The Adventures of Lyra Pimpstrings and Ninja Bon-Bon
Running really fast
Jumping super high
Flipping over shit
Making stuff explode
Flipping over more shit
Fighting lots of mares
Writing kick-ass jams
Doing other things
Giving you the sauce
That's what we do cause
We are Pony Sex Party
Shooting music all over your body
I'm Lyra Pimpstrings
Check out my magic
I'm getting sexy (unh!)
I'm gettin sexy for you
And Ninja Bon-Bon
Is fast and deadly
Stabbing dudes
And then making tasty candies
Are you seduced yet?
No need to answer
Tonight we're gonna rock you
Even though you didn't ask us to!
Slapping alicorns
Going into space
Falling from the moon
Trying on some bras
Don't worry -- they're mare-bras.
Clopping way too long
Listening to harps
Blowing up the Sun
Wearing spinning hats
And now you know that
We are Pony Sex Party
Musically seducing all the hotties
Bon-Bon's a ninja
Lyra’s a hot pimp
And we are best friends (yeah!)
And we are best friends it's true
Don't try to stop us
We're on a mission
Every stallion
Must now make The Decision
Which to have with sex with
No need to answer
I know it's Lyra Pimpstrings
She's the sexier of the two...and Ninja Bon-Bon's fat.
Oh, hey, Ninja Bon-Bon, I'm sorry.
That came out wrong. I didn't mean to call you fat.
I meant stupid. And ugly.
And fat. (Fat!)
(Ninja Bon-Bon kicks Lyra into the crowd)
Backstage
9:47pm
November 11th
“What a show, eh Ninja Bon-Bon?”
A bell chimed somewhere.
“Well, that’s great!”
A gong went off in the distance.
“Yeah I know, we have to go to the press n’ all. Let’s have a sandwich first okay?”
Another bell.
After eating a sandwich, the two mares went to the public area where the press awaited them. When the two were seated, the first question rang out.
“Lyra Pimpstrings, what inspired you to create a band with a.. ninja?”
The roar of a dragon went off far off of the horizon.
“Calm yourself Ninja Bon-Bon. We’re actually both ninjas. I just left to attend dance school, and then we found each other again in Ponyville. We decided to join together to write some epic music like our song The Decision.”
Another question was called out to them. “Where did you two attend ninja school? Last I heard, teaching ninja skills was outlawed in Equestria. Though oddly not illegal to posses.”
“We attended academy in a faraway land named Icantthinkofathing. It’s pronounced Not-Equestrainan.”
A high note rang for three seconds before stopping.
“You’re right Ninja Bon-Bon. We do have somewhere else to be, one last question.”
“Are.. You guys gay?”
The sound of crackling fire was heard from above.
“Now, now, Ninja Bon-Bon. We have no reason to get mad. It is a question for the media. I guess. Anyway, no, Ninja Bon-Bon and I are not gay. We just do this for you guys.”
“Before you leave, can we ask Ninja Bon-Bon a question?”
“I guess, can they Ninja Bon-Bon?”
Ninja Bon-Bon shook her head.
“She says yes.”
Bon-Bon glared at Lyra.
“Great. Do you always wear your ninja suit?”
The ninja pony responded with a stare so cold it froze the glass of the windows behind the reporters.
“Okay, let’s go now Ninja Bon-Bon.”
The two left the stadium in their giant fishbowl hot tub. Carried by Bon-Bon’s ninja abilities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three weeks ago.
Lyra Heartstrings was an ordinary straight pony who lives in Ponyville. She had just returned from Icantthinkofathing a month ago after her decision to become a dancer. She was ready to open up her music store when she saw a dark figure approach the entrance of the store.
“Is that? Could it be?” Lyra spoke to herself.
Lyra walked a little closer to the walking figure. When it came into focus she ran towards it as fast as she could.
“BON-BON!”
A kazoo was heard from a box flying overhead.
“Or should I say, Ninja Bon-Bon. Wow, how long has been. Four years? Five?”
Bon-Bon held up a hoof.
“One month? Oh.”
“Remember how you said you love to make music?”
Bon-Bon shook her head.
“Well I got this idea to make a comedy band. And I want you to join. I will be Lyra Pimpstrings. And you can be Ninja Bon-Bon.”
Bon-Bon shook her head furiously.
“Great! We’ll need a name.. How about Pony Sex Party?”
Bon-Bon was close to dragging Lyra behind the store and choking her to death.
“Awesome! Let’s get started right away.”
Bon-Bon sighed. She followed an energetic Lyra back to her store.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Okay, so we have to first write our theme. I was thinking for the lyrics we do something like this.”
Lyra and Bon-Bon went to work creating the best fucking band you’ve ever seen.
