Death of a lesbian bartender
"For eight long years of service to Equestria and to all lifekind, whether bipedal or quadrupedal," announced Princess Twilight Sparkle, "you, Javier Alberto Garcia Perez Ayma, have hereby qualified yourself as the very first official candidate for the knighthood in Equestria."
Alberto stood there in the great hall of Canterlot Castle, his hands trembling with perspiration as he looked at all the smiling furry four-footed equines in the hall around him. He just could not believe that something too good to be true was happening to him.
Merely eight years before, Alberto, then 33, had defeated the late Don Francisco Juan Perez -- whom he later found out was his own biological father -- in the All Latino TF2 challenge and thence become reigning TF2 champion in the entire Western Hemisphere. His victory had exposed Don Francisco as a socialist and a terrorist; Don Francisco and his men were then all arrested on the spot and jailed for life in Washington DC's maximum security prison; and just a few days after, Don Francisco committed hara-kiri in prison. Later in the same year, Alberto had relocated to Equestria and done his bit in planning defense strategies for the entire principality. Indeed, Equestria had been able to survive lots of attacks from evil forces since then, the toughest of those being the one against Queen Chrysalis and her changelings.
And now it was 2026 AD, and Alberto, now a grand 41 years of age, was standing in the hall of Canterlot Castle; he could not believe that he was going to be Equestria's very first officially-dubbed knight. He had to make the most of this chance.
"As a knight, gallancy and chivalry are greatly expected of you, Alberto," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "You will be responsible for the internal security of all Equestria. The security, peace, and harmony of our principality are all dependent on your leadership. The decisions you make will affect the lives of everypony within our borders. Do you understand?"
"Si," replied Alberto.
"Do you hereby agree to undertake all responsibility of defending our principality, even at the expense of your own life, for the sake and security of all Equestria?" went on Princess Twilight Sparkle.
"Si," replied Alberto.
"I now address the rest of you," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Do you all agree to lend your support to our bipedal friend, and obey his every command, for the sake and security of all of Equestria?"
"We do, Celestia being our helper," said everypony.
"Alberto, you may step forward now and kneel down," ordered Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Alberto took two steps forward and knelt down at the throne. Princess Twilight Sparkle leaned her horn to Alberto's right cheek and struck him gently three times. "I dub thee knight," she said softly. "Rise now and face the ponies."
Alberto stood slowly to his feet and faced the entire castle filled with furry smiling equines.
"Behold," announced Princess Twilight Sparkle, "I present unto thee, Don Alberto Garcia, Cavaliere di Gran Croce!"
Hoof-applause sounded from all sides, like a sea of castanets. Alberto nodded in approval.
"It's time for the national anthem, biped," whispered Princess Twilight Sparkle, nudging Alberto. "Give the command!"
Alberto took a deep breath. "BARIS! SEDI-A!" he shouted.
Somepony struck a loud chord on the piano. The entire castle broke into a chorus of the National Anthem of Equestria:
Horsey, horsey don't you stop
just let your feet go clippety clop,
Your tail goes swish and your wheels go round,
giddy up, we're homeward bound.
Horsey, horsey on your way
We’ve done the journey many a day
Your tail go swish and your wheels go round,
giddy up, we're homeward bound.
We ain’t in a hustle.
We ain’t in a bustle.
So don’t go tearing up the road.
We ain’t in a hurry.
We ain’t in a flurry.
And we ain’t got a very heavy load.
So horsey, horsey don't you stop
Just let your feet go clippety clop,
Your tail go swish and your wheels go round,
giddy up, we're homeward bound.
The last strains of the National Anthem drew to a close. "BARIS! SENANG DI-RI!" shouted Alberto.
It was his very first time hearing the Equestrian National Anthem; even though he had lived in Equestria for eight long years, Alberto never once thought that Equestria even had a national anthem. Nevertheless, the words were indeed very fitting; it was like an encouragement to all ponies to remain calm even in times of adversity (the lines "we've done the journey many a day" and "don't go tearing up the road").
That evening indeed called for a celebration. The ponies kept pestering Alberto to treat them to meals in various restaurants around Equestria.
"I want to eat at MacDonwalds!" cried Snips.
"I want Appleloosa Fried Chicken!" said Snails.
"Don Alberto, please treat me to some Tex-Mex food, por favor!" said Thunderlane.
"No! No! I want some of your local Bolivian cuisine!" cried Derpy. "I've been down to your country so many times and haven't once had a chance to taste your local cuisine!"
