The Meaning of Life, Among Other Things

There were way too many zebras in this room. Everything was all black and white and stripey and far, far too confusing. It was like somepony  had taken black paint to a white wall, and made line after line, and now those lines were moving around and spinning and turning, and one set of lines was maybe doing a backflip. Maybe, but she couldn’t tell, not with the sheer number of zebras in here.

Fillian frowned. This couldn’t possibly the right place. She removed the piece of paper from her saddlebag and looked at it once more.

Meet me at spaceport number three. 10 am.

-D

Just as Fillian considered leaving, a tall, brown, earth stallion in a green bathrobe entered the building.

“There you are!”, she exclaimed, “What took you so long?”

“I’m sorry”, he said, “But I forgot my towel, and you know it’s unwise to travel anywhere without one.”

Sure enough, a fluffy pink bath towel could be seen partially sticking out of one of his saddlebags, while in the other she saw that book. That one, impossibly impossible book that started this all. The Traveler’s Manual to the Universe.

“Why couldn’t you have just gotten a new towel? And why did you want to meet here? Surely we could have met somewhere else. All these zebras are giving me vertigo.”

“To answer your first question, I like this towel, it’s been through a lot with me. To answer your second question, this is the spaceport where Honda and Zelquod will be arriving. To address the zebras, they’re zebras, the vertigo is a defense mechanism and it’s just what they do.”

“I never knew zebras purposefully made you sick.”

“They don’t”, said a voice from behind them. “It’s an involuntary part of their evolution.”

They turned to see behold a stallion and a two headed unicorn, Honda Accord and Zelquod Babblesalot, respectively.

Honda spoke, “Ah, Fillian, Dentarthurdent, so glad to see you could make it.”

Dent, as he is often called, replied, “I’m glad to see you too. Now why have you called us to this planet? Specifically, why have you called us here, to this place Ponyville? There’s nothing of particular interest here, except one of the ponies here is a local celebrity, an alicorn, no less.”

“I don’t care about the alicorn,” Honda replied, “I’ve gathered you all here because I think this is where we’ll find the question.”

“I was afraid you’d say something like that,” replied Dent, “You never call us to a planet because you’ve found out where the last of the tea has gone off to.”

“Oh yes, there’s that too, I found tea on this planet, almost the same kind as was on your planet before it was unceremoniously destroyed to make way for that interspace tunnel that never got built.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“No problem.”, Honda was very bad at detecting sarcasm.

“So…”, inquired Fillian, “You think you’ve found the question, then, have you?”

“Yes. The Manual says that this planet is extremely rich in questionableness, and around this town is where the most questionable events take place. For no apparent reason, too! All the things that happen here should be just as likely to happen in some other town, but against all probability, they happen here anyways. So, what I want us all to do is split up, and search for the source of the question, and we’ll meet back here tomorrow to report our findings.”

“Can we not meet back somewhere else? All these zebras are hurting my eyes.”

A passing zebra heard that and took offense, “You say we hurt your precious little eyes? If you want something to watch, how about your thighs?”

“Oh ho!”, Zelquod chimed in, “You just got burned in rhyme formation!”

“AHHHHHHHH!!”, screamed the zebra, “WHAT IN THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA IS THAT!?”

She screamed, abandoning the zebra custom of rhyming and along with it her legal right to reproduce, and galloped away in terror of what she had just seen.

Honda spoke, “Um, Zelquod, on this world, ponies only have one head. Maybe you should put up a Mind Your Own Business spell.”, then he turned to Fillian and said, “Don’t worry, you’re not fat, and if it makes you feel better, she’s not allowed to have children anymore.”

“Good. Wouldn’t want those rudeness genes getting passed on. I hope she dies sad and alone.”

“Right”, began Dentarthurdent, “You said that there was tea, and the greatest question in the universe to be had? Let’s get to it.”

And so, after agreeing to meet back up at the center of town, and not here where there were rude, vertigo-inducing, zebras, the four each went their separate ways, in order to discover the meaning of life, not realizing that the inhabitants of this planet had a nasty habit of getting in the way for no apparent reason.

To the four corners of Ponyville they travelled, Dent to that one corner, way over there, with Zelquod in that one adjacent to it. Honda went straight for the town hall, then remembered he hadn't even started searching yet, and so went and chose a different, obscure, unnamed corner. Lastly, Fillian, took what corner there was which lay at a vertical angle to Honda's.

Dentarthurdent thought that maybe it would be best if he searched this town's shopping district. He could probably find some good tea clues over there. His first impression of Ponyville's sprawling, magnificent, marketplace was one of indifference. He'd seen better. Far better, out among the stars. Then again, he'd see much worse too. At least this place was clean, most other planets didn't even have the decency to pick up after themselves, and just discarded refuse wherever. These ponies really seemed to car about the environment, so much so th-- is that the smell of tea?

Sure enough, the telltale scent of sun-dried leaves now soaked in boiling water with milk and sugar (because that's something we can all identify off the top of our heads) wafted through the air and drew Dent towards it's source. After a few minutes of dreamily following the alluring smell, he found it's source in the form of two ponies sitting and gossiping over a bone-china tea set. He turned to one of the mares and spoke.

"Um.. excuse me, is that tea?

"Why, yes it is", replied the white unicorn, "Would you like some?"

"Oh yes please. I haven't had tea in years, literally."

"Well that certainly won't do, please take all you like. I'm Rarity by the way, what's your name?"

"Pleased to meet you, miss Rarity, my name's Dent... arthurdent.", he turns to her friend, a yellow pegasus, "And what is your name?"

The mare silently stares at her at her cup for a bit, then whispers under her breath, "Fluttershy..."

"Excuse me," said Dent, "But I didn't quite catch that."

"That's quite all right dear," interjected Rarity, "Fluttershy is always nervous around new ponies, just give her some time to warm up to you. And in the meantime, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? I've never seen you around before, what brings you to Ponyville?"

Dentarthurdent looked around for a moment, and fidgeted. Should he tell her he seeks the answer to life. It never really worked out too well in the past. That particular statement had gotten him into fights, and kidnapped, and chased out of towns, all sorts of things really. Only once was it ever received well, and by well, it means he got a free mattress. Would this be one of those times where he was given a complimentary piece of furniture, or would the more likely event ensue and have misfortune befall him? If there was anything he learned in his travels, it was, "You never get what you're expecting." And with that attitude in mind, he told her.

"I seek the ultimate question to the ultimate answer of life, the universe, and everything."

"What? The ultimate answer?"

"No, I already have the ultimate answer," Dent replied, "I need the ultimate question, so that I can finally put the two together and understand the meaning of our existence."

"Well, that's easy, it probably has something to do with the magic of friendship."

The magic of friendship? That couldn't be right, he was pretty sure there had been no wars fought over friendship. It was almost certain whatever he was looking for involved multiple wars being fought over it.

Besides, Dent had many friends, had being the keyword, as now most of them were deceased, seeing as they got blown up and all. Disregarding the exploded planets, her theory didn't make much sense, mostly because it wasn't in the form of a question, and also because it had nothing to do with the number 42, which a hyper intelligent computer had so avidly insisted made a difference. Perhaps if friendship represented 6, and magic represented 7... no... no... for the last time, it doesn't work like that. It'll come to him eventually, in the meantime, he can just enjoy his tea that was so generously shared with him, and wonder what his companions are up to.