The RiseView OnlineDescentThe RiseDescent Hi, I'm Kaizer. Most everybody just calls me "Nazi", you can call me Kaizer. Wear a black coat and learn German, then everyone calls you a Nazi. Even with an Ushanka. The most Russian hat possible! Doesn't help when I look like mustache-less Hitler. Anyway, I landed in this land filled with magical talking ponies about a month ago. When I arrived, I found that they had some basic technology. This was apparently supplemented by magic. It seemed that only unicorns could use it. How inefficient. So, since then, I have taken up residence in a bunker in a hill facing Ponyville, as they call it. The bunker itself was fairly modern, being made out of reinforced concrete. A MG-42 was mounted on the wide gun port, again, facing Ponyville. There were skeletons wearing what seemed to be World War two clothing. There were two Soviets, a Britainian, two Americans, and two Germans. They were promptly moved into the closet. Yeah, I just used that pun. Anyway, there was a journal on one of the Germans. Good thing I learned Deutsch. I'll tell you the contents later, but first, let's answer that pony that has just tripped the sensors I set up. I grab the machine gun, and take aim. This one is different. It has wings and a horn. It was also purple. It matters not, it can still be shot. So I pull the trigger, and a wall of lead is sent the pony's way. Aaaand they just bounce off of a lavender barrier. I've seen this before, but usually the pony looks drained afterword. They are easily disposed of in this state. But this one just seems to shrug it off. Fucking magic. It wasn't that I hate ponies, they just... I don't know. Keep up the pressure. Kill it! Kill it now! Don't Comrade, all things are equal. NEIN! Kill it! Schnell! Get. Out. Of. My. Head! Silence. Thank goodness. Back to the pony. Who, in a flash of light, just left. And appeared in my house. I sighed, and walked over to it. "Well, you've breached my defenses by being completely fucking OP'd!" I spoke, raising in volume towards the end. "Yes, that's one of the perks of being an alicorn." The "alicorn" said, stroking her wings. "First of all, why? Secondly, what's your name? And thirdly, how many Alicorns are there?" I asked. I was going to start a wall of fame for making it into the base walls. "Because I need to ask you some questions. Twilight Sparkle. And, well, hey are extremely rare, I only know of four, counting myself." Twilight responded clinically. I eyed her suspiciously. These questions must be burning damn hot for her to brave my base. Not that it required any exertion on her part. Again they're fucking OP'd. They need a nerf Big Game Coder in the sky! So I responded as thus: "We are awaiting your query." "Well, wait... did you just say 'we'?" Twilight asked. "Yes, we thought it would be most enjoyable." I answered, confusing Twilight more. "Anyway, why are you killing ponies? That is a crime punishable by death." She stated. "We are not as stable as we may seem." I answered. You didn't need to tell her that, mate. Yes, I did. "Oh. So you're insane?" She asked. "Or am I the only sane one?" I responded. "Anyway, your... expertise is needed in Canterlot." Twilight replied warily. "How will I be arriving?" I queried. Twilight shifted nervously. "That's the kicker. In captivity." She responded, looking up at me. "We cannot allow you to do that." I replied. "I guessed as much." Twilight stated. I grabbed the knife in my belt, and rushed Twilight. She didn't have time to teleport away. I pinned her, and held her front legs down with my knees so her face was up. Twilight’s look of shocked fear was perfect. "Such a pretty face. Shame we have to cut it up." I taunted, cutting along her right cheekbone. Blood seeped out, making her look like she was crying, sort of. Twilight tryed to fire a magical blast at me, however, I hit her horn just before it fired, and the faint glow dispersed. "Maybe we should start on you horn." I said, making gestures of cutting and sawing said protrusion. "No! Don't you dare!" She screamed, trying to teleport away. This spell met the fate the other did. "You're not doing magic while we are still winning." I stated, and Twilight started to sob. I grabbed her horn, and yanked her head back, as she was trying to curl into fetal position. She was probably used to fighting idiots who gave her an obvious weak spot. I decided to kiss the horn goodbye for her, and she shuddered as I did so. Odd. I decided to stroke it, and the shuddering continued, this time, a moan passed her lips. Ha! I can so totally use this. I kept stroking her horn, eliciting a very pleasured response from the alicorn. I then proceded to cut along the left cheekbone for symmetry’s sake. She moaned even louder. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I whispered into her ear. The answer I got was surprising. “Yes.” She whispered back. I immediately got up and dusted myself off. I felt like taking a shower, but I still had the lavender alicorn to deal with. “We will attend.” I stated, and Twilight stood up. She ruffled her wings, and walked out the door. “I’ll send guards over to take you.” She called from a distance outside the door. What the hell did I just go through? I’ll just go ge the bleach. I want to forget what I just did. I mean, shooting them is fine, but cutting them. That’s just cruel. After a very… thorough shower, I headed off to bed. I set the base into lockdown mode, which is basically me locking the front door. But before I could reach the sleeping quarters, I saw a flash of light next to the MG. So, naturally, I walked over to it and picked it up. It was that German’s journal. “Might as well read it, could give insight to situation.” I muttered to myself as I walked off to my bed.
