Chapter 18: Cock Blocker 5000 strikes again

After arriving to my house after the whole.. ordeal, we sat down in my living room.  I decided not to turn the TV on because I assume Twilight would like to talk to us about whatever Twilight wants to talk about.  Stewart sat down on one couch with Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, and I sat with Pinkie and Fluttershy on the other couch.  We sat in silence for a few minutes, gathering our thoughts.

        “So Matt and Pinkie really had sex?”  Twilight asked in a aggravated voice.

        “Yep!”  Pinkie shouted happily.  “It was so much fun!  I got to explore his body!  He got to explore mine!  He even did this thing with his tongue that made me-”

“Yeah, yeah.  I get the point.”  Twilight said, sounding disgusted.  “I just can’t believe you!  You know that you are supposed to save your virginity for that one  special pony that you love!  You can’t just go around having.. sex with the first alien you meet!”  Twilight explained.

“I thought he was special..”  PInkie said sounding deflated.

“I know Pinkie.  He might even be a nice guy after you get over the whole him taking advantage of you.”  Twilight said.

“Hey!  Fuck off.  I didn’t take advantage of shit!  It was a mutual sexual exchange.  We both enjoyed it, and both wanted it.  So I don’t see the big fucking deal!”  I shouted.  For some reason that got to me.

“The big deal is that you guys just met!  You can’t go around having sex with the first people you meet!  That’s the big deal!”  Twilight shouted.

“Um.. Pinkie isn’t the only..”  Fluttershy started to say, but then stopped because of the extreme embarrassment.

“Isn’t the only what?”  Twilight asked.  Her face contorted when the realization hit her.  “No.. you didn’t?  Did you?”  Twilight asked.

“Um... I mean... I thought it would be... uh.”  Fluttershy was stammering out.

“Yeah.  We did.  At the same time I might want to add too.”  I said with a smile.  Yeah I was pretty fucking proud.

“You just had to throw that out there didn’t you Main.  We can’t have one conversation without you bringing up your sexual experience of a threesome!  The other day I was asking you what you thought about this new song.  You fucking said, ‘It needs more I fucked two girls at once in it.’  THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!.”  Stewart yelled.

“You are clearly just jealous that I fucked two girls at the same time.”  I said.

“No!  No I’m not!  I’m happy with what I got!”  Stewart yelled again.

“Yeah.  Because Rainbow Dash is just so sexually appealing.”  I said.

“Buck you!  You are just dying for a chance to see me naked!”  Rainbow Dash yelled.

“Already have!  6/10.  Would not bang.”  I said with a smile.

“You better keep one eye open tonight!”  Rainbow Dash said.

“I would rather you not try to up your bang rating.”  I said with a sly smile.

“Stewart.  When can I kill him?  He isn’t THAT important of a friend is he?”  Asked Rainbow Dash.

“No, you can’t kill him.  He is amusing at certain times, unless he is being a dick.  Well then again, maybe I you can kill him.”  Stewart said sarcastically.

“Stop it everyone!  How do you call this friendship?  I expected everyone here to be able to have a discussion about the current events at hand.  But you guys just started belittling each other!”  Twilight said.  “Now this isn’t how you normally act and I know it.”  Said Twilight.

Stewart and I both broke out into fits of laughter.  I fell on the floor and so did he.

“She.. fucking thinks that.. we.. never insult.. HA!”  I yelled with fits of laughter.

“No, no!  She thinks that me and you never act like.. HAHA!”  Stewart also yelled.

“Ugh.  You people are helpless.”  Said Twilight growing angry at our laughter.  Even Pinkie Pie started rolling on the floor.

“What do you mean by you people?”  I asked with a smile.  Twilight just sighed in response.

“Okay, anyway.  Are you and Rainbow Dash staying here for the night?  Or are you guys heading back to your house?”  I asked now that the laughing fit had stopped.

“Um yeah I guess.  I really don’t want to sleep on your fold out couch again.  That was really bad on my back.”  Said Stewart.

“Yeah, and I’m the fat one.”  I said back in response.

“Well if we are just stating the obvious here.  I would like to add a few more facts.”  Stewart said.

“What?  Are you finally coming out of the closet?”  I asked with a shit eating grin.

“Eat shit Main.  I don’t know how you can say that after you KNOW me and Rainbow Dash have been-”  He got cut off by Rainbow Dash putting her hand over his mouth.

“Wait.  What was he going to say?”  Asked Twilight.

“Oh you know.  Um.. Um.. Matt?  Help me out?”  Rainbow Dash asked.

“Did you seriously just ask me to help you out of a situation that could turn into the single most funny moment in the history of this fucking story?”  I asked.

“Yes.. Yes I did.  Now please.  Tell her what Stewart meant.”  Rainbow Dash said.

“We are so fucked.”  Stewart said now that Rainbow Dash’s hand was away from his mouth.

“Well you see Twilight.  As you know.  Pinkie, Fluttershy and I have been having sex.  At the same time I might add.”  I said.

“God damn it Main.”  Stewart said.

