Sweets And A Dash Of Rainbow.

I helped to load up a cart I rented, my old land lord doing his best to help me move out. The cranky old sod was doing his best, carrying small parcels over and helping to organize. For his physical limitations, he was actually really useful, tactfully showing me where to pack my stuff in the neatest fashion. "Alright...go on...finish up."

I loaded up a final box and looked it over. "Cranky...don't push me." I rubbed the back of my neck and stretched my back, "I'm on the edge of Jersey boy right now." I looked him over, sporting a bit of unease in his steps. "Cranky...sup?"

He looked me over, "Already got someone comin' to replace ya' ...just...kinda--"

I turned to him, smiling warmly, "You gonna be alright?"

Cranky nodded, "Like I said...already got someone else coming to take your place...I don't need ya anymore...."

I finished up securing my stuff and walked up to him. "...Well...it's been fun...."

Cranky looked off towards the outbuilding. "Yep...."

I rubbed the back of my head, looking around nervously. "So like...a hand shake, first bump...what's proper here?"

Cranky just looked off to the side. "Don't worry about it...just go on, get out of here."

I couldn't help but feel a little bad as I picked up the arms of the cart and lifted the mess up. "Well remember, I can do any light construction you want...just give me a call, it'll be on the house."

Cranky started blustering and huffing. "Go get out of here!" He started pushing against my side, forcing me away. "Go- oh...who's this?" Cranky asked, tossing a hoof past me and towards the road.

I swung my head around, spotting Bon Bon trotting towards me. "Oh...hey there!" I lifted the cart up and started precariously carrying the mass behind me. "I said you didn't have to come by, I've got it."

Bon Bon's tail swished about angrily. "Maybe I wanted to come down, maybe I wanted to watch you work."

I cocked my head, "Uh...you sound mad."

Bon Bon let out a bitter huff. "Not angry...just- you're just my room mate now."

I cocked my head even further. "But...you were- wait...are- you were asking me to bed two days ago...."

Bon Bon spun around, starting off towards our new house. "Well now you've gotta work for it. You had your shot, but you decided to go hang out with Rainbow Dash! Now...if you want this-" She swung her hip out, lifting a back leg and stretching it out, "-ooo," she made a quick pout, tossing her head back, "You're gonna have to work for it."

I couldn't help but stare at her, something odd about her face simply refused to release my eye. "Uh...Bon Bon, are you wearing lipstick again?"

She walked backwards, leading me and my cart through the town. She smiled wide, keeping her lips sealed. They were both painted a soft navy to match one of the colors in her mane, with a bright pink tab on the center of her lower lip. "Looks good right?" She closed her eyes and swung around, "Good enough for you to notice."

I rolled my eyes, it was nice by I didn't want her getting an inflated ego. "Sure- uh...Bon Bon...." I tried to get her attention, a confused looking human standing in her backwards path.

She kept on marching backwards, "I never understood why Lyra liked clothes or fancy stuff, I mean she lived in Canterlot so I thought it was just some mountain thing, but I get it now!"

"That's great but there's--"

"I was gonna actually wear a skirt and a shirt, but I knew you were moving and I figured I might help if you were nice so-- oof." Bon Bon ran butt first into the human's legs, "Oh, I'm sor--"

"Ay, lady, I'm standin' here!" The human snapped in a thick Boston accent.

"Aww...fuuuck...." I mumbled, setting down my cart. My inner asshole was threatening to explode out and go full guido. "Hey, asshole, you gonna take a step back?" I asked, raising my voice and falling back into the lazy speech I'd tried to kill off since moving.

The man stuffed a piece of paper into his pocked and glared at me. "Hey, I'm just standin' here and all the sudden some horse bumps my knees! What's it to you?! You got a problem with me!?"

I let out a quick huff, quickly seeing the departure of clear speaking as the east coast surged up in Equestria. "Maybe I do, you gonna make a big deal about it?!"

The Bostoner stepped over to me, "Ya got a stick up your ass about it?" he looked over to Bon Bon, "what, ya givin' it to this horse here!?"