"Big Mac and I, we could do with some Applebucks Coffee!" cried Braeburn.
"BASTA!" cried Alberto. "Here is my final decision: We will have a meal together tonight in the bar at the Resorts World Equestria! I've never really been to Manehattan before, so this is going to be my first time visiting the Business Center of our country! And the eight of you who have been closest to me all the while -- Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Snips, Snails, Flash Sentry, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Thunderlane -- you guys come with me!"
The ponies cheered. Alberto mounted Derpy. "Giddy up!" he cried. "Let's go!"
At the bar in the basement of the Resorts World Equestria, the biggest hotel cum casino in Manehattan city, Alberto and the eight ponies sat at the bar table drinking some Applejack Daniels whisky and discussing what should be done next.
"Here's your refill, ponies," said C J Vargas, a friendly but tomboyish pegasister waitress from Guatemala, as she refilled Snips's and Snails's glasses.
"Obrigado," said Snails, thinking that the waitress was Portuguese.
"So as I was saying. Your plans all sound good, Don Alberto," said Big McIntosh, "but I think there are still a couple of areas which need some improvement, for example your belief that blood is not always thicker than water, that justice precedes relationships."
"You mean to say??" wondered Alberto.
"I mean to say that you need to be more mindful of everypony else," said Big McIntosh. "Do you know that you are very blessed to have a mama? My two younger sisters and I, we lost our parents at a young age, and so we were brought up by our grandmother."
"Let me cut you there, Big Mac," said Braeburn. "Alberto, sometimes we find that you're a little too impulsive. You tend to act without thinking quite a lot of times. You did not even once consider that Don Francisco might be your own real father. By the time you found out the truth it was already too late. You had so many opportunities to forgive him. But instead you chose the high road. While we admire your high-spiritedness and intelligence, Don Alberto, we do think you need to sometimes act wisely."
"Even if he was my papa," grumbled Alberto, "that still does not change the fact that he was a socialist and a terrorist and needed to be brought to justice."
Braeburn was about to reply, but suddenly he heard a shout from not far off. Alberto also heard it. So did the other ponies. It was coming from the other end of the bar. "OWWW!"
"Ms Vargas is in trouble!" cried Snails. He recognised the voice of the waitress who had served him earlier on.
Everypony, customer and staff alike, ran up to see what had happened to C J Vargas. She was lying on the floor, with a dart in the back of her neck. "Let me take a look, Ms Vargas," said Snails. The others were shocked that a colt as young as Snails was so willing to volunteer to give CPR to Ms Vargas.
Snails stepped forward and pulled out the dart. He sniffed it. "Oh no! This is terrible! It's a dart filled with the Nightmare Poison!" he cried, recognising the scent as having come from the plants grown in the Passionless Valley in Syldavia that had been exploited by Don Francisco and company. Immediately the whole bar erupted into chaos.
"Senorita Vargas, como esta? Bien?" Alberto asked the young tomboy waitress.
"Muy bien... gracias," gasped Ms Vargas; "look.... out.... they want.... to kill you.... too....." and suddenly her eyes closed and her breathing stopped. The bar's chaos escalated; glasses were thrown around, bipeds and ponies alike began getting into drunken squabbles, often physical.
"CJ! You can't die!" cried the bar manager, a brony from Mexico, coming up and trying in vain to revive Ms Vargas.
Alberto and his eight ponies immediately ran out of the bar in order to avoid further chaos. Snails made it sure that he had the poisoned dart in his hooves.
"Somepony killed Ms Vargas by sniping the dart into her neck from a long distance," said Alberto; "and we know that the fatality of this dart comes from the fact that its tip was smeared with Nightmare Poison -- and this Nightmare Poison is used in this manner only by los Peronistas."
"But I thought we had them all rounded up eight years ago?" asked Derpy.
"We did," said Alberto, "at least that lot. But from what I see, it seems that the Peronistas are no longer limited to just those people, or that area of our continent alone. I have a strong suspicion that there are more of them, maybe even in other parts of Earth."
"All the same," said Thunderlane, "we will still need to do investigations to verify everything."
A meeting about this incident was later called at Canterlot Castle, and chaired by Flash Sentry.
"Ms Camelita Juanita Vargas, better known by her masculine name 'CJ', was a lesbian and a gay/pedophile rights activist," he said. "She was a pegasister who had been working barely two months in the bar in RWE and was expecting a promotion soon. She was popular with her customers. It was very surprising that she would be shot to death like that.
