Equestria Route Zero

ATTN: Octavia Melody

RE: Your application

Thank you for your application to the Corddis Trust for Imagined Architecture's annual fellowship. We received a record number of applicants this year – over one hundred in total - & regrettably we can award only one fellowship position per year. As you know, our review process included a multi-phase blind committee analysis of portfolio submissions, as well as a careful review by a panel of subject matter experts on each applicant's nobility & relevance in the field.

We must be extremely selective in our process so as to maintain the levels of standards we have established over our thirty five years in operation. Our panel did not select your application.

We encourage you to consider re-applying next year. Many young artists & architects re-apply for a few successive years before being accepted.

Sincerely, The Head Architect, Corddis Trust for Imagined Architecture.

sorry for the condescending form letter. love your work. unfortunately, I just organise the mail here. - your obt. svt., vinyl.

“Well, looks like I'm stuck here for another year.” said the young woman.

Octavia picked up the disappointing letter from her desk, folding it back up & placing it back in the envelope before placing it in her handbag. Her dreams were crushed yet again. After failing to keep her orchestra troupe together, she had spent the last few years working an office job, losing contact from all three of her fellow band mates. With a long sad sigh, she resumed her work opening the folder marked 'Proposals', & footnoted with the title 'Bureau of Reclaimed Spaces'.

“Right. Proposal one. Hospital closed due to sanitation violations. Auto dealership sanitation requirements lax. Small operation could be re-purposed into offices. Large cubicle-style administrative offices could be re-purposed into showrooms.” Octavia took a smooth breath through her nose, regaining her composure from the still recently read letter.

“At least this one makes sense...” Picking up a stamp, she rolled it in some dark red ink, & swiftly slammed the wooden object into the page. A large 'ENDORSED' now lay emblazoned on the crisp white paper. Moving the page to one side, she quickly began reading the next proposal in the folder.

“Proposal two. Distillery still active, but scaling down operations to less than half of site. Distillery built on top of graveyard originally. Hybrid distillery/graveyard could share resources. Chapel once re-purposed into bottling facility could be re-purposed for chapel again.” Octavia switched stamps.

“Makes no sense to re-purpose something that still works.” Followed by another stamp on clean paper, this time an 'OPPOSED' in black ink upon the page. Before she could move onto the next proposal, a rough feminine voice cut her concentration.

“Busy?” Octavia turned to the woman, her frown transforming into a small smile. In front of her stood her close friend & colleague Vinyl Scratch. Her trademark blue hair stood out amongst the greys of the office, & the dark clothes she usually wore to work. Octavia was always thankful towards Vinyl, after all, she was the one that helped out Octavia once her music career took on a steep dive all those years ago, mainly in helping her get this job.

She took a small laugh before she responded. “It's not important.”

“Oh, OK. Great. Really great. I mean, sorry, that' not what I meant... Um. Did you get my note?” Vinyl shifted nervously, looking at the floor in the process.

“About the proposals? I've almost finished them.” Octavia motioned to a large pile of folders in the top right of her desk, the tower threatening to topple at the slightest nudge.

“Oh, great, OK. I'll tell Jubilee. I think she was waiting on... I don't know...” Vinyl moved a step closer, still keeping her gaze towards the floor. “So... how did your application go? I was in the mail room & I saw you got a letter back...”

Vinyl finally removed her gaze from the floor, looking up towards Octavia. She jumped at the little smirk Octavia was giving her.

“Sorry, I don't mean to pry, I just... saw...”

Octavia took another moment to laugh quietly at herself.

“It's fine, Vinyl. I'm not going anywhere.” She motioned for her to take a seat. “How's your goldfish?”

Act Two, Scene One – Bureau of Reclaimed Spaces

“Didn't we just pass this place?” Shining Armor & I stood at a large building complex, on the corner of an intersection. The fact that an intersection this large was inside such a place was astounding. Apart from forwards, or backwards, to the left was a dead end, whilst to the right closest to us was a barrier blocking vehicle access.

“I don't think the Zero operates like the roads we're used to. I don't understand it either.” Winona poked her head out of the truck window, giving a sleepy yawn as we stood looking bemused. Shining Armor turned towards the building. “So, what is this place?”

“What do you think?”

“When I got my electrician's license, I had to go to this government building in Canterlot. Kind of low to the ground, a bit older... didn't really look like this place, I guess, but they all had that same feel. Bureaucracy in the air. Too much concrete.” He proceeded to shake his head. “This is weird, but... do you think we're inside or outside right now?”

