Sitting in the Shower with Bottles of Cider

Mares

Y'know... It's been a while since I sat here in this tub with my bottles of cider... but after today, I think it's just as well that I do. It's the only place I can really hear myself think anymore.

Somepony might ask why. I'll tell ya' why...

Mares.

It's always mares, though ain't it? It's always mares... And that's the most untrue statement I've ever written. 'Cause y'know what? It's NEVER mares. Lemme explain.

I'm a 23 year old stallion with a good head on my shoulders, a wagon, a home, and a future ahead of me. I don't look half bad, I know it! I've got a few scars 'cause life wasn't so easy on me sure, but they aren't exactly BAD. I mean... I'm no Blueblood, sure... but I've got that rustic charm of an adventurer. Right?
Right.

Well then, shouldn't it be easy for a stallion like me to get a pretty little mare friend to spend his time with? To dote on just a little? To cuddle with on cold nights? Yeah! It should be.... but it ain't...

Everypony says... just be yourself. Just be who you are and somepony will come along and make things all better. In my 23 years there has never been a point that I wasn't myself. I feel like life's too short to be anypony I'm not. The problem is... that I AM myself. Even when I'm calm, I give off this vibe, I think. I speak my mind and don't often care about the consequences. Whoever's reading this has probably heard that before. It's a sign of something or other, and I really don't care. I hold a steady job and am a functioning member of society, dammit. That's better than some ponies can say! I even do my job WELL, and I hate it! What's that say about me?

I dunno.

But I do know it isn't FAIR. I work hard and try to get my mane cut real nice, brush my coat and teeth, and do all the things that I should do to attract a pretty mare... and I ask them out too! They give me their number, tell me to call 'em, or whatever... and I do...

... and then nothing. They never answer or call back... it's that way every time. Like bein' slapped in the face after bein' smiled at real nice. It's like they can tell that something just isn't right, so they give me the number to make me go away... that's just not fair. I really want to find a special somepony. I really do. Somepony to share the adventures I'm sure to have with. Maybe even settle down with some day. But I can't even get past step one, so who am I kiddin'... It's always gonna be this way.

Normally I'm fine with that... you know? Normally I can go about my life and revel in the fact that I've just got SO MUCH money laying around that I can't even spend it all on things I want... I've got all the newest stuff, except for my wagon, it's a bit beat up... but it's paid off, you know? Got new wheels and axles and everything... just a little beat up. I've got no debts either... just bits, bits, bits. So I know I've got a good head on my shoulders... at least financially.

And I care about ponies... I'm just not a bleeding heart that doesn't believe in hardship. I've had my fair share and it's made me the stallion I am today. Successful, financially stable, and moving forward in life. I'm even heading to university soon!

So why is it that scummy stallions from downtown can just pull smart, pretty mares off the street and instantly ruin their lives with a foal they don't even claim as their own or a bad relationship that'll leave them a shell of their former selves...?

... and is there gonna be anypony left for me when they're through...?

Sometimes I think I should just go to bars and solicit myself to random mares... it works for so many other ponies, and at least then I can pretend like I've got a loving partner... for the hour or two she sticks around. But then I might catch something ill from them and be stuck with it for the rest of my life, or create a life in one of those mares that I'm not ready to handle...

... I just want somepony to care about and be cared about in return...

... maybe this is just the way it's supposed to be... Maybe this is my lot in life... to learn how to be loveless and to... to what? That's the real question...

Maybe I'll just drown in this bathtub some day and it'll be like that one mare they found in a shed who disappeared for six years and noponyy knew she was gone. Found her all mummified in her shed and stuff, totally undisturbed. Bills paid, lawn kept up by neighbors. But so alone and efficient that no one even knew she was gone....

... maybe that'll be me. At least then I'll have some peace at last, I hope.

...'course, I'd never let that happen intentionally... I'm too much of an ornery bastard to go the easy way out... I'll stay alive until something kills me the third time... just to spite Equestria and everypony who ever discounted me for less than I'm really worth.