all of the colors and decorations with someone else.”

She actually sighed, lamenting, “Maybe I should have asked Rarity for help after all.”

Twilight raised one of her hooves in protest, insisting, “No, no, no, Pinkie, don’t worry about that. I’m sure I’ve studied just as much color coordination as Rarity, and she’s probably busy with a ton of orders anyway.”

Rainbow, kicking her hooves in the dust behind them, glanced between Pinkie’s hard-lined face and the growing anxiousness of Twilight’s. It was kind of funny before she realized Twilight was acting serious.

Pinkie rubbed her chin and hummed it over for a second.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Rarity never comes to my pre-parties, anyway,” she said. “Even if Dashie needs all the help she can get!”

“You won’t regret this!” Twilight cried, grabbing Pinkie’s hoof and clutching it close to her body.

Dash scowled. She flipped her wings twice and said, “What do you mean, all the help I can get?”

Twilight calmed down, cleared her throat, and smiled again. She turned back toward Dash and explained, “She means that we’ll pick everything out, and you just have to approve it. Just leave it all to us.”

Dash knew when she was being doubted. Still scuffing the dirt, but not paying attention to it anymore, she scrunched her eyes down further. She would have protested more, but she noticed out of the corner of her eye Applejack coming down the road toward her.

Twilight and Pinkie didn’t seem to notice Applejack, and they went back to the storefront window. Dash took a couple of steps away as her other friend approached, and said, “Man, you have no idea how glad I am to see you, A.J.”

Applejack chuckled a bit, trotting up near the whole group. “Uh, all right. Howdy, Twi; hey, Pinkie.”

The other two girls vaguely waved at her, quickly returning their full attention to the window.

“Oh hi,” Pinkie mentioned.

Applejack paid no mind and looked back to Dash. “Listen, Rainbow, I’ve got that produce that I talked about yesterday all ready to go today, if you’re still up for a little workout.”

She smiled wider and continued quieter, “The help I got earlier isn’t quite as helpful as I thought she might be, so yours would be extra appreciated.”

Dash grinned and stretched her wings. She said, “I don’t think a few carts will--”

Pinkie shoved her nose away from the store window and interrupted, “Not today she can’t!”

“She already promised to help us make sure her party is as perfect as any of Pinkie’s events,” Twilight said.

Pinkie and Twilight both looked straight at Dash before they turned their attention back on Applejack. Dash thought back a little while, her sweat starting to lower, and said, “Well, I didn’t really--”

“That’s nice, but I’m sure you can get along just fine without her today. See, Rainbow already promised to help me move some apple carts so we can start selling the apples,” Applejack said.

Pinkie also refused to budge. “Birthdays are just as important!”

Applejack took a step forward. “Sorry, sugarcube, but they’re not as important as livelihood.”

Twilight stepped between the two feuding ponies, pushing them apart from each other. “Come on, girls, we can work this out without getting personal!”

She smiled and then turned to Applejack. “Although Rainbow Dash really needs to stay with us right now.”

“Now hold on there,” Applejack said, “It’s no fair if you go ganging up on me! Rainbow here made a prior commitment to me.”

Dash’s grin noticeably diminished, but she held as pleasant a tone as she could. “Actually, I did tell Applejack I’d probably be able to help her out. I wasn’t thinking about it this morning when I told Pinkie and Twilight I’d help them.”

Even as she spoke, she could sense the aggression from all three ponies now facing her. Dash gingerly backed up toward the main road, followed closely by the other ponies, each ready to say something harsher than was best for all of them.

But Pinkie, instead, glanced up all of the sudden and said, “Oh gosh, I hope those don’t--”

A large collection of apples bombarded Dash’s skull in a loud series of thunks. The three ponies remained motionless for a second, fourth body fully covered by fresh produce, then looked up.

An alarmed but sweet voice called down to them, an empty apple cart hooked onto the back of the voice’s originator, “Oh, my goodness.”

-

Rainbow woke up quickly and painfully. Her head had a twinge that felt like it had just ended throbbing. She felt on her side the warm, white bedding she usually found wrapped up all over her whenever she woke now. Her hair was splayed all over her face, and she was in the fetal position. She didn’t feel alive; she felt dead.

They used to call this room her special place. They used to bind her here, but she didn’t physically resist them anymore. She felt like she shouldn’t have had these memories, but she remembered that they happened.

She barely moved. Her eyes remained open, moving even less. Her mind raced and she struggled to calm it.

She noticed her door was open. She wasn’t sure if it had just opened or not. A man in plain white scrubs was standing there in the frame, looking down at her with a gaze she thought was still blank.

“I have your pills.”

Rainbow pulled the sheets closer to her face.

“Don’t forget, your new procedures are starting today. Based on your previous cooperation, we’ll have to take larger steps now.”

Only Rainbow’s eyes were still visible from all the dark white bundled around her. “I don’t need them.”

“You do. And you need your medicine.”

“Go the fuck away.”

The man stood still, his hand still on the doorknob. Rainbow actually peered up at him. His blank expression had changed to something lesser.

“Well. That’s why you haven’t made any friends here.”