Chapters Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers (1 of 3)
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
The unwanted sequel to Fritter Jacked that no one asked for.
(But I wrote anyway.)
Part 1
Applejack was Apple Fritter's favorite cousin, and the energetic young mare thought about her often. But oddly enough, Fritter didn't have to just think about her anymore. Due to unwavering persistence (that happened in another story you should read,) she had landed herself in a secret intimate relationship with AJ (filled with smooching, hay rolling, and everything!) Though her lust-filled dreams had come true, Fritter would occasionally find herself still fantasizing about her loveable farm pony cousin/fillyfriend when they weren't together. In fact, she was doing just that as she wandered through the Ponyville Pet Center Fundraiser.
"Hee, hee, hee..." Apple Fritter giggled to herself, drooling slightly. The sight of some aquatic animals at the fundraiser sparked an ocean themed fantasy about Applejack (in which they were mareitime whale hunters who found new exciting uses for the other end of the harpoon *wink.* ) Fritter shook out of her delusions upon catching herself nearly tripping over a filly and her new pet turtle.
'Now, now Apple Fritter. No need tah fantasize 'bout that, none!' Fritter thought to herself with a horny grin. 'I already have the real Applejack in mah hooves. Hee-hee! Hmmm... Wonder if AJ would like tah try some role-play tahnight? I'll need tah buy some sailor hats... and a harpoon.' The perky yellow earth pony wiped up her drool and took another look around. Half the town was at the event, or so it seemed to her. Fritter had taken an "extended vacation" from her home in Appleoosa to stay at Sweet Apple Acres for an "undefined amount of time" to "help out around the farm" among "other things" (emphasis on the "other things.") So, she had gotten to know a lot of the ponies in Ponyville now and saw many of her friends picking out new pets.
'Hmm... maybe I should get a pet too. It gets kinda lonely 'round the farm when AJ runs off with her friends to save Equestria.' Apple Fritter considered this as she browsed the selections. A plethora of cutesy wootsy adorable animals all peered up hopefully at her, just begging to be taken home (and, of course, to be fed and pampered for the rest of their lives without giving anything in return.) However, Fritter ignored them all as she scanned the crowd until she came across a particular furry creature with a big fat tail.
"Oh. Mah. Celestia... It's... SO DANG CUUUUUUUTE!" Apple Fritter nearly squealed in delight and jumped over the wire fence to gallop up to the peculiar brown coated rodent. She picked up the startled animal and held it airborne like a newborn child. It was just an average castor canadensis , or more commonly known as... a beaver (like the title of the story! Who'd have guessed it!?)
"Heeheeheeheeheehee!!!" Apple Fritter started to dance around on her hind legs, spinning the beaver around much to the confusion of the other animals and onlookers. Once her little outburst was over, Fritter tightly hugged the beaver and held it out to get a good look at it's face. The perky beaver seemed to like the attention and chirped out some gibberish happily. "Goodness, you are... just the cutest beaver I've ever laid eyes on! Besides, a'course, Applejack's beaver!" Apple Fritter turned to some ponies on the other side of the fence. "Hee-hee, that's a zinger! Git it? 'Cause of her vagina!?"
A horrified mother covered her little colt's ears in shock and hurried him away, but Apple Fritter didn't care. She was now busy rubbing noses with the beaver and making baby noises at it.
"You wanna come home with me, sweetheart?" Apple Fritter asked the rodent as she finally set it down. It hopped up and down cheerfully, it's tiny claws reaching up asking for more. Fritter started to bounce around as well. "I'll take that as a 'yes,' hee-hee! Come on, you can ride on mah back." She kneeled down to allow the beaver to climb on top of her, which it did happily. Soon after, the yellow pony had filled out the paperwork, read a "How to Care for Your Beaver" pamphlet, and was on her way with a new friend riding along.
"Applejack is going to just love you, I just know it," Apple Fritter said to the beaver as she trotted along, flicking her tail back and forth. The beaver mimicked her, wagging it's bulky tail in joy. "You can sleep in our bed! And- oh! Winona and Applebloom can play with you! And Granny can bake you special snacks! And Big Mac can- um... ...And Sweet Apple Acres is huge, you'll have plenty of trees to build dams with!" The pony prattled on and on, totally confident the beaver would fit into the Apple household effortlessly. The grateful beaver squeaked and hugged her mane sweetly (and tiny cartoon hearts appeared!) Fritter simply swooned at the act. "Aww~! Oh, look! There's Applejack now, come on!" Fritter had caught sight of her cousin walking along. She called out to her triumphantly, "AJ, sweetheart!"
At the sound of her initials, the unsuspecting Applejack turned and (in slow mo) her lips collided with Apple Fritter's as the yellow pony gave her a quick kiss ~
"Consarn it, Apple Fritter!" Applejack whispered loudly while keeping her head close to the dirt. "I done told yah a hundred times, don't be doin' that in public! I don't want nopony to find out!"
"And I told you a hundred times, yer just saying that 'cause yer just a teeny bit embarrassed to be my little hayseed!" Apple Fritter retorted sweetly, rubbing Applejack's cheeks playfully and going in for another kiss. Unamused and irritated, AJ slapped her cousin's hooves away, and stuck her own hoof into the oncoming lips to halt them.
"No! That ain't it, and you know it!" the frustrated orange pony exclaimed loudly. After a paranoid glance around, she returned to a barely audible whisper. "We're both mares! AND kinfolk! Ponies ain't gonna respond tah our relationship too kindly. Behsides, whut we do in the bedroom is our own business, there ain't no need to flaunt it all about like-" Applejack cut her lecture short, partially because Apple Fritter was too busy staring into her eyes lustfully instead of listening, but mostly because she noticed the beaver watching them from her cousin's back. With a short chuckle, she pointed it out. "It uh, looks like yah picked up an unwanted passenger there, cuz."
"Unwanted? No, sweetheart, this is my new pet. I just adopted it!" Apple Fritter replied confidently, and turned to her side so Applejack could see the beaver better. The creature jumped up and down squeaking out its approval while the pony beneath it exclaimed, "Ta-da! It's a beaver!" AJ just stared for a moment, eyes darting between her cousin and the rodent. She finally started to laugh.
"Heh heh. That's a pretty good one, Fritter. But yah better git that thing off yer back before it gives you rabies or sumthin'."