I looked around. There was no one about to ask. Looking around also told me that street lights lit up the area. I took a look upwards, but all I could see was darkness. No signs of weather, no light from the stairs, nothing. Not even a simple breeze. Not even the moon.

“Inside.” I said firmly.

“Yeah, inside a cave, I guess. Just feels like it's still 'outside', since it's not man-made...” He thought about that for a moment. “Well, maybe someone around here has a better sense of direction...”

Shining went to move past the barrier. Obviously, the truck wouldn't be able to get past this. I followed suit, my limp not giving up on me. Eventually, we both made it to the entrance of the building but with no clear signs of life, it looked like another dead end.

“End of the line? Because it sure seems that way.” Quick to give up, Shining.

Looking into the building, I noticed that it was a lobby of some kind, with a reception desk. On the desk, a small bell sat asking to be ringed.

“Not for us, I hope.” I motioned for him to follow.

Inside, it looked exactly like the outside. The surrounding walls were exposed, the red bricks used to construct it not even covered by wallpaper or even paint. A single large light hung from the ceiling, illuminating most of the room. Still there was not one person about. As we neared the desk, I noticed an active computer screen down behind the desk on a table, a potted plant nearby. With how healthy it looked, I didn't think we were alone.

I took one last look around before hitting the bell. The ring reverberated around the room for a while, taking the silence before dying out completely. I looked around expectantly, turning to Shining Armor. All he did was shrug his shoulders before starting to make his way back outside.

“Ah! Here you are!” Both Shining Armor & I spun around to face a woman, dressed in a smart red suit, her hair done up in a bun. So there was life here after all. She looked at her watch, her face contorted into a sigh.

“Better late than never, I suppose. Just unload the whiskey by the elevator. I'll figure something out.”

“We're actually a bit lost, ma'am.” Shining had returned to my side, explaining our situation as he scratched the back of his head.

“You're lost. So you're not the...” A smile caught her face, as she waved her hand apologetically. “Sorry, honest mistake. We're supposed to have a little celebration here at the office, but the whiskey never showed up. I saw your truck & thought... but you don't look like one of the boys from the distillery, anyway.”

“What is this place?” I asked.

“Well, it's clear you're new to this territory. I expect you just mean to be passing through.” She took a seat at the desk.

“That's the idea.”

“It always is...” She stared absent-mindedly into space before typing into the computer. “You're going to need to talk to someone upstairs about that. One of the map clerks. But first, we've got to get you in the system, so you'll need an appointment with one of the ingestion clerks. Now, let's see...”

I decided to lean on the desk at this point, to relieve any tension on my limp. If we were going to be here for a while, might as well relax a bit.

“Vinyl is busy proof reading drafts all afternoon, & Twinkleshine's out on a site... Hmmm... Let me go make some calls & see is we have anyone free. There are some books over there in the waiting area. Or just take a look around.” She made to get up & leave before adding, “Have you seen our grotesques?”

Grotesques? I must have been mishearing or something. To the right of us, some screens in the wall burst into life, the only noise now to be heard apart from the departing receptionists footsteps was the static emanating from the speakers of the sets. Curiously, these were built into the brick walls & high up near the ceiling. On one, a cartoon was playing. A small bird was collecting things to build its nest: a scarf, a small plastic bag, pieces of little girls hair. The end result looked warm, but extremely fragile. On the other screen was a nature documentary of some sorts. A hermit crab was in a shell a bit too large for itself. It was rather comical to look at.

“Oh, good. I thought you'd left.” The receptionist was back, & like before had arrived without making a single noise. “People can be so impatient, you never know.”

I turned my back to the TV screens, facing back to her. Shining Armor moved closer to the desk.

“Well, I have you a meeting with Octavia Melody. She's a senior clerk & doesn't usually handle the ingestion process, but she's the only one with room on her plate this evening. My schedule says she's on the fifth floor, reviewing some diagrams.” She pointed behind her. “The elevator is just back to the left there. Fifth floor.”

With a smile & a thanks, we made our way to the back of the room entering the elevator. It was surprising to hear some of that elevator music playing.

“She's on the fifth floor, right?” Funny man, Shining. Looking at the buttons, there were only six to choose from.

G LOBBY

1 CLERKS OFFICES

2 CONFERENCE ROOM

3 BEARS

4 ARCHIVES & RECORDS

5 DIAGRAMS & DRAFTS

Pushing the button for floor five, the awkward elevator silence began to sink in as the cheerful elevator music continued to whine on. Once the doors opened however, a horrible sound began to play. While it was still distinguishable as music, it was the sort that the kids listen to nowadays. It wasn't loud but it was annoying. Stepping out, in the opening room was a single man at a single desk. His head peaked up to look at us.

