My Adventures in Equestria

Over the next three or so hours, I learned about the makings of Equestria and its history. Nate fell asleep about twenty minutes in, and I had to tell Twilight that was to be expected. She seemed to feel a little better after I told her that. I wouldn’t feel too good if someone fell asleep if I was talking either. I now have a new respect for teachers.

The lesson actually wasn’t bad to be honest. I never knew that Celestia’s parent’s names were Solar Flare and Moon Rock. I never really paid any attention to the fanon names for her parents, so I don’t know if any of them are right. I also learned that Equestria has had a couple wars over Celestia’s reign. One with Zebras, one with Griffons, and there was actually a civil war when Luna was banished.

Apparently her followers weren’t too pleased their goddess being sent to the moon. So they rebelled, and they actually almost won too. The only thing that stopped them was Celestia’s giant magical barrier, which held them back long enough to be detained. Since then, no wars have occurred. I guess no one wanted to piss off the moon banisher after that.

Anyways, I was actually kind of hooked after that. My inner learning nerd came out after a long coffee break and it felt awesome. I haven’t been too happy with learning after this year in 9th grade when we stopped learning interesting things about things that actually apply to real life. When I get stopped at a stop light, I highly doubt that the first thing I’m going to do is break out my notes for “The Imaginary Number I” and “Quadratic Formula” and shit like that.

Twilight kindly offered me the guest room but I told Nate he could take it, that couch was damn comfortable! And besides, even though he and I are like brothers to each other, I still wasn’t going to sleep with him yet. I and Nate stayed up late sitting outside. I turned to him and asked,

“What do you want to do about all this? I mean, do we stay or not? It’s not every day you get to just wander on over to Equestria you know.” He just shrugged and replied

“I don’t know, what about Earth? You know, humans, technology?”

“I’ve thought about it, and I’m pretty sure you know me well enough to know what I’m going to say.” I said with raised eyebrows. He sighed and rolled his eyes. In a cheap imitation of my voice he answered

“Screw everyone else, we’re in Equestria, Twilight knows a spell that can send us back and we can just reality jump whenever we feel like it.” I sniffed and said

“I give it an eight out of ten. Would bang.” He shrugged.

“Good enough for me.”

“So, do you wanna stay or not?” I asked with a small frown, waiting his answer. It took him a minute to answer, and every second my frown got bigger and bigger. He finally sighed and said

“I guess we stay.” My frown turned into a grin and I punched him on the shoulder.

“Hell yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. I can see it now, Chase and Nate, Equestrian badasses!” We laughed and he said

“Welp, I’m going to go to bed man, you coming in?” I shook my head slightly.

“Nah, think I’m going to stay out here for a bit longer, think about some stuff.” He just shrugged.

“Okay, see you tomorrow morning I guess.” With that, he shut the door and disappeared inside. I laid back on the slightly moist grass and thought. Who would’ve known I would end up with here with my best friend?  Now I’m kind of pissed that I actually did the homework and now I don’t get to turn it in. It seemed every time that I actually did homework, the universe said “Nope! Screw you; it’s not graded this time! Don’t worry, it will be tomorrow, but you won’t do it anyways!” This time I ended up in Equestria.

Ah, fuck whether the homework’s graded or not, I’m in god damn Equestria! And it feels good to be away from all the bustle of life, and just look up and see stars! You know what; I’m going for a walk. It’s too nice out not to. I’d better be careful, don’t want to get caught and kicked in the face now that that Discord McDick has gone and reverted me back to being able to be injured. Good thing I’m a self-proclaimed ninja!

I strolled through town, picking up as much as I could in the darkness. I could pick out houses and businesses, though if you asked me what they were, I would have said “Pass” kicked you in the shins and ran away. Nothing personal, it’s just business.

I could distinctly see Sugar Cube Corner and Carousel Boutique however. I mean, it’s not like it’s that hard to pick out a giant candy house and a huge Merry Go Round. I continued to just wander about, occasionally stopping to just look up at the sky. Man, Luna does a good job with her work. I never saw in the show just how perfectly she places every star to fit the sky.

I began to walk back to Twilight’s to finally get some sleep, still looking skyward. Suddenly, I was tackled by some invisible force. I was so surprised that I couldn’t even yell out. Or, maybe that the fact I was just slammed into really hard. I tumbled for a couple dozen feet and came to a halt. I found I could talk again.

“Son of a bitch!” Was the first thing that intelligently left my mouth. I rubbed my ribs tenderly, trying to soothe the pain. I looked around for whatever had hit me, and I found my answer in the form of a pissed looking Rainbow Dash. And when I say pissed, I mean she looked like she was going to rip my head off and shit down my neck. Sunshine and daisies.

Well, looks like I’m screwed. This is probably about earlier, and I imagine retribution from her isn’t going to be too pleasant.

“Hey, what you did to me back there was totally not cool! It was embarrassing, mortifying, totally uncool……” she paused, trying to come up with more reasons.

