Just a Dae dreamer

So after eating what I can safely assume was twice my weight in vegetables, fruits and assorted baked goods and drawing to the point of mental exhaustion, I still couldn’t sleep. I felt wide awake, like it was just simply not time for sleep, I tried lying down, closing my eyes, stop thinking, slow my heart down just none of it worked.

‘So... now what?’ I asked looking for an answer. I already drew all I could think of and I was too full to eat anymore though it seemed like a waste. There are really two things that somewhat irk me and that is quiet which this place was and staying in one place not doing anything even sleeping.

Setting my drawing to a neat pile on the bed, I began to pace about and think about tomorrow. ‘They did say they’ll try to answer my questions... what do I need to ask?’ A while ago in my life I realized that I'm no good at planning things like speeches and what to say. I don’t know why but I get tongue tied if I try reading written things out loud and it turned out it was just easier for me to think of those kinds of things in the moment.

So I let it go and thought about other things ‘I think I'm glad that the princesses chose to introduce themselves today and fill me in tomorrow. I don’t think I would have been able to absorb anything while trying to get over the pony shock. Not that I'm completely over it, I mean it’s still going to weird but at least now I’m able to deal with it better.’

A thought drifted through my mind ‘what if that dream with the pegasus was real?’ I pondered it, given all that I’ve seen today I can’t deny the possibility of it. ‘guess I’ll have to thank whoever for the hospitality and applogise for freaking out and running away... and whatever I did afterwards.’

I tried to think back to it, running through the dream from the start but I got nowhere fast. ‘This is pointless until Celestia and Luna confirm it or deny it, so I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’

My general stance on worrying was to only do it for immediate situations, I thought it pointless to worry about something that has happened or is going to happen. Though truth be told I haven’t always stuck to this philosophy but hey it’s a personal guideline if nothing else.

I still paced about just for the sake of moving then another thought popped up.

You know those times when you think of something good to say but you miss the chance, this was one of those.

‘I should’ve ask for my underwear or at least my trousers’

I do not do well with giggling though if the princesses did this to hinder my movement on purpose then I'm going to have a lot more questions.

‘Ok I think I'm starting to get a little stir crazy... or maybe they’re making me lose my mind. Think about it, they just send two ponies to greet me and they had no weapons or body armour to speak of. Aren’t I'm suppose be the dangerous one? For all they knew I could have ripped them to shreds. So they’re either insanely trusting or there’s some unknown factor that makes them the most powerful beings available and therefore the safest to walk into a room with a potentially dangerous animal.

‘Are they really princesses? Do they have the power to obliterate me several hundred times over? Are they pumping something in this room right now? Are they going to dissect me? Could I of told them my name was Gandalf Mc Manly Powerhouse? Why didn’t I tell them my name was Gandalf Mc Manly Powerhouse?!’

I have a tendency to over think things when I'm bored.

‘I need to get out of here otherwise I'm going to drive myself insane but I have also have to stay here. I can’t sleep and I’ve ran out of things to do. If only I learned origami life would be so much simpler but I’m so bad at folding paper my paper airplanes explode for no reason.’

That’s an over exaggeration but don’t blame me I was losing my already questionable skull stuffing.

‘if I go out that’ll give them reason to lock me up somewhere but if I stay here with absolutely no stimulation of any kind I might devolve mentally enough to start throwing poop which they’ll lock me up for. So I either get locked up or go crazy and get locked up.’ I sighed at my choices but then I shrugged.

‘Bugger it. It’s way easier to apologise when you have fully functional mental faculties... and it’s my poop not theirs, they can’t have any.’ See? This is what would happen if all entertainment related technology suddenly blipped out of existence, you were warned.

I readied myself, pulling my hood up doubting it would really do anything to hide me but it kind of helped me feel the force and this time it wasn't gas. Then I wondered if I let a big enough one rip I would actually pull that classic Marilyn Monroe pose.

