Caw-Caw, Motherf-----s.

Caw-Caw, Motherf-----s

Ch. 4 - Research

Davesprite and Twilight Sparkle walked through the calm streets of the now sleepy little town of Ponyville. The pair trotted and/or half-floated in silence, drawing more than a few stares from a wide assortment of passerby along the way. They were both aware that they could be seen as unusual or eye-catching, but neither of them really acknowledged any of the passing ponies. They continued on for a while until Twilight stopped in front of what Davesprite could assume was her home... if not for the sign that clearly marked it as being the "Ponyville Library."

"We're here!" she said, smiling warmly at the familiar setting. "This is the town's library, yes," she noted, sensing the orange pegasus' possible confusion. "But I also like to call it home. It's the perfect place for me, if I do say so myself."

"Uh-huh," was Davesprite's simple reply. "Okay, this place looks totally unsafe," he eventually remarked, eyeing the treehouse carefully. "I mean, you do have lightning storms here, right? This place'd go up in flames if it got hit by a stray bolt o' lightnin'."

"Of course we have lightning storms," Twilight replied, opening the door using some sort of weird reddish-purple telekinesis. "I have a magical barrier surrounding it that is specialized to repel lightning strikes in case of a bad storm. It's funny, the whole 'safety of living in a tree' question comes up a lot more often than I thought it would."

"Huh. How very... convenient. And you said you have it protected by 'magic,' right? So this place is full of magic too, eh? I guess that's how you opened the door. Is that something all of you guys can do, or is it just the pony dudes with horns?" asked the sprite, pointing to her horn as if to accentuate the word.

"Unicorns are the only ponies who can utilize magic in this way, yes," Twilight explained, leading the other pony into her home, lighting a set of candles with her magic as well. "Well, unicorns and alicorns. But considering alicorns, such as myself, are at the basic level of understanding a 'pegasus with wings,' I guess that's kind of obvious."

"Alicorns?" D.S. questioned. "Is that what winged unicorns like you are called? Seems like a weird name, but I'm not exactly an expert at naming hybrid species myself. I wonder what I'd be called here? A pegacrow? Nah, they'd probably throw in something for the ghost motif, too... Specrowagus? No, that's stupid..." he continued, rambling on, mostly to himself.

"Precisely," Twilight said, ignoring the entire second half of his speech while leading the two of them down the staircase into the basement. "There are only a handful of alicorns in all of Equestria. The other Princesses and I are the most well-known, but apparently there have been sighting of others across the nation. Princess Celestia told me that they can be born as the result of mutations in certain ponies who have both a unicorn and a pegasus parent."

"That's cool, I guess," he replied, still thinking of names for himself. Suddenly, something occurred to him. "Hey, Twilight? What happened to the little dragon dude from before? Spike, was it? I don't remember seeing him at the party after our initial little 'conversation.'"

"Oh, I sent Spike back here a while ago. I wanted him to make sure that the library looked nice and tidy for your visit," she said as she turned back to D.S., a sly grin on her face.

Davesprite raised his brow and returned the expression with a little smirk of his own. "You were planning on bringing me back here the whole time? Wow, I think I might have underestimated you and your craftiness. I'd applaud you if I still had hands. And I'm glad the little guy's alright," he added thoughtfully. "Thought the author just forgot about him or something," he murmured under his breath.

"Oh, you can probably figure out some other way to show your appreciation," the alicorn said, laughing a little. She stopped in front of her makeshift "laboratory" where she did most of her research and potion-making. "We're here, Dave!"

"Davesprite," he said, coming to a stop behind her, emphasizing the "sprite" part heavily. "Dave's... well, he's some other guy. I'm Davesprite."

Twilight frowned. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," she offered, the frown morphing into a sympathetic smile. "I actually meant to ask you about that at some point. I noticed that you seem to correct everyone on that point, and you also I believe, referred to yourself as a 'half-baked clone' while you were talking to Applejack. Now why would you call yourself something so... demeaning?"

"Because that's what I am," he stated simply, shrugging a little. "It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I'm the second iteration of a guy named 'Dave' and I'm his 'Sprite,' or like, spirit guide. Therefore, I am 'Dave's Sprite,' or Davesprite. The name I have now is probably the game's way of actually trying to make me sound like less of a worthless fairy thing like Navi."