"Huh? I... I'm serious, Applejack," Apple Fritter replied, a little confused. The two simply looked at each other for an awkward moment before Applejack spoke up.
"W-whut?"
"I'm serious. This is mah pet beaver. She's comin' home with us," Apple Fritter explained (finally revealing the animal's gender to the reader.)
Applejack darted her eyes between the two of them again. "No... it ain't..." she responded slowly, beginning to realize this wasn't a joke. The jaws of both Apple Fritter and her beaver dropped to the dirt.
"Whut? Why not?" Apple Fritter cried defensibly, failing to hide her shock.
"'Cause beavers ain't pets, sugarcube! They- they ain't like dogs or cats! They're rodents, they're pests, they're a menace! They don't belong on the farm!"
"*GASP!* How can you say such things?" Apple Fritter turned to lightly grab the beaver's back fur with her teeth. Holding it out, she presented it to Applejack like a cat. "Look how cute she is! See how cute she is?" she mumbled through her closed teeth. The beaver held out her widdle hands in a hugging gesture and her eyes sparkled with the innocence of a newborn filly as Apple Fritter brought her closer to her cousin.
"Soak my spades in oil! That's disgustin'!" Applejack cringed, sticking her tongue out in distaste and backing up to get away from the approaching rodent. "Keep that thing away, and for the love of Celestia brush yer teeth before you kiss me again!" Gasping, Apple Fritter released the beaver and it fell face first into the dirt with an amusing *PLOP*!
"AJ! I'm surprised atchyou! She ain't disgustin'!" Fritter picked up the beaver, who was dizzy from the fall, and shook it at Applejack like a ragdoll. "Gnawty Bits is the most adorable beaver in all of Equestria!"
"Right... 'Adorable,' mah flank. Wait... Naughty whut now!?"
"Gnaw -ty Bits! That's her name. 'Cause she's a beaver with a 'beaver,' you know... down there," Apple Fritter explained while pointing to demonstrate the location on the animal. (How clever!)
"Oh, for the love of-" Applejack said with a facehoof. "I don't care what it's called, it ain't staying at the farm!"
"I just don't understand why yer protestin' so!" Apple Fritter said, holding Gnawty Bits defensibly. "What have you against beavers!"
"Seriously!? Darlin', I've had to deal with beavers building dams outta mah apple trees and flooding parts of the farm. There ain't no reasoning with 'em, they're gross, they're stupid lookin', and worst of all, they're varmints !"
Apple Fritter gasped in horror and covered Gnawty Bit's ears. "Applejack! Watch yer language!"
"MY language!? Yer the one namin' the thing after its poontang!" Applejack shouted, her temper finally getting the best of her. Unfortunately, most everypony around them heard, including a certain horrified mother and her colt. Beat red after noticing what she did, AJ lowered her hat to cover her face. Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits both started to giggle at her embarrassment. Plainly irritated, AJ mumbled with gritted teeth, "Come on, let's go someplace else." She shuffled her cousin (who now broke into full on laughter) away from the judgmental crowd who began to murmur amongst themselves. Once they had found a private place behind a food stand and Fritter stopped laughing, an aggravated Applejack continued the conversation. "Look sweetheart, this ain't happenin'. I forbid it. Go return that thing, right now." AJ pointed aggressively back to the pens to demonstrate that this beaver was not going to stay.
"But- but-"
"No buts. If you try to bring that thing back home, I'll have to take it out in a field somewhere and- and put it down ," Applejack said menacingly, a definite promise of southern violence reflecting in her eyes. (Holy shit, AJ!)
"NO! You wouldn't do that!" Apple Fritter collapsed to the ground and wrapped her terrified beaver in her arms.
"Believe me sugar, I can and I will ."
Heartbroken, Apple Fritter whimpered and squeezed Gnawty Bits tightly. After a few moments of contemplation, she realized she couldn't win this argument. "...Okay... I'll return her..." Fritter murmured, tears filling her eyes. Applejack heaved a heavy sigh, relieved her cousin didn't call her bluff.
"Look, Apple Fritter, sugarcube... I'm sorry I had to be so harsh about this, but I'll make it up to you. Next time we go out, I promise I'll buy you whutever yah want. We'll get sumthin' real nice and pretty, okay?"
"Okay..."
"Good. Now, the Pony Tones are about to start, and I need to go support Big Mac and my friends. So why don't you return that-um... animal ... and come watch the show?"
"... ...No, I think I'm just gonna head on home... after I take Gnawty back..." Apple Fritter looked sorrowfully into Gnawty Bits' tiny eyes. Applejack reached out with one hoof in an attempt to comfort her fillyfriend, but retracted it before making contact.
"Alright then. I'll leave you to it," Applejack said softly as she walked off. As she glanced back at her lover who started to rock back and forth on the ground tightly hugging the beaver. The orange farm pony took her hat and covered her face to block the sad sight out. "Dag nabbit, Applejack," she murmured to herself. "You coulda handled that better..."
After Applejack had wandered off into the evening, Apple Fritter finally released Gnawty Bits from her embrace. Though the young mare had tears streaming down her face, the beaver was much more calm.
"Well, you heard her. *sniff* You have tah go back now," Apple Fritter whimpered to her beaver companion. Gnawty Bits squeaked something and reached up to wipe away a tear. Fritter smile slightly and giggled a little. "Awww~" She hugged the beaver one last time. While she did, the gears in Apple Fritter's head started to turn.
'Gnawty Bits is adorable and sweet and has the best name in Equestria and I really want tah keep her. Applejack's bein' so darn stubborn about this! ...Gnawty Bits has to stay! She just has to...'
Apple Fritter jumped up, with Gnawty Bits in her hooves, and exclaimed, "You know whut!? Applejack is wrong! I don't care whut she says, yer comin' home with me!" She triumphantly tossed the startled beaver onto her back. "I fought against her stubbornness before and I can do it again!" She turned to Gnawty Bits, who hadn't recovered from the flinging, and declared, "And don't worry, I won't let her lay a hoof on yah, because this time , I won't give up!"
Apple Fritter rose up on her hind legs and kicked her front hooves in the air. "As Celestia as my witness, I'll never be beaverless again!"
Part 1: Concluded
To be continued in Part 2
Author's Note
Yeah, so 2 seconds of screen time for Apple Fritter with a Beaver in Filli Vanilli inspired this story sequel.
