I Can't See Anything!

‘Shit’, Stevie thought to himself as he was dragged on the dirty path towards what he deduced was a large barn, judging by the fowl odor that lingered tauntingly in the crisp air. Stevie was losing track of the time. He’d been dragged along the varying pathways leading to his destination for at least thirty to forty minutes.

“Nearly there big fella.” The country girl said to him, continuing to trot down the… Wait a minute, he couldn’t hear footsteps, he could only hear the trotting of hooves! His suspicions were true, he really was high all along!

The dirt path he was dragged on changed into that of hard rocks clattering against his back. “Crikey!” Stevie Wonder yelled aloud, channeling his inner Steve Irwin.

The protestful rolling and tugging on the rope he was tied in did little to slow his captor. Yet again, Stevie wanted to see the world so he could get a good look into the eyes of his captor. But he couldn't, because he was blind. Stevie thought he noticed a faint scent of apples as the country chick on the other end ceased her tugging and left Stevie in a corner of what must have been the barn he'd been smelling.

"Ah'm gonna go and get some water for you," the girl said. "Don't try to escape or nothing."

Stevie could hear his rope being tied to something, and then more hoofsteps and a whinny. He was officially high as fuck, or maybe dreaming. When he couldn't hear the weird horse noises anymore, Stevie began acting out his plan to escape. Once he was out of this freaky place, he might be able to find a brother or two, and a cup of coffee.

He pulled as hard as he could on the rope, stretching it a little, but not even getting close to breaking it. Then he reached up onto his head and felt around for his eye area, where his favorite glasses were still perched. Taking them in his fingers, he broke them in half with his magical black man strength, and sliced one edge against the rope. It didn't cut all the way through, but it cut. As he continued to slice against the rope with his broken glasses, he could hear the sound of hoofsteps in the distance again. He would have to hurry.

The hoofsteps were growing louder and louder as Stevie frantically started to cut the rope as fast as he could, but to no avail. It was too late, the sound of a door opening startled Stevie as he frantically hid the cut part of the rope from the view of his captor.

“Ah can see you haven’t tried to escape, that’s good. Here’s your water.” She said, letting down what sounded like a bucket, “Now, can you tell me where you ca-” Stevie and the creature were both startled by the sound of a child calling from outside.

“Applejack! Applejack! Ah got cut real bad, it’s bleeding!” What sounded like a small girl with the same accent as his captor called, judging by how quiet it sounded, he guessed it came from a distance.

“Hold on Applebloom, Ah’m comin’!” The captor said.

Stevie was certain her name was Applejack. The sound of hoofsteps and a loud clang of barn doors closing gave Stevie sight of new hope, with his captor gone, he could finish cutting the part of the rope he hid behind his back. When Applejack had left to look at the other one's cut, Stevie slid his broken sexy black glasses across the rope as hard as he could, and the rope broke. Stevie was a free man once again. Unfortunately, he was still under the effects of whatever the hell he'd snorted before all of this. And he must have snorted a lot of that shit.

Free from his captivity once again, Stevie felt his way out of the barn and ran as fast as he could away from it, using his magical blind-man sonar to avoid running into too many things. Unfortunately for the cabbage he stepped in, blind-man sonar doesn't work on cabbages.

Once Stevie was far enough away from the barn that he knew he was safe from those country woman devils, he slowed down. The area he was in now was quiet, and not the type of quiet Stevie liked. It was unsettling, almost. So quiet. Or maybe Stevie had managed to get himself deaf too. He didn't know. For the moment, he would keep walking with slightly rustled jimmies and a slightly worried mind. And then he felt it... the intense overwhelming desire to get a ...bowl of popcorn.

After using his magical powers to obtain a bowl of popcorn, he ventured onwards! Out into the mysterious creepy silent place where he was. But ya know, he walked really slowly because he was an old blind dude, and half of his superpowers were contained in those glasses. Glasses he had obtained from a black-market thrift shop some fifty years ago.

Stevie heard the sound of hoofsteps in the distance, he knew he was in trouble, he’d have to hide. After feeling for a tree, he used his magic black man powers to climb to the top, he’d have to hide there and clinch onto his bowl of popcorn until they left. But it only took him a few seconds to find out that it wasn’t hoofsteps that he was hearing, it was footsteps. Did Stevie wake up from his dream, or did the drugs stop working? He’d only know if he were to meet them. But doubt was still in his mind, he couldn’t be sure…

______________________________________________________________________________

M. Night Shyamalan sat in his chair, his mind cluttered with disbelief. He had previous encounters with black holes before, but this was the first time one had successfully sucked someone inside of it. He stood up from his chair inside of his mansion and proceeded to get some coffee. Maybe that would relieve some stress.

After using his million dollar coffee machine, he went to his living room and turned on the tv before propping himself on the million dollar sofa. He sipped as he switched through the channels, and stopped once he came across CNN. They were reporting on Stevie Wonder’s apparent “death”.

M. Night Swagger shook his head in disbelief. Stevie was not dead! He can save him. He needed to amass the greatest group of heroes the world can imagine. He knew just the people for the job.

M. Night Shamalama Ding Dong walked to the window on the other side of his pristine living room. He looked at the star filled sky outside and smiled with renewed joy. “I’m coming for you Stevie.” He said to himself. The only thing he needed now was to hope that the heroes he had in mind would accept the job...

And they probably won't.