“While Stewart and Rainbow Dash know this.  They decided to wait until they themselves knew that they were special to each other.  Like you said.  They really liked each other, but they didn’t want to just jump into bed together.”  I said.

“Wow.  Really?”  Twilight said.  New hope in her eye that Rainbow Dash, and Stewart might have did what she had wanted Pinkie, Fluttershy, and I not to do.  Stewart and Rainbow Dash both breathed a sigh of relief.

“No.  I’m just fucking with you.  They fucked like a few days after me and Pinkie did.”  I said.

“You know.  I could see this coming.  I swear.  Every time you are about to fuck me over it smells like bacon.”  Stewart said.  “Or that could be just because you’re fat, and you always fuck me over.”  Stewart corrected.

“Yeah, well, what can I say?  This is how I entertain myself.”  I said.

“That, and he has sex with me and Fluttershy!”  Pinkie said.

“Ugh.”  Twilight said.  Deep in thought on how to correct this whole situation.  She was tapping her finger on her chin.

“So Stewart.  Again.  Where are you going to say for the night?”  I asked.

“I’ll take Rainbow Dash to my house.  You can take Twilight if you want.  You have more sleeping space.”  Stewart said.

“Yeah!  Then maybe me and Fluttershy can show her the magic of Matt’s dick!”  Pinkie yelled.  Yeah, that felt good to write.

“On second thought.  I think I'll let her sleep at my house.  You don’t need anything else to brag about.”  Stewart said.

“No.”  Said Twilight.

“Oh Christ.  Are you going to fuck up happy sex times?”  I asked.

“You are all going to sleep here tonight.  The girls downstairs.  The boys upstairs.  I can not sit idly by while you guys ruin your lives!”  Twilight said to her friends.

“Yep.  She is going to fuck up my happy sex times.”  I said, defeated.

“You don’t know how long we are going to be here for!  I would hate for you to develop emotional feelings towards Matt and Stewart!  I know Celestia will be on her way to fix things and get us back into ponies, and back to Equestria.  Besides.  We still need to find Rarity, and Applejack.”  Twilight said.

“So you are saying that me and Stewart have to sleep up here for the night?  This blows.”  I said.

“Yeah.  Rainbow Dash was going to let me try something new tonight too..”  Stewart said.

“What?  Was she going to let you be the man this time?”  I asked.

“Go fuck yourself Main.”  Stewart said.

“Now that I think of it.  Rainbow Dash will probably enjoy being with all of her friends down there.  Higher vagina ratio.”  I said.

“I am going to break you until there are pieces of you on the ground.”  Rainbow Dash said.

“Okay everyone.  It’s time to go to sleep.  We will all head downstairs and make ourselves comfortable.  Matt, Stewart.  Don’t think this means I don’t appreciate what you have done.  I really owe you for saving me back there.  It’s just I can’t stand to see my friends in pain.  I don’t want them to have to come to terms with being split up from whom they consider their lovers.  I’m sure you both understand.”  Twilight said.

“Whatever.”  Stewart said sounding understanding to the situation.

“You must of borrowed Stewart’s Cock Blocker 5000.”  I said.

“I’ll make it up to you two.  I promise.”  Twilight said, letting the sarcasm bounce right off her.  Her and the rest of the girls descended down the stairs.  Hopefully they could figure out the whole couch thing.  At least Twilight isn’t being a completely uptight.

“You get the couch.  I’ll sleep in my bed.”  I said.

“Fuck you.  I want a bed too.  Besides I’m not really that tired.  We should play games or something.  I’m kinda bored.  I was really looking forward to Rainbow Dash’s idea for the bedroom.”  Stewart said.

“Yeah well.  Shit happens I guess.  Here let me put in Gears of War.  At least try to do something entertaining with our time away from vaginas.”  I said.

Stewart and I played for a few hours.  Enjoying the peace of shooting people, and chainsawing them.  We discussed what had happened tonight.  Talking out the details.  Kinda allowing ourselves to calm down from all the action that had happened.  After a while  Stewart and I both decided to call it quits after getting fucked up a few times in a row.  We were about ready to part ways until I heard a noise coming from downstairs.  It was.. laughter.  And yelling, and screaming.  The fun kind.  The sexy fun kind.  The.. okay you get the point.

“Main.  Do you think they are doing what I think they are doing?”  Stewart asked.

“Shit.”  I said remembering the contents of my refrigerator downstairs.

“What?”  Asked Stewart.

“My parents may have a small.. well large assortment of hard liquor down in the refrigerator.”  I said.

“Wait so you are telling me that..”  Stewart said putting the pieces together.

Almost as if they had heard us.  Rainbow Dash came behind Stewart.  Walking really wobbly, and the complete opposite of straight.  She then wrapped her arms around his chest.

“Stewart.  I think you might get to experiences being the man for once during sex tonight.”  I said with a smile.

“Fuck..you..Main.”  Stewart said.  His mouth started to form into a devilish grin.  I think he knew what was in store for us tonight.