New chapter of Ponyville Duet is coming soon, probably before the 2nd part of this.
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers (2 of 3)
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
Part 2
The part no one will want to read after reading Part 1.
(But they should anyway.)
Applejack checked her pack nervously to see if the presents were still there. They were, of course. They had been the last 20 times she checked. She fumbled around until she saw the box of chocolates, the bouquet of roses, and the gift-wrapped pair of hair bows. Huffing proudly, she closed up her pack and continued on her way. The Ponyville Pet Center Fundraiser had ended quite some time ago, and Applejack had spent the rest of the evening tracking down shop owners and convincing them to open up long enough for her to buy some gifts. She now trotted home to Sweet Apple Acres with the collection of presents riding with her.
The guilt of seeing her precious Apple Fritter so distraught over their argument prompted the kind-hearted Applejack to try to make amends. Expecting to find a very uncooperative cousin waiting for her back home, she hoped an assortment of gifts would open up avenues of conversation in which she could sincerely apologize. Not that AJ thought she was wrong of course; she was in the right about no-good, dam-building, farm-flooding, beaver varmints. However, she acknowledged that she may have been a tad cruel when explaining that to Apple Fritter. (Applejack had been a real jackhole.)
Anyway, point is, what I'm getting at is, the main focus is she was ready to make things right when she arrived home and walked into the dining room to find her family sitting around watching a beaver doing that Russian squat-and-kick dance on the table. (What a talented beaver!) With some country twang song playing on the record player, Gnawty Bits danced about and made an awful mess of dinner: knocking over drinks and kicking up food. But Granny Smith didn't seem to mind, as she and the rest of the Apples were hootin' and hollerin' in approval and thoroughly enjoying the show.
"Whut in tarnation?" Applejack exclaimed at the sight of pure mayhem in the holiest room in the house: the dining room. Her sanctuary. The one place in the house where she forbade rowdiness. The one place she could relax and eat a hardy meal after a long day's work. But now... Now there was a dirty beaver in it, and it was stepping in her mashed potatoes.
"Hey, Applejack! Look!" Applebloom piped up while mimicking the dance on her own chair. "Apple Fritter got a pet beaver at the fundraiser!"
Applejack dropped her pack and managed to stutter out a response, "Oh, she did, did she?" The stunned farm mare turned to her cousin who just smiled pleasantly at AJ's accusatory look.
"Yeah! And I ain't never seen anythin' dance like her before!" Applebloom responded. Gnawty Bits smoothly transitioned to performing a river dance at the drop of that compliment. The beaver's attentive audience erupted in cheers.
"Darn tootin'!" Granny Smith hollered. "That beaver sure can shake her groove thang!" Everypony expected Big Mac to say his usual "Eeyup" at this point, but he just nodded in agreement instead. (How suspicious.)
"Wow... y'all sure do like this beaver, don'tcha?" Applejack grimaced through gritted teeth and a forced smile. She kept her distance from the scene by staying safely in the doorway.
"Why, of course they do, Applejack!" Apple Fritter said slyly from across the table. "Everypony loves Gnawty Bits. She's sweet, funny, talented, aaaaand... " Apple Fritter and Applebloom put arms around each other's shoulders and shouted in unison: "SHE HAS THE BEST NAME EVER!!!"
Applejack's eye twitched briefly. "So..." she started hesitantly, "Y'all... are okay ... with having this critter here?"
"Oh, PFFFTT!!! Corn feathers! 'Course we are!" Granny Smith answered. "There's always room for one more apple in the Apple Family! 'Specially one that can dance so well!"
"Yeah!" Applebloom responded, now cheering on Gnawty Bits as the beaver spun around on her head like a boss.
Big Mac nodded. (Suspicious again.)
Apple Fritter smiled coyly and triumphantly presented the family's answers to Applejack with a hoof gesture. AJ shot her an agitated look, but Fritter just deflected the attack with a casual look away. Applejack decided she needed to subvert the induction of this new family member before everypony became attached.
"I don't know, y'all..." Applejack started casually. "Beavers are ornery critters; it don't feel right havin' one in the house. Maybe-" But before she could finish her plea, Apple Fritter sent a discrete wink to Gnawty Bits who acknowledged it with a subtle nod. Then with pre-planned accuracy, the beaver "accidently" smacked a plate of food towards Applejack. With a SPLAT, the orange pony's face became covered in mashed potatoes, peas and carrots. With a screech, the record player stopped and the Apples all gasped in surprise. (Shutup. I know it's cartoon cliché. Don't judge.)
"Oh, dear! Applejack!" Apple Fritter exclaimed with extraordinarily piss-poor acting. "What a terrible accident!"
"You all right, child?" Granny Smith asked as she approached to help her granddaughter who had fallen to her flank.
"I'm fine, Granny," Applejack answered. When she wiped off the mess and once she was able to see again, she shot an angry glare at her scheming cousin. Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits both had the most fiendish grins imaginable spread across their faces. With devilish joy, they stared triumphantly down at Applejack from their high perch of the table. "I know y'all did that on purpose," AJ said sternly at the two.
"Whuuuuaaaat ?" Apple Fritter asked, feigning shock. "Gnawty Bits would never do such a thing! Her tail just slipped, that's all!" On that cue, the multi-talented Gnawty Bits turned to Applebloom. With her tiny beaver hands pleading innocence to the young filly, she got on her tiny beaver knees and her tiny beaver eyes swelled up with tears (and somepony, somewhere played a sad song on a tiny beaver violin.)
"Aw, she didn't do nuthin' wrong, Applejack," Applebloom told her sister as she fell for the ploy and petted the creature. "It was jus' a mistake."
Big Mac nodded again. (Still suspicious.)
"Uh-huh," Applejack replied, unconvinced, as she got up of the floor and wiped off the last bits of mashed potatoes. "Apple Fritter, can I have a word with you." She squinted angrily and added, "In private."
"Heh-heh!" Granny Smith nudged Applejack with her elbow. "Lover's quarrel, eh?"
"Wha- Gran- No- What!?" Applejack sputtered out, taken by surprise.
"Hee-hee! I'm just joshin' ya, child," Granny giggled with a wink.
"Oh... heh heh..." Applejack nervously laughed before diverting the conversation. "Granny, I'm famished. Do you think you could mosey on into the kitchen and start dinner while I speak to Fritter?"
