How *Not* to Handle a Rampaging Hydra

A Pegasus' Guide on How *Not* to Handle Pretty Much Any Situation Ever

Entry #2: How *Not* to Handle a Rampaging Hydra

****

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" the entire town yelled in unison, running around in wide circles like a bunch of absolute maniacs.

"RRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" the hideous, giant, multi-headed monster they were all screaming about roared in return.

A moment later, a tired-looking gray and gold pegasus walked out of his house, pushing his hair back into its usual spiky shape. He looked around for a moment through bleary eyes at the panicking townsfolk, then looked up at the Hydra staring pretty much directly at him with all eight of its squinty, snake-eyes. "Oh, for the love of the Sun, this again?" he asked, sighing wearily. "It's gotta be something every week in this stupid town."

The hydra just blinked at him.

"Not much of a conversationalist, are you?" Silverbolt inquired, stifling a yawn. "That's a real shame. Would've liked to see what four heads arguing with each other looks like. Heck, you could probably be your own sit-com, Scaly."

More staring and off-putting, mistimed blinking, punctuated by the sound of ponies screaming their heads off in the distance.

"You're boring," Silverbolt remarked, polishing one of his forehooves lazily. You haven't tried to eat me once yet and we've been standing here for well over a minute."

"What in the world are you *doing*, Silverbolt?!" a feminine voice shrieked from some distance away.

The pegasus in question turned and waved tiredly to his addresser. "'Hey, Lily. Another lively day in the neighborhood, eh?"

"That attitude of yours is going to get you killed one of these days!" the mare known as "Lily" shouted back before sprinting away, once again screaming in terror.

Silbervolt shrugged and turned back again to face the raging beast, who had apparently decided that the concrete foundation currently being divvied up between its four heads was far more entertaining and/or interesting than the snarky winged equine.

"Are you eating a building," Silverbolt said, stating this as a fact rather than a question. "That's... that's stupid. You're stupid. I'm going back to bed," he continued, shaking his head in some kind of twisted disappointment.

The hydra dropped the shards of building from its mouths in shock. The head on the far left started tearing up. The other three noticed this and narrowed their tiny little eyes at the retreating form of Silverbolt. The beast lowered its three angry heads and charged towards the small pony, letting loose a massive and terrifying roar.

Silverbolt sighed and turned his head back to face the monster. "What, you up for Round Tw--" he began, instantly cutting himself off when he noticed the hulking beast getting closer and closer by the second. "--oh sweet Celestia," he whimpered, eyes growing, pupils shrinking, and ears pointing behind his head like razors. He stood for only a moment before turning and breaking into a full-on gallop, shrieking like a newborn foal and spasmodically flailing his wings around like an idiot, entirely forgetting he possessed the ability of flight in the process.

At least an hour passed, and the ponies of Ponyville were now very much interested by the strangely large-scale game of cat-and-mouse being played by a terribly loud pegasus stallion and the titanic four headed hydra chasing after him. Mostly all they heard were perpetual shrieks and roars, but occasionally some of the bystanders could hear some very specific, very odd pleas emanating from the pony.

"Oh Celestia please stop chasing me, Oh Great and Mighty Hydra Guy, I'm so, so, so sorry I thought about calling your mother a cow--oH GEEZ WHY DID I SAY THAT *OUT LOUD?***" was probably one of the more popular lines of the day, and was destined to be quoted by pretty much everypony in town for the next week or so.

Eventually, a new passerby stumbled upon the scene and found herself more than slightly alarmed by what she saw.

"What the heck is going on here?" Twilight Sparkle shouted, watching as a large, familiar-looking hydra chased a small, familiar-looking pony around and around in circles as if it were a dog chasing its own tail. "Why isn't anypony stopping this?"

"Oh, er, like, three of us tried," Rainbow Dash said, looking back at Twilight as she reclined in her favorite lawn chair. "But, you know, stuff happens sometimes."

"Seriously?" Twilight asked, squinting at her friend.

"Ugh. Fine, okay, no one's even so much as lifted a hoof so far. It's okay, though, the gray dude's got the leg strength of half the Apple family put together. Though, now that I think about it, that's probably just the sheer terror and the adrenaline pumping through him right about now... eh, whatever. He'll probably be okay."

"Leg strength? Isn't that Silverbolt, the pegasus that moved here a few weeks ago?" Twilight asked, recognizing the familiar gray and yellow theme Silverbolt had going on. "Why isn't he just... flying away?"

"Silverbolt? Huh, thought he looked familiar. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's completely forgotten he can fly at this point. He doesn't exactly seem like the, er... what's that phrase you use sometimes? Brightest candle in the tool shed?" Rainbow asked, tapping her forehoof on her hood in deep thought.

"Close enough," Twilight sighed. "How did that thing even get here? And how am I just now noticing it?"

"Beats me," Rainbow replied, shrugging. "But I think it's been chasing him for a good, like... hour and a half, now? He probably went and said something stupid and ticked it off."

"He's been running from a hydra for an hour and a half?"

"Pretty much."

The two turned back to continue watching the monster chase the smaller being, falling silent as the stallion's cries became ever more panicked and nonsensical. After a few minutes of silence, Rainbow held out a small bag towards Twilight.

"Popcorn?"