She didn't say anything for a minute, only staring at him blankly. "Now see," she suddenly began, as if she were already in mid-explanation. "That's another thing I don't understand. You keep throwing out these allusions and references that go above everypony's head, but are obviously things that you understand as 'real' and 'common.' And you're always asking about what 'we' have or what 'we' do as ponies, even though half of you is obviously a pony! Davesprite, answer this for me, would you?" she said, taking a deep breath. "Who and what exactly are you, and where did you come from?"

D.S. blinked. He wasn't expecting her to ask all of those questions at once. He had of course, known he was going to have to answer them eventually, but not all at the same time. He pursed his lips and thought through his answer for a few moments. "Well... I think I already told you the answer to that first part. Y'know, 'who and what am I?' I'm Davesprite, the spirit guide of a certain Dave Strider, who also happens to be my original self. That's really all there I to say on that subject. As for the whole 'where are you from' thing? Well, I guess... I guess I can say that I'm from a video game in an alternate universe. Yeah, that's kind of what it boils down to. I mean, I wasn't originally from the video game in all senses of the term. I mean, the impaled crow and the orange, floating clusterf--- are the parts of me created by the game. I guess the Dave half isn't. The Dave half used to be some stupid kid who lived with his brother on a planet called Earth. Funny name for a planet, huh? It's literally just called 'Dirt.' What a creative name, huh?"

"So... an alternate universe, huh?" Twilight asked, furiously scribbling notes on a sheet of parchment she had inexplicably obtained, attempting to keep up with Davesprite's quick, almost slurred speech. "And you say that you came from a planet called Earth? Well, I suppose it makes sense that there would be other versions of Earth out there in other versions of the universe," she noted, nodding her head.

Davesprite was a little surprised. She seemed very willing to accept the concept of alternate realities. Made his life easier, he supposed.

"But there is one thing you haven't told me yet. One important thing, anyway. About Dave and your, er, 'Dave half,'" Twilight added, glancing up from her notes. "What, you know... well, were you? Species-wise. Before you became, as you put so delicately, 'Dave's Sprite?'"

"Oh, right," he said, scratching the back of his head. "That could be considered an important detail, now couldn't it? I mean, I guess I could tell you, but I'm not even sure if you'd know what they are. Haven't exactly seen one since I've been here."

"Try me," she replied, a spark of curiosity alight in her amethyst eyes.

"Alright, chica," he said, smiling a small, reserved smile. "I used to be a human."

"A human?" she asked, her eyes widening in shock. "But... there aren't any humans. Not anymore, anyway. Davesprite," she continued, looking at him as if he were some sort of lost treasure. "Humans went extinct eons ago!"

That... was not exactly what Davesprite was expecting to hear. "Er... come again?" he asked, incredulously.

"They're extinct! They were wiped out in some unknown way before either of the Princesses were even born! We only know anything about them due to ancient writings discovered in various architectural digs!" she explained, seeming to geek out at the mere thought of science being performed. "And they... they...," she went on, her enthusiasm slipping away. "... were your people."

He was quiet for a moment, but soon chuckled. It was a mirthless chuckle, devoid of any and all emotion. "So," he said, turning his attention to a particularly interesting spot on the floor. "They all bit the dust here, too, eh? Guess 'saving our planet and our people' was always out of the question, wasn't it Rose?" he muttered darkly. "Makes sense. 'bout how my whole life has gone up until this point."

"Dave... sprite?" Twilight asked, concern written on her face as clear as the writing in her vast collection of books.

"Whatever," he said, casually returning to his usual unreadable expression and almost upbeat tone of voice. "I stopped mourning our 'great race' years ago. We were a bunch of absolute f-----' morons, anyway. 'sides, I didn't come back here with you to do any of my usual angsty, tragically written character nonsense. I came here to help you learn stuff, or something along those lines. That's what you do here, right? Learn? I mean, this is a library after all. I mean, sure it looks like you've got some friggin' mad scientist stuff goin' on down here, but at least the ground floor is a library."

"But--" Twilight began, holding out a hoof in protest.

"Shush," Davesprite interrupted, gently pushing her hoof aside with his own. "My problems are my problems. I'll work through them in my own time. You've barely known me three hours, I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you worry about my safety and well-being or anything like that. You got me?"

She stayed quiet for a moment, then nodded firmly. "I got you," she said.

"Good! Now, how about before we go gettin' into all the neat, science-y stuff, I 'research' some homemade Equestrian cooking? This roller coaster ride of emotion has really got me starving. I could really go for some bird seed right about now, to be perfectly honest with you."

"Bird seed?" Twilight asked, failing to hide her obvious amusement.