"The last words she'd uttered before she slipped away, were: 'They want to kill you too'. This implies that clearly, despite her friendly nature at work, she certainly did have enemies. The fact that the poisoned dart that killed her was one smeared with Nightmare Poison, and the contextual knowledge that socialists tend to frown upon gays and lesbians in society, all points to the fact that it was certainly a group of highly dangerous Peronistas who killed her.
"From past experiences, we already have a very clear idea of which Peronistas are culpable; you can see them here in the five photos I've pinned on this whiteboard. However, these two in the pics over here are already dead: Don Francisco Juan Perez committed suicide after being arrested, and Sean O'Hara was killed during the final showdown. So that only leaves the other three over here -- Benz Guzmán, Jovento Bajarán, and Sean Brink. These other three are most capable of performing such a feat. But they were arrested and jailed for life also, in the maximum security prison of Scotland Yard in London at that; so the only way for them to do so would have been for one or more of them to escape prison somehow. But would that even be possible? I mean...."
"'Scuse me. The question is, how did they get into Equestria?" wondered Snips. "I mean, they've never done so before, and nopony can enter Equestria without help from horned ponies, or can they..?"
"That is a good question," said Flash Sentry. "Whoever was the assassin, if it were a human, would surely need aid from our unicorns or alicorns to get into Equestria. And even then, the official entrance to Equestria from Earth, is not in Manehattan, but in the heart of Ponyville. You know, that portal under the statue of Prince Hengroen. And even then, they would surely need lots of time to master Equestria's geography, if they were to make their way into Manehattan and find the right biped to snipe; it is pretty clearcut hence that the assassin surely not only knows Equestria's geography inside out, but also has been secretly living here for a very long time already."
"The assassin is Aeron Vartan," came a feminine voice from not far off.
Alberto and his companions rose to their feet and turned round. It was Princess Twilight Sparkle, who had just walked in with a few documents in her left forehoof.
"Aeron Levonovich Vartan is a Soviet Armenian professional serial killer and hacker," went on Princess Twilight Sparkle, looking dead serious. "He is one of the hardest killers to catch, and usually does not kill anypony except when he is paid by an enemy to kill somepony. While he was raised with a Soviet mentality, he does not pledge allegiance to any form of political, economical, or cultural system; all he cares about is the money he earns from his killing assignments. But naturally, he is more happy to oblige a pro-Soviet than an anti-Soviet.
"Vartan is known for having learned the art of killing in many ways, himself being an avid TF2 gamer. His latest method of killing was in using the Huntsman bow-and-arrow to fire arrows that would contain poison of all kinds. And the one that killed C J Vargas contained Nightmare Poison, which we know has been exploited as an assassination tool by only one group of baddies -- the Peronistas. The Peronistas, being followers of Juan Perón, are naturally socialists; and naturally Vartan would find himself more inclined to helping them. I think we should all go and find Aeron Vartan and have him brought to justice as soon as possible. Get an offensive organised immediately."
"And I think we'd better get our facts right before deciding what to do next," said Alberto.
"Keep it down, Alberto!" Derpy nudged him. "You've only just been made a knight; you don't want to lose your newly-found powers like that!"
So Alberto now had no choice but to follow through with Princess Twilight Sparkle's orders. Immediately an offensive was organised to seek out Aeron Vartan. They eventually found him that night at a deserted part of Manehattan, at an abandoned construction site.
"Wait first," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Just keep it down and observe him."
They watched Vartan sitting down in front of a flame he had alighted to keep himself warm. He was fanning himself and puffing a cigarette.
"Now!" whispered Princess Twilight Sparkle.
The eight ponies and Alberto burst onto the scene at once, attempting to surprise Vartan. "Canterlot Royal Guards!" they cried. "Get down!
Get down, get down, and move it all around!
Get down, get down, and move it all around!
Oh baby you're so fine, I'm gonna make you mine, your blood will taste so sweet!
You're the one for me, you're my Ecstasy, you're the one I need!
So they sang as they battled. For one person fighting eight ponies and one other person, Aeron Vartan was indeed very strong; his skilled karate moves were those of a third- or fourth-dan black belter. It took a lot of effort for Alberto and the eight ponies to finally corner him at a road stretch along Manehattan.
"Hands up!" shouted Alberto.
