Just a Dae dreamer

The door opened slowly but steadily as a cream coloured unicorn came in. Judging from the fact it was a little smaller than the guys and had a fancy maid uniform on I figured it was a female.‘Wait what was the female for horses and ponies again? I know stallions are the guys but what were the girls? Aww man this is going to drive me nuts.’

She had dark red hair which she wore in a pony tail and a pony tail with the same colour somehow also tied into a pony tail. ‘huh a pony tail tied into a pony tail... that doesn't sound like that should work’ I thought as I watched her, I also noticed that she paid me absolutely no attention. It wasn't like she ignored me, it was more like she was completely used to me and I was no more unusual to her than a potted plant.

‘Please don’t notice that there’s a vase missing and also please see a doctor about that yellow eye glow thing, its worrying to say the least.’ I mentally pleaded but seriously, is that normal with talking ponies? Considering I'm from the world of non-talking ponies my perspective of normalcy is generally invalid right now.

I noticed that her big amber eyes had a soft yellow glow about them as she rolled out the empty trolleys of food, pushing them with her head. ‘Huh, I wonder if that’s the magic the guys were talking about? They did say unicorns are the ones who do the voodoo but is that it? Fair enough I can’t make my eyes glow but magic from unicorns? I guess I was expecting more, I really do need to keep my expectations low.’

She wheeled in a new fully loaded trolley and left as soon as she uncovered the food. ‘Seems a little rude to completely ‘nothing’ me but least there’s no hassle’ and while feeling right at home I realized that I was in fact hungry, again. ‘ok something is definitely up with me, I can’t sleep, I have a memory black out, I haven’t pooped in a while and I'm eating like a horse. Wait is that offencesive here? Eh I just won’t use equine related expressions while I'm here.’

I couldn’t put my finger on it, the food while tasting good just felt non-substantial after I ate it. ‘Oh well I guess I’ll have to eat more good free food while I have it... poor me.’ I sarcastically thought thus once again proving my British-ness while I tucked in.

Thankfully no one came knocking as I ate so I decided to spend the time to draw some more letting my mind relax a little and take a break from trying to add some logic to the situation.

I guessing it was somewhere near the afternoon judging from the fact that I completely polished off the food trolley with the grass and hay being the exception and had a phonebook pile of drawings. ‘I should’ve asked for a clock or some short of time telling device’

That thought instantly reminded me that the princesses said they’ll come back and I look like I'm lazing around taking advantage of their generosity. ‘Wait a sec... Am I a prisoner? They’re keeping me in a room, took my clothes, placed guards outside but I think they’re more meant to keep other ponies out than me in. No offence to Spick and Span or anyth-... holy shi-ah-ta they’re literally Spick ‘n’ Span, I just got that!... That’s so cool but what does it mean? Did their parents know each other? Are they actually very common names here? Did the guy who assigned them to each other have a sense of humour? What the heck was I thinking about again?’

A knock at the door and considering my vacant space between my ears was preoccupied my minor epiphany. Seriously though it’s my double rainbow and it blasted out every thought I should be having at this moment.

“Umm come in?” I wasn't quite sure who was there as I planned on telling everyone I’ll ever meet that I actually met two guys named Spick and Span.

The princesses casually trotted in ‘AH! What does a brain aneurism feel like again?’

“Afternoon, Jonathan Day.” Celestia greeted with a nod and a soft smile.

“We hope you slept well” Luna greeted in kind.

‘hmm I like to think if I did, I would have’

“Oh err afternoon princesses” I nodded back ‘I feel like I should be bowing but how do I do it from the seating position?’

“You look startled” Celestia commented while looking at me with eyes that could peel my brain like a banana for the soul-y goodness.

I let out a nervous chuckle and said “yeah I kinda forgot about this meeting ‘twice’ sorry” I smiled apologetically.

They both smiled back. “It’s ok Jon we all forget things. In any case I feel it’s a good sign” Celestia stated in a relaxed manor.

I gave her a confused look “really?” ‘Have I landed in a land where forgetfulness is celerbrated? If so then I'm a king, no wait... super king, oh yes I like the sound of that.’