After a few hours, Lyra spoke up about the alter egos. Or just egos if they get super popular.
“So our names Lyra Pimpstrings and Ninja Bon-Bon. They need characters. You’ll be a murderous ninja and I’ll be a sexy sexbeast.”
Bon-Bon facehoofed. But realized that murderous ninja sounded kinda nice.
“Great it’s decided, LET PONY SEX PARTY COMMENCE!”
Just then, a customer walked in. “W-What? Am.. Errr..”
“Oh, sorry. Just a side project.” Lyra grinned nervously.
“O-okay. Can I get some new eight point strings?”
“Sure. Let me go get them.”
Lyra walked to the back, leaving the customer with Ninja Bon-Bon.
“Wait.. Oh shit.”
Lyra ran back into the room, grabbing the strings. When she arrived, Ninja Bon-Bon was hovering above the stallion.
“Ninja Bon-Bon. Down!”
The stallion looked up. “AGH!”
Lyra used her magic to grab Bon-Bon, and moved her behind the counter.
“Sorry about that, here are your strings. That’ll be 3 bits.”
“Th-tha-thank you.” The stallion ran out of the store.
“Well, this will be.. Different.”
Bon-Bon answered by smashing a cymbal.
“Hey! This is my store! NO KILLING CUSTOMERS!”
Bon-Bon shrugged.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to get a gig then eh?”
Bon-Bon played an F# on the piano.
“Alright, let’s do this!”
Lyra and Bon-Bon jumped and hoofbumped screaming (well, just Lyra screaming).
“PONY SEX PARTY COMMENCE!!!!!”
The Adventures of Lyra Pimpstrings and Ninja Bon-Bon
Ponyville Stadium
7:00
October 4
“Hello fillies and gentlecolts! My name is Lyra Pimpstrings! And this here is Ninja Bon-Bon. Tonight we are going to perform one of our first songs. Now, before we begin, we all know why we’re here tonight. I have decided to take a lover. Now who shall it be? You? You? (Ninja Bon-Bon points to a group of stallions.) Yeah, that whole section looks good. Now who should it be- Oh wait it’s you.”
Lyra walks over to a tan coated stallion. “What’s your name?”
“Bass Clef.”
“Bass? The name of an angel.”
A rabbit jumps into the crowd.
“Now then, let us begin, HIT IT NINJA BON-BON!”
Bon-Bon rolls her eyes and begins playing the track.
The Decision
You're probably thinking to yourself
"Pony Sex Party, you're awesome!"
We know
But thank you anyway
You're having trouble deciding
Which one of us to have sex with
That's natural
But nice of you to say
Well maybe I can help you out
Clear up all of your confusing doubts
Do you want sex with a ninja
Or sex with a mare like me
(Bass’ snout begins to bleed.)
The choice should be so obvious (Lyra)
And although she is mysterious (Bon-Bon)
Don't you want a mare who’s green she plays lyre
And gets kinky.
(Keyboard Solo!)
One other thing...
Everyone in the band has an STD
Except for me
By the process of elimination
You can make determinations
On who just that might be
It's Bon-Bon
Bon-Bon has an ST-
OOF!
(Bon-Bon was not happy about that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Backstage
7:45
August 4
“Great first concert, eh Bon-Bon?”
Bon-Bon merely glared at Lyra.
“E-excuse, are you Lyra Pimpstrings?”
“Why yes, pleased to make your acquaint-” Lyra stopped as a beautiful mare walked towards the practice room.
“I- I would like- like..”
“Autograph? Hoofprint? Date?”
“Date?”
Did I just say that? “Nothing, whaddya need, Ms…”
“Frostbite.”
“Frostbite? Name of… I guess I already used that one tonight.” Lyra put her hoof behind her neck.
“I was wondering if I could get your autograph for my friend Bass? He was too nervous to come in.”
“Bass? Oh, him. I didn’t get him too much did I?”
“He’s… Well, he’s not the best at talking to people. Kinda sensitive.”
“Oh, okay then. Actually, I think I’ve met him before. Back in Lapis’ Music School.”
“I think he remembers too.”
A new voice walked in. “Frost, are you done?”
“Oh! Bass. I was about to get the autograph for you.”
Lyra walked over to Bass. “Hey man, how ya been?”
“I feel like I should remember you… Your name sounds familiar.”
“Perhaps it’s Lapis’ Music School?”
“Lyra! I remember now. How are you?”
“I’m good. Bon-Bon’s back too.”
“That’s nice. So, can I get your autograph?”
“Sure. To my old friend Bass.”
“Thanks Lyra, I’ll see you later.”
Frostbite and Bass walk out of the room.
“That was probably the cutest couple I’ve ever seen.”