Within seconds, Alberto and Vartan were again interlocked in combat. In the process, the fence behind Vartan broke down, and Vartan was able to escape to the other side. Beyond the fence was a railway track, part of the line between Canterlot and Manehattan.
"Hands up!" shouted Twilight, attempting to prevent Vartan from escaping. Vartan turned around and raised his hands, smirking.
Just then, a freight train rolled by. Vartan hopped on it and escaped to safety.
"Alberto," said Princess Twilight Sparkle, "please come and see me after this."
Princess Twilight Sparkle took Alberto and Derpy into her office in Canterlot Castle. Sitting down at her desk, she fixed Alberto with a severe glare.
"Do you know why you are still alive after so many years of fighting battles?" she asked.
Alberto cleared his throat. "I .... er ...." he began.
"The answer is very simple: Because you have been extremely fortunate," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Just now instead of letting your ponies share in the team work to capture Aeron Vartan, you took over the workload of practically everypony, allowing Vartan to escape successfully. Had I not stepped in and pointed my gun at Vartan for that moment, we would never have been able to gather that he would escape by hitching a train ride."
"Your Highness, Alberto was really doing his best," Derpy tried to put in a good word for Alberto. "If he had not gotten tried to take matters into his own hands at that time, one or more lives might have been lost. Do let him have another chance."
"Don't bother to put a good word in for him, Derpy," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. She then turned back to Alberto. "I did mention before that the corporate security of all Equestria is entirely now in your hands, Don Alberto," she said, sternly. "You need to show to the rest of the ponies that you can be worthy of your knighthood and not cause any damage. Everypony is depending on you. From today onwards, you will need to give an account to me of all that you are doing when on urgent missions like this one. Have you any questions?"
"No, Your Highness," said Alberto.
"Alberto, Derpy, you may go," said Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Alberto was extremely depressed after that one scolding session from Princess Twilight Sparkle. He was determined to make the most of his knighthood title and his new leadership skills. He did not want to let his ponies down; and furthermore he knew that the enemies he was dealing with were, in all sincerity, the very same group of enemies that had been after his very guts all along.
He sat alone in the Golden Oaks Library in Ponyville, doing some important research on the Peronistas. He knew that the best thing to do would be to re-strategise a brand new plan for the ponies to launch an attack on whoever was now apparently in charge of the Peronistas. He also knew that Sean Anthony Brink was the helmsman of the Peronista network in all Latin America -- but did Brink have more networks under his name even after his capture and arrest?
Just then a hand came on his shoulder and a gruff masculine voice spoke. "Hola. Me llamo Cristobal Serrano. Doing research?"
Alberto turned around and saw a young Guatemalan Maya Indian man with a Mexican-made Fender 1960's Jazz Bass guitar in his left hand, looking at him in an apparently amiable manner.
"Si," replied Alberto. "It really hurts to get ticked off by your boss for not doing your homework properly. Me llamo Alberto." He shook Cristobal's hand. "You're also a brony, Señor Cristobal?"
"Si, naturalmente! Otherwise I would not have moved to Equestria!" smiled Cristobal. "And you don't have to be so formal; just call me Cristobal, no need for the 'señor' title."
"I actually need some time to do my research, Cristobal," said Alberto; "it's extremely important."
"Oh," said Cristobal. "Not to worry. Here's my namecard. You can call me anytime. If you want a jamming partner, you've got one in me. I play bass."
"Ah! I play bass too!" said Alberto. "But my primary instruments are guitar, keyboards, and vocals. You wanna come my place tomorrow afternoon?"
"Si! Porque no?" said Cristobal. "So it's settled then: I'll see you tomorrow afternoon for a quick lunch and a jamming session. Better continue your research. See you then. Adios." And with that, he walked out of the library, while Alberto continued his research.
It was on the following day that Derpy and Rainbow Dash were in Canterlot Castle reference library — the one place in Equestria for 100% extensive research — doing their own independent research on the Peronistas. It was horrible — to think that after so much effort and sacrifices in that big war eight years before, the Peronistas were all but still around, and much more powerful than ever at that, considering that their presence was already felt in Equestria after the assassination of C J Vargas.
“Alberto must be feeling really under the heat,” said Derpy. “To get a big scolding from Princess Twilight like that, and then withdraw into seclusion like Emily Dickinson. I hope he remembers that we do care about him here.”
