"What ith thith thtatue, mith Cheerilee?" a small pony asked.

"This is the statue depicting Blood, who is said to be the god of blind hate and violence. Two thousand years ago he appeared out of nowhere, wreaking havoc in the old lands. Only an army of unicorns was able to defeat him. Since then this statue was passed on in the Platinum bloodline until it ended up being offered to the princesses. The tale said that his last words were : ' I am the conductor o the train. ', even though nobody ever heard of trains before that.It's a horrible monster, covered in mystery. Now, children, let's move on to the other statues in the royal gardens."

Long long ago...

"Werner, are you ready to go crazy?!" Andrew screamed.

"Yeah!" I roared in return.

"Are you ready to be seen as a weirdo?!"

"I am one!"

"Onwards, to senseless money spending!"

And the Comic-Con we stormed. Jumping other cosplayers and having fun. Andrew was dressed as Deadpool. He kinda looked like Spiderman with guns and katanas... Me, I was the best 'hero' ever: Krieg the psycho. I was bare chested, wore orange pants, a mask, with one eye covered, had some metal armor thingies on my left arm, and, last but not least, the enormous axe, that came from crossbreeding an axe and a buzz saw. It took an eternity and a half to make my costume. I was the man who took bullets with his bare chest while laughing his ass off. And chopping others to pieces.

After mingling a bit, we decided to shake up the stalls.

To say we were astounded at the sight of the merchandise that was bring sold would be an understatement. Books, action figures, costumes, weapon replicas, everything one could wish for. We were running from stall to stall, eyeing everything like kids. I couldn't decide on anything, though, having taken only two hundred dollars with me.

"What d'you think of this... " I put the gun, that I had been wanting to show him, back.

"What did you want to show me?" Andrew asked, but fell on deaf ears.

I saw perfection. And I needed it. A big, rusty, and jagged knife.

"Hey! I'm talking – do you see what I see?" He kept waving his hand in front of my face.

"Yes."

We neared the vendor, a fat, bearded, grumpy looking guy.

"Sorry mister," I asked,"but how much does the knife over there cost?"
"Hundred." he grumbled.

"What?!" came in stereo.

"One hundred and ten."

"Are you fuc–" I was beginning to lose my temper.

"One twenty."

"'Kay! 'Kay! I'm buying it!" I handed over the dollar bills. And got the knife in return.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't worth more than eighty. My friend verified my suspicions by laughing his ass off.

"Dude! I knew you weren't normal. But now you're stupid, too!"

Won't stop me from swinging it around like the nutcase I represent. Some kind of red glow encompassed the blade.

'Why the hell does the knife leave a red trail?'

I squinted my eyes, never stopping to flail my arm with knife. Nope, nothing. Except for some people looking at me. I've been swinging the knife around for half a minute already.

'Must have been my imagination, 'I thought and attached it to my leg with one of the leather straps.

I grabbed my saw-axe with both hands, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And farted as silently as I could. Worked quite well. I opened my eyes again.

Bam! Black void to the face.

"SWEET MOTHER OF SPAGHETTI MONSTER! I POPPED MY EYES WITH A FART!" I screamed before blacking out.

Present time

'Oh, look, Discord broke free. That lucky bastard,' I observed. Being stuck in stone for two thousand years makes you grumpy.

"Who said that?" snaked its way out of his mouth. He can understand me now.

I instantly took advantage of it.'Yo mamma!'

"Who?"

'Yo slaphappy, sausage suckin' granddaddy!' I admit, that was kinda over the top.

"Who dares insult me, the god of chaos and disharmony?!" Discord kept looking around not finding any ponies close. He sat down in the antlers of a glorious deer.

'It's the statue with the saw-axe dick,' I finally answered. Discord snaked closer putting a magnifying glass in front of his nose.

"What do we have here?" , he asked from inside mine.

'Manners, young un. I'm two thousand years old. I saw your mama getting paid by your dad for some services. Now be a nice kid and get me out of here.', this may not be clever, but I stopped giving fucks.

"Oh, you know, it's more fun when things have a nice twist and–" he began to ramble.

'You're giving me boobs?'

Discord took a step back. "No. You'll be free, as soon, as you solve this riddle. What's green and kills you when falling down a tree?"

'And how will you know whether I'm right or wrong?' I asked
"Just say it the way you talked with me. Have to go now. Ponyville would be a nice place to start my work with. Tata!" And he vanished in a puff of bananas. That's him.

Riddle time! I'm going to have such a bad headache.

'Okay, I've been working on this riddle for two weeks. My head is about to burst. This bitch fucking tricked me. THAT'S COMPLETE BILLIARD TABLE!'

* Crack*

'What–'

* Crack*

'YYYYEEEE–*BOOM*–AAAAHHH!' At least I tried to say that. "I'm here to shank and bleed!" I screamed. Didn't want to, but controlling my speech is hard as fuck. I was finally free. No more bird shit on my shoulders or head.

'Close enough.'

I jumped down the pedestal, feeling every single joint pop. The bliss overflowed me. Stretching my limbs a bit I got ready to move again.

Thinking a bit I decided to get away from the trouble and leave Canterlot.

I grabbed my axe-saw in both hands and ran towards the fastest way down the mountain. The waterfall.

Long long ago... ( but not as long as last time)

I awoke. I was in the middle of a medieval market. With ponies instead of humans. My head hurt more than when... I never had any big headaches. Doesn't make this one vanish. I took a deep breath and stood up. 'ell, let's find out which drugs I took,' I tried to say.

"Who's ready to flay some scalps?!" came out of my mouth.

'Wat,' was the only thing I could think. My mouth didn't move as I wanted. I was beginning to panic.

'What has just–'

"CONFUSION!" I screamed.

"Hwæt īs ðã? ( What is that? old English)" came right from behind me.

Present time...

I was sitting behind a bush in the gardens. Two royal pony guards passed right in front of me.

'That was a close o–' I thought to myself while looking around.

"It's strangling time!" I screamed.

'Fuck.'

The guards whipped around, pulling their spears out. "Who's there?! Show yourself!"

I crawled out of the bushes. What else would you do, if the local police tells you to come out?

"What kind of creature are you?" one of the guards, the one in the gold armor with violet stripes on the withers, asked.

'That's begging to go bad.'

"KRIIIIIIEG!" tore its way out.

'Bingo! That's actually my name!'

The guards, though, weren't that happy about my successful scream.

"Mister, we have to detain you for trespassing a–"

'I don't have time for this.'

"I LOOKED INTO THE HEART OF DARKNESS, AND I ATE IT ALL!!!" I roared. Grabbing my axe-saw I made a mad dash towards the guards. My boots threw up some gravel. The ground shook with every step. One of them went into a battle stance. The other one made a sound of a goat and fell over. Less work for me.

I was close.

He swung his spear at me.

The blunt side of my axe collided with his face.

The spear tip embedded itself in my shoulder.

The guard was down. I pulled his weapon out.

'Went better than anticipated' I thought and ran further through the garden with the waterfall being my goal.

I passed several more statues and finally reached my destination. The edge of Canterlot castle. The end of this city. Water roared far below me. I was really surprised that nobody but those two guards noticed me, me wearing heavy boots and all.

Something was thundering behind me. It seems someone was coming from the castle.

I turned around. There was a small dust cloud in the distance.

'That's how we nope.'

I made a backflip down the waterfall.
"Somebody catch me!"

Author's Note

And here is the first born!
Now go and worship CitrusFizz!
Bow to the holy Editor and Pre-reader!