Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, there was the worst creature who has ever lived.
I am her.
Twilight Sparkle was a costume.
I killed them all, and I don't even feel sorry. I'd do it again.
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The day death came to me, I did not die right. I did not lose my vision when the first spear flew through my eye, or even when the second tore open my heart. I did not pass out when my breathing halted, and I did not stop living when they collapsed my cave on top of me. I felt no pain, and in retrospect, I never truly have. At least no physical hurt. I died that day, so I should - naturally - be dead. I guess I just didn't die hard enough.
I left my body behind. I was still alive, though. It's hard to explain. I flew through the wind as a wisp and I began to feel true pain. I felt and I knew that I was something incredibly, horribly bad, and I still - even then - wanted to be something good. I had always somewhat disliked my nature. I was a dragon; at least that's what they told me. But I wasn't. I never have been. Twilight Sparkle lied to me.
And she isn't the only one.
In those moments after I left my body behind, my mind was flooded with knowledge. I learned my true name and species, and I was so filled with pain that I needed to weep. I couldn't, though, and I knew why. I knew a lot of things then. So instantly. I knew the truth about Equestria and myself. In those few moments, I learned to loathe myself, and that felt right.
So I went to meet him. Possibly the only creature in existence I hated more than myself. The father of the royal pony sisters. Discord, Starswirl the Bearded, Shendaer, and The Great and Powerful Trixie. It made some kind of cruel ironic sense that they were all the same, and an even crueler sense that I now shared a species with him. I always had.
From Discord I learned of a single other creature such as he and I. There were three of us on the planet, and I was by far the weakest. That almost felt right too. I was a hideous horrible thing, but at least I was the very worst of my kind at being my kind. The other one of us is the strongest, and he told me that she's the one responsible for wiping out the pony race. She killed them all. All but my friend. She gave Twilight Sparkle a choice, and Twilight Sparkle broke the rules.
When Twilight Sparkle discovered what she was, she was stronger than I had been. She was stronger than Discord had been. She was strong enough to give herself a final choice, and she was strong enough to break the rules, just a little. She was strong enough to save a pony.
Not one of her friends. She wiped them out along with the rest, but she saved one pony. His name is Rumble, and he keeps me company. I'd like to think he keeps me sane, but I know the time is slipping through the cracks. I've told him how to kill me when that time comes. Actually kill me.
He isn't even an adult yet. I have to help him survive. He is the very last pony. A kind I once called my own. I loved so many of them, but her most of all. Perhaps destroying her is my only way out of this, but I would rather slowly die. Slowly die as the world burns inside me and the darkness is finally expelled out of every crevice in my heart. I want to die. And I want to live, but not without her.
She sung me songs some days when I was sick. I was sick for many days. They said I would die, but I never did from that. I couldn't die when I knew she'd be back to sing for me. I missed the white one sometimes, but now I think I loved Twilight Sparkle in every sense of the word. She was my very best friend. And even if she has forgotten what love is, I think she still remembers me. That is my hope.
The only thing I didn't learn the day I failed at dying, is who was trying to kill me. The spears came from the air, and the cave was solid. I was in the very back, and the entrance was far from me. It was done using some form of magic, or a power I don't yet understand. At that time, there were four creatures who had the power to kill me. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Discord, and Twilight Sparkle.
And when I found out that she killed them, I knew it was her. I think she wanted me to see things her way, to look at the universe with an unquenchable hatred. To help her destroy everything. She might have hoped - if one can call it that - that I would agree, but I think she knew better. I think she knew that there was nothing I'd not do for her, except that. I love her far too much to do that.
Rumble is a brilliant pony. He rarely says much, but when he does it is straight up and to the point. He doesn't like to talk about his family, and I think he misses them as much as I miss her. He hates her completely. He wishes her to be completely dead as soon as possible. He wants to kill her himself. He'd probably give up his life to end hers, and I'd probably give up my life to save hers, even now.
Why do I still believe more than anything in Twilight Sparkle? Because she has always believed more than anything in me.
Even when I left her behind due to my size, she visited me as often as she could. I was one of the very few creatures she really truly loved, and because of that I feel blessed.
I still have faith in the worst pony who has ever lived, because for a while she was the best pony I've ever known.
It hurts to hear him talk about her under his breath, but it hurts more to know he is completely right to say these things. The worst part is that I think he could actually kill her. If he really really tried, I think he could. He could probably do anything. Or maybe I'm just an old dreamer.
The first thing I learned - right before all the darkness made its way into my mind - was my name. It's Cadeus. A nice name. I miss Spike, though. He was a wise old dragon, unhindered by too much knowledge. He knew what he needed to, and he loved more than I do. I can't use that name anymore. I want to, but it's like sticking on an old mask that I know won't take too long to slip right back off.