I walked to the door to open, expecting it to be electrified or at least locked and it wasn't. To be honest I was a little let down not that I wanted to be electrified I was just hoping for more I guess.

I made sure to open it slowly and quietly which I found when I peered out work too well. The door was now completely open with me just standing there with two white winged ponies in gold armour. They weren’t as tall as the sisters, the top of their heads only just passed my belly button, they had blue tails and blue roman helmet frill thingy and they still didn’t notice me looking at them.

‘Oh for crying out lound, I'm probably the only human here and I'm still freaking unnoticeable? This is blimming ridiculous’ I thought silently rolling my eyes. I look to the left one then the right still nothing ‘I wonder how long it would take them?’

I hunched down so I was at relative eye level though now I felt like one of those frogs from the old budwiser adverts. You see though somewhat entertaining naturally having the unnoticablity of a ninja is bit of an ego killer. After a good two minutes passed until I decided to do something mostly because my legs were going numb.

‘I have no idea what to here’ honestly the whole novelty of them being ponies kind of wore off on me. Don’t get me wrong it’s still an insane situation that I should never have been put in but I figured if I don’t get somewhere near used to basic conversation I’ll never get anywhere with these guys.

“Hey” I said with a slight indifferent nod ‘as a general guy I am completely satisfied with this level of communication.’

“Hey” the right one said without looking or breaking pose

“Yo” the left one said without looking or breaking pose

“How’s things?” I asked completely aware they haven’t notice that I'm not a pony yet

“Good”

“Same, you?”

‘Truly these are the conversations they must have Valhalla.’ I may not know what species they exactly, I'm basic going by calling them what I think then apologising if I'm corrected but I know one thing for certain; these are men.

“Eh nothing that can’t be sorted out hopefully.” I'm still hoping to get home but I'm going to be as realistic as possible in the land of talking ponies... maybe a little more than that.

“Well sorry to...” the right one turned his head to me and his jaw literally went slack, seriously it was just hanging there like a porch swing.

He harshly and desperately prodded the other who responded in an “Oi!” as he jerked his head to tell the right one off but halted as soon as he grabbed an eyeful of me.

You’re welcome right one.

‘I don’t think I thought this one through completely, oh well in for a penny in for a pound’ I sighed as I got up. The two just stared up at me not saying anything so I decided to let them get used to me before talking.

But that would take too long.

“I'm just going out for a walk.” I know I shouldn’t I wasn't planning on walking out in public or anything, I was just trying to get them to react, move or you know... ‘I think they’re turning blue’ breathe.

“w-we are o-ordered to keep you i-inside” the left guard stammered while the right pegasus perspired so perversely he produced puddles. ‘Wow he must really hydrate.’

“So you’re going to stop me?” I asked curiously, I knew they could probably beat me up if they wanted, I know I'm bigger than them but I think that mostly due to being bipedal.

“W-we have also been ordered not to harm you in anyway and treat you as a guest” the right one spoke up.

‘Huh? ... wait that doesn’t sound right... let’s make sure I understand.’

“So you can’t let me walk out but you also can’t hurt me?”

“That’s correct” they both nodded

‘Yep... I don’t’

“Seems a little contradictory”

They shrugged “comes with the job”

“Oh ok” I nodded ‘I don’t really get it but let’s just go with it’

“Could you, go back in your room, please?” the left one asked sheepishly.

‘I wonder if I can use this to lighten up my boredom and to ease the tension.’ I thought while piecing together a response. “I have nothing against you guys but I just can’t stay in that room.” I started hoping to get their curiosity going.

They stared at me then to the room and then back to me. “Why?” they asked in unison.

“Because there’s uneaten food in there and I'm too full to eat any more of it” I lied but it was all in my plan.

“And that’s a problem?” A while back I figured that it’s quite hard to fear something you’re curious about though you’ll still be afraid of it. You just won’t act on it until your curiousity’s been satisfied and your fears justified.