“Can I help you? Don't answer that.” He quickly looked back towards his desk. My first thought was how curious a fellow this guy was.

“Is Octavia Melody here?”

“Um. No.” He looked back up. This guy couldn't make up his mind on his head position. “You just missed her, actually. She's probably back at her real desk now, on the first floor. She barely made a dent in these diagrams. Must have been distracted. Speaking of which...”

The man promptly put his full attention back on his work. How the music didn't distract him was beyond belief. Looking around, the cause appeared to be a record player, a kind that usually cropped up in the antiques store every so often. Looking closer, the record was stuck & after some fiddling, I removed the record from its continuous loop & reset it. On playing, calm soothing classical music began to play, accompanied by a quiet electronic beat in the background. With that mystery sorted, we both got back in the elevator, taking it to the first floor.

The doors opened once again, & immediately we were greeted by a young woman with electric blue hair.

“Hello? Are you lost?” She was a bit of a fast talker, & didn't look like much of a worker for the building.

“We're looking for Octavia Melody.” I made to get past her but she stopped both Shining & I in our tracks.

“Oh, no, she's much too busy. Let's get some of our junior clerks to sort your paperwork first, so we don't waste any of Ms. Melody's time. It's a pretty straightforward process. First you'll need to get a case number assigned. Talk to Clerk Daisy about that. She's just over there at the end of the room. Happy to help!”

With a quick jerk of her arm, she pulled me out of the elevator & pointed me to a far corner of the room, where a young Clerk sat at a desk with paperwork covering the thing. I limped my way over, Shining doing his best to keep out of the earlier clerk's grasp. On arrival, life seemed to spew out of the young girls eyes on seeing our arrival to her desk.

“Hi. How are you? Fine, thanks. I just need your ingestion card & a list of your last five permanent addresses.” I stood in stunned silence for a few seconds before answering.

“I don't think I've had five permanent addresses.” Now the girl looked down-hearted.

“Oh... My sheet has five address boxes, & it says to fill everything out...” She looked around the room. “Maybe if you fill out a “transient” sub-sheet, we can still get you processed. Go talk to Clerk Appleseed & he'll get you set up with one. Just over their in the corner. Happy to help!”

Leaving one corner to limp over to another, I couldn't help but think how similar this situation was feeling by now. On arrival, Clerk Appleseed did the same as the girl earlier, a face full of spark & life.

“Howdy! Here for a transient sheet? No problem... happy to help.” The life drained from his face as he frantically searched through the mountains of paperwork & folders on his desk. “Um. Looks like I'm out, but I know there are some back in the archive. You'll have to put in a special request with the Clerk there. She's the document czar. Straight back at the end of the office there, by the file cabinets.”

“This is just a run around. Where's Octavia Melody?” Shining's anger struck fear into the poor guy's face.

“Oh. No, it's... I mean... that's her right there. In the cardigan.” Following his gaze to the centre of the room, there sat a classy woman in a posh suit similar to one worn by the receptionist downstairs, extremely this was a slate grey. Having connected with my gaze, she spoke out.

“Having fun in the paper clip labyrinth? Well, you made it eventually.” She motioned for us to take a seat in front of her. Shining refused but I took the offer. This leg wasn't going to take too much more from walking. “I don't blame you, you do look exhausted.”

“I'm fine.”

“No, you're not.” Shining's gravelly voice took precedence in amongst the noise of the office.

“How stoic. Or is it romantic? Are you a suffering artist?” Octavia's voice was clean, crisp, almost regal. She turned her gaze towards Shining Armor, a curious look on her face. Shining followed up her questions.

“The receptionist said you could point us in the right direction.”

“This concrete bunker of an office is just a waypoint for you, I'm sure.” She turned back to me. “Where is it you're trying to go?”

“We're looking for '5 Timberwolf Drive'”.

Octavia opened a folder marked 'Addresses' & began to search through the listings.

“Hmmm... Timberwolf Drive... That's funny, do you know I used to live on a Timberwolf Drive? This was years ago. A grimy old house... basement full of insects, attic full of birds. We all worked at the university. I had a dog. I drank whiskey & beer, & made sculptures in my free time.” She closed the folder. “But that Timberwolf was a surface road. With a name like that, it would have to be. What are you doing on the Zero?”

“A gas station attendant told me that I'd need to take the Zero to get there.” I explained.

“A gas station attendant?” She said with a look of disbelief on her face. “I see. Friendly blind man, about my age, hangs out with an old cat, likes to pretend he's a poet?”