I never knew how much of a friend Spike was to me until he was gone. I used to believe in myself.
I look so strange now. I cannot touch anything without feeling it, inside itself, and in its mind. And when I try to grip on to a creature, it never makes it through the process. I have become a combination of so many things that it hurts, just to think that I've murdered them all. Some in defense, some in ignorance, and some in anger, but I've murdered them. And I stole what they were when I was done.
That's why I never get too close to him, or anything, really. It's like a bad word. I have the power to say it at any time, but I know I'll regret it if I do. I cannot let this slip. I've become one of the three most powerful creatures in the world, and it is far too easy for me to use that power. It isn't magic, it's law breaking. Time and space and gravity. I can change them if I feel like it. There is but one thing I cannot do. Bring them back. If I could, I could save Twilight Sparkle.
So I try anyway. Perhaps it isn't quite impossible. If I could save Twilight Sparkle, she could save the world. She has so many times before.
I used to be the king of unicorns, apparently. That's what we do, my kind. We take a form and forget what we are until we return to our true selves. We can have any life we want, and we can become anything we want to. That doesn't stop it from being a lie, though. All my lives are lies, and part of me wouldn't be surprised if life itself is just another in a long series of cleverly disguised falsehoods. I believed that I was what I was when I wasn't. How can I be so sure now?
I miss Twilight Sparkle.
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I'm a broken pony, and I am not a hero.
The creature I live with is a monster, but I love him. His body is a gruesome conjunction of many things and creatures, and he's killed all of them. He told me so. He murdered so many of my kind long ago as the king of the unicorns, and after that he was a fire-breathing dragon. But I love him so dearly.
Maybe it's because he's all I have left, or maybe it's because he's shown me so much - how to fight, and how to learn, and how to care, even when it hurts - but I really love him. He isn't my father or my brother or anything like my family, but he is the best friend I've ever had.
He tells me stories - when I'll listen - about the one who raised him, and even though I know who she is, I think she was good at one point. He cares too much about her for that not to be the case. He thinks I hate her, but I don't. I just hate the murderer of my entire species, and he's convinced me that that isn't the same her. I hate the vile creature that is Kasyet, but not Twilight Sparkle. He makes Twilight Sparkle sound like the most wonderful pony in the world.
Cadeus told me that the first piece of flesh he became was his own. All that was left of it. He pulled his way out of that cave on a leg and a tail, but he made it out. He was just a shadow, covered in rocks and dust and his own remains, but he made it out. And then later that night, he found me.
He told me that Discord had told him to watch over me. It was the last thing she said while her sanity still belonged to her. Then in her last act as a pony princess of Equestria, she focused every last drop of her energy onto her mind, to destroy it entirely and kill herself to save the world that she knew the other her would only destroy.
But then she changed too quickly. Her mind was swamped with everything that she had ever done in all of her lives, and before she was able to release the power onto herself, the new her expelled it out onto every member of her old species, destroying them all with a snap of her new fingers and a twisted smile. I just don't know why she saved me. Out of all the ponies, why would she - in her final acts - save me?
She could have saved Celestia, or Luna. She could have saved somepony who knew what they were doing, but she didn't. She saved a child, and I have no idea why. Cadeus thinks I'm somepony special, like the future savior of the world or something. He thinks we'll find a way to bring them all back and save her, even. But I'm nothing special!
I'm an ignorant child, and all I really know comes from him, because he never stops showing and teaching me everything that he knows. Because he thinks so much of me. Cadeus believes in me, and while that means so much, it also means that I've got to be somepony worth believing in, and I'm just not that guy.
I'm a wreck. I'm not the strongest pony, or the fastest pony, or the smartest pony. I'm not wise or powerful, and I can't even hold back the tears when I think of them. I'm the most useless pony I've ever known, and I just can't see what he sees in me.
Heroes aren't supposed to cry, not even when the worst things happen, and certainly not everyday. Every time I'm out of his sight I tear up. I think of them and I miss them so much. My family, and all of my friends too. I cared for them. I cared for them all.
Now that they're all gone, I can't stop thinking about them. Even my brother, who I argued with every chance I got. I didn't even know I loved him until he was gone. Heroes aren't supposed to cry, right?
Heroes are supposed to fight evil and smile in the face of danger. Heroes are supposed to stand up for what's right and never ever give up. I'm not a hero, I'm an emotionally broken kid. And I'm just angry at everything. That doesn't make me strong, that makes me reckless, and a fool. Why does Cadeus even let me stay with him?
He's going to see Discord again tomorrow, and he doesn't seem too happy about that.
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