“It shows that you are relaxed enough to forget which is a good step ‘trip more like’ in the right direction” Luna calmly explained. ‘I'm just going to pretend that made sense to me just to move this entire thing along.’

“ah ok then” these are the words I use most when I'm no longer interested in conversation  or have nothing meaningful to contribute to the subject.

The after conversation silence was as thick as concrete and with me being about 63 percent sure if I sneeze in front of royalty I'm getting shoved into the nearest volcano. Which knowing my luck right now the volcano will probably tell me his name is Joseph while he apologised politely ... and I will be ok with that.

‘has time stopped? Has my presence here in an alien space broke time? Was it something I ate? I tend to brake wind when I eat too fast but not time. Oh good frick ho-‘

“I believe you may have some questions for us” Celestia interrupting my thoughts about time breaking farts.

And after doing some self reflecting I find that I'm ok with that.

“Oh yes I do, sorry I just don’t know where to start”

They chuckled “It’s perfectly fine Jon, nopony ‘agian with the pony?’ can truly understand what you’re going through so just take as long as you need” Celestia comforted as Luna shot her a small and quick look.

‘I'm getting the feeling there’s a deadline here but I have to play dumb here, can’t let Spick ’n’ Span get in trouble for speaking to me so I'll pretend nothing happened. This is also a chance to clarify on some things like magic I just have to make them bring it up.’

“Ok lets umm start with something basic. You two are princesses right?”

They nodded casually.

“Ok. Of what exacty?”

‘In my opinion it’s a fair question. For all I know they could be just a pair of crazy talking ponies who co-rule a banana peel and a football named Wilson... sorry my bad, a hoofball named Wilson’

They looked at me blankly then at each other. They seemed to talk with non verbal looks or telepathy I mean they’re talking ponies nothing is impossible.

They looked back me and I think I saw a hint of embarrassment in Luna’s expression. Celestia on the other hand still had the expression of a stoned Easter Island head listening to Pink Floyd.

The blue pony gulped “Our apologies Jon, we should have introduced ourselves fully but we were anxious about meeting you”

‘You were anxious?! If it wasn't for a vase I would have pissed myself!’

“It’s ok, I can obviously understand that” I let out a light slightly surprised chuckle.

The two smiled gently looking relieved. “Well then let’s try this again shall we? I am the sun princess Celestia co-ruler of this land called Equestria.”

“And we are the moon princess Luna also co-ruler of Equestria”

‘Good gonads between the horns, the names and titles, I’m feeling so inadequate I may have to buy a sports car... or the really really cheap equivalent. How the hell am I suppose to respond to this? “I am a table cleaner named Jon and I draw... that’s it” I’m screwed with one of those special screws that only the manufactures and repair guys can undo aren’t I?’

“Wow err... ‘stuff it, let’s just be honest’ I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that” I stated dryly.

As they both chuckled at my situational ineptitude. I thought that I should take it as a good thing that I'm so pathetically laughable.

Anyway moving on.

“So I'm in E-quest-ria right now?”

‘That name means absolutely nothing to me, other than adding to the proof I'm no longer anywhere near home. Yeah as if the talking ponies weren’t all ready a giveaway.’

Celestia nodded “Yes, though more specifically you’re currently staying in our castle in the capital of Equestria called Canterlot.”

‘Well I already knew that from the guys but still I'm staying in a royal castle... I never thought I would ever be glad for constipation but here I am’

“Well umm thanks for the hospitality” I figured I better say something that doesn’t make me seem like a total freeloader

“You are most welcome, we were concerned that you may of felt trapped or imprisoned so we wanted to make you as comfortable as possible.” Luna said while sneaking a glance at my pile of drawings I had put to one side, I pretended not to notice so I don’t get sidetracked. It’s not that mind showing others but I have to ask these questions before I forget them.

“So is Equestria filled with ponies?”

“For the majority, yes, though there are many other creatures who share their own cultures and histories with our own for the mutual benefit of all.” Celestria said proudly sticking her chest out a little while Luna rolled her eyes slightly.

‘That felt a little rehearsed and does it mean that there’s other sentient life here? I hope there’s something with relatively human feet, I would like some shoes that wouldn’t be too much hassle to make. I’ll have to remember to ask about that.’