"Whudya mean start dinner? I dun finished it already," Granny Smith explained, pointing to the table. There was a few moments of awkward silence as all the Apples stared in unison at the complete mess Gnawty Bits had made. "Oh," Granny Smith said as she finally realized. "Well, don't none of y'all fret none: there's more where that came from."
"I'll help!" Applebloom offered excitedly as she hopped off her chair and darted into the kitchen.
"Alrighty then," Granny Smith acknowledged. "Big Macintosh, could yah clean up this mess so them girls could have their little chat?" Big Mac once again nodded silently. Granny Smith eyed him with suspicion and stroked her chin. Big Mac sweated in response to the investigation. "You've been actin' kinda funny ever since the Turkey Callin' Contest," Granny Smith pointed out. "Could it be ya lost yer voice competin' with Pinkie Pie, and now yah can't perform with The Pony Tones, but if y'all didn't perform at the fundraiser it'd be a disaster, so you, Rarity n' Fluttershy got some Poison Joke, from that there Zecora a'course, and put it on Fluttershy so she'd become Flutterguy and impersonate yer parts in the song, but now yah can't talk or everypony'd find out yah lost yer voice and Fluttershy's embarrassin' secret would be revealed?"
There was a good long minute of silence in the dining room. Gnawty Bits coughed. Big Mac's eyes darted around nervously before he shook his head.
"That's... an oddly specific accusation, Granny," Applejack said plainly, as she shuffled Apple Fritter into another room against her will. "Come on, girl," she muttered to her cousin.
"Mmm..." Granny Smith mumbled to herself as she headed to the kitchen, still eyeing Big Mac.
Once Applejack had taken her cousin out of the room, she grabbed Apple Fritter's tail and dragged her up the stairs.
"Hey! Ow! Oof!" Apple Fritter complained as her head bounced on the hard wood stairs. With each step, she let out one cry.
"Whut were you thinkin'!?" Applejack shouted after she dragged Apple Fritter into her room and slammed the door. "How could you bring that thing back after I told you not to!?"
"Ow... You really hurt me there, Applejack..." Apple Fritter whimpered as she rubbed her jaw.
"Oh, shoot! Sorry, sugarcube. You alright?" Applejack asked with concern after realizing how rough she'd been.
"Haha! I'm not really hurt! It was jus' a ploy to gain yer sympathy!" Apple Fritter announced like it was the best plan ever. She jumped up onto Applejack's bed and pointed down at her cousin defiantly. "Did it work?"
"What- No! I still don't want that beaver-!"
"Ugh. Well, FIIIINE! Guess I don't have a choice anymore!" Apple Fritter complained. "Will THIS change your mind!?" With that, she reached behind her back and dramatically pulled out a picture frame. (Where do cartoon ponies keep things, anyway? Do they have pockets? In their flesh?)
"Um, what's that?" Applejack asked with confusion as she squinted to try make it out.
"Hmm?" Apple Fritter looked down at the picture she was holding. It was beautifully framed photograph of Applejack's rear. It showed certain things. (Oh, so many things.) "Oh, wait! Whoops! This isn't what I was gonna show you. This is fer me. Fer later." Apple Fritter put the picture back and pulled out something else. "It was THIS!"
"*GASP*!! NOT ALEJANDRO !!?" Applejack cried out. Apple Fritter held up a perfectly pristine apple encased in a magical diamond. "Not the most perfect apple I ever bucked! Twilight protected it with a spell so it couldn't rot for an eternity!"
"Percisely!" Apple Fritter explained. She twirled the diamond around on her hoof. "I wonder whut would happen if I was to break this little barrier here and good 'ol Alejandro were to be smashed !?"
"Don't you dare lay a hoof on him!" Applejack demanded, taking a step forward.
"Oh, that's jus' the beginnin', sweetheart!" Apple Fritter explained like the super villain she had become. "I'm gonna make yer life a livin' hell 'til you accept Gnawty Bits!"
"Never!" Applejack she leapt with great force onto the bed in an effort to charge Apple Fritter down!
"HAHAHAHA!" Apple Fritter laughed maniacally as she tossed Alejandro past Applejack before they collided. The apple spun through through air for a moment before Gnawty Bits leapt up and caught it from the doorway. AJ, being the stronger pony, easily pinned Fritter down. She looked back for her prized apple and saw the beaver running out the door with it.
"Consarn it! When did HE get in here!?" Applejack shouted.
"Gnawty Bits is a GIRL!" Apple Fritter complained as she lay pinned under her cousin. She was wiggling her legs in a poor attempt to escape.
"Don't care!" Applejack yelled back as she tried to leap off the bed after the rodent, but Apple Fritter caught her leg and tackled her to the ground. "Lemme go!" AJ shouted, trying to push Fritter off.
"Never! RUN GNAWTY BITS, RUN!!!" Apple Fritter called out to her pet.
"What in the hay has gotten into you!?" Applejack cried out as she struggled, accidently kicking Apple Fritter in the face. (Ow.) The force of the blow knocked Apple Fritter across the room and slammed her into a dresser.
"Ouch! Applejack! Not so rough!" Apple Fritter huffed as she rubbed her sturdy earth pony head. "S&M nights are on Tuesdays only!"
"Have you lost yer mind!?" Applejack retorted angrily. "Don't think yer ever gettin' bedded by me again after this!"
"*GASP*!!!" Apple Fritter was dumbfounded that such an obvious threat had been used against her. "Does... Does that mean, no more cunnilingy!?"
"Especially no more cunnilingy!" Applejack yelled as she galloped out the room after the sneaky beaver.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Apple Fritter cried out as Applejack left.
Applejack rushed down the stairs and looked around menacingly for Gnawty Bits. She ran into the dinning room, trampling over the presents she had gotten for Apple Fritter. She only found Big Mac cleaning the table.
"Big Mac, that vile varmint of a critter come through here!?" Applejack asked her brother angrily.
Big Mac jumped from the shock of his sister suddenly appearing and didn't have second to respond before Applejack interrupted.
"Nevermind! Yer useless!" Applejack blurted out as she ran off, leaving Big Mac alone to be sad. She entered the kitchen and sighted Gnawty Bits dashing out the door into the yard. "Come back here!" she shouted, startling Applebloom who was on a stool nearby stirring some grub. Granny Smith didn't seem to be around. AJ galloped outside and leapt at the beaver, but Gnawty expertly skipped aside to avoid her. She crashed into the dirt as the beaver giggled and ran off into the shadows.