“I guess he’s just very concerned about all his efforts going to waste,” said Rainbow Dash; “he’s unable to face the reality that those Peronistas are still around, and more of them at that. Look here in this book — it shows a chronology of all of Don Francisco Juan Perez’s descendants, including Alberto himself; and guess what, Alberto and Rosalinda were not the only of Don Francisco’s many kids by his many concubines that lived to adulthood!!”
Rainbow Dash certainly had a point. Other than Alberto who had been born to Don Francisco via Luisa Garcia, and Rosa who was the daughter of Don Francisco and Luigina Cartiere, Don Francisco also had another child who survived to adulthood, a son named Dario Flavio Perez, now 36 years of age, who had been a student of nuclear sciences at the Muskar V University in Syldavia until four years ago, when he graduated and then returned to Bolivia. Indeed, Don Dario had once gone to the same high school in La Paz as Timmy Garcia, Alberto's cousin; and had been in the same class for at least a year.
“This might be the guy who would have a strong motive fo revenge,” said Rainbow Dash. “I mean, if you look at his history — you’ll see why. It’s pretty clear that he was indeed the forgotten son all right.”
“Well, he may have been a nuclear science student, and he certainly may have well had a motive, but does that mean that he was the one who managed to get the Nightmare Poison somehow into Equestria?” wondered Derpy. “I mean, we don’t have enough evidence on our side yet to prove that he is the culpable, or do we?”
“For one thing,” said Rainbow Dash, “we do know that Dario Flavio Perez does have a previous record of being a manager in a Syldavian company that helped to supply Wladimir Dbrnouk in his pony-slaughtering movement. It says here that the younger Perez worked in the Atomic Research Centre in the Syldavian township of Sprodj, which manufactured — among other things — certain devices that would help in the gassing of us ponies to death, so that we could be made into mincemeat.”
“Hmmm, sounds like we’ve got a lead there,” said Derpy. “We’ll use Don Dario for the time being as our main lead, until and unless any of us can find a better lead. Oh, and don’t forget, we’ve got to let HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle know about this.”
Suddenly they heard a song coming from outside the castle library walls.
Do you know what’s worth fighting for?
And it’s not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weight out the pride?
When you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You’re in ruins.
“That’s Alberto’s voice!” cried Derpy. “Did he forget to turn down his amplifier volume or something?? I mean, he’s so far away in Ponyville, and we can hear him all the way from, of all places, here inside the most secure part of Canterlot Castle — the library!"
“Let him be,” said Rainbow Dash; “he’s just venting out his frustration. I mean, that’s the Alberto we know, or is it not?”
“True,” said Derpy, “cos now we need to find out more about this Dario Flavio Perez and the danger he poses. We already know he has a motive for revenge, and that his belle is rumoured to be a witch. Tell you what, why don’t we take this up to HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle as soon as we can, and see what arrangements can be made?”
“We can, but first I think we need to go and grab some lunch,” said Rainbow Dash. “There’s an Appleloosa Fried Chicken outlet somewhere in Ponyville. Come, let me take you there.”
While at the AFC outlet, which was near Rarity’s carousel boutique, they noticed a familiar face wearing a Fluttershy cosplay wig. His voice sounded very familiar.
“Si, give me one AFC Popcorn Chicken, and for my sister, one AFC Cheesy BBQ Meltz….”
“What’s up Derpy? You ok?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“I’m sure I know that voice!” cried Derpy. “That distinctive Argentinian accent!"
The man turned around. Yes, there was a woman with him. It was when Derpy and Rainbow Dash saw his very eyes that they knew who it was.
“Benz Guzmán!” gasped Derpy.
“Quick, let’s get out of here before he sees us!” cried Rainbow Dash. “Forget about the food for now!"
The two pegasi flew to a quiet place and continued discreetly observing Guzmán.
It was during this time that Alberto, to supplement his dwindling funds, had started working part-time in Rarity’s Carousel Boutique as a corporate sales assistant. This job, or so he thought, seemed far easier than any of the jobs he’d held before when on earth. He did find the radio in Rarity’s shop a little annoying though — she was playing the famous talkback radio channel “Radio Luxembourg”, which was an American radio channel based in Bolivia despite its name — but he chose to ignore it.
Trouble struck when suddenly a song began blasting on the radio:
We’re no strangers to love,
You know the rules, and so do I.
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,
You won’t get this from any other guy.
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,
Gotta make you understand:
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never wanna make you cry,
Never wanna say goodbye,
Never wanna tell a lie and hurt you.