I stepped up to him, fronting and tensing up. "Ay, maybe I am maybe I ain't, you got a problem with that?!"

The man stuffed his hands in his back pockets and leaned back, "What, you gonna fuckin' fight about it?"

"Yeah, maybe I am!"

He pointed his finger at Bon Bon limply, "This little pony gal worth fightin' for?! Worth gettin' ya fuckin' 'ead caved?!"

I took yet another step towards him, getting face to face with the shorter man, "Ya damn right, now you gonna back up or we gonna throw down!?"

The man tilted his chin up, frowing hard and staring at me. "So what yous' is tellin me is, this here thing's worth gettin' into a fight about, just cause yous' an asshole?" He looked between me and Bon Bon, frowning comedically hard and nodding slowly, "Yeah alright," He took a step back and lowered his posture. "Been thinkin' why all these people comin here shackin up with the locals. Figured it had ta' be somethin' like that."

I rubbed my mouth, "Yeah, pretty great...real nice, got a good girl."

The Bostaner nodded firmly, "Ah figured when you were got all in my face. So these ponies worth givin' a shot?"

I rolled my shoulders, eventually settling into a calmer posture, "Ya, ya' fuckin' take 'em out, treat 'em right, show 'em a good time they'll treat ya right!" I was still shouting, stuck trying to match the man's naturally louder tone.

"Hmm, give 'em a shot then...maybe I find me a girl worth fightin' over."

I nodded, "Maybe ya do, maybe ya do...." Things grew quiet as I stood mere inches from the man. I let out a rough cough and clapped my hands together, "So ya gonna just stand there or ya gonna move your dumb ass and tell me where ya goin'!?"

The man frowned once again, looking down the road. "Yeah, lookin' for some ass, some donkey lookin' putz." He pulled out the paper he had and started looking them over.

I leaned in over his shoulder, flicking my thumb across my nose and making an audible scoffed, "Dumb ass, you're takin' my old apartment!"

The man jerked his head up, "Ya fuckin' kiddin' me?!"

"Nah!" I bumped his shoulder, "Go on down that road, take a left and it's the one with the little shack in the back lot!"

The man looked down the road, "That's it!? I've been runin' around like an idiot, standin' here like a dumbass tryin' to figure out this damn map, and it's down the freakin' street!?"

"Yeeeaaah!"

"Shit," the man stuffed the papers back into his pocket and turned to me, "Hey I'm Andy by the way!"

I hadn't noticed him sticking his hand out at gut level. "Uuuh, Ryan." I met his hand, the dry grasp rather rough but truly befitting of the voice and manners. He gave my hand a single powerful shake, signifying him as a person I could probably ask for help."

"Alright then, thanks man." He looked over to my cart, "So the hell is this?!"

I looked back at my stuff. "Aaaah, don't worry. Like I said you're takin' my old place."

Andy looked at me with an annoyed glare, "You movin'? Idiot, how ya gonna move and not ask me for help!?"

I brushed him off, "Cause I don't need some white little towny breakin' his arm cause he can't lift a box! Now get outta here!" I shouted, my accent extremely thick and slurry. "Let a man get some fuckin' work done!"

Andy threw his hands up. "You're the dumb ass not askin' for help with a big ass cartful of crap! I bet you got a bunch a shitty stuff in there anyways!"

I waved goodbye, "Yeah, yeah, get your dumb ass down the street ya asshole." With my horridly Jersey talk done I went back to Bon Bon, turning off the swearing and clearing up my slur in seconds. "Well...that happened, you gonna watch where you're going now?"

She stared at me, eyes wide and body stiff. "Ryan, what was that? Like...you sounded mad the entire time...and I thought you were gonna hit somepony...."

I looked down the road, watching Andy walk off. "Why would I hit him? He didn't take a swing."

Bon Bon folded her ears and rubbed her head. "That was...I don't think I've ever heard you swear...and you just come in swinging wild!"

I scratched my head, confused. "Swinging wild? What cause I was shouting and swearing and stuff?"