And that was what I was trying to do. It’s simple once you realise that fear is all about what you don’t know which is where fear of the dark comes from. It’s an instinct that prepares you for the worst case situation. You can’t force anyone out of those fears; you can only offer incentive for them to come out on their own.

“I can’t stand it going to waste you know?” A partial truth but hopefully it’ll work.

“Well we can’t let you out just for that” the left stated with a bit of authority which was good, it meant he was getting acclimated to my presence.

“But you guys can’t stop me from leaving” I pointed out making them both think for a bit.

“that’s ... true” the right one ponder stroking his chin.

‘Right time to bring this conversation home.’ “So let’s review shall we? I can’t stay in the same room with uneaten food and you’re both ordered to make sure I don’t leave said room right?”

They nodded again making me imagined what it’ll be like to listen to head banging music with them.

‘I can’t seem obvious, I need them to think it was their idea’ “so then I guess I should move to another room” I falsely suggested knowing the probable answer.

“We can’t do that, the room has been specially set up for you”

‘Thought as much’

“Well what if we ate the food?” ‘Yes! I was waiting for that’ “well that would mean I wouldn’t feel the need to leave anymore.” I encouraged this train of thought

“We’re not allowed to eat on duty” the left one tried to shoot the idea down but I saw it coming a mile of.

“But isn’t it your duty to make sure I don’t leave and wonder about without getting physical?”

“Yes but...”

“So if you can’t stop me from leaving then in order to do your duties it is only logical to take away my reason to leave”

The guard opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it. I could see the cogs turn in his head as he tried to think of a retort but failed.

“We did skip dinner” the right justified weakly.

He heavily sighed and said in a very irritated growl “very well then.”

‘That’s right you’ve been lawyer-Spocked Mawahahah.’ I make it a personal rule that whenever I got someone with a partially logical argument I’ll think an evil laugh seeing how it’s rude to actually laugh at them.

And with that I moved out of the doorway and back into the room the two followed nervously looking like they were walking into a tiger cage.

I offered the food and while they were tentative at first, once they started to eat the atmosphere got way more relaxed. I personally was feeling a lot calmer with these guys around. I guess it’s like the time I went to the cinema alone as a kid and it was completely empty, sometimes you just need some other people there.

I figured I should the first to ask any questions I doubted they would given that this situation is just as weird for them as it was for me.

As it turns out their names are Spick and Span which I thought was cool but weird at the same time. They met in training and been close friends since

Spick grew up in Manehattan which I thought could be a pun he was doing but he was completely serious. ‘Although if you think about it Manhattan could be a pun to. It depends on which came first.’

He also had twin younger sisters both earth ponies living with his parents. I asked what he meant by earth ponies as well as explaining that I know nothing about them.

They told me that earth ponies are ponies with no wings or horn but seemed naturally in synch with nature and stuff. Pegasai are winged ponies that fly though I kind of figured that one out already. Unicorns are horned ones that use magic which I skipped over because I doubted these guys could explain what they call magic anymore than I could explain how I walk on two legs or air.

Span actually grew up here in Canterlot which was their capital. He had an older unicorn brother, we actually got into a bit of a confusing argument when I asked the brothers name, Span just kept on saying he was fancy.

From then on they started talking to me as if I was a visitor from another country which technically I was I just don’t know where that country is right now. They mentioned all the sights to see, shows to catch, they seemed specially focused on something called The Wonderbolts which was a stunt flying show thing.

I kept my answers vague about going to these kind of things not because I thought I wouldn’t be here long enough but it’s just those kind of things weren’t really my thing.

We just casually chatted throughout the night and it somehow lead to karaoke. I'm not entirely sure which one of them brought the machine or where they got it from but it was there.

Let me tell you that I am absolutely tone deaf and should never be allowed to sing. I have completely accepted that as a fact and yet there is something alluring about a karaoke machine at a good time, I can’t resist. I just love the idea of karaoke itself; not doing something because you’re good at it but rather doing it for the fun of the moment.

