How *Not* To Handle a Foalsitting Job

A Pegasus' Guide on How *Not* to Handle Pretty Much Any Situation Ever

Entry #3: How *Not* to Handle a Foalsitting Job

****

"Pfft, don't worry, I can handle her just fine," Silverbolt bragged, waving a hoof dismissively.

"Like you 'handled' that Hydra who came through the town last week?" the other pony, a white-coated, purple-maned unicorn asked, raising an eyebrow.

Silverbolt pretended not to hear any of that and continued on with his own side of the conversation. "'sides, I love kids.They're normally not as terrible to be around as their parents or whoever else. Believe me, Rarity, I'll be able to handle your little sis'. Scout's Honor!"

"Scout's Honor, huh?" came Rarity's less-than-convinced reply. "I don't know, I'm just not sure you'll be able to handle my dear Sweetie Belle all on your own. She's my precious sister and I love her, but she can be quite the hassle to look after."

Silverbolt laughed and leaned towards the unicorn mare, placing his elbows(?) on the table the two were sitting at. "Come on, do I really seem like the kind of guy who would back down from a challenge like that?" he asked, running a hoof through his dark, two-toned mane.

"I... suppose not, no," Rarity responded apprehensively. "I still don't know if I can really trust--"

"Oh, for the love of--it's the mane-cut isn't it? Or the coat color? Look, like I always tell ponies; It's natural. I don't know why it's so dark and to be honest, I feel like I'm copying bumblebees half the time. It doesn't mean that I'm gonna--"

"Now hang on, Silverbolt, I wasn't finished," Rarity interjected, holding an ivory hoof out right in front of the pegasus stallion. "I was going to say that I don't know if I can really trust Sweetie Belle to listen to or cooperate with you. I mean, darling, you're almost universally known as, ahem, 'That One Pegasus Who Ran Away From a Hydra for Seven Hours Straight, Hollering Like a Lost Foal the Entire Time.'"

Silverbolt blinked. "That is literally the most inconveniently extensive nickname I have ever heard."

"That's what I said, too. Sort of. But, nonetheless, that is almost exactly what you are referred to by those who don't know you. Sweetie Belle is, er, one of these ponies. She's actually the only reason I know about any of this. Including the length of time you spent fleeing the Hydra. I mean seriously, seven hours? How did you even manage that?"

"Can we not talk about the Hydra anymore?" Silverbolt deadpanned, casually taking a sip of his nearby root beer float. "It's all anyone talks to me about anymore."

"Um... alright, if it makes you uncomfortable, I suppose I can let it go for now," the mare consented, taking a sip of her fancy-schmancy lemon water with the little umbrella stuck in it.

"I'd say it makes me less 'uncomfortable,' as much as it makes me feel 'annoyed.' Anyway, so what's the final verdict on the Sweetie Belle thing?" he asked, eager to re-rail their train of conversation.

"Hmmm...," was her only reply for a few moments. She tapped her hoof on her chin in thought, before finally saying, "Well, I suppose, if you really think you're up for it... I can let you take care of her tomorrow while I'm working on my latest order at the Boutique. If that goes well, then I guess we'll go from there, won't we?"

"Ha ha!" Silverbolt laughed triumphantly, flashing a cocky smile at the mare. "I won't let you down, Rarity!"

Rarity smiled back at Silverbolt, a little less confidently. "Aha, haa... I'm sure you won't, dear," she replied, once again idly sipping her lemon water. "You'll do just fine, I'm sure."

She wasn't sure at all.

****

"Hi, Mister Silverbolt!" the tiny, white filly called, waving to Silverbolt as she skipped towards his house, lugging along an awfully large backpack.

"Hey, Li'l Belle," he called back, smiling at the little filly, deciding to ignore the bag. "Glad to see you made it here without getting lost or anything."

"Well, to be honest, it's really kind of hard to miss. It's the only house for two whole blocks around here that didn't get trampled by the--"

"Ahahaha, wow, that sure is funny, Sweetie," Silverbolt cut in before she could say the thing. "So, you coming inside? Might be harder to keep track of you if you're out there the whole time."

"Oh yeah, sure!" Sweetie Belle said, almost bouncing cheerfully into the house.

"So, what is it I'm supposed to have you do, exac--" Silverbolt began, stopping as Sweetie Belle unzipped her bag, causing two other fillies to tumble out onto the floor.

"Ow, hey!" a small, orange pegasus yelled, rubbing her freshly bruised cranium. "We told you to give us a heads-up before you dumped us out like a bunch of dumb textbooks!"