"HEY, APPLEBLOOM!!!" Applejack heard Apple Fritter yell from the kitchen before she could get up. "WANNA HEAR WHUT ME AND YER SISTER HAVE BEEN DOIN' AT NIGHT!?"
"Um... I guess?" Applebloom answered back in the kitchen, quite confused as her cousin Apple Fritter had just run in and yelled the question at her face.
"Well!" Apple Fritter began. "It has sumthin' to do with birds and bees and beave--!!!" Apple Fritter couldn't finish, as Applejack rushed back into the kitchen and grabbed her face, covering her mouth and cutting off her ability to speak.
"Nope! We're not talkin' bout that tonight!!!" Applejack interrupted. "Applebloom!" she shouted, turning to her sister. "Scootaloo jus' called! I think she jus' got her Cutie Mark!"
"WHAT, NO WAY!?" Applebloom exclaimed in disbelief. "I GOTTA GO SEE!!!" She leapt off the stool and galloped out the front door of the house. (She's gonna be real disappointed.)
Applejack toshed Apple Fritter to the floor returned outside to look around for Gnawty Bits, but it was dark and the rodent was nowhere to be found.
"Alright, where's she goin' with Alejandro !?" Applejack asked intensely as she held Apple Fritter in a choke hold. "What's she gonna do to him!?"
"Aaaaaahh... This is actually kinda erotic..." Apple Fritter moaned as she started to lose oxygen.
Applejack released Apple Fritter from the choking, but then slammed her head, face first, into the floor with immeasurable strength, splintering the kitchen floorboards. (Pony Jesus! How violent!)
"Okay. Ow. That one hurt," Apple Fritter muttered.
"Answer me, Apple Fritter!" Applejack threatened.
"Let's jus' say you shoulda been more careful the last time you SAW him! Hahahaha! *Cough*!!" Apple Fritter coughed up a piece of the floorboard. "Wait, why did I just give you a hint?" she asked herself aloud.
"The barn! Of course!" Applejack realized. She left her cousin crushed into the floor and galloped to the barn as fast as she could. She bucked the doors wide open and exclaimed, "Stop right there, you varmint!"
Gnawty Bits turned to Applejack as she held up a running chainsaw. She was wearing an adorable little yellow construction helmet and was poised to buzz Alejandro in two! (Seriously, what an astoundingly talented beaver.)
"Woah, Nelly! " Applejack gasped in horror. "Let's not do anything hasty, now..." AJ began when she saw how dangerous the situation was. Gnawty Bits lowered the buzzing chainsaw blades slowly towards the encased apple. Frightened, AJ got on her knees and pleaded, "No! Stop! I'll do anythin'! Jus'... jus' don't hurt him! He's too perfect to die like this!"
"Well, well, well..." Apple Fritter said with a grave tone as she came up behind Applejack who was now cowering on the barn floor. With a floorboard sticking out of her mane, she strolled past AJ, up to a barrel and bent over to snidely say to it, "How the mighty Applejack has fallen!"
"I'm... over here," Applejack pointed out bluntly from behind her.
"Huh?" Apple Fritter turned around, revealing her crossed eyes, and shook her head. "Sorry 'bout that! I'm a lil' dizzy from gettin' my head slammed into the floor! Haha!" She wobbled over to her cousin, shaking her hoof in front of her to try to make contact. She finally found Applejack and patted her face a few times as she made sure. "Oh, here you are! Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! I think you know whut it takes to save yer precious little Alejandro . All you have to do is say a few words." She leaned down to Applejack's face and said slowly, "I. Can keep. The Beaver."
"You... You... can't do this...!" Applejack bottom lip pouted as she pounded the ground in frustration. She glanced at Gnawty Bits, who hovered the chainsaw in position for apple murder. She face-planted into in the dirt and hay. She clenched her hooves in disgust at what she was about to say. Grimacing, she muttered, "You can... keep the beaver..." Applejack's tension left her body and lay defeated on the floor.
"Hooray!" Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits jumped for excitement.
Gnawty Bits tossed the chainsaw away and it crashed into Big Mac's favorite heirloom (but that's a story for a different day.) She waddled up to Applejack and laid Alejandro down before her.
Apple Fritter held up one side of Applejack's droopy, mopey face and Gnawty Bits held up the other. "You won't regret this my dear sweet Applejack! We're all gonna get along great, you'll see!" Apple Fritter exclaimed. She went in and pecked a kiss on Applejack's cheek while Gnawty Bits simultaneously kissed the other cheek. "Come along, Gnawty! Let's help Granny Smith with dinner! I jus' love mashed taters!"
Apple Fritter left with her beaver riding on her back, leaving Applejack to stew alone in the barn.
Part 2: Concluded
To be continued in Part 3
Author's Note
How many dislikes will I get this time!?
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers (3 of 3)
Apple Fritter Likes Beavers
Part 3
Why are you still reading this?
(I can't believe you got this far.)
Applejack was laying on her back, starring up at the ceiling when Apple Fritter's tongue came over and started licking her cheek. As she lay, eye's half open, mouth-breathing in a dumbfounded stupor, AJ didn't care that her cousin's tongue started relentlessly slathering all over the side of her face. She also didn't care when Fritter started moaning.
"Ohhh yeaaah. You like that, don'tcha AJ?" Apple Fritter said as her salivation dripped onto the sheets. Even though Applejack didn't respond in the slightest, she continued. She drew the tongue's path up into AJ's ear and stuck it inside. "Applejack! Applejack! Oh, I'm penetratin' you!" Applejack still didn't respond as Fritter left copious amounts of saliva inside her ear. (Gross. So Gross.) Apple Fritter scooted over and wrapped her legs around her unmoving cousin. She then made some pelvic thrusts like the weirdo she is.
Finally moving, Applejack turned her head in Apple Fritter's direction. Because Fritter didn't move her tongue from the ear hole, Applejack turned her face into it. Fritter's tongue ended up on AJ's eyeball. Applejack still had no reaction.
"Ehh?" Fritter said in surprise. Her mouth was wide open and her tongue was on an eyeball. She pondered for a moment as she pressed her tongue forward, testing out the sensation. "This is new," she said, brows furrowed in contemplation. "But I kinda like it," she decided. (What a pervert.) She slathered some more on her cousin's eye, groaning like a horny maniac.
