Chapter 4 (2/2)

I woke up seven minutes later to find a bandage on my head and Twilight scolding Pinkie Pie.

"Herbert, I'm sorry I made you slip and yell 'Holy Fuck' and cry and fall asleep and make Twilight's shower all red and stuff and how have you been?" The only words of that I caught were 'I'm sorry I made you fuck Twilight'.

"You did what?" I was about to freak out.

"Yeah! The shower's floor is all red now and you're finally awake after it."

"Twilight, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay Herbert, Pinkie Pie does it all the time." I was giving her a ‘what the fuck’ look.

"So, Pinkie Pie does that to people all the time?" I was forming an entirely new opinion of this pony with every word.

"Yes, but usually not in the shower. Usually it is while you are walking on the street. She does it to everypony: the mayor, my friends, the school children, even people who are just visiting in Ponyville." I was feeling sick now.

"And she doesn't get arrested?"

"Well no, I mean it is scary at first, but we have come to enjoy it." I sit here laughing as I write this, maybe I will end up showing that part to Twilight and Pinkie if Flutters and I ever get out of here.

I decided to stop talking and go wash the blood from my chin. Pinkie Pie followed me in.

"So Herbert, how have you been? My trip was fun." I ran water over my face, thinking about how many times I have fainted or been knocked out while here in Equestria, more times than on Earth.

"It's been pretty nice. Twilight and I read books together every day, I just wish I could be outside. I miss the feel of sun against my skin, I'm starting to feel a bit sick from it."

"Well I can fix that!" She ran out of the bathroom and began chatting with Twilight. When I walked outside, Pinkie Pie was looking at me with a big grin and Twilight looked like she was about to disarm a bomb.

"Herbert, how would you like Pinkie Pie to take you around Ponyville?" I gaped and turned to Pinkie Pie.

"How did you pull this off?"

"She is a convincing pony, now which is it? Stay here or go outside?" Twilight interjected. She obviously didn't like letting me out of her sight, probably because she wanted to take note of everything I did.

"I would love to go outside. Human's can't survive without going outside once in a while." This was obviously news to Twilight.

"Really? Why is that?"

"I know of two reasons. Number one: Our skin needs it in order to produce Vitamin D. Number two: When we stay inside for too long and don't see the sun we can go insane and develop a mental disorder. I think it is called Tunnel Vision, but I'm probably wrong." I think I was talking shit, but maybe I actually believed that at the time. I don’t know anymore, my opinions are all confuzzled.

"That is very interesting; I'll work in a regular walk around Ponyville into your schedule. I highly doubt you are a threat to anypony. Besides, I think it would be good for you to develop a social life among the ponies in Ponyville. I think they will be quite receptive of you, considering how your last walk outside went." I hope she doesn't blab her mouth the entire time... I guess I can put up with it if I just get used to it.

"Alright Pinkie, let’s go." I head down the stairs, and she followed. She walked out the door ahead of me and I shut it behind us. I was about to think of where I wanted to go, but Pinkie trampled that and tossed it with all my childhood dreams.

"Let’s go to Sugar Cube Corner." She dashed off, and I didn't want to be seen walking around without an escort, I would probably be thrown in a pound or something, so I ran after her. When I came into the Candy Land-ish building, I saw Pinkie Pie jumping around that Rainbow Dash that came to test me a month ago.

"Oh yeah, I forgot I'm supposed to keep an eye on Herbert. Dashie, you remember Herbert right?"

"Sup Daring, how you been?" I really should have paid more attention to how she acted last time; I had no clue what kind of personality I was dealing with.

"Good I guess. Pinkie is taking me for a walk around. What day is it?"

"Friday. Why?"

"No reason, I just like having an idea of how time is moving." So I have been here for about one month. Awesome. I can just imagine how people freaked out back at home. Assuming time is moving the same there as it is here...

"That's cool I guess. Hey Pinkie, what are you doing with Herbert? I thought Twilight was keeping him inside. Hey! Didn’t you get burned a month ago? I guess your all better now right? How long have you been up?" You mean besides all this burned skin that you seem to not notice? Great!

"Oh, about ten days, I've been laying down most of the time, just reading books."

"I hate reading, books are so boring. How do you stand it?"