The RebootView OnlineDescentThe RebootDescent 20 April, 1945, Berlin. I didn't sign up for this! I thought we were going to win. Now the Soviets are pushing on Berlin. We are poorly armed, and are falling fast. I'll still fight to the last round. The Fatherland must stand! (Illegible) ...ler. We are running out of ammo, and the Soviets just keep coming. How many can there be? Heindrik and I moved into the city, getting a better vantage point. They can't see us, but we can see them. These Soviet tanks provide a great cover for our fire. They can't hear us over the thunder of treads. 21 April, 1945, Unknown. I knew I shouldn't've let Heindrik talk me into evacuating the city. We were shot by... something. Now we're in a world of magical fucking ponies. Might as well set up base. I looked up from the book, and at the clock on the wall. It was nine o'clock. Bedtime. I closed the diary and relaxed into the soft warmness of my bed. That is, until I heard a knock at the door. "Really?" I asked rhetorically, heading towards the door. Voices could be heard outside, a voice, to be precise. "I hope I made the proper preparations. Let's see... rope, leather bindings, whips, gags..." A very familiar voice whispered eagerly. Fuck no. I am not going to this "Canterlot" tonight. Might as well see what she wants though. Might as well. I opened the door to see Twilight with some sort of saddle on her back. It seemed to have bags attached, filled to the brim with... things. Mental black ink! I need it! Anyway, she has now noticed me, and is asking me a question. "Are you busy?" She queried, a hopeful smile spreading across her face. "Why?" I retorted, half wanting to go get the MG. Instead of answering, she tackled me, and put me in the same situation she had been in, but she wasn't holding a knife. Thank goodness. She instead pulled me into a deep kiss. I was shocked, to say the least. The room was silent except for the sound of lips smacking together. I broke the kiss. "What's going on!?" I asked, on the brink of panic. "We're being shipped out tomorrow, so I'd thought I'd help you practice." Twilight stated, lust practically dripping from her voice. Ohgodthisisbad. "Why are you so tense? I think you need to calm down." She spoke, a purple aura surrounding her horn. My arms were pinned, so I had no defense against the spell. "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your mane is?" I responded, suddenly feeling relaxed. I wanted her. I needed her. Comrade Kaizer is compromised. Reboot from a saved copy. Vhich one? Use the one from last week. Reboot loading... Success. I woke up to a sunbeam directly in my eye. "OW!" I nearly screamed. Time for a self-diagnostic. Arms? Here. Legs? Here. Hat? On. Coat? On. Pants? Off. Problem located. Reopen eyes and investigate. I sat up, and saw a purple alicorn laying off to my side. My pants were down around my ankles, and my underwear had taken a sabbatical. I pulled them up as fast as possible, and that's when I noticed the rope burn marks and cuts. My legs were also separated by a spreader bar, and my ass hurt. "What happened?" I asked to the general vicinity. The alicorn decided to wake up. She stretched and yawned. I noticed her cuts had healed. She sauntered over, and kissed me. I immediately pulled out of it. "First of all, stop. Secondly, what the fuck happened!?" I exclaimed, on the verge of panic. Twilight laughed in my face. She quieted down after a minute of so. "You don't remember?" She asked, a look of disbelief on her face. I shook my head. "Well, I had some fun with you. Long story short." She replied casually. By Stalin's mustache. Dа Comrade Kaizer. I agree. Sorry, mate. Even, I cannot. "I believe I am to be shipped to Canterlot today, however, I was not given a time." I stated, trying to change the subject. Twilight gave me a sly look as she walked over. "I guess my training worked after all." She whispered into my ear. What 'training'? I want a full report! Ein full report ist unavailable. You see, we were trying to get you back online, so to speak. Da, Comrade. High levels of magic were detected from little pony. Magic affected your cognition and we had to shut down. That explains the confusion. "Speaking of, what would Canterlot need me for?" I asked, much to the confusion of Twilight. "There were some... discoveries made." Was all I got in response. Twilight released me from the bar. I rose to full height, and went over to the closet. I took all the clothing off the skeletons. I then proceeded to gather my meager belongings, and some MG ammo. Hey! You can't do that to us! Ja! You schwein! Get off my clothes! What are you doing Comrade!? I'm borrowing your clothes. You have no use for them. Anyway, I have things to do.