"Yeah, y'were suppos'd to tell us 'fore we even got inside!" the third filly, a small yellow earth pony, added. "Ooh, hang on a tick!" she exclaimed, turning her head to her blank flank for a second before sighing. "Darn. No Cutie Mark for 'sneakin' into somepony's house in yer friend's backpack' this time, either," she said, dejectedly.

"Either? Cutie Mark? What the heck?" Silverbolt sputtered, not really understanding what in the name of Tartarus was going on here.

"Oh, these are my friends, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo," Sweetie Belle explained, grinning widely at the perplexed stallion. "We're going to be Crusading for our Cutie Marks while we're here!"

"And to do this..." Silverbolt said incredulously. "... you smuggled these 'friends' of yours into my home as if you were hiding some kind of illegal contraband?"

"Yep!"

"Hey, wait a sec!" the orange filly Sweetie had addressed as "Scootaloo" exclaimed, giving Silverbolt a quick look-over. "Isn't he that one pegasus who ran screaming from a Hydra for a whole day?"

"T'wasnt a whole day, Scootaloo," Apple Bloom corrected, rolling her eyes. "I heard it was a whole forty days an' forty nights, or somethin' in that general ballpark."

"It was only seven hours, you two!" Sweetie chimed in happily. "That's what I heard from Twilight, and she was there when it happened!"

"Wait, the Princess was there?" Silverbolt asked. "The heck was she doing while I was running for my life?!"

"Watching. Laying down. And eating popcorn, I guess," Sweetie Belle replied, mentally ticking off the things she remembered Twilight and Rainbow Dash saying they did during the incident.

"Incredible," Silverbolt solemnly responded, feeling the last bits of his soul disintegrate into a fine powder. "Anyway, what were you three saying about, er, 'Crusading for your Cutie Marks,' earlier?" he asked, wanting to veer this ship off course before the iceberg showed up and plunged this day into even darker waters.

The three simply responded by giving each other knowing grins and nodding.

Silverbolt gulped.

That iceberg was going to show up no matter what, wasn't it?

****

"Oh my god, Apple Bloom, *GET OFF OF THE CEILING FAN!" Silverbolt shouted once more, his breath ragged and forced. "This is the fifth **freaking time you've managed to get yourself stuck up there!*"

"Don't you worry none, Mister Silverbolt, I know what I'm doin'!" the young earth pony replied as she spun and spun like some kind of idiotic ceiling top.

Silverbolt would have responded if he had even been able to hear her over the sound of Scootaloo's mysteriously-and-most-likely-illegally-acquired jackhammer digging him a brand new basement below his old one.

"Oops!" a shrill voice shrieked behind him directly following the sound of no less than thirteen highly expensive plates falling to the ground and shattering as if they were Silverbolt's very hopes and dreams. "I can probably not fix that!" Sweetie shouted again, struggling to be heard over the jackhammer and Apple Bloom's dizzied yelps.

"Oh, come on!" Silverbolt cried, looking up to the sky, as if he were pleading to the Sun itself. A very easy feat to accomplish, as he could see part of the luminescent orb through the fresh hole in his ceiling. "Is it because I was a jerk to my Flight School teachers?! Is this about that chocolate bar I stole that one time?! Just tell me what I did wrong so I can repent and end this madness, once and for all!" he shouted forcefully at the stupid, non-sentient orange ball of fire and gas.

"D-i-i-i-i-i-d h-e-e-e-e-e s-a-a-a-a-y s-o-o-o-m-m-e-t-h-i-i-i-i-n-g?" shouted Scootaloo, her voice vibrating in perfect, unholy unison with the jackhammer.

"What?!" Apple Bloom replied, still spinning around on the ceiling fan.

"What?!" Sweetie Belle called, straining to be heard over all the commotion.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Silverbolt shouted in agony, holding his head with his hooves and trying not to think about the colossal migraine pounding at his head like a billion angry earth ponies during harvest season.

****

Meanwhile, a mish-mash of different creatures laid peacefully on his Thinking TreeTM and watched the chaos unfold as if he were viewing some sort of magical T.V. program.

He turned to the pearly white alicorn beside her and said, "See? He 's like a chaos magnet! I couldn't do this to a pony in my wildest dreams! Well, okay, maybe my wildest, but still! It's absolutely delicious!" he stated, casually pulling part of the pony's flowing mane off of her head and devouring it as if it were some kind of celestial cotton candy.

"Oh. Oh, my," was all Princess Celestia could say as she watched the pegasus' ceiling fan detach itself from its wiring and fly free as a bird straight into the unsuspecting stallion's head, sending the filly flying in the process.

The draconnequus roared with such intense laughter that he actually fell out of his tree in the process.

The Princess could only stare in what seemed to be half horror, half amusement at the spectacle before her rose-colored eyes.