“Ok then, so is everyone like you two?” I already knew the answer to this from Spick and Span but again I needed to play dumb here.

Celtestia gave me a thoughtful look. “No Jon, you see that dream you about the winged pony wasn't a dream. In Equestria there are three main types of pony. The first is the Pegasai who fly and manage the skies. ‘Huh what the hell does that mean?’ Secondly there’s Earth ponies help cultivate and nurture our society with their natural intuition and knowhow. And then there are Unicorns, they use their vast knowledge and magical abilities to better understand the world around them.”

She took a deep sigh “my sister, I and a few others are what we call Alicorns ‘Ali- whats?’ a rare race of pony gifted with the natural abilities of all three. We use our power and wisdom to guide others to a beautiful harmony.”

‘Wow no offence to the guys but Celestia knows how to make a sale’ I thought as my mind analyzed the information that was just loaded. ‘What does “manage the skies” even mean? And again with magic. Seeing that I have yet to see a pony with hands or the much more likely; sleeves. I can assume it’s going to be something more than what the average human understands as magic. And also... THANK FRICK I NEVER SAID UNIPEG OUT LOUD!’

I noticed Luna looking to me “Jon?”

I snapped myself out of my head “Oh sorry, I was just thinking to myself”

Celestia gave me an understanding look. “If you need time to yourself just ask. We don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” After she said that Luna shot her another slight look.

‘There’s definitely something going on here, I might as well go along with it. I don’t care what they’re playing at but if it means I can get things back to normal, I’ll play any game by any rules, simple as that. It’s better than the disgusting alternative.’

I smiled calmly “Nah its fine, I’m good to continue.”

‘Though I do have to know the rules first.’

“I do have a question though: What’s magic?”

They looked at me curiously but at the same time I saw something click in their minds like by asking that question I answered an important one of theirs.

“There is no magic where you are from?” Luna asked though again I got the feeling both of them already had their answer.

“Well I know the word magic but you probably have a different meaning for it.” By the way they both gave me perplexed look it obviously wasn't what they were expecting.

“Would you mind telling us your meaning?” Celestia asked me as I noticed the attention of both princesses was just squarely locked on me. Now to be honest I saw this conversation coming. You see because of the talk with the guys I was already prepared for this subject and I had a sort of mental script. I just couldn’t bring the subject up myself because if I did they’ll know that I’ve talked to someone else. So in order to fake inorance I needed them to bring it up.

Which lets you know that what I'm about to say isn’t pulling it out of my butt, plus I have actually spent some time thinking about it on the bus. Yeah in case you haven’t noticed I'm a bit of a day dreamer.

“There’s three main meanings really. One meaning is that it’s all a trick, optical illusion, smoke and mirrors. The second is a pseudo explanation for the stuff that happens but no one is specifically sure how it happens.

“The third I guess ‘from what I can remember from my book reading days as a kid’ is a form of refined energy ‘the raw form being called mana.’ used by those skilled enough to make spells out of it. This meaning was created and used for fantasy purposes, like stories and such. All boil down to one point; it’s not real.” I shrugged, I mean I believe what I'm taught but I also choose to believe that’s not all there is to learn. So if there’s more to see then I’ll keep my eyes open.

The two unip- I mean alicorns looked at me stunned and confused ‘And the monkey writes Shakespeare! Though I’m thinking I should’ve pretended I was mute that would have made things so much simpler. Still I'm glad I never said unipeg out loud, I wonder if it would have been like calling a Chinese guy Japanese, they will punch you. I'm also guessing from the awkward silence that wasn't the expected answer. Did time actually stop this time? It’s such a tease.’

The princesses took a moment before their minds snapped back to the moment. Luna was the first to talk “My, we weren’t expecting such a... detailed answer”

‘Yeah and I wasn't expecting talking ponies to be present at any point of my life. So out of between unexpected answers and unexpected sentience, I think I win, I also think that’s not a good thing.’

“Did I say something wrong?”

Celestia looked at me with no hint of confusion but rather sympathy. “No, not at all Jon we were just stunned from your openness.”

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck making sure not to be too open. “Well I figured that the more open I am about anything you want to know, the faster this admittedly messed up situation gets resolved ya know?”