Bon Bon Scoffed, "And stuff... Ryan you were up in his face, yelling, calling him an asshole, then you're suddenly friends!?"

I started chuckling, "That wasn't a fight. If I ever fight someone you're not going to understand a thing I say. That was...that actually went better than I thought it would." I picked Bon Bon up and started taking her towards the cart. "And there's a difference between when I call someone an, ahsshoole. And when I call someone an, asshole!"

Bon Bon was obviously confused, sitting atop a bundle of blankets on my cart. "Wait...what? So an asshole is different than an...than...than calling someone an asshole in a funny accent?"

I hoisted the arms of the cart up and started pulling it down the street. "Pretty much. And it ain't my fault the dumbass was lost! He's standin' there in the middle of the fuckin' street like an idiot! And what kinda' prick would I be if I didn't help him out, show him the way and get his stupid ass off the streets!?" I snapped, mockingly digging up my accent. "I mean...I'm nothing if not a Good Samaritan."

Bon Bon groaned loudly, "You know...I was gonna say I understood why Lyra was into humans, but that just tossed all that out the window."

"Well...if you're not interested let me know.... I'm sure I could try dating Rainbo- err...somepony...."

Bon Bon stamped her hoof into the blankets. "Did I say that? I mean...you were just like...you charged that guy when he was yelling at me...I mean...watching you go all mad and yelly at him after being mean to me.... I mean, I felt a tickle down there, got a little excited."

I took a sharp turn onto Bon Bon's street. "Some jackass starts yelling at my girl I'm gonna step up and sort that shit out with prejudice! I mean...I guess you're not my baby girl but--"

Bon Bon let out a quick groan, "You sound so- wait...baby girl?"

I ran my tongue along my teeth, a bit nervous. "Don't mind that...that's like.... I talked like that when my girlfriends used to get mad at me. Aw don't be like that, you my little baby girl, don't lock me out! ...Worked all of twice...." I chuckled, secretly loathing my previous love life.

"You're weird.... And I'm not your baby girl.... Pick something better than that." She cooed, bopping my head with a hoof.

"Sweetie seems fitting, right?"

Bon Bon sighed, "Cause the candy thing...funny."

"Aw sweetie don't be like that, you really gonna be mad at your bo?"

Bon Bon let out a sharp gasp, "I don't- whoa...what the buck did you do?"

I spotted her home, slowly my pace, "Hmm?"

"I felt all guilty...wanted to hug you."

I laughed sharply, "Oh wow, it worked. Aw, that's adorable." I set the cart down on her lawn, and turned to Bon Bon. She sat there, pouting and glaring at me. "Aw...don't be mad at me."

Bon Bon grew a bit flustered, shifting her hooves and turning her head away from me. "Stop that!" she growled adorably, her voice soft and secretly apologetic. "I feel all huggy and like...."

"Your hooves are shifting," I sang, walking up to her. "You want a hug?"

Bon Bon's hooves went wild, kneading like a cat. "I just- this-- This doesn't mean you can sleep in my bed! You're gonna work for me now, you had your chance and you just wasted it, now you're gonna take me out, gonna be nice to me and--"

I hugged her, her hooves wrapping around my back in seconds. "Aw...Awwwha...that's adorable." I rubbed her back, lifting her from the cart and setting her on the ground, staying crouched and holding her. "I knew you were all girly behind that grumbly attitude."

A soft creak caught my attention. "Bon Bon, you're hugging-" A sweet voice screamed, "a human!" I looked up to find a mint green unicorn laying on her belly and screaming, "This is the best welcome home ever!"

I stared at the unicorn, Bon Bon leaning her head around. "Um...Bon Bon, do you know this person?"

Bon Bon let her head go limp, stretching backwards. "Lyra...how was Earth?"

The apparent Lyra walked over to us. "It was alright...humans don't really like it when you ask them for hugs, but this one is already hugging you!"

I adopted a quizzical look. "Did you just go up to random people and ask them for hugs?"

Bon Bon pushed free. "Ryan...this is Lyra, my old room-mate...of course she asked random people for hugs...she's a spazz."