Spick and Span went with We are the Stallions, I picked Kung Fu Fighting though I kept on getting caught out by every ‘everypony’ that replaced everybody for some reason. There were others songs sung but we decided to end it on a group We will Rock you.

The guys though completely shattered went back to their post, while I was pleasantly surprised at how well spread Queen was. I looked around the room and besides from the mess, I noticed the sudden brightness. I looked out the window and besides feeling fear and dizziness, I saw that it was somewhere around midmorning.

‘Whoa I must stay up through the night and I don’t feel a thing.’  I this isn’t the first all nighter I’ve had but normally I feel at least a little worn out by the end and yet I still feel wide awake.

‘It’s as if I just can’t burn through enough energy’ I worried to myself, there were a lot of things that happened that didn’t make sense and they were piling up.

I wondered what the specific time was, normally I would look at my phone but that was in my coat pocket along with my wallet, 2 pencils, 2 pens, 2 rubbers, bus card, emergency bus fair and passport. I picked up a package from the post office that Saturday and kept forgetting to put the passport away.

Unfortunately I didn’t know where my coat, trousers, shirt, shoes, socks and underwear was, all I had was this robe and it was annoying me with its flappyness.

Taking my mind off the flappy robe I remembered about the mess ‘guess I should tidy up a bit’ I shrugged as I got started.

There wasn't much but I still had to hide what rubbish I did have, though once I heard the hoof sounds through the ajar door the rubbish pretty much flew under my beds.

I rushed to the door to close it but I couldn’t resist quickly peeking out, I didn’t see anyone other than Spick and Span who are currently sleeping standing up. While impressed and slightly jealous I couldn’t help but notice the hoofsteps getting closer and almost sounding like more than two. The fact that they’re quadrupedal made counting sounds harder.

‘I better wake the guys, they’ll get in trouble if they’re caught and it’s kind of my fault they’re so tired’

That seemed simple enough until I realised I’ll have to quiet as possible so whoever is coming wouldn’t hear me.

“Guys” I whispered loudly, it was like trying to talk without using my voice but it did nothing.

“Wake Up” Still nothing.

‘How the heck do I wake to soldiers?’ I thought until an idea popped into my head.

I readied my gruffest whisper possible as I barked “AttentION!”

They jolted awake shouting “Sir Yes Sir!” and “I Just Wanna Dance!”

‘Wait wha huh?’ At this time I feel that me and Spick just thought the same thought while giving Span a suddenly confused look.

‘Well I guess he does have the legs for it.’

I took a moment to shake the images of dancing Span and by rhyming association dancing spam out of my head.

“Moving on, guys someone’s coming so look... not comatose and also Spick you got a bit of drool right here.” I said gesturing to my left mouth corner.

“Oh thanks.” He nodded rubbing the dried saliva away “did I get it?”

I gave him a quick check “you’re good” I said with a thumbs up hoping he gets the meaning from the context.

We looked down the hall noticing that the sound was getting closer. “You better get back in Jon.”

“Thanks guys, hope that ointment does the trick Span” poor guy, his armour was chafing him bad.

He just nodded while already standing in pose as was Spick so I took it as a queue to withdraw my head into my room. Quickly giving it a once over I noticed my drawing were somewhat dishevelled from when Spick and Span were looking through them. Quickly tidying them my mind went back to wondering what was approaching if not the princesses.

‘What if its the four horsemen of the apocalypse? Wait they’re ponies so wouldn’t it be the four horseponies of the apocalypse? But they wouldn’t ride horses would they. I guess the roundabout equivalent when comparing what I know as a horse to these guys would be gorillas for humans? So then it would be the four gorillaponies of the apocalypse?... huh, I never knew that I always wanted to see gorilla riding ponies.’

There was a knocking at the door.

I sighed at the fact I was needlessly stressing myself ‘well if I want to find out there’s only one thing to do.’

“Come in”