The pair nodded showing that they understood that even though I’ve been thrown into this unreal situation I’m still willing to do whatever it takes to rectify it.

“That is a mature and sensible way to look at it.” Celestia smiled but the way she said it ticked me off a little. ‘Jeez that’s a tone a teacher takes when they congratulate a 10-year old who realises that what the bullies say doesn't matter.’ I have few pet peeves but the main one is being patronised, it just pisses me off. The same goes for being touched by someone I'm not too familiar with if at all and something concerning my friends but seeing that I currently have none it’s fairly moot.

But I swallowed my anger, ‘it isn’t worth it, not for something so minute, let’s just move on shall we?’

“Thanks” I said with a practiced smile. Unexpectedly I felt a small very solid rumble from somewhere south from my stomach. ‘What the hell was that? Wait... oh no’

“Do you mind if we ask more about you?” Luna asked obviously no longer affected by what I previously said.

“Sure I’ll answer anything.” A second rumble definitely the caused by the movement of my bowels split my attention 70/30.

“Glad to hear, we must address the fact that like you and our species, we have no information on yours”

‘Other than what you guessed but I did the same thing so I can’t really say anything’

Something began to move deep inside. 60/40

“I understand what would you like to know?” ‘I’m going to have to speed this meeting along. I'm not entirely sure if there’s a punishment for... off-loading in front of princesses mainly because I highly doubt there has been anyone dumb enough to do that. If there was I'm betting it will involve many pointy things.’ I have an allergy with pointy things being pointed at and/or into me, it causes me to leak blood and guts.

And now it’s entered the final stretch. 40/60

“Anything ‘clench’ you ‘clench’ are ‘clench’ able ‘clench’ to ‘clench’ share.” Celestia assured me though at this time I was wishing she’ll just tell me what she wants.

30/70

Luna joined in the conversation. “We understand that you may feel that you need to hold back ‘you bet ya sweet bippy I need to hold back’ but the more you share, the more we’ll be able to help you.” ‘Unless you plan to wipe I highly doubt it!’ I yelled with my desperate eyes, unaware that I might have accidently uncovered a new internet fetish.

20/80

‘Fine, if they want me to spill without restraint, FINE! I will... in the non-bed-messing way I mean.’

“Ok fine but for the sake of covering everything I’ll start from the beginning” the two looked at me obviously unsure of what was about to happen.

I took a deep breath. ‘if I’m going to do this, I'm going to do all of it. In for a penny, in for pound and all that.’

“My name is Jonathan Dae. That’s J O N A T H A N, D A E, many confuse the spelling of my last name for Day as in part of the week when in fact it’s spelled the same way as the dae in sundae as in the ice-cream. Also some spell the jon part of my name with a H but that’s normally only when a person’s whole name is John not Jonathan. The ‘than’ part can also be mixed with ‘thon’ because of how my name is pronounced the sounds are really similar.

“I am a human, the technical term I think is homo sapien, male, 23 years old, slightly above average height and of broad build. Both parents are dead. I live on my own and I work as a restaurant associate which is a fancy way of say saying table cleaner. I live in the United Kingdom more specifically a generally unknown town called Swindon. I like to draw though I mainly only draw what I can imagine, by the way feel free to look I don’t mind, I don’t like doing still life or portraits or stuff like. I generally like all animals though I wouldn’t go as far to say I'm an animal lover. Cats fear me while I'm afraid of heights, mascot costumes, mannequins and babies. I need small routines, I hate silence I always need some noise or something to distract my mind else I get stir crazy. I'm terrified that I'm going to mess up in such a monumentally mythical way that you’ll toss me into a very polite volcano named Joseph. ‘oh man, it’s going to be a photo finish here, wrap it UP!’  LikegoonaselfobsessiverantaboutmygenerallifeallbecauseI'mREALLYbloodydesperatefortheloo.”

I took their stunned silence as an opportunity to get up and casually walk to toilet. On the way there I figured to myself that I would much prefer a final toilet break than a final dinner before my execution. I mean if you think about what the human body is sometimes known to do after it dies. A final toilet break is just better for everyone’s sake.