“I don't know his name, do you know him?”

She sat back in her chair, as if remembering something.

“Frederic & I used to work together. & we lived together... we were friends. But that was a long time ago. We haven't spoken in ages. Do you know why he's pointed you this way?” I shook my head. “It's because he's implicated you, quite inconsiderately. & in your condition, it's appalling. So, I'm very sorry for wasting your time, but I'm afraid you've been misled. Excuse me.”

I sat in disbelief. “But where's the Timberwolf Drive you lived on? Maybe it's the same one?”

“No, it's not possible. The Timberwolf Drive I lived on is now called 'Pale Timberwolf Drive'. They've renamed all the streets, you see. Too many streets with the same names. It was never a problem before but now we have these databases, & it's all too confusing for the computer.” She continued in reorganising her papers. “The computer has no sense of ambiguity, so it proclaims an error. 'Name collisions', they call them. But there could be one still just 'Timberwolf Drive'. Or so we might hope? It's really a matter of consulting records, of which we have an abundance here...”

“Do you have a record of those streets?” I stood up from the seat.

“I expect we must. They'll be up in Archives & Records. Fourth Floor. It'll be filed under 'O' for 'Odynyms', probably. Or 'G' for 'Generic', or maybe 'S' for 'Specific'. Depends on which part of the street name was changed.”

I thanked her for the help & we made our way back to the elevator, choosing the button that would take us to the fourth floor. On arrival, the doors opened once more & onto a scene of destruction. Everywhere we looked, boxes & books littered the floor.

“Damn, this place is a mess. OK. Hmm... take a look through the logbook I guess?” Shining Armor motioned to a book suspended by a single piece of string hanging off the nearby wall. “Maybe there's some kind of system to all these boxes. I'll just start digging.”

Shining Armor moved towards the nearest box & crouched down before searching its contents. I went for the logbook. It was a leather-bound book, & opening it found notes scribbled on all of the pages, most relating to documents that were checked in & out in a few days, mainly about sports. One entry detailed how documents relating to coal mining was checked both in & out, all in a couple of hours multiple times. On the back cover was a small note, reading 'Failing antique shops – folder missing, check pg. 63'. Upon checking the page, that particular folder had been checked out a few days ago but hadn't been returned.

“Nothing? Me neither. Half of these boxes aren't even labelled, & the rest are all from the first few letters of the alphabet. I couldn't find anything with an 'O' or a 'G' or an 'S'.” Shining explaining as he raised his eyebrows in annoyance. “Maybe that Clerk knows somewhere else we can look.”

“Nothing? That's unfortunate. Well, they must still be in transit.” I took Octavia some time before she registered the confusion on our faces. “You see, we've only moved into this new venue somewhat recently, & it's all a bit in progress. This was a cathedral not so long ago, can you believe it? & then the Bureau reclaimed it. The old congregation has been directed to one of our storage facilities for their activity. That's where you'll find the street name records, I expect. At the church. The receptionist can give you directions. Just come back when you have the files, & we'll begin the necessary paperwork to have the information analysed.”

She looked at me before continuing. “Oh, & while you're out on the road, you might want to stop & see Dr Whooves about your leg. He's a specialist regarding ailments of the joints & limbs, & I know he works at night. His home office is in a small neighbourhood on the east edge of Bowling Green.”

Octavia picked up her handbag & rummaged around in it before pulling out a small business card & handing it to me. “Here's his card. Do stop & see him. That leg is a miserable sight. Take care of each other.” Makes a change from “Happy to help.” being the last thing you here from someone working here.

Taking the elevator back to the ground floor, its cheerful music still playing, we found ourselves back in the lobby of the building. We walked towards the front desk again, this time the receptionist sitting comfortably on her chair.

“Get what you need?” She asked cheerily.

“Ms Octavia said you could direct us to the... church?”

“Oh, sure, the old storage lot. Just get back on the Zero & drive until you hit the crystal. Then turn around. It'll make sense once you get on the road. You can handle it.”

Left bemused by her directions, we made our way back to the truck, a sleepy Winona still poking her head out of the window. Shining Armor took the drivers seat as my leg was still playing up.

Leaving the area, we continued to drive through the Zero, passing strange landmarks along the way such as a TV screen, a lightening rod, amongst other weird things. We soon turned a corner & there stood a very bright, & very large, turquoise crystal. On following the receptionists instructions, we turned around, following the corner back again. In the view stood a large group of storage units that was not there when we passed it earlier. This was the 'church'.