"Thank you all, you saved my life. But I think it's time I left." the pianist set the microphone down and started carrying his mare towards the doors.

Dash quickly jumped up on the table, I quickly grabbed my drink and kept her from knocking it over. "Hey!" she snapped loudly at the retreating couple. "That was awesome!" The pianist quickly nodded to her and hurried out the doors.

"Augh..." I grumbled, rubbing my face in agitation, "Really? Get off the table you spaz."

Dash spun around on the table, kicking her friend's drink off the table. "Rainbow Dash!" the purple bookworm quickly jumped back.

Dash started spinning around the table, knocking over drinks and stepping in food as she twirled. "Sorry- sorry- dang it, sorry!"

"Dash, you're making a mess!" I yelped as a plate of greens launched towards me. "Jesus, get off the table!" I stood upright and scooped her off the table. I turned and took a look at the room. Half the room was staring at us, the other half was pretending not to. "Twilight I'm gonna get going okay?"

Twilight scowled, nodding a few times before pointing to the doors. Dash started struggling as I slung her over my shoulder. "Hey I wasn't ready to leave yet!"

"Oh be quiet...god damn...I need a drink." I charged out the door and started off down the steps out of the castle.

She continued to squirm, kicking her legs and nearly kicking the side of my head as she tried to pull free. "Put me down you jerk, you're supposed to do what I say!"

She managed to kick of my shoulder, quickly bucking my ear. "Bitch!" I reaffirmed my grip and pinned her against my shoulder. "God damn that hurt...fuck this!" I looked to my right and hurried towards the nearest source of alcohol. A bar with a bunch of batponies out front drew my attention immediately. I charged inside, ignoring the stares and sitting down at the bar. "Anything, two of your hardest liquor, I really don't care what!"

The man behind the counter quickly nodded, dragging a large brown bottle off the rack behind him. "One hundred proof...thirty bits for the bottle." the man spoke with a heavy Russian accent.

"Sure, just pour it." I grabbed the money from my pocket and threw them over. He quickly poured the two drinks, letting me set Dash down next to me and getting her to calm down with the knock down whiskey. I grabbed the glass and threw the burning liquid back.

Dash stared at me before matching my form. "Oh my gosh." she swallowed hard before shaking her head. "That tastes like-"

"The taste of shame removal." I poured another glass and threw it back. "I can't believe you stood on the table."

Dash glared at me, watching the glass in my hand like a hawk. "Give me that!" she yanked the bottle out of my hand and poured herself another drink. "I can...drink better...than you!" her speech became labored as a deep red grew over her muzzle. "I can't...no...human...person no win."

I pulled the bottle away from her. "Calm down, gonna poison yourself like that." I finished the glass and switched to straight out of the bottle. "Not everything ish- fuck...is a contest." I swung back the bottle. "Jesus Christ...Ruskie where'd you get this!? This shit could kill someone."

"Shut up!"

"Ah screw yu...." I slid the drink to Dash. "Gonna fucking hate the morning...but this is totally worth...something."

Dash nursed the bottle like a baby, slamming it back down and laying on the counter. "Shut up Ryam...your shupposed ta make me happy, so make me happy!"

I grabbed the bottle and brought it to my lips. "What the fuck...are you wearing lip stick?!" the taste of lemons was stuck to the tip of the bottle. I tried to ignore it and washed the taste away with more booze. "An I ain't supposed ta make ya feel gud, I'm supposed to walk you around and look good! Now my suits all dirty...you're hooves are covered in salad dressing...I mean I don't even know who the hell we're getting back to the bucking hotel."

Dash pawed at the bottle, knocking the empty vessel sideways. "So what...you're just here for the money?" she pushed her upper body off the counter. "You don't think I'm pretty!?"

I leaned in and joined her little staring contest. "I don't give two shits about pony blue. You paid the company, I showed up, now we're here...getting smashed." I snapped upright. "Huh...this turned out better than they planned."