"Hey, don't be judging me based on what I eat. I'm at least one-third crow, remember? Geez, Twilight, I already have to deal with social justice bloggers, don't want to have to deal with S.J.W. ponies, now. And hey now, since you're a horse and all, don't you eat hay or something? How do you even go about stomaching that stuff? It's literally just dried grass!"

"No no no, you don't understand. Dried grass is definitely not the same thing. And eating hay isn't weird. Everyone here eats hay."

"And how exactly is that not weird?"

The two ponies, still engaged in their mock argument, ascended the stairs leading back to the main floor to get some grub. Twilight would have to see if she still had any of Owlowysious' bird seed lying around for her new friend and his odd tastes.

"... so she just flies right up to it, looks it straight in the eye, and starts telling it off about how no one is allowed to treat any of her friends badly. It was actually kind of amazing," Twilight concluded, patting her belly.

"Wow," replied Davesprite, munching absentmindedly on a nacho. "And you said Fluttershy did that? The little yellow pegasus that screeched like a schoolchild when she saw me for the first time? Hard to see her standing up to a massive freaking dragon, but she did seem to trust you and the others enough to ignore how scared she was of me. Y'all must be pretty important to her."

Twilight blushed and waved her hoof dismissively. "Oh, no, I'm sure she would have done it for anypony. She's almost too kindhearted for her own good, sometimes. I do wonder if she still receives letters from him, though? She hasn't talked about him in quite some time."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Letters from who? The dragon?" Davesprite asked, laughing. "She's pen pals with a giant fire breathing beast? God, are you sure she isn't secretly the bravest living being this side of the planet?"

"She jumped away from her own shadow once."

"Oh my god that's so hilariously cute I think I just threw up in my mouth," he said, guffawing ever so heartily at this little piece of information.

"She's also pen pals with the spirit of chaos and disharmony, Discord. He sent pretty much all of Equestria into utter madness once, and now they're BFF's. Well, he obviously cares about her. Not sure about the rest of us. Though, to be honest I'm not so keen on him, either," Twilight said, wiping the corners of her mouth with a napkin. "Spike!" she called. "Spike, are you still awake?"

There was no immediate response. Twilight sighed.

"I guess it's for the best. A baby dragon needs his sleep, after all. He did already make us all of this delicious food."

"True that," said Davesprite, toasting his apple juice. "I didn't think for a second that you guys would have nachos here. These are friggin' incredible. The little man's a natural cook. I gotta thank him tomorrow morning, or something like that."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be out for the rest of the night.Maybe I'll even let him nap for an extra hour or two in return for his assistance. Speaking of which," she said, looking D.S. in the eyes. "Where are you going to be staying while you're here in Equestria?"

Davesprite clicked his tongue a few times as he considered the question. "Y'know, I'm not really sure. Heck, I don't even know how long I'm going to be here. Usually these portal things open back up after anywhere from a few hours to a few days and I just sort of 'pop' back into my 'original' dimension. It's honestly a bit of a shame," he said, sighing at his now empty nacho plate. "I like it here a lot more than I liked it back there."

"In the game?" she asked knowingly.

"Yeah," he replied, sighing wistfully. "There's less awful stuff and more colorful, pastelm kid-friendly nonsense here. I can't even swear here, it's so d--- nice. Like I literally cannot."

"Noticed that, did you?" Twilight asked, picking up the plates with her magic and walking them over to the kitchen sink.

"Nah, I totally didn't notice my speech skip out like a cracked C.D. That would be ridiculous."

"Heheh, well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think it's because most of the words you're trying to use have been magically blocked out of the Equestrian vocabulary. Any word that is almost exclusively used to insult, demean, or offend other beings is usually magically eliminated from use. Celestia would rather our culture be a positive one than one which uses words as tools to hurt others."

"Huh," he stated, nodding. "That's actually not a bad system. Might force me to think even farther outside of my metaphorical box. Cube of thought's gonna have to all up and expand like some sort of ungodly black hole of creative cursing."

"Good luck with that," Twilight replied, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, since you don't have any place to stay while you're here, for however long that may be, why don't you stay here in the library with me and Spike?"

"No, it's cool," he said, walking over to see if he could assist Twilight with the dishes, only to find that they were already cleaner and more reflective than his sunglasses. "I don't want to intrude on your lives or anything. I can find some sort of homeless shelter to chill out in for the night. Or maybe I'll just crash on a cloud. You said Technicolor Mane the Sonic Horse lives in a cloud castle thing, didn't you?"

