GTA: Equestria 2000

Mike was sitting in the cabin of the late Cisco's private jet, which was flying on auto-pilot to Colombia, as far away from Liberty City as possible. He was listening on the plane's radio, trying to ease his mind as he reflected on the things he had to do to finally escape from the hellhole that is Liberty City. "Worst Place in America", indeed. Liberty, which he escaped from only a few hours ago, was a city of power-hungry gangs, crooked cops, and corrupt politicians. On its streets, crimes such as murder, carjacking, and armed robbery were as common as jogs through Belleville Park. Mike was still shaking and bruised from his lengthy battle against the Yardies, one of the many street gangs that roamed the city's streets, and his subsequent escape from the LCPD and National Guard in a tank.

He was listening to WLLC The Zone 34.9 FM, which was playing "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC. After a couple of minutes, the song was over, and the voice of the radio deejay was audible.

"Your'e listening to The Zone 34.9, home of only the best music and news in Liberty City!" said the radio deejay. "And that was AC/DC you were just listening to. Best damn rock band in the whole world, if you ask me! Their music can go with any movie, and make it a fifth more badass than it already was! Anyway, time for some news with Eric Chin! Eric, over to you!"

"Thanks, Mr. Moffat!" said Eric Chin on the radio. "Well, I was going to report on the recent string of criminal activities involving the deaths of several members of the Forelli Family, the Colombian Cartel, and the Yardies by an unknown assailant, but those greedy pricks--I mean reporters at the Liberty Tree already sent people over to investigate it. So instead, I thought I'd drop over by Harwood on Portland Island. I'm here with Mr. Hiroshi Zaibatsu of the Zaibatsu Corporation, who has unveiled their vaccine for the recent epidemic that plagued our streets. Also with me is Dr. Hollow Kost, who has taken the liberty to explain what Mr. Zaibatsu's future plans are for our city."

"Well, Mr. Chin, My friend Hiroshi--as you must know by now--is a very wealthy and powerful man with many dreams and ambitions. Most of which are shared by me and my associates." said Hollow Kost. "Together, me and Hiroshi plan for our new organization, the Zaibatsu Corporation, to assist the good citizens of Liberty in whatever way we possibly can. First, we release ever more medical products, and hopefully move on to...other businesses here in the city."

"Have you employed anyone yet?" asked Eric, curiously.

"Why yes, actually." said Hollow Kost. "We've enlisted several locals to distribute, manufacture, test, and produce our products throughout the city. In fact, here are some of them right now."

"Is there any reason why they're all carrying weapons--?" Eric began.

There was a faint sound of pistols cocking on the radio.

"Weapons? I don't see any weapons!"  said Eric, nervously and quickly. "And I sure as hell don't see three people about to beat the crap out of me with baseball bats...I mean could you imagine...Oh my go--aaaaauuuugggghhhh!"

They were sounds of a fight and raised voices on the radio followed by static and then silence.

"Well, it looks like Mr. Chin's signal's down." said Moffat's voice on the radio. "Well, until he can get it back up, here's 'In a Big Country' by Big Country..."

The song played on the radio, then suddenly became distorted and faded into static. Mike went over to check out the radio.

"What's goin' on here?" he mumbled. "Can't be out of range yet."

Suddenly, the whole plane started to shake.

"The hell's going on?!" he shouted.

The plane started to rock left and right.

"Oh, damn it! I'm gonna be sick!" Mike groaned.

He looked out the cabin window, but was unable to see land or sea below. There were strange glowing clouds above and below the plane.

"What's up with this weather?" said Mike. "Something ain't right about it."

Suddenly, he heard a strange humming noise from outside and ran to the cockpit. The plane was now flying into an unearthly pillar of light.

"Crap, crap, crap!" Mike shouted frantically, fighting the auto-pilot for the controls.

But before he could turn the auto-pilot off, the plane went straight on through the pillar of light. Suddenly, all electronics on the plane stopped flickered on and off before being permanently inactive. The airplane was beginning to spiral out-of-control. Mike knew now that the only hope he had of surviving a crash was parachuting out. But he looked all over Cisco's private jet, but couldn't find chutes anywhere. As if things weren't bad enough...

"Ow!" Mike suddenly exclaimed.

He was feeling a sharp pain in his ears, arms, and legs. There was also a numbness in his mouth, nose, and tailbone.

"Oh my Gooooooooooodddd!" Mike hollered, painfully.

He could feel the plane crashing into what seemed like a body of water. At the same moment, he felt light-headed and shaky. He could hear the cockpit shattering and water rushing into the airplane. It was when the cockpit door was broken in half by the oncoming tide that Mike finally passed out from the pain and disorientation.

"Hey! Buddy!" said a man's voice. "Wake up! You okay or what?"

"Screw you, I don't wanna get up yet." Mike muttered absent-mindedly as he lied down. He felt an itch on his nose.

He lifted his arm to scratch it, but instead of a human hand, he felt something flat and hard being pressed against his face, which no long seemed very humanoid.

"Okay, what the hell..." Mike muttered, opening his eyes.

He was looking straight into the eyes...of a pony. A pony wearing suspenders and a backwards baseball cap.

"Hey, little guy." Mike said, as gently as possible. "What the heck are ya wearing?"

"It's my uniform, dude!" the pony told him.

Mike's eyes, which seemed bigger than usual, were wide with surprise.

"Did you...did you...did you just...talk?!" Mike whispered in shock.

"Sure I can talk, buddy." said the pony.

"But you're a horse!" said Mike. "Horses don't talk...or wear human clothes!"

"What's a human?" asked the pony.

"I'm a human!"

"Really, cuz you look more like a pony to me."

"What?"

"Sure, dude." said the pony. "Check it out."

The pony went to the other side of the boat he and Mike were apparently on, and came back with a mirror. Mike looked into the mirror, and instead of seeing a human, he saw another pony. One with a yellowish-white coat, greasy black mane, brown eyes, and shabby outfit identical to the one that Mike wore before he blacked out.

"What the hell is this?!" he exclaimed, horrified. "What the goddamn hell happened to me?!"

"Dude, relax!" said the pony. "You were floating around in the water and I got you onto my boat before you'd freeze out here."

"Tell me, are there any more...talking horses that I need to know about?" Mike asked, completely convinced that he'd gone insane.

"Well, we're ponies. But yeah." said the pony. "We're in Equestria, which is nothing but talking ponies."

Mike paused.

"Equestria?" asked Mike. "What the hell kinda stupid name is that?"

"You're a really funny guy." said the pony. "The name's King. Fisher King."

"I'm Mike."

"Well, how'd you like to come into the galley for some apple cider, Mike?" offered Fisher. "Best darn stuff in all Equestria."

"No thanks. I had some vodka on the plane." Mike said, before adding under his breath: "Maybe I had too much of it."

"What plane?" asked Fisher.

Mike got up, and stood himself against the port side of the boat, looking around the water.

"What the--" he muttered, before facing Fisher. "Where the hell did the plane go? I was right inside it when it crashed!"

"Dude, I didn't see anything in the water with you but some pieces of broken wreckage." said Fisher.

"Then the rest of the plane must've sunk under." said Mike. "I wanna know why the hell I'm suddenly a...pony and find out how I can be human again. Where's the nearest place we can get ashore?"

"Las Pegasus." said Fisher. "Nice place to go, if you don't mind getting in trouble with both sides of the law."

"Crap." Mike muttered.

It seemed like he escaped one hellhole city to go to another one. This time, he didn't even have any appendages.