The MeetingView OnlineDescentThe MeetingDescent Canterlot, one day later. I was in the royal throne room, Twilight had been left outside for this 'Private meeting'. There were stained glass windows depicting various heroic acts adorning the walls. The light they allowed in was white, which was odd. Best not to question. The vaulted ceiling looked to be a mile away, and was cloaked in shadow. I wore the clothes of Heindrik today. He got me into this mess, he owes me. "Kaizer, I would like to inform you that your crimes against Equestria are of the most grievous of nature. And by all rights, I should kill you." The alabaster ruler, who's name was Celestia - I believe - declared. I adjusted the red armband I had acquired. And made a move to speak, but was cut off by the smaller one - Luna, I think- shouting. "IN THE OLDEN TIMES, THOU WOULDETH BE HUNG FOR THINE HANIOUS ACTS!" She bellowed. My ears were ringing, and my body felt like it was buzzing. "I think you just gave me shellshock." I stated when the symptoms calmed down. "Also, what am I needed for." I asked, straightening the MG on my back. Why did they let me, an unstable human, have a gun? "We have found some... artifacts." Celestia stated, and led me to a dust-covered box, but the dust had been wiped off in places, revealing a black, shiny layer. "It's a box. What did you expect me to find?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "THIS BOX WAS FOUND ALONGSIDE OTHER ARTIFACTS!" Luna screamed, causing some dust to fall off the box. I was standing farther away, so the effects were lessened. Celestia seemed to scold her, probably for volume. The other 'artifacts' were brought into the room, and I immediately recognized them. They were the parts to a computer. A monitor, mouse, keyboard! The connecting wires, even a solar generator! Whoever left this knew what they were doing. "Well, what you've got here is a computer." I announced. I was met with a confused stare from Celestia, and Luna had a twinkle in her eye. "We have read a book about those!" She exclaimed, surprising her sister. "Where?" I inquired. "In the library. It used to have a whole wing on humans!" Luna said excitedly. "I assume it burnt down or something equally as damaging." I deadpanned. "How did you know?" Celestia asked, giving me an accusing glare. "It's just my luck. Now, let's boot this puppy up." I said, blowing the dust off of the generator and pressing the power button. The familiar Windows XP Professional logo popped up. It uses the same OS as my computer, how weird. And look, it has the same background too. And the same cluttered desktop. And the tower looks the same as- BY STALIN'S MUSTACHE! It's Dasha. Hello, love. You named your computer!? Vhat ist your problem? Is good name! I then proceeded to perform a quick diagnostic, and everything seemed fine. "Alright, why did you call me here, Luna seems knowledgeable of this?" I questioned, not looking away from the screen. "Well, you have hands..." I heard Celestia mumble. There was also a shuffling of hooves. Suddenly, the monitor went black. Only one phrase was displayed. It's my turn. I tried everything in my power to get Dasha operational, but to no avail. The tower began to glow with a purple and green aura. A bolt of energy hit Luna squarely in the chest, and Celestia teleported away immediately. Luna began convulsing on the floor. And then the monitor returned to normal. I ran over to Luna, who had stopped spasming. Her body seemed to grow darker. And is that armour? I sat next to her head, and she rose. "Hello, subject." She stated, but her voice sounded... different. I grabbed the MG, and aimed it at her. She just laughed as she swatted it aside with magic. I tried to backpedal, but my body wouldn't respond. I was frozen by fear. "You think you can defeat me?" She scoffed, advancing on me. I snapped out of the paralysis, and grabbed my knife. I lunged, and the blade hit her in the neck. She tossed me away and healed the wound. My knife clattered to the floor. Fucking OP. Some reinforcements arrived, and distracted not-Luna I then noticed the MG within arm's reach. I was about to reach for it, but then I realized the futility of it all. I was going to die. Go down fighting! Fight for your home! For your Comrades! Fight for ze hell of it! I picked up the MG, and released a wall of lead onto the alicorn in front of me. She had not been expecting it, as she had been busy with the royal guards. The bullets tore through her side, but were healed almost immediately. Is there nothing I can do? No.