Pinkamena Pie's Infallible Cure-All
Chapter 3: Comedown

Pinkie could only think of one pony with a mane like that. Rainbow Dash.

"Finally came to your senses, didja?" Pinkie smiled while simultaneously jumping on top of her partner and opening her eyes.

That wasn't Rainbow Dash.

Beneath Pinkie, a white mare lay limp and asleep. She had a frazzled, wiry mane which was riddled with at least seven shades of blue. It was spiky, and the colors fluctuated as if her mane were made from the embers of a blue fire. Pinkie had never seen such a mane.

"Well, at least I have good taste," she thought while licking her lips.

The mystery pony was stirred by Pinkie's sudden change of position and slowly moved her extremities, trying to find her bed mate. After a few bursts of effort, the pony opened her eyes. Pinkie couldn't help but gasp aloud at the resplendent eyes revealed to her; they were magenta, like Rainbow's, but Rainbow's didn't compare to these. They locked with Pinkie's gaze and she felt...at home. There was a warmth in her heart she had never felt before. Her legs became jelly, and she fell on top of the marshmallow coat below her.

"Hey, Pinkie," the mare began, "that was some night, huh?"

Buck. Pinkie didn't remember anything about her new partner, not even a name.

"Wait!" Her mind turned, vying for a solution. "Her cutie mark! Maybe if I see her cutie mark I'll remember who she is!"

Pinkie, ever the actress, pretended to fall from the small bed they were resting upon. Frankly, Pinkie was amazed the pony didn't become suspicious, since falling off of a bed while lying on your belly isn't exactly—well—possible.

~~~~~

I woke up kind of abruptly, but hey, that's alright. It was totally worth it to get with that pink mare, right? What was her name? Oh yeah, Pinkie Pie. What a crazy name. Hell, what a crazy pony. And now it was time for the best part of the routine, the morning after sex. Time for step one, cradle last nights conquest from behind and whisper something that'll make her heart melt.

I moved my arms around, but there wasn't anypony there. Dammit. Did I get one-night-standed again?

I really didn't want to open my eyes if I didn't have to, but I needed to see if I got abandoned, or if that mare just fell off of the bed. That was happening a lot lately. Note to self, get a bigger bed. I guess I had to. I opened my eyes, staring at the wall of my bedroom where Pinkie should have been, but obviously I already knew she wasn't there. I turned to the ceiling, preparing to force myself out of bed. Holy shit! There's Pinkie. Right above me. Staring. Honestly I didn't know whether being watched in my sleep is flattering or creepy, but I decided to indulge both emotions and act cool.

"Hey Pinkie—" I tried to play it off like I wasn't surprised she was staring at me in my sleep like some kind of mass murderer. "—that was some night, huh?"

As soon as I saw those eyes I was completely paralyzed. I didn't remember them being that beautiful the night before, of course I did do a pretty great job keeping her eyes closed (and her throat squealing) throughout most of the night. But anyway, those eyes! Wow! I couldn't think. She was so damn beautiful, but those eyes set it all off. They were so deep, so intelligent and unwavering, like she knew what I was planning on doing, but insisted she was the one in power here. That was kind of sexy. Disappointing, to say the least, but definitely sexy. And they were so...comfortable. No, that word doesn't work, but they were! Something in them made me feel a little less unsure about everything, not just the fact that my early morning buck-train had been completely hijacked, either. Out of nowhere I felt this warm confidence inside me. This pony was important to me somehow, I could tell.

My cheesy soap opera day dreams were broken by the pony above me collapsed and fell onto my floor, taking the only blanket with her. Today was already way more interesting than the rest of my week.

~~~~~

Ha! I did it! I managed to exit the bed, avoid confronting the mare about the fact I had no clue who she was, and uncovered her cutie mark in one swift and elegant move.

Okay, so it wasn't elegant at all, but I'd like to see you pull off that situation as well as I did. Two bits says you can't do it. Anyway I was...um...oh! Right! That mark, I needed to see it!

Without hesitating I pushed my head as close to her flank as I could get. That's totally normal though, after all we did just spend a night doing Celestia knows what. I pressed my nose right on my new friend and wow. She smelled like sex. Not the oh-my-god-I'll-do-anything-to-make-you-smile-Rarity kind, but like the hey-everyone-look-Fluttershy-was-actually-mentioned-in-this-story kind of sex. I mean it was the happy kind, not the kind where you just do it for a dress to the Gala...I regret nothing.

"Well, so much for not knowing what I was doing last night," I mumbled.

My eyes focused on the reason I got here, trying to figure out who this pony was and what she did. There was a small problem though...

