Creepy Pie

(Narrated by Mr. Breezy)

Monday, August 26th, 2013.

I got up to my computer and got onto 4chan. As my internet browser started loading up, I took out my camera and took a quick picture of my new Pinkie Pie toy, the kind that McDonald’s was giving out as a toy in the happy meals. I was so stoked to tell everyone about it!

“So, I was just chillin' at this convention over the weekend when I saw some guy with this awesome Pinkie Pie toy. I was like ‘Nice Pinkie Pie,’ and he was all like, ‘You want it?’ Canadians are the best, guys.” Then, in a spoilered format, I wrote, “If someone gets quads, I’ll stick it up my anus.”

Nobody ever got quads, right? It’d be fun to turn this into a Pinkie Pie thread just so I could brag about my new My Little Pony collectible. Plus, you know, it’s always fun to see someone almost get it and then miss it by one or two numbers. Anyway, back to what happened.

I just waited and waited for replies, but I found myself being the only one posting half the time, trying to sound like I was someone else in my anonymity just to promote the thread. Well, people started posting pictures of Pinkie Pie after a while, telling me how lucky I was, but it only lasted a little while before the thread was deleted. There’s just the thing, though… Usually when a thread gets deleted, I get a 404 message, telling me the thread no longer exists, but this time, google chrome said it couldn’t find the page. Just to make sure my internet was working, I went to 4chan’s home site, then to the /mlp/ board, but everything else was working fine.

“Well… that’s gay,” I said to myself, shutting my laptop and going to bed. I was determined, though. I was determined to let everyone know that I got a free toy and I was ready to shove it in their face… or my butt, but hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. (Don’t make fun of me. I like attention, OK?)

Tuesday, August 27th, 2013.

The next day, I started up /mlp/ and was ready to try again. Pictures were coming in and messages were going smoothly.

“Ah, so it's you. Let's try the quads thing again.”

“This will only end with Disgust.”

“ur a faget”

Another person put up a picture of Pinkie Pie holding a balloon to her crotch, which was immediately followed by, “lets pop that balloon, followed by your cherry.”

What can I say? Some people are into that stuff… I might have also been into that stuff… I might have also put in my fair share of sexy Pinkie Pie pictures… My shorts may have—

“Come on, quads!” He missed it by 155, getting doubles in the process. “Dubs? I ain’t even mad. But truly, though, I want those quads… What is my life anymore?”

Suddenly, people were posting all at once. It was happening. The moment of truth! If they didn’t get 9999, they could still get 0000. It was right there!

9985…

9996…

9997…

0003…

“FFFUUUUUUUU!!!!”

“I’m done. Enjoy your new toy, though, OP. (You’d better give us another chance sometime, faggot.)”

“You can still try for 1111.” What was I trying to prove? That I had some kind of anal fetish? I should have just gone to bed, but I didn’t. Instead, I started posting more pictures of Pinkie Pie.

As you can tell, posting picture after picture gets boring. After posting like five in a row, I walked over to my window and opened it up, just to occupy my time. As soon as I get back to my chair to post another picture, though, the wind picked up, knocking my toy right off the TV. Usually people learn after the first time, but it took me about 3 times before I realized that this toy wasn’t going to stay on the TV.

“Freaking A!” I said both verbally and on the internet. “The one time I open my window it suddenly gets really windy. My Pinkie toy keeps falling off my TV.”

I don’t think anyone noticed, though.

“Put it in your anus, OP.”

“Rolling I want to see OP's butthole.”

“I don't think OP has realized exactly what is going to happen here. We will get quads, and that toy will go up his butt.”

After like the 14th try, I finally got my butt off my chair and closed the window. As soon as I sat back down and put the toy back on my TV, though, I looked out the window and saw that the trees were still. Not a single shaking leaf.

“Ugh, and as soon as I close the window, the wind stops.”

Again, people didn’t notice. They were too busy putting up pictures of Pinkie Pie, so I continued along with them. One was a picture where Pinkie was holding Fluttershy’s cheeks that said, “Kiss me you fool.” Another was of Pinkie attached to the screen saying, “I will break through this glass.”

“Let’s ride a bicycle made out of dreams into friendship.”

“Let’s watch ponies!”

“My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie is Best Pony.”

“Evil Mind at Work.” (Of course, using the image of Pinkie in “Party of One.”)

“Hay guys! Is someone sticking something in op's anus?”

As I was busy trying to find more pictures, though, someone said, “Dude, you know what I just noticed?

Kiss.

I

Let’s

Let’s

My

Evil.”

It took me a second, but I finally saw was he saw. The first letter all spelled out “Kill me.”

“Dude, that’s creepy,” he said, putting up a picture of Spike.