"Good morning, Apple Fritter. Isn't it fantastic we have a beaver?" Applejack finally spoke in a daze. She turned her head back to staring at the ceiling, unaffected by all of her cousin's actions, one eye blurry from saliva in it. (Ew.)
"Huh?" Apple Fritter recoiled, finally returning her tongue. "Applejack? Hello!?" She waved a hoof in front of AJ's face, to no avail. "I'ma tryin' to make sex on you! Give me sumthin' to work with, sweetheart!" Still nothing. "Oh, this is still about Gnawty, isn't it!?" Fritter angrily reached behind her and pulled out the beaver, proceeding to slam it onto Applejack's face. "Stop yer mopin'! Accept the beaver! She's here to stay!"
"Good morning, Gnawty Bits. Isn't it fantastic we have a beaver?" Applejack said as the beaver's whole body covered her face, muffling her voice. The critter's fur stuck into AJ's nose, mouth and eyes, but as usual, she did nothing. Gnawty Bits turned to Fritter and shrugged in confusion. "Well, I had best be getting to the chores," Applejack said plainly, no hint of country twang in her voice.
Apple Fritter pulled Gnawty Bits away as she watched Applejack depart. The farm pony stumbled off the bed and grabbed her usual hat that she kept hanging on the bedpost. She put the hat on backwards and walked into the nearest wall. She bumped into it, scrunching up her muzzle. After recoiling, AJ turned, walked few paces and headed right into a wall again. She repeated this until she got to the window. She easily pushed the window open and dropped out of it. There was a loud crashing sound as she fell to the ground outside.
Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits still sat on the bed staring in amazement at the open window.
"Well, she's sure actin' a little funny," Apple Fritter said casually to her beaver pet. Gnawty Bits chirped something in animal and pointed angrily to the window. "I'm sure she's fine!" Fritter said, dismissing the criticism. "She's a hardy girl. Probably didn't even sprain a hoof. See?" She carried Gnawty to the window and looked down. Applejack was down below, trotting off with a wheel barrow upside down, on top of her head. She approached a fence and tripped over it. Gnawty chirped some more angry noises to Fritter, who gasped.
"Now, hang on now! It ain't my fault she's actin' like that," Apple Fritter stubbornly said. "'Sides, she can take care of herself!" She looked down again at Applejack who was now upside down inside the wheel barrow, moving her legs in the air like she was still walking. "Hmm... But I guess it wouldn't hurt to help her with the chores," Fritter said sheepishly as she took Gnawty Bit's angry glare.
Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits headed outside to assist Applejack, stopping briefly to chat with Applebloom who was angry about her tiff with Scootaloo, who Applebloom believed had lied about her cutie mark last night, but it was really just Applejack who had lied to Applebloom in order to remove her from the situation when AJ was having her own fight with Apple Fritter, who had enlisted her beaver pal to steal Applejack's prized apple, Alejandro, in order to gain her blessing in keeping that same beaver pal in the family and this whole paragraph is one long, annoying and totally unnecessary sentence, and it's probably not grammatically correct, but who cares, because you're reading a story about ponies who SOMETIMES BOINK EACH OTHER.
Anyway, after having that chat, Apple Fritter and Gnawty Bits headed out into the fields looking for Applejack, who was stuck in the same place they saw from the window. After pulling AJ out of the tipped over wheel barrow, Fritter set her up straight, dusted her off and put her hat on right.
"See. Like I told ya, she's fine," Apple Fritter said to Gnawty Bits, who still wasn't convinced. Applejack responded to none of this and just keep walking into the fields. Before long, AJ ran into another obstacle, walking head-on into an apple tree.
"Good morning, Twilight," Applejack said nonchalantly after taking a face full of tree bark.
"Heh heh," Apple Fritter laughed sheepishly. "She thinks that tree is Twilight." She stated this to Gnawty, who had had enough. The beaver angrily leapt up and did a twist, slamming her tail across Fritter's face. "Oof!" Apple Fritter responded. "Why'd you do that!?" She rubbed her sore cheek as Gnawty chirped out an angry spiel. The beaver kept pointing to the useless Applejack and then back to Fritter. "Oh, you're right!" Apple Fritter finally admitted. "Applejack's a mess! And it's my fault! But, I jus' wanted to keep you in the family so bad! But if AJ's stuck like this, she can't do chores! Sweet Apple Acres will go out of business! She won't be able to save the world with her friends! And most importantly, she'll never pleasure my [expletive removed for being too indecent for little ponies] again! Oh, Gnawty Bits, what should I do!?"
The little beaver looked sadly at Apple Fritter and then longingly at the house she was just accepted into. With tiny beaver tears in her eyes, she pulled out a stick with a small colorful bag of belongings tied on the end.
"*GASP* ! No, you can't leave!" Apple Fritter cried at the seeing the traveling stick. She bent down the beaver's level and swelled up with tears. "I love AJ, but I love you too!" Gnawty Bits just shook her head and placed a finger on Fritter's lips to shush her. Apple Fritter knew what the gesture meant. Giving a bucktoothed grin to the pony, Gnawty started to waddle away, solemnly. "Gnawty Bits!" Apple Fritter called out as the beaver left. "I'll... I'll never forget you!" Gnawty ascended to the top of a hill, turned to wave and descended on the other side, out of sight. "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!" Apple Fritter cried out to the heavens as the camera pulled up and we probably went to a commercial.
Apple Fritter lay, defeated, sobbing to herself for the duration of a couple commercials. Oh, how things had gone horribly wrong! Fritter wanted nothing more than to squeeze Applejack tight to relieve the sorrow, but she couldn't even get up off the ground until she finished crying. Looking up and glancing around, she called out to her lover in a feeble attempt to bring herself some happiness.
"Applejack?" No response. The orange farm pony had wandered off in her daze and was nowhere to be found. "Oh, I'm all alone now," Apple Fritter sobbed. But her mourning wasn't to last long, for Apple Fritter soon heard a distant noise. It sounded like a squeal. "What was that ?" she muttered under her breath. Listening more intensely, she heard it again.
"Squeeeaaak!"
