The Replacement Letters

Dear Celestia

Today I beat the stuffing out of two old fogeys and a tourist, and insulted Pinkie and Rarity because they live pointless pursuits that nopony gives a flying feather about. I wasn't even half this mean when I was discorded. And then my friends and I had the gall to blame a poor minotaur for all of this.

I can see that goats are intelligent, even though I keep them as pets. Boy am I a jerk or what?

Next time I'll just eat my pet rabbit Angel, since he's so evil that he threw me out of my own house.

Fluttershy

PS: You're invited to my BBQ party next week. We're serving rabbit.