Dash looked around the room at blissfully happy bats. "Better shan shitting with stupid shnotty ponies!"

I took my jacket off, setting it behind me on the stool. "Damn right. I mean I nearly refused the contract when it said formal attire...shit...pass that shit."

Dash slid the bottle over to me. "I think it's empty."

I picked it up and drew what little liquor remained. "Damn it, I'm tapped too!"

Dash groaned. "I left my bits in the room."

The bartender pulled the bottle away, wiping down the counter as he picked up the abandoned glasses. "Stay safe."

I pushed off the counter. Finding myself much drunker than I felt as I stood. I grabbed my jacket, pulling the stool along with me as I stumbled into a table. Dash started snickering as I wobbled around the bar. "And you told me I looked weird!"

I slammed stomach first into the counter. "Fu- uck," I hiccuped as I tried to pick up my jacket. Another patron quickly walked over and handed it to me. "Ey!" she spun around with an annoyed look. "You're cool...awesome." I gave a crude thumbs up as I moved to pick up Dash.

"Hey- I can walk my-" she jumped from the stool, quickly slamming gut first into the floor. "Ow...."

After some help from the bats Dash found her new home slung over my shoulder, leaving me to drunkenly traverse the streets until I found our hotel.

After about an hour of sloppily stumbling through the streets a passing guard spotted us. "Sir...are you alright?"

I stared at him as I grabbed a light post for balance. "Uh...South...Sterling?"

The guard hung his head low. "The hotel? Come along, I'll help you get there."

I pointed at the guard. "Eyyyy, cool dude."

Dash let out a long burp. "Ey-ey-ugh...."

The guard slowly led me down a few streets, eventually showing us to the large hotel. "Whoa...dude...you did it!" I pulled what few bits remained in my pocket and threw them at him. "Sorry...hands no work."

The guard stared at me until walking off. With him gone I started my way up the stairs. Eventually crawling to our floor and using the wall to slid towards our room.

"Oh shit...key...key...key...." I mumbled to myself as I patted down my pockets. "Dash...key?"

Dash's foreleg shot back, pulling the copper colored key from her dress. "Key."

I took it from her and unlocked the door. "Yes, fucking...yes!" I tossed the door open and stumbled into the room. I managed to set Dash down and curl up beside her on the floor.

"This sucks...." Dash grumbled as she stretched out on the floor. "You're the worst human!"

"Yeah well...you're worst pony!"

Dash crawled onto my chest. "You...you take that back!"

I leaned my head up, bumping my nose against her's. "Make me."

She grumbled a bit before driving her head down, planting her lips against mine. I tried to push her away for a moment before enjoying the taste of the bourbon on her breath. I stuck my tongue out and got a quick taste of her lips before she opened her mouth.

We quickly grew more fierce as our drunken make-out moved forward. I pushed Dash back, a trail of slobber running from our mouths as I rolled us. She squirmed angrily as I positioned myself over her. "Wait...wait...wait!" She screamed as I managed to undo my pants.

I sat upright, Dash still trapped under my legs. "What?"

"No dress...help me..." she continued to squirm, managing to work her dress down a bit. I quickly yanked the whole cloud themed affair over her head and tossed it on the couch.

With her bare, wet sex exposed, I leaned down over her. I cradled her head as we joined mouths again. I quickly snuck my member out and brought her hooves together, rubbing the soft insides as I pressed myself against her entrance. Between my prodding and my hoof massage her mouth was nearly vibrating from her moans.

I searched her mouth with my tongue while my lower head explored her burning sex. The vise like grip and extreme heat was driving me crazy, just like my thick member was driving her crazy.

My vision started to blur as I drew my mouth back, enjoying her panting and pained laughing as I tickled her hooves, letting her insides squeeze my member. I reached my head down and licked her hooves as I held them together. My thrusts grew hazy as I lost consciousness.

Everything went dark, with a soft hazy memory of pleasure mixed with a growing headache filling my head as I slept.

Author's Note

"It doesn't hurt anymore."