My Beautiful Dark Twisted Reality

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I walked slowly up the dirt road to the cottage, partially out of nerves and partially because I was so tired after walking through the forest for so long. As I got closer to the house, I noticed it had a really weird door. It was built in two sections, split horizontally across the middle, and didn’t have a doorknob that I could see.

Weird doors aside, I also got to thinking about where I was. Based on the style of the house, I guessed I was somewhere in Europe. Probably England or somewhere in Scandinavia, and it could be a historical village or something. This just added to the myriad questions that I had for whoever answered the door.

Finally, I reached the cottage. Taking a deep breath, I knocked three times on the door. From somewhere inside I heard a very soft voice say “Um, just a minute, please...if that’s okay with you.”

I was extremely relieved to hear a voice that wasn’t mine or pre-recorded for the first time. Maybe I could finally get started on finding out where I am, then going back to where I came from. As I waited, I entertained myself by looking at the surrounding countryside. The sun was just beginning to set, making a picturesque view that could have been used for a postcard.

My thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening. “Hi, my name is Sean and I’m...lost...” I trailed off as I turned and saw who, or rather what, opened the door. It was a light yellow horse-like thing, with pink hair.

We stared at each other for a couple of seconds, then screamed loudly in unison. It slammed the door as I stumbled backwards, struggling to comprehend what I just saw.

I just got screamed at by a pink and yellow horse that opened the door. How is that even possible? I turned and decided that going into the town would (hopefully) not lead to me getting screamed at by any more ridiculously colored horse things. I looked up to find the path into the town, then got distracted by something coming at me. Fast. Focusing on it, I saw it was very colorf-

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Fuuuuuuuuuuck

My head hurt. All I remember is getting screamed at by a horse thing and a flying ball of colors.

The colorful thing. That must have been what hit me. I just gotta get up and find out what it is, then avoid or take care of it. First, I have to open my eyes.

When I did, I almost wished I hadn’t.

All I could see was the largest pair of pinkish-purple eyes I’d ever seen. Come to think of it, they’re the only pinkish-purple eyes I’ve ever seen.

And they didn’t look happy.

I was also aware of some sort of pressure on my chest and my thighs. For my sake, I hope they stayed there or got off me entirely.

“What are you and what do you want to do to Fluttershy?” the eyes questioned with a voice as smooth as sandpaper. I made the assumption that these eyes belonged to a girl, maybe a woman. I wasn’t too concerned about the difference then.

“Well, you gonna talk, or should I make you talk?” the eyes continued.

I wasn’t in the mood for talking to whoever these eyes belonged to. Since my arms weren’t pinned, I carefully picked up a handful of dirt. Then, with a sudden movement, I threw the dirt into the eyes, shielding my eyes with the other hand. While it was stunned, I threw it off me and pushed myself off the ground.

I was expecting a fight now, but I wasn’t expecting my opponent to be one of those horse-things. It had a blue body, rainbow-colored hair, and wings! I was struggling to come up with what I was looking at, since I’d never seen anything like it before.

Now, I’m not an expert on fighting, but I’m pretty sure that you’re not supposed to let your opponent recover after you’ve gotten an advantage over it. While I was racking my brain, the horse-thing got the dirt out of its eyes.

It closed in the distance between us as I closed in on the answer to what it was. Then it hit me.

Pegasus, I thought as I took a punch (front leg kick?) across the face. It was the kind of move that really spins heads. Before I could get myself pointed straight, I felt another impact on my ear.

Ding-ding. It occurred to me that this is how Rocky should have ended, with him getting his ass handed to by an experienced fighter.

Now I was on the ground again. I tried to pick myself up, but was barely able to get to two feet before falling over again. That second impact must have knocked off my sense of balance, too.

My hearing was fine, however.

“Yeah! Rainbow Dash is still the undisputed champ! Nopony messes with Rainbow Dash’s friends and gets away with it!”

So I got beat up by a cocky, rainbow-haired mythical being. The forest was sounding better and better every minute I was out of it.

“Um, Rainbow Dash...you didn’t hurt it, did you? I mean, it’s fine if you wanted to, but, um, not too badly, if that’s okay with you.” This other voice was my current favorite.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but this thing totally wanted to hurt you, you know? Who cares how badly it got hurt?” I do, you asshole.

“Well, it’s just, I’ve never, um...I’ve never seen anything like it. I wanted to know if it was a new animal.” That got my attention. Do humans not exist or something? I’m pretty sure that I’m not in Europe, then.

“Huh. I guess I’ve never seen anything like it. I wonder what it is?” my assailant responded.

“I don’t know, but it’s not moving. Do you think it’s hurt?” the reasonable one said.

I don’t really like getting talked about when I’m in the area but not the conversation. “Maybe you should ask it, since it’s right here!” I yelled out.

There was a pause. “Did...did it just talk?” the rough-voiced one called out.