“Totally hot?” I supplied for her. She stopped doing everything to look at me in surprise. She then punched me in the jaw with her hoof.

“Alright, I was going to let you off easy, you being new here and all, but now you’re just asking for it.” Looks like my mouth finally caught up with me. Dear old father always said it would happen one day. Never would have guessed for a moment it would be a pony bringing the heat. When she tried to pin me totally again, I caught her hoof and flipped her over, effectively disorienting her. I got up and started running away as fast as I could.

I heard her yell from behind me “You can’t outrun me!” I knew I wouldn’t be able to outrun her. Nobody in their right mind would try to do that. But I decided to lead her on a little.

“Yeah, well there’s this thing we say back on Earth!” I yelled back to her. She answered with

“Yeah, and what would that be?” I smirked to myself.

“A for effort!” I said as I stopped in my tracks and went down a side ally suddenly, throwing her for a loop. I heard her zoom past me milliseconds after I ducked in the ally, barely cutting it. I began to race through the maze of brick wall, hoping to come out somewhere safe. I heard a whoosh overhead suddenly. Shit, that’s right, she can fly. So basically Pac-man got hacks and can fly above the ghosts, and can dive bomb the shit out of them.

And I’m the only ghost left. Now instead of just accepting my fate, I decide to try one last option. I tried to stay low and move slowly and quietly. Of course it won’t work because A. The universe hates me or B. Because all Pegasi have amazing sight. She trapped me on my way out and threw me to the ground. Instinctively, I held my hands and forearms in front of me protectively. But the beating didn’t come.

Instead, my sides started to feel like they were being…tickled! Ah, son of a bitch, how do you tickle with hooves? Dammit Pinkie physics! She was actually tickling me! I thought she was going to beat me up! This is like the Chuck Testa of punishments! There is no way I’m taking this up the ass; two can play at the tickle game!

Using her chest as leverage, I flipped her over and started to get her right back. I tickled everywhere I could reach, and soon she was just one big adorable pile of colors. God damn you Rainbow Dash giggle, Y U SO ADORABLE?  I stopped tickling her as I heard a faint whooshing sound coming up behind me. I turned around and saw a pink blur speeding towards me. Pinkie Pie.

“Three can play the tickle game!!!” She yelled at me as she sped closer and closer. Part of me was thinking Oh, fuck! And the other was thinking Hey! She stole my line! I was so focused on thinking that I let her smash into me. She began to tickle my sides vigorously. Dammit! How does she know I’m ticklish there?! Why are you doing this to me dear sweet Celestia above? Why do you hate me so?

She pinned me to the ground and Rainbow began her unrelenting assault on my sides. I would have pissed myself had it been for the fact I hadn’t drank anything since arriving. But that didn’t stop me from laughing my ass off. Soon, my sides were splitting and I was gasping for air on the ground like a fish.

“So, officer Dash, you think we got what we want from this joker?” Pinkie asked in a serious tone. Rainbow looked at her, obviously as confused as I was.

“Pinkie what are you-” Rainbow started but was cut off.

“That’s Officer Pie to you!” Rainbow was nonplussed.

“Pinkie,”

“Officer Pie!”

“Okay, fine ‘Officer Pie’ what do you think?” Rainbow finally groaned. Pinkie put on her “thinking face” and, well thought. If I wasn’t so fearful for the safety of my ribs, I would have been more focused she was on being in character and how kinky she would be. Lucky for me, I wasn’t being a total pervert for now. Pinkie finally responded.

“I think the suspect has been fully detained. For now.” With that last sentence she narrowed her eyes for a moment and perked back up. “Well, that was fun! See you two tomorrow!” She said in her normal happy go lucky attitude and walked back inside Sugar Cube Corner. I turned to Rainbow pleadingly.

“Was that mindrape enough punishment for me please?” Rainbow just shook her head and walked away. “Okay…I’ll just that as a yes…” I called halfheartedly. I decided to walk back to Twilight’s and finally get some sleep. When I last looked up, it was around ten or so, so I imagine now it’s probably eleven. Well, that’s not too bad, but after being teleported to Equestria, chased by a Manticore, nearly being eaten by one, kicked in the head, bucked through a wall, and tickled till my sides had internal damaging, I was pretty worn out.

As I was walking, I cursed Equestria’s lack of lighting in the streets. I ran into a trash can, which scared the fuck out of a couple cats, ran right into a street sign, and tripped over a tree root. It took me a while to find it again, it being pitch black and all, but I eventually found her house again. I walked up to the door, finally glad to be soon freed from the grasp of reality into sleep.

But when I went to the door, it didn’t budge. I tried again and again, as if it would help. I knew exactly what had happened too. That asshole…

Author's Notes: Is it just me, or are these chapter's getting shorter? Anyways, sorry for the lag in chapters again, I'm one lazyy shit.