It was faint, but Apple Fritter was sure. "Gnawty Bits!" she cried out. Her beaver was in trouble! Quickly surmising the direction of the cry, Fritter charged off.
"Squeeak!! Squeeeaaak!!"
Apple Fritter heard Gnawty Bit's desperate cries a few more times, each sounding closer than the last, as she traversed the hills of Sweet Apple Acres until she came upon the beaver.
"GNAWTY!" Apple Fritter shouted upon the top of a hill, just near the edge of the forest. At the tree's edge, just beyond the fence bordering the property, she saw her beaver being dragged off by a timberwolf! The gnarly wooden wolf had its stake-like fangs deep into Gnawty Bits's tail, dragging the poor beaver along the ground. Gnawty was resisting with all her might; her forepaws dug into the dirt to try to slow down the beavernapping. She kicked at the wolf's snout with her legs. "Let go of her!" Apple Fritter shouted from afar. Gnawty didn't even hear Fritter call out, but before much longer, the pony charged down the hill, leapt over the picket fence and slammed into the timberwolf without thought. The startled wolf released Gnawty Bits and the beaver herself bounced up immediately. "Are you alright, sweetie!?" Fritter asked through gasps of air after she shook off the dizziness from running headfirst into a wooden wolf.
Before Gnawty Bits could respond, Apple Fritter scooped her up and began to run away. However, they didn't get far. Two nearby Timberwolves had circled around her and now blocked their escape. The packmates encroached slowly towards Fritter who had to screech to a halt to avoid becoming breakfast She turned to retreat into the forest, but the first timberwolf had gotten up and shaken off the impact. They were surrounded!
"Applejack!" Apple Fritter called out instinctively, but there was no response. With the three wolves coming in closer, Apple Fritter took Gnawty Bits in her hooves and kissed the creature goodbye. "I love you. Now, get out of here! Survive! You hear me? SURVIVE!" With those dramatic words, Apple Fritter took Gnawty in her hooves like a football and hurled the rodent far over the wolves' heads.
After Gnawty Bits landed with the poise of a walrus, the beaver turned back to watch in horror as the three wolves descended onto Apple Fritter without hesitation. One bit into her leg to lock her in place. The other two sunk their fangs into her flesh on her flank and neck. With vicious proficiency, they yanked her apart, killing her. They bit and tore her body to shreds, covering themselves in red as they feasted. Her entrails spilled onto the blood soaked grass.
...
(Wait, that can't be right. Let me just check my notes here. ... ...Chapter 3... Here we go... Wakes up... Licks eyeball... Applejack in a daze... yadda yadda... Timberwolves... uh-huh... Oh!)
My bad. The wolves didn't kill Apple Fritter, they just bit into her leg and dragged her into the woods. Gnawty Bits ran around in circles, flailing in desperation and panic after her owner was taken. What to do!? A light bulb appeared above the beaver's head as she remembered something. Without hesitation, she scurried back into the fields of Sweet Apple Acres.
Fortunately, Gnawty Bits didn't have to run far before she came upon Applejack who was standing in a creek, lapping up the water in a daze.
"Boy, howdy," Applejack stated with no emotion at nopony in particular. "I sure do love beavers. They're so tasty." Without hesitation Gnawty Bits scrambled up to Applejack and started squeaking in desperation, pointing frantically back towards the forest. "Good morning, Gnawty Bits," Applejack stated upon seeing the beaver, not remembering she already greeted her.
Realizing Applejack was still in a weird daze, Gnawty Bits leapt and slapped her in the face, like she had done with Apple Fritter. AJ stood with her face sore and comically a bit deformed from the attack.
"Good morning, Twilight. Would you like some beaver?" Applejack said, still not roused from her dazed state, as her face returned to normal. Frustrated, Gnawty Bits climbed onto AJ's back and started tugging at her mane and stomping on her. No effect. "Isn't it fantastic we have a beaver?" Finally having enough, Gnawty Bits raised her tail as high as possible and slammed it down as hard as she could on Applejack's butt.
"Apple Fritter!?" Applejack shouted instinctively as she was slapped, finally jostling her from her stupor. She looked around in confusion before realizing who was on her back. "Hey, git off you varmint! Only Apple Fritter is allowed to smack my plump pony rear! ...And only on Tuesdays..."
Gnawty Bits obliged and hopped off. She began to frantically chirp and point like before, but this time, Applejack was paying attention.
"What they hay are you goin' on about?" Applejack said as she rubbed her sore flank. "I don't understand yer gibberish."
Unable to communicate verbally, Gnawty Bits started to charade out the situation. It would be really difficult to describe everything Gnawty did using descriptive words, so let's save some time and just say Applejack eventually got the point.
"Timberwolves!? And they got Apple Fritter!? Come on, we have tah save her!" Without hesitation, Applejack scooped Gnawty Bits onto her back and galloped in the direction she was shown.
Elsewhere, not too deep in the Everfree Forest, Apple Fritter pleaded with the wolf that was dragging her deeper into the woods by her hind leg.
"Please, you don't want to eat me!" Apple Fritter started, the aching in her bleeding leg not stopping her from rambling. "You know, I'm from Appleloosa. It's a desert! I probably taste like sand!" The pleading did nothing for the animal and it's two packmates who didn't understand a word. Fritter continued to ramble, regardless. "Then again, I've gotten all sorts of Applejack's fluids inside me, one way or another. I probably taste like an incestuous lesbian cocktail! ...Oops! I mean, you wouldn't be in to that sort of thing, would you?" The wolf responded by sinking its timber fangs deeper into her wounds. "Ow!l" Fritter squealed in pain before addressing the wolf angrily. "Look here, you! I'm okay with wood, but only from Applejack!"
"Hold on, Apple Fritter!" Applejack called heroically as she burst onto the scene, Gnawty Bits hanging on for dear life on her back. Her speedy galloping had caught her up in no time.
"Applejack!" Apple Fritter cried out in jubilation. She pointed to her bleeding leg and, unable to not make a sexual remark said, "I'm bein' penetrated by somepony other than you!"
"Get yer head outta the gutter, girl!" Applejack blurted out as she bucked the timberwolf off her lover. Her powerful kick dislodged the timberwolf's fangs, and knocked the creature into a nearby tree. The collision shattered the beast into its base wooden parts. The two other wolves, snarled with anger and turned on Applejack. "We gotta go!" The farm pony readied herself for combat, but Apple Fritter leapt onto AJ's face, smothering her in affection.