Caramba, Alberto thought, is this not the song from the “Meet the Engineer” promo video for TF2? But then again it was also more famous as the “rickrolling” theme that had first begun nearly 18 years ago in the USA; so he decided to just close one eye.
“What are you doing?! You should be doing your product research!” cried Rarity when she saw Alberto swooning upon hearing Rick Astley’s song being played. “Quickly, go and research on these brands: Tristan Bior, Arnold Palmer, Stella McCartney — and hop to it!!”
“Si, sua altezza!” cried Alberto, clearly being sarcastic in his address of Rarity. He tried to focus on the work at hand but found it hard to do so as the next thing he knew, there was another song blasting on the radio, this time one that he knew was 100% written for the TF2 promo videos, as clearly referenced by its opening three lines:
My heart is paralysed,
My head is oversized,
I’ll take the high road like I should.
You said it’s meant to be,
That it’s not you — it’s me,
You’re leaving now for my own good.
That’s true, but if my friends ask where you are, I’m gonna say:
She went down in an airplane,
Fried getting suntanned,
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand,
Help me, help me, I’m no good at goodbyes.
She met a shark underwater,
Fell and no-one caught her,
I returned everything I ever bought her;
Help me, help me, I’m all out of lies,
And ways to say you died.
This is it, said Alberto to himself, I’ve had enough. He saw that Rarity was talking on the phone so he decided to to interrupt her. Trying to exert more self control on himself, he focused on the work at hand — until the song ended and he heard the DJ, “Genie” Van Zant, receiving a phonecall from a listener.
“Good afternoon, Radio Luxembourg?” said Genie.
“Good afternoon, Genie,” said the listener who called in, “my name is Ramón.”
“Glad to have you with us Ramón!” said Genie. “We’re so happy that you called in to play Radio Luxembourg’s game of chance, Three Or Nothing. You answer all three questions correctly, you get a free STEAM voucher from us!"
“Yay!” said Ramón.
"Tell us,” said Genie, "what games do you play?”
“Team Fortress 2 is my favourite game,” said Ramón. “I also play Minecraft and Call of Duty.”
“You are in luck!” said Genie. “What team you you play better as, BLU or RED?”
Alberto was listening in to this entire radio-broadcast conversation all the while. Not that he wanted to, but that Rarity made the volume so damn loud that Alberto couldn’t but hear it even when he was trying to concentrate. TF2 reference + name of “Ramón" + saying “yay” like a typical youth = Ramón Prada, he said to himself.
This time he HAD had enough. He ran over to Rarity — who was not on the phone this time — and demanded that she turn off the radio. Rarity’s reply was succint: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Carousel Boutique, do things the way the Carousel Boutique staff do. And that includes not telling your boss me what to do. Unless you want to leave now without getting paid!”
“Bueno!” said Alberto. “I’m out of here!” He took his stuff and marched out of the Carousel Boutique in a rage. While he was angry, he nevertheless knew that he had one more clue: The name of Ramón Prada, proving that Prada had either escaped from the London prison or been released for “good behaviour”.
He brought the case up to Princess Twilight Sparkle the next day at a meeting in Canterlot Castle’s Great Hall. Also present at that same meeting were Braeburn, Big McIntosh, Thunderlane, Derpy, and Rainbow Dash.
“Very good, Alberto,” said Princess Twilight, “your research has indeed confirmed that some of the Peronistas are not in prison anymore. Either they somehow escaped successfully, or the prison authorities in London released them on ‘good behaviour’ reasons. What other research do the others have?”
“Rainbow Dash and I, we saw Benz Guzmán at the Ponyville AFC outlet,” said Derpy. “He was apparently with his sister. I suspect that she was the one who bailed him out. Behold, we got some photos of them here.”
“For my part,” added Big McIntosh, "I have proof that Derpy’s claims are correct. It says here that a rich Argentinian businesswoman named Margherita Guzmán paid 20,000 British Pounds to Scotland Yard in order to bail her big brother out of prison.”
“Very well,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle. “Sounds like they ARE far more scheming than I thought. Do we have any other info from anypony else?”
“Si,” added Derpy. “I was with Rainbow Dash in the Canterlot library and we found a lead in this man who seems very suspicious. Apparently he’s Alberto’s half brother, the son of Don Francisco Juan Perez via another woman. His name is Dario Flavio Perez, and he’s an undergrad in the Universidad Nacional de Bolivia, majoring in banking. According to our sources, the younger Perez was also formerly a classmate of Alberto’s cousin Timmy Garcia.”