“No! It’s all in your head!” I answered. “Speaking of heads, mine is really pounding right now, so any help would be appreciated!”

“Oh no. Oh no-no-no-no-no. We can’t just leave an injured animal outside right now, it’s almost dark. Rainbow Dash, help me move it inside,” the softer voice said.

“But it was going to kill you!” the one named Rainbow Dash protested.

“No buts. It’s my job to help every animal I can, even if they’re a little grouchy when we first meet,” the soft one answered.

Try a little tenderness, Rainbow Dash. Then I won’t consider killing you, if anyone, I thought as I felt myself get lifted up. I saw the one that must have been Rainbow Dash, but couldn’t see the other. Rainbow Dash was staring at me with a rather harsh scowl pointed at me.

“Don’t make that face for too long, it’s gonna stick,” I told it, trying to lighten the mood.

“Shut it. I still think you’re an alien trying to take over the world,” it countered.

“Paranoia’s bad for you, you know. It makes others think you’re crazy,” I shot back.

“Um, could you two please stop fighting? Unless you want to fight, then you can keep fighting,” the one I couldn’t see said.

“I’ll stop if you stop. Is that cool with you?” I asked Rainbow Dash.

“Fine, but don’t think I’m not onto your tricks,” it answered.

We got into the house, where I was set on a couch that was slightly shorter than I was. Finally I got a good look at the one who was on my side. It was the same pink and yellow one that screamed at me when I tried the door earlier. It turned and I saw that it has wings, too.

So I’ve been brought into a house by two mythical horses after getting beaten up by one and screamed at by the other. And now they want to help me, I thought. Well, one of them does, I amended.

“Uh, thank you so much for helping me out...” I trailed off as I realized I didn’t have anything to call it. I assumed it was female by its voice, but I didn’t want to get thrown out because I guessed the wrong gender.

“Fluttershy,” it filled in for me. “Now, you stay right there, and I’ll have you patched up in no time.”

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, huh. Those are weird names, but I guess it’s not every day that you meet something that doesn’t exist.

Fluttershy came back with a first-aid kit clamped in its mouth. I’m not sure what that would do for a concussion, which I felt I had, but I wasn’t going to argue while I was its guest.

“Now, tell me where it hurts,” Fluttershy commanded, but still in an unusually soft voice.

“Well, my head hurts. A lot. After I got hit on the ear, I lost my sense of balance, so I think it’s some sort of internal injury,” I said, giving my best diagnosis.

“Hmm. All I can do for that is give you ice for your head and prescribe lots of rest. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

This was uncharted territory for me. Normally, no one would wait on me unless I had some sort of contagious illness.

“I haven’t eaten anything since last night, so could I get some food, please?” I decided being polite was going to get me farther than trying to take advantage of her offer.

“Oh my goodness! No food all day! No wonder you look so terrible,” Fluttershy exclaimed. The sympathy simultaneously touched and insulted me.

“Do you think maybe you could walk with me, then we’ll get you plenty of food to eat,” it offered.

“We’ll see what happens,” I answered. Slowly, I got out of the couch, getting in a frog crouch with both hands on the ground. I stood up carefully, and managed to stand straight with no incident. When I tried to take a step, I immediately fell flat on my face. From some corner of the room, I heard loud laughter from the one called Rainbow Dash, who I hadn’t realized was still around.

“This is not funny, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy scolded. “How would you like it if you got laughed at because you tried to fly and failed?”

“Well, it’s not happening to me, so I don’t care! That was hilarious, Fluttershy, admit it.”

“Don’t listen to her,” that confirmed one of my suspicions on their genders. “I’ll just help you until you can walk all on your own,” Fluttershy said to me.

“Thanks. Can I...can I lean on you for support?” I asked.

“Of course you can.”

So we continued. I hobbled along, stooped, using a pegasus as a crutch while we traveled towards what must have been the kitchen. Finally, I struggled into a chair that was too short for me. Rainbow Dash flew in, literally, and took a seat next to me. It made me a little uncomfortable, being in such close proximity to something that had already proven it could beat me up.

“If this thing’s getting dinner, is it cool if I stay over too?” she asked Fluttershy.

“Of course, you’re always welcome to stay over,” Fluttershy responded.

I don’t know if she suspected anything, but I’m very confident that food was the last thing on Rainbow Dash’s mind, considering she hadn’t taken her eyes off me the whole time.

“Um, do you have a name? I don’t want to call you ‘strange critter’, unless you want me to call you that,” Fluttershy asked.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, no don’t call me ‘strange critter’. My name’s Sean,” I answered.

“Sean? That’s the weirdest name I’ve ever heard!” Rainbow Dash snorted as she said this.

“It’s from a language I don’t even speak. Besides, I’ve never heard of a weirder name than Rainbow Dash before,” I countered.

“You think my name’s weird? That’s rich coming from a thing that can’t even fight when I have dirt in my eyes!”