"I knew you'd come save me! Yer my hero!" Apple Fritter squeezed as she squealed.
"Consarn it! Yer blockin' my view, Fritter!" Applejack shouted. Apple Fritter had latched onto her face in a cartoony embrace that she couldn't shake off. She struggled to hold up Fritter with one of her forelegs. "I can't see the wolves!"
"I'll be yer eyes!" Apple Fritter spouted proudly, turning to face the timberwolves, who were inches away, ready to pounce. "OH MY CELESTIA! THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!"
Applejack took the cue, spun around and started bucking randomly in the direction she thought the wolves were.
"That's it! Git 'em! Git 'em!" Apple Fritter cheered as Applejack's hits managed to make contact with the two wolves who both shattered from the impact. "You did it, AJ!" Fritter cheered, still hanging off of Applejack's neck.
Gnawty Bits, who was still desperately clung to Applejack's back, began squeaking in a panic and pointing.
"Gnawty!" Apple Fritter cried out upon realizing the beaver was there. "You came too! ...Wait, what do you mean?" The pony turned from her beaver pet and saw a horrid sight. The first timberwolf that Applejack had destroyed began to reconstitute it self. Green fog magically lifted the jagged wood and leaves into their proper place, restoring the wolf to its full might. "Applejack! That thing jus' put itself back together!"
"I know, that's why we gotta go! NOW!" Applejack shouted, trying to pull Apple Fritter off her face, to no avail. "Come on! Get off, and get that rear end of yours runnin'!"
"But Applejack," Apple Fritter protested. "They hurt my leg, I can't gallop!"
"What!?" Applejack replied. "They'll catch us if I try to carry you outta here!"
"I'm not that heavy!" Apple Fritter pouted.
"Yer heavy enough tuh slow me down!" Applejack retorted.
"Then, what do we do!?" Apple Fritter cried out, covering her face in shock, finally letting go of Applejack and falling to the forest floor.
"Shoot!" Applejack gasped at being released. She was only able to take a quick breath before quickly intercepting an incoming wolf with a buck. The shattered pieces flew overhead two more magically regenerating wolves. "They're... they're gonna keep coming forever! We gotta- Wait! Where are you going?" AJ directed her last words at Gnawty Bits who hopped off her and rushed up one of the reconstituting wolves.
Gnawty Bits quickly started gnawing at a floating wooden appendage. Her strong beaver teeth cut through the wood with unreal haste. Once she was finished gnawing, she released the timber and it floated over to the nearly complete wolf. The limb attached to the front shoulder of the timberwolf, but after just a moment, the half eaten leg fell off. The timberwolf looked down at it in shock as it's packmate watched in disbelief. The wolf bent down and grabbed the leg in its mouth, and tried to place it back, but to no avail. It fell again. This wolf now only had 3 legs.
A spark shot through Applejack at the realization. "They can't git put back together ifn' their wooden parts get all cut up!" She addressed the beaver with valor, "Gnawty! I'll buck 'em! You gnaw 'em!" Gnawty Bits gave a triumphant salute and got to work chewing up the first downed wolf as Applejack rushed into battle with the other two.
"Gasp! You can do it, you two!" Apple Fritter cheered from the sidelines as Applejack carefully dodged the ravenous attacks of the timberwolves, only to counter seconds later with a well timed buck. As the experienced pony fought off the wolves, the beaver chewed them up afterwards, until there was nothing left of the wolves' bodies.
Three timberwolf heads sat on the forest floor dumbfounded at their failure. The heads turned to each other by hopping. In agreement, they all turned to flee, whimpering in defeat.
"Yeah, you better run!" Apple Fritter called after the slow hopping heads.
"Phee-yew!" Applejack wiped her brow in relief, before addressing her cousin. "Fritter! Oh, I was so worried!" She hurried up to Apple Fritter, hugging her and kissing her succulently. Once the embrace ended, she asked, "What happened!? How'd you end up out here, in the clutches of dangerous timberwolves!?"
"I... was trying to save Gnawty Bits..." Apple Fritter explained. She told Applejack what had transpired, how Gnawty Bits agreed to leave so Fritter and Applejack could be happy together.
Applejack listened carefully and when Apple Fritter was finished, she turned to the beaver. "Well now, beaver. Color me impressed. You cared enough about Fritter to put her happiness above your own." Gnawty Bits blushed a little and kicked the dirt in embarrassment. "You quickly sought me out when she was in danger AND you helped defeat those timberwolves. ...I, I guess I was wrong about you, Gnawty." Applejack was now the one embarrassed. "I... apologize for the things I said... can you ever forgive me?" AJ took off her hat as she admitted her mistake. Gnawty thought for a moment before nodding happily. She jumped up to hug Applejack. "Aw..." Applejack said as she held the beaver.
"Does that mean we can keep Gnawty Bits!?" Apple Fritter asked excitedly.
"'Course it does! We're family now," Applejack responded. "Now, come on. Let's get you bandaged up." She reached under Apple Fritter's front leg to pull her up and support her.
"Yay! I can't believe it!" Apple Fritter celebrated happily as Gnawty jumped on her back to ride her home. "You hear that, Gnawty? We're finally gonna be one big happy family!" The beaver chirped in agreement.
"Darn tootin'!" Applejack echoed. "Let's have a roll in the hay when we get home to celebrate! YEE-HAW!"
"Yeah!" Apple Fritter cheered. "And let's get Applebloom in on it and make it a threesome!"
"Oh, Apple Fritter," Applejack said with a chortle. "Not 'til she's older... Not 'til she's older..."
"Yeah!" Apple Fritter cheered again, this time with a high-hoof given to Gnawty Bits. "Incest is wincest!"
And they lived happily ever after, until Twilight drove them out of town after finding out that they are weird cousin lovers with perverted minds.
Part 3: Concluded
What a horrible story.
Author's Note
Well, it feels good to finally finish this weird story that nobody liked but me. :P
It took me a while to figure out how to end this story. But one day, I just randomly thought up the Timberwolf wood joke and thought to myself: "...I can work with this."
What's that, you say? This isn't the story you wanted me to finish? ...I have another story you want me to finish? I don't remember. What's it called? ... ... ... Uh-huh... ...I'm sorry, I don't understand. What's a "Ponyville Duet?"
