Your human and you - Gryphon half a chance

Your Human And You

Gryphon Half A Chance

Ch. 8

Whilst my brain was going bigwhitehorseflyingunicornwhathuh, Gilda had stiffened, then curtsied. Even to my 'finely tuned' senses, I immediately knew something was up — after all, nothing flusters a gryphon.

"I-I'm sorry we're late, Celestia your majesty. My dork of a human was, uh, being difficult about his bath."

The huge winged unicorn, named Celestia apparently, stood up demurely and covered her muzzle with a hoof to hide the smile, then took a breath and replied, "That's quite—" she paused, and her nostrils flared exactly once "—quite alright." Then she just… smirked, as she took a sip of tea. She hid it well, but that was a real, bona fide smirk.

I'd just been in a shower, surely she couldn't smell…

"Oh don't worry Gilda dear," Celestia said smoothly, "I know just how humans can be." And then she very definitely winked, with her eye on the side opposite Abraxis, where he couldn't see.

Did she just… no, surely not…

"You have met my daughter?" Abraxis asked in surprise, looking from his prodigy to what had to be some sort of queen-horse and back.

"Oh no, not in the feathers," Celestia replied, "but my former pupil and her friends did have the pleasure whilst she stayed in Ponyville a while ago."

"Oh? I thought…" Abraxis looked at his daughter, thoughtfully, troubled.

Celestia shook her head then said, diplomatically, "Meeting old friends after a long time apart can be… hard. Ponies change, as do gryphons. But I know, Gilda my dear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my little ponies in Ponyville are just as much ready to be a friend to you as they are with each other. It is… part of the reason I am here. To personally invite you back. Rainbow Dash misses you."

Gilda turned her head, looking away. "I... can't. I'm… it's all different now. I'm different."

"We're never the same people we used to be. I'm sure you're as different a Gilda now than from the Gilda you were when you last visited us." Celestia took a sip of tea again. "But that isn't why I'm here," she continued, turning to look straight at me, her gaze piercing. "I came because I have a business offer for your father, Lord Abraxis."

"No, you may not purchase my daughter's human," Abraxis stated simply, before tearing into his plate of steaming meat. The implicit threat was palpable. I took a step back at the force of it.

"What? Oh, no! Ah ha ha!" Celestia laughed brightly and honestly, covering her muzzle with one hoof. "I wouldn't think of separating this human and your daughter like that! Oh goodness me, no. I came to order a shipment of fine silks and cloth for a minor renovation project in the West wing. Seeing as this initial investment may lead to further business relations, I thought it prudent to judge your character first hoof. Seeing your remarkable pet is merely a side-benefit."

Abraxis leaned his head forwards in interest, far over the table from his low divan-like seat. "A major purchase? With more to follow? I am intrigued. Go on."

"Quite. And... between you and me, I envy your ability to travel. I may not be able to go on such merchant tours as your good self, but… one can perhaps live vicariously, harmlessly and fruitfully through another? Would you tell me of your travels, my good Lord Abraxis? Perhaps… start with this human? I hear he is a new addition to your household."

I narrowed my eyes. So, that's how she's playing it, is she?

"A... meeting of purposes is it, then?" Abraxis asked, slowly smoothing his ruffled feathers.

"Of course! I must admit that I am very interested in hearing more about your remarkable sport human. My chief human ethologist was most insistent I learn more about him. If I don't write her a satisfactory report, she will be most vexed." Celestia chuckled to herself.

"A princess, interested in humans?" stated Abraxis, in some disbelief. It was all I could do not to echo it with a snort of disbelief.

So it's Princess Celestia, huh?

"I have a passing fancy in the creatures myself of course," Celestia replied, in an off-hoof manner. "They're very important to our economy. Not in… quite the same way as for you gryphons, given your unique diets, but still very important. There have been discussions amongst our breeders to aim for a larger stock, or stronger… or smarter."

And then she looked at me. Right at me. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…

"Oh? Oh my, oh hohoho, then I'm sorry to inform you that your journey may have been wasted. My daughter's human may be a sport, but he's also been gelded. He was a wild-caught male, after all."

Celestia choked on her tea, hiding her shock behind a swift dabbing of her napkin. "Oh, oh my," she said, finally. "How did he, uh, respond?"

"Oh a bit grumpy at first, weren't you, boy? Come on, Dent, come here. Good boy, Dent, Come on," Abraxis said to me. "He's very well trained," he continued, to Celestia. "Looks like he's a bit shy."

