Chapter 6 (2/3)

"Hi Herbert." Fluttershy said cheerily, fluttering down from the rafters above.

"Are you going to be with me today helping the Apple?" She said, wiping some kind of fabric off of her legs. It looked a bit like lint. She seemed to be getting annoyed, as it was wrapped all about her and she was just making it worse now. "Uh... Can you help me please?" She extender her two forelegs in front of her. With a sigh, I grabbed the stuff and ripped it off over her.

"There."

"Thanks. If you could just throw that back up there that would be nice." I clumped it into a tight ball and tossed it up the ladder the the old lady probably came down. How do they even use ladders? I thought to myself.

"Pinkie will be here soon. You, me, Applejack and Pinkie will be in charge of removing the lynx?"

"Well yes, but Granny Smith is the one in charge of us while we do it. She's had lots of..." She looked the other way while she talked at the end of that, and I couldn't hear her.

"Hi Granny Smith!" We heard Pinkie say outside the barn. She bounced her way into the barn and looked at us with excitement.

"Hi guys! Are you ready to go play with the tree animals?" She said, looking back and forth between us with a big grin on her face.

"Pinkie, we aren't playing with them, were evicting them." I said.

"Just because were tearing them away from their homes doesn't mean we can't make friends with them while we do it. We can give them cuddles and play fetch and stuff."

"I don't think they're going to be that nice Pinkie. They're probably going to be pissed."

"Oh I'm sure they won't be that bad." Fluttershy said with optimism.

"Fluttershy, these aren't your tame, home animals. These are feral creatures. I won't be surprised if they attack us. But I'm sure you can bash their skulls in with your hooves if they give you any trouble." They both gaped.

"No Herbert, don't you go hurting any of them okay? They're going to be nice. And we aren't here to kill them, we're rounding them up for Applejack. They have a plan for them." A plan huh? Probably going to kill them and sell them to the meat eating population of Equestria.

"Well if a single one of them bites me, I'm shoving tree bark up its ass." I said. They huffed, and then walked in Granny smith with Applejack behind her.

"Alright, now that yer all here, we can go to business. While the Unicorns and that Pegasus work on those puffers, we gotta get them varmints out of our trees so no more puffy plants move in. Understood?"

"Yes ma`am!" We all said in unison. Then she walked up to me and looked me square in the eye. She stared at me for a good bit.

"Oh! You're that mister Dashwood I met a few weeks ago right?" I held my breath and then sighed. At least she remembers my name...

"Well, we met a few minutes ago, but yeah that's me."

"It feel's like it's been forever. How are the children?" I stalled for a minute, absolutely unsure how to respond. I decided to screw with her.

"Its horrible! They were all building me a new house and it collapsed and killed every single one of them." I burst into tears.

"Aww deary! I'm so sorry." She came to give me a hug but I jumped to my feet and wiped the crocodile tears away and gave a calm chuckle.

"Oh I'm just joking with you. I have no kids, I don't know what your talking about." She scrutinized me a bit and mumbled something to herself. It wasn't anything nice, I don't think. I don't think the ponies around liked my humor either. Eh. Nobody liked it at home, I guess no one likes it here either.

"Well then, there's a bunch of ways to lure these critters out. One is bait. You'll need to get creative with what you use to bait them. Be careful though, these aren't nice creatures. They see you in their hole and they'll nab and bite at ya. They got these claws that will give you a hoo-dinger of a scratch. They also got these big teeth they use to eat the tree out. They aint for show either, they can rip right through your leg. That's why I wan't all yall to keep yer hooves out of the trees.  Got that?"

"Yes ma`am!" We all replied.

"Another thing, if any of you start to smell some funky stuff, warn everyone else and steer clear. That stuff will put you to sleep. Its the gas from the plants. Hopefully, as Rainbow clears those things out we'll be able to start moving into those areas and start rooting the lynx out. Herbert, you are going out with Pinkie. You two will take this area to the left. Applejack, you and Fluttershy will head out to the right. If you have any problems, report straight to me. That's all." she said, and walked her creaky legs back into the barn to do who knows what.

"Come on Herby!" Pinkie shouted, and bounced ahead of me into the thick trees. I waved goodbye to Applejack and Fluttershy and ran after her.

"Pinkie, wait up!" She stopped and looked at me.

"What?" She asked annoyed, wanting to keep going.

"We need to check these trees for lynx." She sighed.

"Herby, the lynx aren't even this far yet. Trust me, I know where they are now come on!" And then she set to running farther into the orchard. I stopped trying to keep up with her and decided to go at my own pace. I followed the trail of trampled grass until I found Pinkie up in a tree.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" I asked.

"Waiting for you, silly. You took forever getting here. Now come on, we need to get these critters out. I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"I do a really good impression of a dragon. I bet it will scare them right out." You can't be serious... Well, this should be funny.

"I guess it can't hurt. Go for it." She took a deep breath and let out a rather half-ass-ed sounding roar.

"Roaar!" She yelled. It got me to grin, but wasn't really that funny.

"Pinkie, lets try bait. Granny Smith recommended it, and it sounds like it will be more effective then this."