“And for the record, to add on to what Alberto said, I’ve done MY own independent research on this Prada guy,” said Thunderlane. “He was in fact already around during Alberto’s short stint in Syldavia, a shareholder in the Passionless Valley, as well as the owner of several tea-plantation factories. He is also a Chacoero, from the same township as Alberto’s friend Huascar; and is a TF2 player. I was present when he was rounded up by the Bolivian People’s Police during the Perez Manor raid. I’m surprised as to how he managed to escape — if what Alberto claims is true, that he overheard Ramón Prada’s voice on the air, then Prada must have escaped.”
“Very good, Thunderlane. Give Scotland Yard a call now and verify the information with the IO there,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle. “So now what we’ve got are three things: Guzmán and Prada are apparently no longer in the lockup, Dario Flavio Perez is apparently back in town and apparently has a strong motive against us, and Aeron Vartan is still on the loose. Right now, the third of these above options is looming largest, namely Aeron Vartan. We need to find him and arrest him. All of you present, go get Snips and Snails and Flash Sentry, and pursue Aeron Vartan!”
“Si!” said all present.
Shortly afterwards, Alberto was riding on Big McIntosh, with Braeburn beside him; they were passing by a bridge over the small river in Ponyville when they saw Benz Guzmán and a woman with him walking across that very bridge.
“Benz Guzmán?? How did he get into Equestria??” gasped Alberto.
“Si, that we still have to find out,” said Big McIntosh. “But don’t attack yet; you’ll put him on his guard. Just observe him discreetly from here.”
“And that woman is… not his sister Margherita, is it?” wondered Alberto. “She doesn’t look like what I saw in the photos that Derpy showed us earlier on.”
“We’ll see who it is in a few minutes,” said Braeburn. “For all we know….”
This woman was Angela Herrandes, a prostitute from eastern Bolivia whom Benz Guzmán had been having an affair with since his escape from prison. The two of them had moved to Equestria, it seemed, but it was still not known how they got in without any unicorn or alicorn intervention.
Suddenly, with a bound, Aeron Vartan appeared on the bridge and ambushed Guzmán and Herrandes. A scuffle broke out immediately.
“NOW!” shouted Big McIntosh.
Within seconds, Alberto and the two big Apple stallions galloped onto the bridge and pulled out their revolvers. “HANDS UP!” they yelled. They arrived on the bridge just in time to see Vartan successfully grabbing Herrandes and holding a kukri to her head.
“SAVE MY WOMAN!! POR FAVOR!!” yelled Guzmán.
“Don’t you step any closer!” yelled Vartan, “or I will KILL this slut with NO MERCY whatsoever!!”
Just as well, for at that moment, Princess Twilight Sparkle arrived along with Thunderlane, Flash Sentry, Snips, Snails, Derpy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash. All were holding guns in their hands. “Hands up!” yelled Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“You put down all your fucking guns!” shouted Vartan. “Put them down this minute, or I will KILL the woman!” He pressed the kukri closer to Herrandes’s neck and she screamed.
“DID YOU HEAR THAT?!! Put down your damn bloody guns!!!” screamed Guzmán, apparently momentarily forgetting that Alberto was his nemesis.
Alberto, on the other hand, was thinking more of doing justice than anything else. He continued pointing his gun at Vartan, as did the other ponies.
“I will say it one last time!” screeched Vartan. “Put down your fucking guns! Or I will KILL this cheap woman!”
“PUT THEM DOWN!!! DO YOU HEAR?!!” screamed Guzmán.
All were taken aback by the sight they saw before them. Even for once, Princess Twilight Sparkle was also similarly stunned. For a moment none of them did anything.
“Put down your guns,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle, laying her hoof on the ground and releasing her gun.
One by one, the rest of the ponies obeyed. The only one who didn’t was Alberto, who continued holding his gun forward and aiming at Vartan.
Suddenly, Alberto fired a shot forward, hoping to fire a fatal shot at Vartan. It missed him by a wide margin. Vartan then proceeded to run Herrandes through her neck with his kukri, succeeding in killing her. Guzmán was mortified; he grabbed Angela Herrandes’s dead body, bawling tears of rage.