I was about to say something, then I realized I didn’t have anything particularly clever to say. Cursing myself for lack of creativity, I turned to Fluttershy, “what do you have to eat?”

“Well, I have eggs, hay, oats, daisies, roses, lilies, and more. What are you interested in?”

“Eggs are good, but I can’t eat any of that other stuff. What about fruits and vegetables?”

“You can have apples, oranges, carrots, broccoli, or potatoes. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, that’ll work. I’ll have some eggs, scrambled if you can, apples, and carrots. Please,” I added.

“Okay, it’ll be ready in about 20 minutes,” my savior/waitress informed me. “While we’re waiting, could you please tell us what you are? I’ve never seen any creature like you before.”

It took me a couple seconds to take in the fact that this pegasus had never seen a human before. I’m pretty sure we were all over the world. I noticed that four expectant eyes were staring at me, waiting for my answer.

“I’m a human, homo sapiens if you wanna get fancy,” I said.

“Oh this is so exciting! I’ve discovered a new species! And it literally arrived at my front door, too” Fluttershy looked like she was about to burst with excitement.

Even Rainbow Dash was smiling. “This means I’m the first to defeat an alien race. Yes!” she followed up with a Tiger Woods-like uppercut, nearly clocking me on the head in the process.

The questioning only intensified from there on.

“How did you get here?”

“Is every human as weak as you?”

“Where are you from?”

“Why are you so bad at fighting?”

“Do you have little animals where you come from?”

“Am I the coolest thing you’ve ever seen, or the greatest thing you’ve ever seen?”

With each question, they got closer and closer to my face. Right now, they were practically touching my noses with theirs.

“Uh, I’ll answer what I can after I eat,” I said, but it hardly seemed to change their mood.

Shortly afterwords, the food came out. Scrambled eggs, an apple, and raw carrots. I regretted not asking to have them steamed, but they were edible. One thing that was missing were utensils.

I asked Fluttershy for a fork and knife, which she brought over. As I reached to grab them from the table, Rainbow Dash slapped them out of my reach.

“What was that for?” I demanded, pretty pissed at being denied my tools.

“I still don’t trust you, even if I can easily beat you up,” was her answer.

It was a struggle, but I managed to eat the eggs without burning my hands or mouth too badly. The apple and carrots were obviously easier for me to handle. After going nearly 24 hours without food, I decided this was the most delicious meal I’d ever had in my life.

After I finished, they wanted me to answer their questions, which they helpfully repeated for me in the same fashion as before.

“In order: I don’t know; plenty are stronger than me; a place called Overland Park, in Kansas, in the United States of America; because I’ve never fought before; tons; and not yet.”

This dampened their enthusiasm. Fluttershy looked concerned, while Rainbow Dash seemed to be pouting.

“How can you not know how you got here?” Fluttershy asked.

“Because all I know is that last night I went to sleep in my room and this morning I woke up in the middle of that damned forest over there,” I pointed in the general direction of where I came from.

“You came out of the Everfree Forest? No wonder I’ve never seen anything like you. Do you know how dangerous it is to go in there?”

“No. I don’t even know where I am or how I can get back home.”

“Oh, you poor thing. You can stay here until you find a way home, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Wow...I don’t know what to say...uh, thank you, and you don’t really have to do all this.”

“Don’t you worry about it. I would never let any sort of animal come to harm if I can help it.”

I yawned after that, which made me realize just how tired I was after walking for most of a day.

“Fluttershy, is there any place I can sleep, ‘cause I don’t think I’m gonna stay conscious much longer,” I asked my host.

“Hmm, I don’t have a guest room, so I think you’ll have to sleep in the living room. Will the couch be okay for you?”

“Yeah, I think so,” I answered.

With that, I struggled to my feet and started walking towards the room I was in earlier, where the only couch I’d seen was. I didn’t fall over this time, but it was still slow going.

“If it’s alright with you, I think I’m gonna crash here for the night,” I heard Rainbow Dash say from behind me.

“That’s alright, but you’re probably going to have to sleep on the floor,” Fluttershy replied.

“Thanks, Flutters,” Rainbow Dash said, then I saw her in front of me.

“Listen up, Shen-” she started.

“Sean,” I corrected.

“Whatever. If you try anything funny tonight, I swear I’m going to buck you so hard, you’ll wish you’d never crawled out of the Everfree Forest,” she threatened.

“You got it,” I assured her. “Does that mean I can’t offer you the couch?”

“What?”

“I said, do you want the couch? ‘Cause if you don’t, I’ll be taking it now,” I repeated. If I could get on her good side, this place would be a lot more tolerable.

“I’ll take your offer, but just know that I’m watching you,” she answered.

“Whatever you want,” I replied.

I untied my sweats from my waist, then balled them up to make a pillow. I got on my side, facing Rainbow Dash. She was staring back at me, not breaking her steely glare. She lifted a hoof to her eyes, then turned it around to point at me.

“Good night to you, too,” I said before I drifted off to sleep.