Chapter 6 (1/3)

                                        Chapter 6 - Parasites

     The wake-up call I received the next day was… less than satisfying.

“Please Twilight, you got`ta have something.” I heard someone say. I lay there for a minute, and then pulled my dead body out of bed. I looked out the window and saw the Sun wasn’t even peaking yet. Who the fuck is up at this hour? I'm pretty sure the daily life of a pony starts at 7:00 in the AM, but it looks like 5:20 out there. I walked to the door to find the source of the disturbance. I peeked through to see Twilight talking to an orange pony with a strong build.

“I’m sorry Applejack, but I’ve done all I can. I’ve looked up recipes for pesticides, referred you to a number of extermination companies, and even gave you a mentally deficient Red Lynx to introduce into their population so it can breed and make more of them mentally deficient. What more do you- Oh, Hi Herbert!” I had only heard so much of the conversation before Twilight was made aware of my presence.  It would have been awkward to not have come out from my eaves dropping spot, so I came out to meet the orange pony.

“Hello.” I said, with a bit of caution. I wanted to ensure this first impression would be a good one.

“Applejack, this is Herbert.” She said, gesturing to me. “This is Applejack.” She said, gesturing to the orange pony. I was already beginning to smile from her name being Applejack, it just took a little effort to convert it from a smile of amusement to one of welcoming.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Applejack. Your last name wouldn't happen to be Daniels, would it?” I ventured, hoping to get a good laugh. I was only greeted with a confused face.

“My… Last name? We don’t have those around here. If your referring to my family name, its Apple.” But isn’t that your first name? I thought. Twilight shook her head, and then I was reminded she was intruding on every one of my thoughts.

“Herbert, nomenclature doesn’t work that way here. The family name is just somehow incorporated into the full name of the new born.”  Applejack gave her a confused look.

“Twilight gets to read my mind whenever she wants… Apparently, I have about as many rights as the books on these shelves.” I put venom into that sentence as I gestured around me.

“Oh be quiet. I’m very good to you.” There was an awkward silence, which was broken by Applejack.

“Well… It’s good to meet you then mister Herbert.” It was then I realized who Applejack was.

“Oh, you’re the one who’s been supplying me with those apples, right? Thanks, it’s…” I wasn’t sure how to finish my sentence, but luckily I didn’t need to.

“Oh shoot, don’t think nothing of it. We’ve got more than a surplus left over from sales, we actually donate tons to charity centers. If we didn’t, we’d have spoiled fruit lying about. Your saving us the cost of shipping our apples.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do to thank you for it, just let me know.” At this, Applejack looked over to Twilight. She gestured to me and then to the door. Twilight stood glazy eyed for a minute, and then nodded her head.

“Well if you really want to help, there’s a big problem we’ve got at the farm. How would you like to put some work in for all of Ponyville?” I looked back and forth between the two, uncertain what she had in mind.

“So these here vermin are eating our trees out from the inside.” Applejack said, Twilight floating a picture of an adorable little mouse like thing in front of me.

“They’re called red lynx. They’re kept as pets farther north, in places where wood isn't used so much for housing. They don’t survive off of the wood though; they survive off of the fruit of the fruit and leaves of the trees they inhabit.” Twilight pulled the picture back and brought another to my face as we walked along. It had a big ugly flower, looked like an inflamed pimple, except without a white spot.

“This is called Red Rot. It’s a parasitic plan that tends to assault trees already inhabited by Red Lynx. We don’t know too much about their relationship, but this is some of it. It leeches carbon dioxide from the tree, making food production more difficult. It converts this into oxygen and carbon monoxide. We believe it releases these both into the surrounding area, killing off any competition for the Lynx.”

“You believe?” I asked.

“We can talk about that while we work. In short, we can only assume this because no one has performed extremely close observations on this plant. It would involve filtering out the toxins in the air and Equestria has not reached that level of technology yet. Though, were getting there. We expect to have them… I’m getting off topic. We haven’t researched this plant closely; all our knowledge on it is based off of our observing its effects. Another thing we know is that if the Red Rot doesn't show up soon after the Lynx inhabit a tree, they will vacate. We are unsure why this is, but it does mean our first priority is removing the Red Rot. The lynx are the second priority…”

“But that don’t mean we don’t want them out as soon as possible.” Applejack cut in. “A tree that’s been attacked by Lynx won’t likely survive, even without those Red Rot. They eat up the inside and the tree just dies. That’s why I’m putting you, me, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie in head of getting these Lynx out.”

“So what about the Red Rot?” I asked. We were nearing the farm; I would see it in the distance. We were walking beside the trees now.

“Don’t even worry about it. Twi, Rarity, Rainbow, Big Mac and Applebloom are all working on that.” The last two names I was unfamiliar with.

“Who’re…” I began, but got cut off right away.

“Don’t worry about that, you got work to do. Keep walking up the way to the red barn, and look for Granny Smith. Twi, you and I are going down this way.” And with that, she jumped over a white fence into the trees. Twilight said goodbye, and ran after her friend. I kept walking towards the farm, and met with an old ass pony. I was standing in front of the red barn, looking around for someone to give me direction when a voice called out to me.

"Howdy do! What's your business here mister...?" Her voice trailed off at the end like I was supposed to fill in the blank.

"Uh... Dashwood. Herbert Dashwood." She had a strong accent, and sounded like the average old lady on cartoons.

"Well howdy mister Dashwood." I looked up to see her looking down on me from a window in the barn. "What can I do for you on this fine day?" She climbed... That word is so weird. Climbed. I always feel like it should be clomb. Or clamb even, but climbed sounds like... It sounded wrong. Then again, English is a pretty ass backwards language with words like sword and... I can't think of any others.

"Applejack sent me up this way... I think she's going to be catching up with me, she's escorting Twilight Sparkle through the forest or something."

"So..." She stopped talking for a minute, and her eyes glazed over. Then, she came back into focus on me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you mister...?" It took me a minute to comprehend what was going on.

"Oh... My name is Mr.Dashwood. There wouldn't happen to be anyone else here would there?" She turned to the barn.

"Well there's young Fluttershy in the barn, but she's quit a shy one. Pinkie is a spry one, and is on her way here right now. You may best want to wait for her to come up here, she's a talkative one. So what's your business here?"

"I'm here to help with all the lynx in your trees."

"Oh now, we don't have much money to spend on stuff like that. Besides, my daughter and her friends are already working on it. Though I'm sure with those long reachers of yours that you could do it easily. Tell ya what, you'll be my second option for if I don't have the girls around, ya hear?"

"No, no missus Apple, I'm not charging money I'm just here to help."

"Well ain't that the... hmm... So, what's your name stranger?" A large smile crossed my face. It's the kind of smile I get when I'm annoyed."

"I'm the fucking barn inspector, would you mind if I get back to work?" I said, pointing to the barn.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to keep you from your work. Now if you'll excuse me, I was doing a... something or other..." She started mumbling at the end as she waked away from the barn over to the trees.

I walked into the barn, my smile disappearing and a migraine setting in.

"Fuck... Fluttershy? Where are you?"

"Hi Herbert." She said cheerily, fluttering down from the rafters above.