“Holy crap! You’re right!” another said, but other than those two, everyone was preoccupied adding more pictures, getting closer and closer to quads.

“We have to wait to get quads now!” (1069)

“C'mon you retarded man child!” (1077)

“CUM. ON. IT.” (1079)

“Come on, faggot! Do it!” (1094)

“ALMOST THERE!” (1111)

And just like that, it happened. The thread was filled with celebration, all telling me to stick the toy up my anus.

Let’s pause. So, say this happened to you. It probably wouldn’t because you’re not some idiotic attention whore, but let’s say it did. What would you do in this situation? Again, probably just walk away. You’d probably just take advantage of your anonymity and go to bed. That’s what you’d do, right? I mean, I wouldn’t have to feel bad about just walking away and pretending it didn’t happen, right?

“Hold on... Give me a few minutes. I have to take a decent picture with my phone and email it to myself.”

Wrong.

I was actually doing it. I was about to take a picture of me sticking my favorite new toy into my bumbum, and you know what? I grabbed my phone. I grabbed my toy. I pulled down my shorts. I angled the toy between my back legs and I took a picture.

“Got the picture. Emailing it now.”

Then I did it. My butthole was on fire. It was like Hades himself was sticking a blowtorch up my butthole and letting the inferno of the underworld ripple my rectum, but I did it.

“Mom… can you pick me up? I’m scared…”

“This? This right here? Is what's wrong with this board.”

“You’re all retarded.” Looking at that last post, though, I saw that the poster was using the name “Mister Breezy.”

“This wasn’t me, by the way,” I said. “I don’t wanna go through the trouble of making a tripcode, though.”

“You know I could have probably impersonated you a long time ago and scared everyone off so you didn't have to do that,” the imposter said. I ignored him. Hopefully by not responding, he wouldn’t come back and I wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore, but then…

“This isn’t over.”

I was completely thrown off. What was this guy doing? Again, though, nobody else noticed.

“Now cum on it.”

“Cum on it, you sexy faggot!”

“C-C-CUM!”

“Cum on it.

Use the cum as lube.

Start insertion

???????

PROFIT!”

Replying to the fake poster, I said, “Seriously, do I need to start using a tripcode?”

“Like this?” he replied, using a trip of his own.

“I’ll tell you what, guys. If you get quads again, I’ll cum on it. (Once we get close to 2222, I’d better start seeing some Pinkie porn).”

“Here we go!”

“Aww, come on! It’s not like cumming on it will make it worse for your faggotry!”

“Just go to sleep, OP. I’ll take care of the rest.”

At this point, I was both mad and creeped out. I went up to the name bar and typed in a password so that this person pretending to be me couldn’t impersonate me anymore. “K, so I’m using a trip now.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

The person was still using my name, but at least he wasn’t attempting to use a tripcode. Upon looking at his name, though, I couldn’t help but notice the thumbnail was named “the_end_is_neigh.”

Then, I felt a puddle between my legs. I was bleeding… out my butthole…

“Holy frick! My butthole is bleeding! Brb!”

I ran to my bathroom, took off my shorts and examined the blood. It wasn’t too bad, but still enough to leave a large red stain on my jeans. It was still going, too. Grabbing a few squares of toilet paper, I wiped off the blood, put some pressure on my anus and waited for the bleeding to stop. Yep. This was what I deserved. I could have just walked away, but instead, I put a toy up my butt.

Once the bleeding subsided, I threw the toilet paper into the toilet, which turned into a light red pool, swirling down the drain. I then put my pants back on, sat back down and came back to the thread, which was still alive and well.

“OK, I’m back.”

I then returned to dumping more pictures of Pinkie. You’d think I would have learned my lesson by this point, but we were still trying to get quads again! Still, I posted a picture of Pinkie playing with Gummy in her bathtub, a picture of Pinkie and her singing telegram, a pic—

Then my lights started flickering, probably because I had never changed the light bulb before. I knew I was going to have to do it eventually, but I didn’t feel like doing it right now. Scrolling back up to the impersonator posting the creepy pictures, I said, “My lights are flickering, and I’m blaming you,” and went back to posting more pictures.

As the posts got closer and closer to 3333, I was now posting pictures that were a little bit more… scandalous… you know, in case they got quads again and I’d need to… I’ve got problems, OK?

3326…

3332…

3336…

“Oh, well,” I said, feeling relieved that I didn’t have to do anything else that I’d regret. “Maybe tomorrow.” The thread seemed like it had died anyway. No problem for me.

Finally, I made the right decision. I turned off my computer, turned off my flickering light and got under my blankets. Besides my somewhat burning butthole, I was completely relaxed and ready to fall asleep. Sleep, though… wasn’t on the agenda tonight…

Wake up, Mister Breezy!