Princess Twilight Sparkle tried to stop Vartan by shouting “Hands up!” and pointing her gun at him just as he was running away, but a small rowboat passed underneath the bridge, and Vartan hopped away to safety.
Back at Canterlot Castle, Princess Twilight Sparkle took Alberto into her office again.
“Just now when Aeron Vartan was about to kill Ms Herrandes,” said Princess Twilight, “why did you not put down your gun?”
“Welp, er…. something had to be done,” replied Alberto. “If I had not shot, either way he would have killed one or more of us.”
“And what happened in the end?” continued Princess Twilight, now raising her voice. “An innocent life was lost for nothing! Is this how you carry our the code of chivalry and gallancy, noble Don Alberto?!”
“Your Highness, think about it this way,” Alberto persisted in trying to prove himself innocent. “What would have happened if I had put down my gun? How do we know that Aeron Vartan would not still kill Señora Guzmán and then also all of us after that?”
“I am now seriously in doubt as to your capabilities, Don Alberto,” said Princess Twilight. “How am I going to answer to HRH Princess Celestia and HRH Princess Luna if either or both of them come and ask me to give them an account, tell me?”
Alberto kept silent, unsure of how to further defend himself.
“Think about what I have just said,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle. “You may go now."
Alberto stepped out of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s office in a rage. Returning to Ponyville where he currently resided, he made straight for Sweet Apple Acres, to have some Applebucks Coffee.
“Well, well, somepony's looking really glum today, mate,” mocked Applejack, when she saw Alberto walking in.
“Her Highness has been bullying me ever since I was dubbed knight by her,” murmured Alberto. “Give me one glass of Applejack Daniels, por favor.”
“Sure thing,” said Applejack, getting a chalice and pouring some whisky for Alberto.
Just then, by some remarkable coincidence, Benz Guzmán walked into the Sweet Apple Acres. “One big bottle of Applejack Daniels!” he demanded. “And give it wings!”
Alberto was completely taken aback on seeing Benz Guzmán right there in his immediate vicinity. So was Guzmán about seeing Alberto right before his eyes. “YOU STILL HAVE THE CHEEK TO SHOW UP HERE?!!” both men shouted, raising their fists and about to get into a brawl. Good thing Applejack and Big McIntosh restrained both of them just in time.
“I will get my revenge!” vowed Guzmán as he strode out of Sweet Apple Acres in a rage.
“Don’t bother looking at him, Alberto; he’s gone,” said Applejack.
“My life is officially over!” declared Alberto, clearly in a stupor, as he stood to his feet and likewise strode out of Sweet Apple Acres in an equally towering rage.
“It really amazes me how Alberto’s been behaving ever since,” said Big McIntosh. “How do we help him now? Tomorrow he’ll have to lead us again on another mission — to continue our search for Aeron Vartan. Do you think you could help if anything happened to Alberto?”
“Well, considering how stressed we are today, after seeing a brawl ACTUALLY break out in our farm — for perhaps the first time in history,” said Applejack, “what I really need now is a good and well-earned break.
All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair,
Oh — wouldn’t it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat,
Lots of coal making lots of heat.
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet,
Oh — wouldn’t it be loverly?
Oh so loverly sitting abso-bloomin’-lutely still,
I would never budge till spring crept over the window sill.
Someone’s head resting on my knee,
Warm and tender as he can be.
Who takes good care of me,
Oh — wouldn’t it be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly!
And so singing, Applejack walked out of Sweet Apple Acres, leaving Big McIntosh alone — for now.
Suddenly Big McIntosh’s mobile phone buzzed. He answered it. “Sssip?”
“Big Mac? It’s Braeburn here, we need your help,” came Braeburn’s voice from the receiver. “Can you come down to….”
“Of all times to disturb me — after my sister has just walked out on our farm just when we have a lot of cleaning up to do!” yelled Big McIntosh. “Tomorrow can or not, Braeburn?!”
“It’s urgent, this is the orders from HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle,” came Braeburn’s voice; “come down to the Everfree Forest immediately, we have discovered something very important!”
Indeed it was important. For at the Everfree Forest, another dead body had been discovered by Braeburn, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, and Alberto, who had been conducting their own independent investigations.
“What’s going on here?” cried Big Mac as he ran up. “Alberto here?? I thought…?"
“No time to talk!” cried Alberto. “Look over there!” He indicated toward the carcass on the ground.
Big Mac’s eyes went wide when he saw the carcass. “Aeron Vartan??” he gasped….