There wasn't anything on her. Well there was something on her, but nothing that really says "Look at what I can do!" Confused I reached a hoof up and brushed at her flank in case maybe something was covering her coat. Nope. Nothing.

~~~~~

"You know if I knew you were gonna stare at me all morning I'da made you pay me." Pinkie turned her head to the mare, looking confused. "It's a joke. Ponies make those when they want to sound funny or cheer someone up, or break an awkward silence after someone stares at their ass for a prolonged period of time." The color of Pinkie's face probably would have become pink if it weren't already.

"So—um—what do you want for dinner?"

"We just woke up from our first date and you're already pushing for dinner? Hey I can dig it. I guess I don—"

"BREAKFAST! I meant breakfast! What a beautiful day outside!"

"Pinkie have you seen our coats? We're still pretty dirty from last night..."

Pinkie hadn't thought of that, nor had she seen her own fur. She surveyed her body, and found that she too had patches of dried fluid on herself. Pinkie didn't remember her escapades with Ms. Mystery Mare, (Hey Pinkie liked that name!) but Mystery was right. She desperately needed cleaning.

"Okay." Pinkie looked around the room, still hoping to find some evidence of the mare's name. "Where can I clean up?"

"We."

"What?"

"Where can we clean up. You don't expect to wash your back all by yourself, do you?" She winked at Pinkie.

Pinkie's heart sank a little bit, then it raced. She saw where this was going, and it made her nervous. Not because she didn't want to, Mystery was gorgeous and looked like tons of fun, but every time Pinkie shared a bath with someone before she had at least known their name. Reluctantly, Pinkie made a decision.

"Yeah! We! That sounds like oodles of fun and I could use some help cleaning."

"I'll go get the water going then!" Mystery pranced into a door which Pinkie presumed lead to a bathroom.

"What did I do last night?" Pinkie planted her flank on the wooden floor with a small thud.

Finally having the time, Pinkie surveyed the room. There really wasn't very much in it; she found that most of the floor space was occupied by a series of keyboards and soundboards. There wasn't much on the walls, but what did merit a spot certainly revealed a lot to Pinkie. There were calendars with tons of circles and marks and words and...wait. Those were more than just words. Pinkie stood and walked closer to the calendar.

The calendar was one of the kind you buy in a store for a last minute gift on Hearth's Warming, with pictures of general things like rain drops and forests and oceans. The month currently pinned up was June. All of the days had been crossed out so far, except for yesterday.

"Huh." Pinkie chuckled. "Guess she didn't really have time to cross that day out."

Back to the calendar. The margins were marked with all kinds of dates and times and events, but what stood out to Pinkie was the list at the bottom right. Labeled "Buck-it," the words were scribbled with energy, and appeared to have been scribbled hastily. As they neared the margins the words curved down and kept going, like Rainbow Dash would suddenly turn before hitting a wall. Pinkie turned her head as she read the list.

Buck-it

"Well that's not a very nice choice of words."

1. Clean up this apartment. You are such a slob. Nopony is going to want to associate with your filth. I certainly don't.

"It doesn't look to dirty to me."

2. Clean up your act. You come home late every night strung out and incoherent and I can't bucking stand it.

"She's talking to herself?" Pinkie was alarmed, but then remembered she threw an entire party single-hoofedly, realizing she had no room to judge, she continued reading.

3. Culture yourself. For Celestia's sake "WUBWUBWUBWUB" Is not music; it is the sound of a dishwasher on the fritz.

"Uh..."

4. You're a grown mare, you need to start doing something to contribute to society. Remixing songs with loud sounds and explosions does not count. Maybe if you did something with your life you could finally get a cutie mark and be considered important enough for somepony to care about.

"But...you seemed pretty okay to me...I thought you were nice."

Pinkie stared at the final note on the list, this one was written in a different color and was much more organized and readable.

1. Win back Octy.

"Octy?" Pinkie tilted her head even further to the side, falling onto the cold floor and knocking herself dizzy for a moment.

"Hey, Pinkie, the water is ready." Mystery popped her head through the door and waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Picking herself up, Pinkie approached the door, unsure of whether or not to address the list or not.

"Well," she muttered in contemplation, "nothing ventured..."

Author's Note

Okay, I admit this chapter could have been a lot smoother, but I needed to write. Sorry about the delay, between my term paper and applying for colleges and scholarships I haven't had much time to write, but once this is all over I can go full steam ahead with this story.

Also, please feel free to leave me criticism in the comments and correct any grammatical mistakes I make. If anyone is interested in proofreading/editing for me that would be awesome.

I hope you guys are enjoying the story. I'm planning on making the next chapter a LOT thicker, but it's gonna take some time.

Finally, I've started experimenting with POV in the story (No way, I coudn't tell!) since I like to use the set of three asterisks (like these:* * *) for time lapses, I will use five consecutive tildes (like THESE: ~~~~~) when changing POV for consistency, flow, and avoiding general confusion.

Thanks for reading guys,
Captain Cake