Truth be told, I was shaking. I could tell that the creature in front of me — this huge, winged and armoured equine with a unicorn's horn — could throw me around like a ragdoll from across the room, or snap my bones like twigs with barely a thought.

"I'm afraid many humans find me intimidating. I can't really figure out why, I wouldn't hurt a fly."

Somehow, I didn't quite believe her. Slowly, fearfully, I walked up to Abraxis. I kept my eyes on the ground and shrunk in close to my Mistress' father. He batted my hands away from my crotch. I'd been naked for months, but in front of Celestia… it mattered.

"Stop fussing, Dent. I want to show you off!"

In the end, Abraxis set me lying down on the table so he could show off his handiwork. I just lay back, eyes closed.

"See? Neat incisions, sutures to prevent blood loss… Princess, I beg of you, teach human anatomy — and pony anatomy — in greater detail to your subjects. I know your ponies are not… like us gryphons, but if you wish to improve the lot of your humans, your ponies must learn more advanced surgical techniques. Your current level of medical knowledge is barbaric at best, leading to suffering, and I do so despise making our livestock suffer."

Celestia seemed unruffled at such bluntness, though I thought I noticed a momentary flicker of… annoyance? Shame? "Oh my, that is… neat. You say he didn't complain much?" Celestia looked frankly and without disdain at my shame, then up at Abraxis.

"No, no. Recovery time was a few days, his… ahem, postpartum treatments have been few and far between. He's a happy chap, aren't you Dent? Good boy, Dent."

"May I… approach him personally?"

"Oh, I think so. He won't bite. Lay stillnow, Dent. It's okay. She won't hurt you."

I shivered, eyes still closed, shaking, as Celestia stepped closer. I felt her hot breath rove across my body before tickling my neck as she bent her mouth close to my ear, and whispered, "I know."

My eyes shot opened as I looked up into her face. She winked.

Suddenly ignoring me, she stepped back. "Yes, my dear Lord Abraxis, you do indeed have a wonderful specimen here. Tell me of his discovery?"

"Why so much interest in a sport, though?" Abraxis replied cheerfully.

"Well I always worry about my little humans, taken out of everything they know, out of their own worlds, and brought into ours."

Oh shit oh shit oh shit…

"Wild humans have it rougher, far rougher, of course. Their lives are often nasty, brutal and short… but for domesticated humans, they are taken into our homes, into our very families. They require special attention, so far from everything they know. Even those hardy chaps you have in your stables are amongst their own kind, but for family pets… we are all they have. We must act as their spokesmares, their confidants and their protectors. I have often wondered, you know, just what they could tell us… if they could speak."

That was my cue. "Eeh ooh, ooh aah aah!" I squawked, before flipping off the table and scuttling back to Gilda. I hid under her wing, pulling it around my body.

"Oh get out of it you dork! Stop misbehaving! Sit at the table, Dent, and have something to eat like a good human!"

Reluctantly, I left the relative safety of her wings and perched on a chair like a bird, not sitting as I usually would. I bent my head down in quick, watchful bites to snatch mouthfuls of my meal. They'd given me meat again — not human, of course. They'd tried human once, then spent the rest of the day trying to get me to come down off the highest bookshelf I could find — in a big bowl with my name on it. I was loud and messy, in best 'toddler Dent' mode that I usually only used when I knew they wanted me to stay clean and I was feeling rather contrary. I could tell Gilda was trying to melt into the floor, Abraxis just laughed and ignored it. Celestia, though, was unreadable, but I swore I caught her glancing in my direction more than once, smiling with mirth as well as… something else.

"You know Gilda, you really should come to see Ponyville again. In fact, should your father's business and mine proceed apace, perhaps you should come in person to Canterlot to present yourself! I know Rarity would just adore the challenge of whipping you up some fantastic outfit to wow my increasingly vapid nobles." Celestia rolled her eyes as Abraxis choked on his leg of… whatever-it-was. "Oh I mean it! And bring your human, otherwise Tin Berg, my royal ethologist, would simply never give me a moment's peace! She does get rather… enthusiastic. But don't worry, she's perfectly discrete." Celestia winked again. Subtlety, thy name is mare.

The meal went on, with Abraxis speaking of his travels, waxing poetic and long-winded. Celestia seemed genuinely interested, passing the time with neatly placed compliments and smalltalk which eventually translated to full on business dealings. I soon lost interest in trying to understand what was being said, and concentrated fully on why this strange flying unicorn was here. Though my Spider Sense was tingling the whole time, nothing more was said to or about me, personally, and I was left with the echo of those two words — I know — to haunt me long after I slipped gratefully from the room as Gilda made her excuses and left.