The Meaning of Life, Among Other Things

Dentarthurdent had his tea, and so was content. Everypony knew that's where he'd be, drinking tea. So he was down for the count, at least for seven cups or so, but that didn't stop his friends from continuing their search for the question.

In a distant part of town, Zelquod Babblesalot was searching. He wanted to find the Ultimate Question, partly for the adventure, partly for the fame, and partly out of curiosity. But mostly, he wanted to find it for revenge.

Zelquod once was the princess of the Galaxy. The whole, entire Galaxy under his command, and it was amazing. He loved it, for  there is no greater joy in all the Galaxy, than to be the one in charge of it. But, like all good things that come to an end (because some don't), this one came to an end too soon.

His cabinet told him he just plain wasn't allowed to be the princess. He in return, told them that that was not right, that he won the election fair and square, and they said that that was precisely the point. You don't elect princesses. In order to be a princess, you have to be a female alicorn, so despite the fairness or squareness of his rise to power, it could not be permitted to continue. Zelquod cried out that that was unjust! Discrimination he said! If they wanted to get technical he said, then princesses weren't even supposed to have cabinets! He told them they were all fired. It didn't work.

That's why Zelquod needed the Question. The most ancient and powerful question in all the Universe. He didn't know what he'd do once he got his hooves on it, but somehow, he was sure, he could reclaim his rightful place on the Alabaster Throne of the Galaxy, where he would then be able to have his cabinet arrested for treason, and then force them to dance for his amusement. But right now, he'd have to focus on finding the question. What kind of dance he'd make his cabinet do, as well as the venue and the music, would all be decided later.

Despite his lack of an ability to read, Zelquod knew the best place to look for something like the Ultimate Question would be the library. He found the building and went inside, to behold a purple alicorn and her matching dragon shelving books.

"Excuse me", he said, "But is this the library?"

"Yes", she replied, "But it's also my house. How did you get in here?"

"The... door was unlocked... wait you live at the library? What if somepony wants to come in while you're bust living your life?"

"Well, in that case, since it's a public library...", she stood still for a moment, obviously having never before contemplated this question, "Since it's a private home... uh... not in all the time I've been here has somepony come here for books, so I don't have to worry about that."

"Not in all the time you lived at the library, has somepony wanted to borrow books. That's a bit odd, do you think maybe they don't like you?"

"Of course they like me, I'm a princess."

Zelquod heard this and was taken aback. She didn't really appear to be a princess. Sure, as he surveyed her body, she had both wings and a horn, but other than that, she had no princess-like characteristics.

"You're a princess", he said, "Where's your crown?"

"I had to put it back", she replied, "It was for the good of the land that I return my crown to whence it came."

"You said, 'return it to whence it came', did you throw it into a boiling pit of fire?"

"No. I just put it in a tree, which sounds stupid but--"

"Ya think?"

"Look, you came here for some books, so just take your books and leave. What did you want?"

"I'm here for the Ultimate Question which will solve the meaning of our existence. Do you have any books of questions around here? Preferably ultimate ones?"

The alicorn seemed taken aback.

"You want to know the meaning of our existence? I thought it was to make friends."

Make friends? Could this idiot really be royalty? What kind of answer was that? It was clear that this mare didn't know anything about the way the world works, and he wondered what sort of things qualified her to be a leader. He also briefly wondered what qualified himself to be a leader, but then dismissed that thought when he remembered that he wasn't the one on trial.

"Make friends", he said. "Sure. I wonder what my friends are doing right now."

At that moment, none of his friends were thinking about him. Dentarthurdent did pass him a glancing thought, but then completely forgot when Rarity offered more tea, and Fluttershy started speaking, but that doesn't matter right now.

What does matter at this moment, is what Honda Accord is doing. At this moment he was, like the rest of his friends, searching for the Ultimate Question, but due to his intelligence and resourcefulness, he had a much higher success rate, and that makes whatever he's doing far more interesting than the rest of them.

He knew that in order to find what the Question, he should head strait to the source of all questionableness, in the town, the source of all questionableness on the planet. He needed to find the very epicenter of what was wrong with this place. Luckily, he had his Sub-Etha Bleep-a-Tron Mk. 4, a device that made bleeping noises whenever he pointed it at a source of improbability. It led him straight to a bakery. This made perfect sense, he never trusted bakeries, and now he had a reason to justify his doing so.

He began to approach the confectionary shop, cautiously, warily, making sure it's inhabitants didn't see his approach. There's no telling what might happen if he startled one of these volatile pastry chefs. He crept forward, little by little, just inches from the ground, until he reached an exterior window. Then, very slowly, he raised his head until he could just barely see into the building, and was met by a large pair of eyes in a bright pink face, staring back into his own.

"Boo!", yelled the mare.

"Ahh!", yelled Honda.

She disappeared from the window and emerged out of the building just moments later. Honda was still on the ground, trying to get his bearings, when an excited, pink, earth pony came and stood over him. The Bleep-a-Tron was bleeping off the charts.

"Hi!", she said, "I knew you'd be coming, I could sense it when my mane started itching."

"You... you could sense my coming?", he said, "But how?"

"Didn't I just say? My mane was itchy, and it always itches whenever I'm near somepony I haven't met."

"Always?"

"Always!"

"Interesting", he remarked, as he produced a notepad and pen from his saddlebag to begin writing this information down.

She noticed this and remarked, "Why do you need to write that down? Can't you just remember it? Do you have trouble remembering things? Or a short attention span? Need me to remember that for you?"

"No, I just think it's a god habit to write things down, my attention span is perfect--"

"Cupcakes!"

"What?"

"You need cupcakes!", and with that she dragged him by the hoof into the bakery.

"Wait!", he protested, "I need to figure out the meaning of life!"

"Well you can't do that on an empty stomach.", she said, "Come on inside, and we'll talk about how friendship can solve all of your problems."

"No! I really have things to do!"

But it didn't matter. This mare didn't care what sort of things he had to do, she wanted him to eat cupcakes. Great. He didn't bring any money, so he knew this was going have to lead to him writing a restaurant review in order to pay his bill. Well, while he ate, he might as well listen to what this pony had to say about friendship. Speaking of which, he wondered how his friends were doing. No doubt Dent and Zelquod were having trouble, but maybe Fillian had struck some luck. Just maybe.