The Night Robin

Taking my leave, I dropped carefully from window-ledge to window-ledge. Avoiding a slip from the early morning dew that stuck to everything like a wet shirt, bound to cause some poor soul a painful fall. Reaching the bottom, I set my foot onto the pavement. The moment I put my weight onto it, I felt my foot shoot off, my heart stopped in my chest as I clasped my hands back onto the window ledge with celerity. The cold night, combined with the morning dew, had covered the gully with a transparent layer of ice. A figurative middle finger, from nature this time.

I cautiously set my feet down upon the frozen pavement, trying to avoid busting my tailbone. With my feet secured, I dropped down onto my hands, finding that my hands did not have the traction to stay still on the ice. As a last resort, I dropped onto my belly, slacking my tense leg muscles. I had to worm 15 feet or so until I came upon a staircase, it had not frozen over, due to salt that had been poured onto them. Ignoring the fact that the ponies possessed road salt, I clambered up the stairs on all fours, cautious.

As it was morning, and ponies were bound to be leaving their homes. I would not be able to dodge the eyes of ponies, but I could dodge the eyes of guards. That would buy me enough time to actually rob the house, and tarnish their image. Peeking my peepers through the slits at the bottom of the iron fence, I was able to see clearly onto the street. No guards in sight, only citizens going to and fro. This might be the only chance that I have, and I did not waste it. I sprung from the stairwell with the ferocity of a barbarian, charging across the street, causing screams from the ponies that I got close to.

I scrambled up a trellis, fortunately the lattice-work wasn't spaced too far, so I could run without worrying about my foot falling into a hole. It was then that I felt a sudden onset of glee, the ivy tickling my feet only helped contribute to the feeling, and I was helpless as I began to laugh, hushed of course. Didn't want to be caught. Reaching the end of the trellis, I spotted the window that I had used for escape. Now, me being a smart little human, I unlocked the window through the giant-ass hole, instead of leaping through the window like a robber in the movies, as tempting as it was.

Lifting the window pane upwards, avoiding the glass that was still on the sill, I crawled into Forest’s mansion. With the daylight illuminating the velvet lined walls, I could see the cocoon that he had wrapped himself in. The marble tiles sparkled, the velvet draperies were colored a drab green, that still managed to demand some form of respect. Crossed swords were mounted high above, the light gleaming off their dulled edges. Typical nobles, wrapped in velvet sheets. Noting the room that I saw Forest’s wife slam the door on, I smiled devilishly.

I opened the door quietly. Peering inside, I saw a silver colored pony, the wife of the house, watching what appeared to be TV. As I quietly walked in, I looked at the room. In the far right corner was a small television, standing atop a small, dark, wooden coffee table. Towards the back of the room, there was a large, sliding-door closet.... No doubt the wardrobe, I wonder if pony women here have as much as clothing as the women back on Earth have.

Quickly, and quietly as a mouse, I set the satchel down beside the large king sized bed, and pulled out the camcorder, pressing the record button on it. It would be well hidden among the drab green tapestry. Almost ready, I unwrapped the bloodstained blanket from my hand, and set it above the satchel. I then proceeded to crawl up on the bed, eliciting the attention of the lady. She yelped in surprise, whipping around to look at me. She settled down as she realized who I was.

“Lay down boy!”

I complied, knowing that it would make her feel much safer if I followed commands. She then opened her mouth to speak again.

“You have made my husband absolutely stark-raving-mad, he was worried about you. Worried that you may get hurt, or go hurt other ponies!”

Yeah, mad that his property might get damaged, and he might have to empty some change from his pocket.

“Speaking of my husband... Since he’s not here. Do you want to have fun boy ?”

I perked up, trying to act like an excited puppy.

“You are such a good boy, come here. Come to mama and be good little boy for her,” she said in a sultry tone, presenting herself like the bitch she was.

Her hoof grabbed the back of my head, and guided my head towards her nether reaches. Contrary to what most people think, it is not the most pleasant taste, in truth it tastes like salt water. Not to mention the smell from the actual teardrop folds itself isn’t pleasant at all.