"But what are we going to do with them once they're outside the tree." That's actually a very good question...

"Well... I don't know. Let's ask Granny Smith about it... Actually! You go ask her, I'll look for stuff to bait them out with."

"Good idea. I'll be back soon, Pinkie Promise!" She then ran faster than I can describe into the thick trees.

Left to my own devices, I began thinking of what could be used to bait them out. Apples seems the obvious choice... So I set to picking a couple. Once I had six apples, I took one and smashed it with a tree branch. I took some chunks of it and set it at the base of a tree in front of a hole. Then, I watched. I sat and watched for some time. I started talking to myself some time while watching. It wasn't anything important, I was just trying to wrap my head around the function and purpose of some theoretical machine I had built many years ago. Well, one of me built it but that isn't important. So, it starts out on a two dimensional plane for the sake of being easier to understand. Its basically a repetition of a four by four unit in all directions. The unit consists of four zeros sitting two by two in the center, two ones sitting side by side on the left, the right, the top and the bottom, and finally there is a two at each corner. This infinitely expands so if we position two units properly up to one another, you would get this.

21122112

10011001

10011001

21122112

Of course, the function can't be apparent unless viewed in three dimensions, or at least that's the conclusion I've reached since not once has I been able to decipher a function. I understand this may not look important to anyone reading, but if it wasn't important to me I wouldn't be writing it. So I can only assume that I subconsciously care. Some drive currently unknown, or unidentified, compels me to continue this looping pattern. There's more information that I can divulge into about this pattern, and even my history with it, but that is not relevant. At least, not right now. I might right a few pages about it to myself in an attempt to satisfy this itch I have.

I looked back to see that the apple was gone. I can now confirm the presence of enemies in this tree. I thought about how much easier it would be on all of us to poison them and leave it be. Maybe their decomposing bodies would be healthy for the trees. Then again, the Apple family would lose money in that case, where as rounding them up and selling them to the slaughter house is profitable. I really should make them pay me... then again, Twilight likely wouldn't allow it. I set to gathering more Apples and piled them up by a tree, after checking to make sure it had no pests of course.

"Herby! Look what I brought!" Pinkie Pie showed up with a barrel. "Looks like Granny Smith forgot to tell us we would need these to trap the lynx. They can't climb out." She forgot huh? Surprise fucking surprise... I looked at the barrel and notice an immediate problem.

"Pinkie... That thing is made of wood. They'll just eat right through it." I dead panned as she picked it up on her back and dashed back through the forest to Granny Smith. Now I know why the government made retirement a thing. If we had people like Granny Smith in charge, our workers would drop like flies. I sighed and set back to collecting apples. I had a good eighteen of them and then I found myself doing something strange. I was trying to make up a song. It was a song about working but the thing is, I've never had interest in making up songs before. I rhyme the word grapple with apple before I realized what I was doing.

"That's odd..." I muttered, then Pinkie tumbled into the area with a big box. It looked like it was made of tin or copper or something primitive like that.

"Will this do?" She asked, setting it up in the middle of our little space between the trees.

"Yeah, we can just throw them in there."

"Yeah, so I was thinking of a plan, and here it is. We pile some bait in front of a hole and then when one comes out, we grab it and throw it in. Granny Smith told me that when one lynx doesn't come back after leaving the nest, all the other Lynx will go out in a pack and look for them, so all we need to do is get one and then the others will follow."

"So... Even if the lynx inside SEE us take kidnap one of their own, they all will still follow us out?" She shrugged.

"Eh. I don't think that will be a problem. If it does, we can always make a new plan right?"

"I guess." Though I must say I dislike the idea of wasting time. So after I piled up some bait, we got to waiting. We sat there for a good ten minutes before a head poked out. I didn't give it an opportunity to even reach for the bait, my fingers circled its neck tightly. I squeezed to cut off its breath, and held it up to my eyes. A smile crossed my face, and I tilted my head as I made eye contact with it. It was wriggling for freedom, trying its hardest to breath. You're in my complete control. I thought, reaching my hand up to pet it. My finger snapped back as it tried to bite me. That woke me up from my spell of sadistic bliss. I realized Pinkie was watching me with curiosity. Shit... I need to make this look innocent.

"I see while you like these guys." I said, relaxing my grasp and letting it breath. "They sure are cute." I said, putting a fake, welcoming smile on my face. She relaxed a bit.

"Yeah, they look so cutesy." She said, almost reaching a hoof to pet it but pulled back when she remembered tthat it tried to bite me. "Too bad we can't keep one. Oh well, put it in the box." She went to watch the hole for any more lynx  following. I held it in my hands for a bit, then went to deposit it in the crate.

We had repeated the process a number of times when I realized how long we were taking. It took roughly half an hour for us to clear a single tree.

"Pinkie, I think we should split up."

"How come?" She asked, turning away from  the lynx  hole. We were starting to suspect there weren't any lynx in there.

"Well it seems we are taking way too long to do a single tree. If we split up, we can cut our time in half. It's not like either of us can do something the other can't." She nodded.