"It isn't so bad, I enjoy it a lot. You are an athletic pony I take it?"

"You know it! I'm training to join the Wonder Bolts academy and become one myself."

"Wonderbolts? What is that?"

"The Wonderbolts are only the most amazing fliers in all of Equestria, and I'm going to be one of them one day. You just watch!" Oh yeah, she is the egotistical one, I should have some fun with this.

"Yeah, I've been reading a lot about pegasi, "Shit-eating lie, "and your wings look exceptionally strong. I bet you could easily fly circles around another pegasus and still win by a landslide in a race."

"Yeah, I am pretty awesome." Rainbow loved the praise, and I knew it would take much more to set her up, but Pinkie Pie was obviously a lot smarter than I gave her credit for.

"Herbert, what are you doing?" She said in a calm, but obviously suspicious voice.

"Oh he is just talking about how awesome I am, Pinkie Pie, that's all. So dense, if this pink one weren't around I'm sure I could definitely... No, I shouldn't be doing this.

"Nothing Pinkie, never mind I said anything..." I'm glad she got in the way, I don’t want to start hurting people here like I did before.

"Well, I'd love to hang with you all, but I need to go set up a storm in west Ponyville, we haven't been giving that area the right amount of rain lately, and this is to make up for it.

"Goodbye Dashie!" She said in a happy tone, but when the rainbow colored horse was gone, she turned a stoic gaze to me.

"Go upstairs and enter the second door on the left."

"What? Why would-"

"I said, go upstairs and enter the second door on the left." I would lose all my sense of masculinity if I told someone I let a pink pony intimidate me, but that is exactly what happened. I did as she said and went up stairs. She immediately entered in behind me, and kicked the door shut.

"You aren't about to rape me, are you?" I asked, honestly concerned.

"What? No! I would never do that! And anyone who wrote a fanfic about me doing that to a human in Equestria is definitely wrong! Not that I'm hinting to someone or anything. No, you and I need to have a talk Herbert." She motioned over to her bed and I went to sit on it. She walked to the middle of the room and sat the floor.

"First thing is first, you are threatening the stability of my dimension." I looked at her in a confused expression?

"What do you mean?"

"Don't talk about your world, anything from your world, unless you need to. No making jokes about movies, or games, or anything. With every joke you make, you take away one thing that makes my world different from yours."

"So you are telling me not to answer any questions about my world?"

"No! I don't want you to break the fourth wall! The people reading this don't need a mortal creature coming out of the screen to talk to them! You have been making lots of jokes lately, and they need to stop." She was flying over my head with this stuff, so I said the only thing I thought would keep me safe.

"Okay Pinkie." She seemed startled by the blunt surrender of my will.

"Really? No threats or warnings or anything? No pretending you don't know what I'm talking about?" I don't know what you are talking about you psycho bitch!

"That is correct Pinkie."

"Wow, okay then. Now for the second thing. You were trying to hurt Dashie down there!" She jumped up into an attack position, like she was going to pounce on me.

"Yeah, I did. I'm, glad you caught me though, I told myself a long time ago I would stop, but sometimes I don’t even realize I'm doing it..." This was completely true.

"Herby, I need you to try harder to stop it, I like my friends, and they aren't supposed to have their heads messed with until... um..." She pulled out a script and looked it over, flipping through the pages.

"Oh yeah! Not until a month from now, and you are supposed to be lost in the maze with us, getting turned into someone else also." Okay, right now what she is saying makes a lot of sense to me, but back then I had no clue what she meant.

"Oh, well okay then, I'll do my best Pinkie, okay?" She gave a nod and turned to the door.

"That's all; want some cotton candy for being so polite about this?" I shook my head.

"I don't like sugary foods, I always preferred salt." She turned to me, her eyes wide in horror, before they immediately became calm.

"Oh really? Well will you at least try this one cupcake for me?" She pulled a cupcake out of the air vent, something I learned not to question from my talks with Twilight, and handed it to me. It was covered in Rainbow frosting.

"Oh yeah, I guess so." I took it and ate it.

"Now what?" I asked, starting to feel slightly off.

"Now, you take a nap." She said, cheerily It was then that I lost consciousness… Again…