SPOON!

I reappeared in the middle of some small renaissance town. The robots can't get me here; there's too much good and honest mud and dirt here. I fall to my knees and rub my face in the dirt,to protect myself from them, just in case. The robots are insidious. I then grip my spoon resolutely, hitch up my stained track pants and walk.

Along the way, I see a bunch of horses looking at me. I stare at them. The robots aren't here yet. I cackle and grin, then lift The Spoon to my mouth. My mighty voice booms across the town.

"Hear my words, people! I am the King of All Hobos, and I demand tribute from yer BINS!" That said, I lower The Spoon, and I teleport to the nearest bin. It shall have tribute pouring out of it!

When I reappear next, it is to find that I am behind a dumpster, behind a feckin' gingerbread house. Can I eat it? I take a bite, only to discover that it is only painted wood! The Spoon comes up, and with a flash, the place is now made of gingerbread. It crumbles to the ground, just as a small group of horses jump out. One of them is pink, and eats the remnants of the building.

"Wow, how did you do that? Even Discord doesn't do totally awesome things like that!" I hear a slow clap behind me.

"Oh, hello there. I wasn't expecting a fellow chaos mage here." I turn around to this highly bizarre thing. It grins at me, a snaggly tooth protruding.

"Of course, that might not even be you doing it, it might be your spoon." My eye twitches, and I shove a finger up my nose. When I withdraw it, my boogers have been transmuted into a gun, like the one the older polees-man had. With a thought, it becomes a shotgun, which I cock menacingly.

"So you want to fight? It's been a while since I've had a good one." The creature pulls out a pool cue. I pull the trigger, unleashing a spray of beer bottles. In answer, he shoots his head at me. The resulting explosion releases a shockwave that lifts the entire street up, only it's us doing so. It plops down, and the pink one is acting highly confused. I grin. This battle just got interestin'. Been a while since ol' Billy really cut loose. He can't. Now, Billy, he's deadly in a spoon fight, but he remembers the strange robot things; Billy ate well for a week.

I ditch the gun and fly over to him, summoning a fork and attacking wildly. Unfortunately, he dodges, pulling himself apart, like a . The Spoon helps me to focus, but it's all me. I remember, when that red-and-blue man with the S on his chest tried to get me, but the robots that crawled through his skin enraged me and I turned him into a pie, which I then threw at some street performer. Unfortunately, this man dressed as a bat did summat to him and he came back. After that, I spent a lot of time sleepin' on a train. Then, I teleported away again, away from the strange black man in black who tried to get me to be an 'Avenger' or summat.

"The name's Discord, by the way." With a snap of his fingers, we're on the moon. I summon hooch, which I throw at him and ignite with a thought. Our fists meet, both in huge boxing gloves that crack the surface of the moon. The dark blue one from before appears.

"DIIIIIIIIIISCOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!!" We look at each other, then I wave The Spoon. Now, we're on the sun. the huge snake pulls out a piece of shiny, reflective metal and tans himself.

"So, wanna call it quits? I mean, it is a beautiful day today- POCKET SAND!" A disembodied hand appears from somewhere else and throws sand in my eyes. I curse, rolling on the surface of the sun, catching fire. I scream, then an idea comes to me.

"HOOCH!" A wave of hooch appears over me, drowning out the heat. The creature feigns interest.

"How about we change the battle?" At which point, the sun is now covered in water.

"SURF'S UP!" With that, he summons a surfboard. I grip The Spoon, and it turns into a surfboard. I then chase after him, intent on winning.

We surf on the surface of the sun, getting some sick waves. I pass him. Unfortunately, he pulls out a conch shell.

"I summon penguins!" Sure enough, penguins appear out of nowhere and attack me. I retaliate by farting a cloud of hooch in gas form, knocking them out. "HOOCH!" I turn a lighter on the fine mist coming from my prosterior, and I turn into a plane. Behind me, the chimaera flies after me, armed with a pair of rubber chickens tied together by the necks.

I bomb a place that looks vaguely like Russia and land on the ground, avoiding a rubber chicken that scythes through a nearby building. The chimaera nods at me.

"That was awesome, but I'll have to finish this for old Sunbutt. I look forwards to your promising career." I nod, pulling out a trash can. We stare off again, and we clash.

My trash can goes over his head. I then slap it around, prompting an 'I'm Dizzy' comment from Discord. I then throw him away, and then scarper. Cleansing hooch comes behind me in a wave, and The Spoon obligingly turns into a surfboard again for my convenience.

Canterlot

Discord stroked his goatee reflectively.

"Oh, he was good. Not as good as I am, but still amusing." Celestia looked close to a fit.

"He fought you off?" Discord grinned.

"Oh, no, I wasn't fighting him seriously. Then again, it was a duel between two chaos magicians. What else can we do but not take each other seriously?" With a laugh, he teleported away, leaving Celestia to slump. Luna walked in and nuzzled her.

"Sister, although we may not have found the villain, take heart in knowing that the Elements of Harmony would be capable of bringing him down." Celestia shook her head.

"They might, but they'll have to catch him first. This 'Hobo King' is cunning and deadly. We have no idea what his next move might be." She suppressed a small shudder.

"Even now that I know that he was around, I cannot even imagine what's going through his mind."

Hobo King

Cat loves food, yeah yeah

Cat loves food, yeah yeah,

Cat loves food, yeah yeah

I rooted through the trash behind the farmhouse where I'd escaped to. There were so many apples here. I snaggled some and chose to run, holding my hobo bounty.

The glorious tribute was great, and I tore into it with a great hunger. Old Billy remembers, during the times when he couldn't see the robots, having a joint of some green stuff, and it showed him the truth, oh yes it did, showed him the truth that the other people couldn't.

"What are ya?"

It's a southern drawl. I turn, and I have to shield my eyes from these three little horses.

They're so radiant! The robots would have to be suicidal to even get near them. I smile, and they shy away.

"Hey, don't worry kids. Ol' Billy'll tell you the truth about the robots..."