“Fuck me raw, will you big boy ?”

I’m mischievous aren't I? I’m robbing someone blind, and fuck their wife as well.

After having relieved myself, I decided to relieve her of her consciousness; by giving the back of her head my best Chris Brown impression. I then grabbed the camcorder, and turned record off, the entire act of bestiality caught on tape. If they have computers in this world, Mr.Forest’s reputation is fucked six ways to Sunday. Making sure not to leave behind the satchel, I then grabbed the door, and turned the knob slowly. I shall not allow even a creek, but I must work with a haste. For guards would be bound for the house, and I would have to run.

The house seemed to be unoccupied, there was no trotting of hooves, no soft pit-pats of feet upon stone. Which means I could run freely with no fear of discovery. Heading down the lavish hallways, I fancied a door, with a rather important looking crest upon it’s top. It depicted a  Coat of arms; a hood leveled above a snake, with the words Non impune calcare on a scroll underneath. With my loose Latin skills, I was able to roughly translate it into: If you step on me, imma fuck you up. Bending my knee, I placed my eye at the keyhole, peering into it. Seeing that it was just a simple hairpin-lock. I opened the satchel, and fished out a bobby pin, sticking the pin into the keyhole as I did with Forest’s wife. I turned the pin, and the lock unclenched, much more easy than what Hollywood likes to think.

Opening the door, I was greeted to a mahogany-walled office, with two grand victorian windows staring down unto the patio, and back garden. Turning my attention to the desk situated in the middle of the room, to my surprise, the desk had a computer upon it, Macintosh style. Snickering at his poor choice of computer, I made my way over to his desk, and proceeded to wave the mouse.

Once the screensaver disappeared, I was treated to a web browser, with tabs still open. There were two of them, one was Ponybook, a pony version of Facebook it seemed. Mr. Forest hadn't logged off. Checking the other tab, I shivered slightly in excitement. It was a pony version of PornHub, I chuckled maniacally for a moment, for the deed that I was about to do. Digging through his desk drawers, I was able to find a AV cable for the camcorder, and a key. Snickering, I plugged the AV cable into the camcorder, and the computer.

A file transfer help screen popped up, and I followed its instructions, until I had the video uploaded unto the computer. Switching back to the Pornhub page, I clicked on his profile page, and clicked on the “Upload video” link, it was a breeze from there. When the upload was finished, I shared the video on his facebook page.

Me being the asshole that I was, decided to leave him a little note. I picked up a hoof-it note, and wrote Enjoy the show, Starring: Me! I then peeled it off and stuck it’s sticky adhesive surface onto the computer monitor. All that I had left was that key I found, hidden behind a board in the desk. Noting the small size, it wouldn't be a door key, if I had to guess, it went to a lock-box, or other form of safe.

Speaking of safes, there was a large, vertical, rectangular safe in the corner, it’s drab green coating blending in almost seamlessly into the draperies. If not for the light glimmering off it’s polished surface, I might have missed it all together. Throwing back the chair, nearly sending it out the window in the process, I ran towards the safe. I jammed the key into the lock, and pressed my ear to the cold metal surface, it also possessed a valve lock. They were easy, due to the multi-tier lock releasing one at a time. It took a while, and a few retries. I was eventually able to unlock the safe.

Mother of gods covered in sweet baby Jesus syrup, I had hit the mother-load. This would give Goldmember’s golden genitalia a boner. I almost snatched a necklace, before I realized that there might be a trap inside the safe. To be safe, I ran back to the desk, and picked up some important looking paper, and proceeded to throw it in the safe. As I saw sparks fly, my eyes widened, and I could only superman dive backwards, I immediately regretted my decision. Having your ears ringing from a explosive trap, combined with landing on your shoulder blades was very, very painful. However, I am a BIG, STRONG MAN and shall not be put down by such wimpy explosions.