"Yeah, this is kinda getting boring. But then we won't be able to talk and stuff."

"Pinkie, we haven't said a word to each other. We're supposed to be quiet so the Lynx don't know were baiting them."

"Yeah but... It's not about talking to friends, it's about having the option to talk to friends." I sighed. Why is this such a recurring problem for me? Back at the hospital, there were always other kids who kept wanting to talk, or always wanted to be around me. It annoyed me, but it did make it easier for me to toy with them. Difference was, I've been finding myself not wanting to toy with people overly much lately. In fact, my teasing Granny Smith was the first in days, and it wasn't even as cruel as I used to be. Basically, I don't want to toy with Pinkie's mind, and since that's one of the only reasons I talked to most people in the past, to amuse myself. But I did want to collect more information about Equestria, and maybe there were things I could ask Pinkie Pie that I couldn't ask Twilight.

I told Pinkie we would take breaks every couple of  trees, and talk for a time. Then we would get back to work. She wholeheartedly agreed and set to work. By the time I finished my third tree, we have about eleven lynx, freaking out in there. It was kinda hilarious, like a bunch of dogs piled on top of each other trying to get out of the pile. Then we had our first break.

"So are you having fun Pinkie?"

"Eh, I guess. I'm not doing this for fun though, I'm doing this to help Applejack. I don't want her to lose the farm."

"And you aren't doing this for pay?"

"Well in a way, I am getting paid." I was curious.

"Oh? And how so?"

"Well if I help Applejack, she won't lose her farm. If she doesn't lose the farm then she can stay and we can still be friends and do stuff together. And other than that, I really like to make my friends happy and if I help her, she will be happy. That's all the motivation I need."

"Interesting... But who says she has to leave if she loses the farm? And why would she lose the farm? The lynx kill the trees, but she has corn too right?"

"That's more of a side business." She said.

"Well if corn is easier to protect than Apples, why don't they just grow and sell a lot of corn instead of a lot of apples?"

"It's because it's so hard to protect that they sell it. It's worth a lot because it's harder to grow in most other places of Equestria. It's easier to grow apples in the desert than in most of Equestria because there aren't many things in the desert that will kill the apples." Ponies must have it tough if they don't have many places they can grow food. "And besides," I returned my attention to Pinkie Pie, "Ponies don't eat corn. They only started growing it... actually,  it was a decade or so ago." She stopped talking, so I prodded her.

"Why did they only start growing corn a decade ago?"

"Well... Applejack and Big Macintosh's dad got this machine one day, and it made farming easier, so they started growing other stuff besides apples. You can ask Granny Smith about it, it's a sad story." That confused me.

"Why is it a sad story?"

"Maybe you should ask Granny Smith. But please don't ask Applejack or Big Mac, okay?"

"Alright fine, I won't ask them.

"No, Pinkie Promise."

"Alright then." I held out my pinkie finger for her to grab.

"What are you doing?" She asked. I dead panned.

"I'm trying to make a pinkie promise." She shook her head.

"No, you gotta do it like this." She got into position. "I promise to do whatever. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." She did some stuff with her hoof and then stuck it in her closed eye.

"I'm not doing... Fine. I promise not to ask Applejack or Big Mac anything about the sad story. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I did the stupid shit and sighed.

"Thanks. Well, we should get back to work. I can't wait for the next break."

During this next shift of work, I burst out laughing when I took the time to look into the copper box. It was starting to get full and let me just say, a bunch of live animals piled on top of each other is an amusing sight. If it were a pet kind of animal, like dogs or cats, I would have felt sorry. But these things were pests so I felt no guilt.

When our next break came, we both looked into the box and saw the pile was nearing the top. If one of them got a good foot hold on another, they could probably jump out. With my help, Pinkie and I hauled the box back to the barn.

"Well howdy there young'ns!" Granny Smith yelled to us. as we neared the barn. "You filled that there box already?"

"Yes ma`am." I shouted to her. We got closer to her before she responded.

"The other crew hasn't even shown up yet. I knew those reachers of yours were good for working."  That's an interesting compliment. Then again, it's probably more common for them to see creatures with different appendages than it is for me.

"Thank you ma`am. Where should we off load these?"

"Well as luck would have it, a critter came and slaughtered our chickens a couple weeks ago. Since we haven't had luck selling eggs for some time, it means we have a perfectly fine place to off load these little guys. Hmm... Maybe we can farm these. I know they make good eatings for griffons and the like. And maybe I can work something out with Rarity regarding the pelts. If she won't take em, the sofa seller in town would likely be able to work with them."

"That's a great plan, but this crate is heavy so maybe you can just direct us to the chicken pen?" I really wasn't doing much of the work, I just had to keep it balanced, which isn't that easy of a task. Pinkie was huffing and puffing once in a while, so I knew this box wasn't easier. I know it would have been gentlemanly to carry it for her, but this crate was to heavy for just one of us and since carrying things on their back is... I don't know who I'm defending myself to.

Granny Smith brought us over to the chicken pen and we poured the box into there. I highly doubt none of them were injured.

"Pardon me, Miss Smith, but can I ask you a question?"