"Rainbow Dash lives in a cloud home of her own design, yes," Twilight said, polishing one of the dishes one last time. "But you can't just sleep on any old cloud. And the 'homeless shelter' isn't an option, either. Princess Celestia always makes sure that ponies are given the most essential resources needed for survival. Shelter, enough food to survive, and clean clothes are provided by the Princess' court," she said, smiling widely, her eyes closed as if she were in a dream. "Princess Celestia is always so kind to her subjects. I mean, I was just some simple unicorn filly when she took me in as her protege, and now I've got... these!" she exclaimed, opening her eyes and flapping her large, regal wings. "She's... she's incredible," the alicorn princess finished, almost breathlessly.

Davesprite decided to note all this for later. "So you think really highly of this Princess Celestia, huh? As I recall, she's 'The Princess' of the Tiny Horse Royal Family? Like, the main ruler of Equestria and whatnot?"

"Mm-hmm!" Twilight replied, now fully snapping out of her daze. "I'm glad you were listening! She's the pony who actually helped me find my friends and helped me see where I truly belong in life. She's always been my mentor, and a good... friend of mine! But, oh, of course she isn't exactly the 'one true ruler' or anything, at least, not anymore. Her sister, Princess Luna, rules alongside her. They sort of split the duties of a single queen between themselves, and they also raise the sun and moon in the morning and in the evening."

"They... raise the sun and moon?" Davesprite inquired. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. They use their magic to pull the sun and moon into proper orbit and alignment, so that they rise and set when they must. It's been said that they used to be able to do this on their own, but after so many centuries, their 'power' began to deteriorate, and so unicorns were tasked with helping them. However, the celestial bodies' power only faded further, so eventually the Princesses Luna and Celestia were chosen to ascend to alicorn-hood and use their power to retain the harmonial balance of night and day. There have been some hiccups down the line, of course, but those are stories for another time," Twilight finished, yawning as she did so. She turned to glance at the clock, and she blinked in confusion immediately afterwards.

"What's up?" Davesprite asked, noticing she had stopped. He was more than a little disappointed that story time had ended, but he decided that he'd either just read up on it some other time or he'd simply pry into Twilight's big, nerdy mind for more answers later.

"It's past midnight!" Twilight said, yawning again. "Goodness, I don't even know where the time went! I suppose I shouldn't keep you up any longer, so we should head off to bed."

"Alright," Davesprite agreed, yawning a little himself. "So where's the guest bedroom?"

"There is no guest bedroom," Twilight said, walking up the stairs sleepily. "Come with me."

"Uh... okay?" he said, following her up the staircase. He had some difficulty with this, as his center of gravity around his tail didn't actually make any sense whatsoever, so he sort of stumbled up most of the staircase like an idiot. Once he reached the top he went into the next room through the door that Twilight had just disappeared behind.

"Oh, Spike," he heard her say through a chuckle. "You aren't even covered up. You're going to catch a cold like this one of these days."

After a soft twinkle that usually followed Twilight's magic, she leaned over the railing and looked at Davesprite. "Well? Are you coming up here or not?" she asked, her eyelids heavy. "Your bed is the one on the other side of the room. I apologize in advance if I end up snoring, it happens from time to time," she added sheepishly, hiding a small portion of her face with a hoof.

He shook his head and chuckled. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. You should have heard my bro. He was one heck of an obnoxious snorer," he said, climbing up to the loft. He looked and saw Twilight already curling into a tiny ball and wrapping her bed sheets around herself. He also noticed a small, brown doll clamped tightly in her forelegs. He looked down at the foot of her bed and saw Spike snoozing away happily, a blue blanket wrapped around him as well. He smiled at the two and carefully laid down in his allocated bed, as not to disturb either of their rest.

"Good night, Dave," Twilight said quietly.

"Davesprite," he corrected.

"Not to me. I don't see any other Daves here... do you?" she replied, her speech growing more delayed and heavy with each word.

"... No," he responded, looking out towards the moon, hanging brightly in the beautiful night sky. "I guess I don't."

"So you're... just Dave to me. Not a fake, or a clone, or anything else dumb like that... just..." She yawned again. "Just Dave."

"Just Dave, huh?" he asked, still staring out towards the bright white sky orb. "... Okay. I'll be 'just Dave' for now, if you want. Good night, Twilight."

A small, quiet, almost happy little grunt was the only response he received.

And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he was perfectly content with that.