Much to my glee, the contents of the safe were untouched, probably due to magic. I stuffed everything I could fit into my satchel, including some important ring and dagger on a stand and shelf, as normal items wouldn't be given gilded mahogany to rest upon. I even managed to find the deed to the estate. By then, my satchel was stretched by gold, silver, and jewels. However, for me, I heard the door creek. I back up quietly, keeping to the drab green draperies. Lady luck had decided to abandon me, as there were two ponies standing in the doorway. One was Mr.Forest himself, and another was a white pony, both were dressed in golden armor.

“HALT, THIEF! SURRENDER, OR WE WILL USE FORCE!” It was clear by the words that were spilling out of his ass, he couldn't tell who or what I was. He just saw a silhouette near his draperies, I picked up a nearby horseshoe, and sucked in a big gulp of air.

“I’LL THROW MY SHOE AT YOUR FAGGOT ASS!” I triumphantly explained, before throwing the metal brain-damage device at Forest’s head. I then proceeded to run, like a little bitch, at the left grand window, knowing that it would be closer to my escape route. Preparing my wife-beating fist, I punched the glass, luckily avoiding another cut.

I clambered up the chiseled stonework of the mansion’s upper floor, and pulled myself up to the roof. I had to run up the slant with a burning desire, then slow down before I ended up going too fast, and end up flopping on the the trellis, and breaking it. As I slowed my descent, I was able to get a good look at the streets and rooftops. There were no extra guards outside the house, indicating a squadron.

The trellis this time wasn't so sturdy, it would bend and wobble as I ran over it, indicating my fat-ass might snap it before I managed to clear the fence. That proved not to be a reality, as I was able to jump onto the fence, without tearing my macadamias off. I slid down the posts as one would slide down a fire pole, I paid no attention to the guard pony couple that had spotted me, and instead focused solely in getting the hell away as quickly as possible. Alleyway running is much more difficult than what it seems, you have to dodge trash cans, boxes, air conditioning units, homeless people, narrow walls, and what i’m pretty sure was a dead human in a body-bag.

I thought that I was clear, until my eyes found a sudden shade out of the great big blue, there was no canopy above me, nothing to block the sun. When I looked up, there was a pony with wings, WINGS I TELL YOU, dive bombing right at me. Instead of being a cold, calculative asshole, I chose to run.

ZIG-ZAG ZIG-ZAG ZIG-ZAG, I thought, rapidly moving in zigzag pattern. He can’t hit a moving target, right?

Turns out, that would be the least of my worries, as I had come upon a busy intersection, with ponies of all stripes and colors walking to and fro, some pulling carts or carriages. My time spent in San Diego and taught me how to weave and duck through crowds, with these ponies being ¾ of my height, it wasn’t difficult to steer clear, considering that they would give me a wide berth. As I was moving through the crowd, I could hear various things being shouted, and screamed.

“HELP! RABID HUMAN!”

“SOMEONE GET THAT ANIMAL BEFORE IT HURTS SOMEONE!”

“AWAY FROM ME YOU FILTHY CREATURE!”

“NO CHILDREN, STAY AWAY!”

I paid no heed to them, they were lesser creatures I supposed, and also the fact that I needed to run away was more important than some ponies treating me like an animal. I ran down an alleyway, and began to shake any doors I find, most of them were locked. Much to my luck, I was able to find one unlocked, and I then proceeded to barge into the dark house. I slammed the door shut, I then proceeded to press my body against the door, incase they followed me here. After a minute or of heavy breathing and excessive worry, I was able to pull myself from the door. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief I slumped down to the floor, falling onto my back. It took a while for my eyes to adjust enough to the darkness to see the eagle head positioned over me. I was about to speak or do something, but a claw was grasped onto my neck, clenching my windpipe shut and cutting off my air supply.

“Oh, lookie here! What a nice little morsel you are.” She cackled in a feminine tone, I could only scream silently as my heart beated desperately on my lungs, screaming for oxygen. I could only succumb to the darkness that swam in my eyes.